- Member Since 21st Oct, 2017
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Marcthelightspark2004
Complexity and simplicity. I am a jack of all trades. All I ask for is an upvote and comment. Maybe a watch to?
Marcthelightspark2004
Joined 21st Oct, 2017 ·
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Thoughts, comments, criticisms, ect. I eagerly await them. Tell me, what did you all think of it so far?
While I’m not familiar with Hellsing, this story still managed to catch my attention. Seems like you have a lot of lore to show, that’s good. Where this chapter fails a little short though is the atmosphere and grammar.
The pacing is rather fast and monotone through most of the chapter, making it harder for the tense moments to actually feel the way they should. Furthermore, you also tend to tell a lot and just sum up what happened in battle scenes, instead of showing it. That’s ruining the atmosphere a lot. As for the grammar, there were only two recurring issues that I noticed: first, there are many randomly capitalized words, oftentimes also used inconsistently. That one’s quite annoying even to a normal reader. The other issue pertains to punctuation in direct speech and the capitalization of dialogue tags—to be frank, it’s quite a mess, but also one only a trained eye will notice, at least I think so.
Anyway, you still managed to get my interest piqued, so I’ll track to see what happens to Vinyl. Also, all the issues described above should be mostly easy to fix, so trying to look for another pair of eyes to look the story over would be your safest bet. However, I can also explain more, if needed, so feel free to contact me.
9408832
Ok. Thx. I'll fix it all ASAP. Also, you'd think Grammarly would catch most of that, but I digress. Thanks for the criticism.
9408839
You are welcome. Also, I assure you that punctuation in direct speech is something Grammarly sadly won’t help with, nor with the telling and showing
9408845
Ah. Ok. Thx.
You know haveing seen the all of hellsing abridge i could not help but laugh at who you picked as alucard for this
9409215
OK. Who do you think Alucard is in my story? Also, glad you like it! Like if you did PLZ.
9409225
Somdra I believe
I could also be vary wrong this is your story after all
9409227
Spot on. 
Well done. 
No. Actually.
Need to put this disclaimer at the beginning.
9408817
Hmm, as a fan of Hellsing, all I can say is
Anime-ish
9408817
9409771
Done.
9409928
Well, I like the Anime a BIT better than Ultimate.
FUCK YES!!! I LOVE HELLSING AND I CAN DO ALUCARDS DICKISH VOICE!!!!!
9426806
Glad you like it. ANd, yes, Alucard will have a sense of humor. I AM COMBINING ALL THE ALUCARDS! IMPURE SOULS! ULTIMATE! ABRIDGED! ALL OF THEM!
Yay. When is your next post
.... u. Cheeky son of a bitch.
is a vampony.
New one. Enjoy.
An new meme. Just gotta get an Proper pic Hehe
9438133
I try.
great story but
I say discord should have had the role of alucard and fluttershy as the police girl, those would have been thing I say should have been different but etiher way it great story
or at least have Octavia as alucard
9522787
Meh, too each their own. We all have our own visions.
9522817
true that,
Could use more fleshed out scenes and a slightly slower pacing. This, while written with enough detail, is by far too fast paced.
9522993
OK, next chapter is slower. More development.
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9408922
I updated! tell your friends.
nice work on all chapters out so far look forward to what you do next
I don't know what Hellsing is but the first chapter so far is pretty good.
10161058
Thank you! Feel free to check out my other stories should you wish.
10161060
don't worry, I'll take a look around.
9522847
Part of Vinyl taking Seras’s role in many people’s heads is due to the fact for the longest time Jesse Nowak was the unofficial voice for Vinyl, and they also happened to voice Seras in Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
As for Sombra being Alucard? Well, I think it mainly deals with his design and finding it particularly fitting for a vampire.
i tried to read this story i really tried. its not that its bad its just that its simply just TO absurd to read.
10651985
apologies. Perhaps a different story of mine would be more to your liking.
this is getting good
11151306
I don't know. I've kinda lost motivation and drive for...pretty much everything. I'll see what I can do
Me: "What name is... Wait..."
*Reads name in reverse... Laughing like a Hyena*
A slightly more detailed end would be preferable, since hechanged her fate to death by bullethole in her chest without clarification...
*Deep evil smile of anticipation*
A missed a perfect opportunity for a 69 joke
Is someone picking up the used Silver? Its value is high after all it is blessed
👍
One can only hope this continues one day. It was fun to read via text to speech function
+1 like = 51
11420778
Glad you liked the hint. And also this was an earlier work of mine. I like to think I'm a better writer now
11420797
Yes. In fact my next chapter I'm working on is meant to explore more of Hadesscream as an organization and group. Slower and more relaxed.