Thoughts, comments, criticisms, ect. I eagerly await them. Tell me, what did you all think of it so far?

While I’m not familiar with Hellsing, this story still managed to catch my attention. Seems like you have a lot of lore to show, that’s good. Where this chapter fails a little short though is the atmosphere and grammar.

The pacing is rather fast and monotone through most of the chapter, making it harder for the tense moments to actually feel the way they should. Furthermore, you also tend to tell a lot and just sum up what happened in battle scenes, instead of showing it. That’s ruining the atmosphere a lot. As for the grammar, there were only two recurring issues that I noticed: first, there are many randomly capitalized words, oftentimes also used inconsistently. That one’s quite annoying even to a normal reader. The other issue pertains to punctuation in direct speech and the capitalization of dialogue tags—to be frank, it’s quite a mess, but also one only a trained eye will notice, at least I think so.

Anyway, you still managed to get my interest piqued, so I’ll track to see what happens to Vinyl. Also, all the issues described above should be mostly easy to fix, so trying to look for another pair of eyes to look the story over would be your safest bet. However, I can also explain more, if needed, so feel free to contact me.

9408832
Ok. Thx. I'll fix it all ASAP. Also, you'd think Grammarly would catch most of that, but I digress. Thanks for the criticism.

9408839
You are welcome. Also, I assure you that punctuation in direct speech is something Grammarly sadly won’t help with, nor with the telling and showing

9408845
Ah. Ok. Thx.

You know haveing seen the all of hellsing abridge i could not help but laugh at who you picked as alucard for this

9409215
OK. Who do you think Alucard is in my story? Also, glad you like it! Like if you did PLZ.

9409225
Somdra I believe
I could also be vary wrong this is your story after all

9409227
No. Actually. Spot on. Well done.

Need to put this disclaimer at the beginning.

The following is a fan-based story.
Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse. And is licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation.
Please support the official release.

9408817
Hmm, as a fan of Hellsing, all I can say is

Anime-ish
9408817

9409771
Done.

9409928
Well, I like the Anime a BIT better than Ultimate.

FUCK YES!!! I LOVE HELLSING AND I CAN DO ALUCARDS DICKISH VOICE!!!!!

9426806
Glad you like it. ANd, yes, Alucard will have a sense of humor. I AM COMBINING ALL THE ALUCARDS! IMPURE SOULS! ULTIMATE! ABRIDGED! ALL OF THEM!

Yay. When is your next post

.... u. Cheeky son of a bitch.
is a vampony.

I don't know what Hellsing is but the first chapter so far is pretty good.

10161058
Thank you! Feel free to check out my other stories should you wish.

"Arbmos," Twilight answered.

Me: "What name is... Wait..."
*Reads name in reverse... Laughing like a Hyena*

"I'm sorry, I needed to shoot through you to get to his heart, but do you accept your new fate?" Arbmos asked her. "It has to be your choice. It needs to be your choice. So, do you accept the fate I will bestow upon you?"

A slightly more detailed end would be preferable, since hechanged her fate to death by bullethole in her chest without clarification...