Bring One Next Time?
It felt good to be home.
She didn’t look the best but still no worse than after an exceptionally dirty or strenuous day at work as she walked into town, Sweet Apple Acres on the far side from where she had come in. Just about every face was familiar and gave Applejack a friendly smile and wave which she was happy to return. Boy did it feel good to see ponies and things she knew.
Twilight’s castle and the School of Friendship stood in the distance, it would probably be a good idea to say hello to Twilight but Applejack had something else to do first, a few things even. So she walked on, past the old spot where Golden Oaks Library used to be, and town hall, saying hello to Lyra and Bon Bon as they walked by. Berry Punch and her little sister were out walking to Sugarcube Corner, Applejack could see a fair few ponies milling about in there. Pinkie Pie and the Cakes probably busy keeping everypony happy and satisfied.
It was a normal day in Ponyville.
Now she was coming up to Carousel Boutique, she wondered if Rarity was in, even though she was still going to be making a bee-line for Sweet Apple Acres she decided she’d take a peak to see if anypony was home.
But a quick glance at the door showed that Rarity was most definitely not home. A piece of paper had been hastily tacked to it, Applejack easily recognized Rarity’s flowery writing when she looked at what it said.
Temporarily closed, I am out of town on a business trip, sorry darlings!
- Rarity
Applejack just shrugged and started walking on by when a familiar and very welcome voice called out to her.
“Applejack?”
The apple farmer swung around at the voice to see Twilight Sparkle walking towards her, a warm smile on her face.
“Twilight! Good to see you.” Applejack said and walked over to greet her, giving her alicorn friend a little hug.
“Yeah, you were gone for a while.” Twilight hugged her back, not bothered by her friend being a little dirty, or at least kind enough to not show it. “Guess that delivery took longer than expected, huh?”
Applejack chuckled. “Oh yeah, just a little bit. I’ll tell you all about it later.” Twilight would definitely want to hear about all the crazy and weird stuff she had been through, even just hearing about a magical hedge maze would get that obsessive mind of hers all riled up and that was just about the least of all the things to go over.
“Well it’s fine, Apple Bloom told us you might be a while after all. Your substitute at the school did a great job, even though we had to extend her stay without any notice.” Twilight beamed at her. “Would you like to come back to the castle? I’d love to catch up, Starlight and Spike are both there too.”
Applejack gave her a warm smile but had to shake her head. “Thanks for the offer but I’d really like to get back home first, I’ll come by tomorrow though for sure.” Applejack winked at her good friend. “Say hi to them for me though.”
“Of course! Sorry to keep you from Sweet Apple Acres, I should’ve known you’d want to get back there as quickly as possible.” Twilight sheepishly grinned at Applejack.
“Heh, Twilight, don’t worry nothing about it. I’ll see ya soon.” Applejack waved goodbye and started heading back on her way home. Yes, it would’ve been nice to catch up with Twilight and her other friends for a bit but the farm called first.
“See you soon!” Twilight called out from behind her. “I guess I can go by Strawberry Sunrise’s home on the way back now and tell her we don’t need her to substitute for you anymore.”
Applejack chose to ignore that.
Now Applejack walked through the white fence of Sweet Apple Acres. She took in the sights and smells with gusto. Seeing it all again it was pretty much the most beautiful sight of her life. The trees, her home, the chicken coops, the dirt, the grass, everything. But most of all, the apples.
There they were, all her hundreds and thousands of delicious apples. It had been so long she almost wanted to cry.
Applejack didn’t go inside to say hello to Granny Smith, Big Mac, or Apple Bloom just yet, the very first thing she had to do came, well, first. She walked past everything else to the rows upon rows of apple trees. The farmer closed her eyes as she walked down them, taking in the scents and the feeling of it all. She wanted to get somewhere nice and quiet so she could really relax and enjoy herself, after all she was still pretty beat up and exhausted from her recent tumble. That nice and quiet place came up shortly when she made it to a fairly secluded spot nestled in the orchard, Applejack knew every single tree and spot in her farm by memory and she now walked up to one pristine tree in particular.
“You’re the lucky one.” Applejack said to the apple tree.
Sighing in contentment Applejack hugged the tree before turning her back to it. Giving it the lightest, most surgical, strike with her back right hoof she bucked a single apple off of it. The red apple perfectly fell from the branch right over Applejack’s head, landing in her outstretched hoof without her even having to look at it to make sure where it was falling.
“Still got it.” She grinned.
Applejack lay back against the tree, yawning and stretching to get as comfortable as possible. She held the amazing, tasty, unparalleled, fresh, exquisite, most treasured of all fruits in front of her face.
“It’s been too long.” Applejack wasn’t sure if she wanted to savor the moment further or just bite into it already. Part of her wanted to buck the rest of the tree and just lie in the pile of apples and drift off to sleep with them. But her hunger for the fruit outweighed every other part.
With a tired smile she sunk her teeth into the apple.
It was… indescribable. Rainbow Dash making it onto the Wonderbolts, Rarity opening up shop in Canterlot, Twilight becoming an Alicorn, it was magic.
She didn’t let any of the juice run down her cheek, she wasn’t wasting even a single drop. That wonderful feeling of chewing on an apple, she took it slowly, far slower than she ever had before. She had missed it so much. The taste, the feeling, the smell, everything about eating an apple. She closed her eyes again to just focus on the eating of her first apple since coming home, the first apple she had had in… she couldn’t even remember. She didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to think about how long she had gone without eating the greatest fruit known to ponykind.
That crunch, that sweetness. The feeling of the skin, the fragrance that wafted up into her nose.
Applejack was on cloud nine. Applejack was experiencing nirvana. Applejack felt like this might have been the best apple she had ever eaten in her life.
She finished it up in a few minutes, licking her lips and humming in ecstasy. Now it was over. All that craziness she had been through was finally and at long last over. She could put it all behind her and go back to her simple life on the farm, just what she always wanted. She was sure she’d have to go on some sort of epic adventure again at some point but it would probably at least be one that her friends were with her for. Applejack was hoping that wouldn’t be for a while though. After just getting back she wanted to be able to rest and buck apples. Catch up with her family and friends, no more, no less.
But she was feeling mighty tired after all that walking and the joy of finally having an apple put her so much at ease that a nap was sounding really good right now.
“Just a little shut eye, hour or two at most...” Applejack said as she shifted under the tree, curling up at the base of its trunk and drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
Applejack was well and truly home.
The apple farmer woke up a good hour later, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Smiling happily at the familiar scenery she got up and stretched. A minute, maybe two, to get back to her barn and home from here. She could say hi to everypony, shower up, take care of the few little cuts on her, and then go to bed for real.
After probably eating a dozen more apples.
The next day she could go to the spa and really get fixed up and then head over to Twilight’s castle. Apple Bloom might want to hear about what happened too so maybe she’d bring her along as well.
Applejack whistled to herself as she walked back the way she came through the rows of trees, there were maybe a few hours of daylight left but she knew catching up and all would take some time so there was no more lollygagging for her. She happily trotted away with no longer a care in the world or a worry about what might be just up ahead, smiling at the thought of seeing the faces of her beloved family members again. Applejack no longer had to fear accidentally falling down a hill, dealing with some kind of monster, getting lost in general, or anything. It was just the nice and simple walk back to her home and family.
But then a very familiar sound and feeling suddenly washed over Applejack.
She paused mid-step, almost not quite believing what was happening. With a gulp she looked down at her flank.
Her beloved apple Cutie Mark that she was so proud of was blinking and glowing.
Applejack rolled her eyes and sighed. “Really now?”
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This story is amazing! I am surprised that it doesn't have more attention. I love how you had Applejack be what she is to the Mane 6 most of the time, a rock that the others can count on when things get tough. The Hoof of the Earth skill set was great too and I really want her friends to see it and be amazed. You have great skill in writing a good story; I can't wait to see what kind of adventure Rarity gets!
I finally caught up to the rest of the story!
Since I don't fully believe in the sandwich method of giving feedback, I'll frontload the "negative" points, for lack of a better shorthand term, or let's say "points under room for improvement".
A technical point: I've noticed a worrisome amount of comma splices like this
During the first few chapters, I brushed it off as "hiccups of the rising action" (which is a term I made up just now). However, they proliferate throughout much of the story. They're not story-ending blunders, but they still proved noticeable bumps in my mental road, so to speak, because I had to backtrack for a split-second to get the full meaning of the sentence.
That out of the way: this story was good and innocent fun: "entertainment popcorn", as you've said yourself. Your brew of conflict, problems, obstacles and even non-conflict are a nice and novel brew that threw me in for a couple curveballs: the cruise that kicks off the final arc, King Avarice and the town surrounding him, the clash of martial arts and Applejack learning Hoof of the Earth, the kayak ride... It's just oozing with fun without daunting the reader with the panic of deep lore, connections, and such.
I also see you're not afraid of opposing the status quo. For almost the whole story, I was wondering if Applejack would lose her Hoof of the Earth abilities sometime soon... and then it turns out it never does. Things also like giving her trusted hat to Wild Strawberry, giving her frazzled hair, and so on also counted well for the story as something that, if not life-changing, at least would be significant for Applejack in the long run.
Your point of view as a close-Applejack-psychic narrator also provided for some moments of relief, snark, and/or wit. Kind of like:
... though I think there's much better examples somewhere else. (Honestly, I don't want to scour the whole story for such a task).
Overall: You made quite a wonderful adventure! I'm sure big chunks of it have already left good marks in my memory. Keep up the good work!
9457489
Glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for the comment!
And yeah there are a couple moments where she gets a little wistful about home but you're right that there isn't any big moment where she really dwells on it. If we're being honest I just didn't think to include one, I suppose I didn't really want to break the tone of the story. But that's just an excuse.
And the comma splices too, that's just my bad grammar showing up all over the place. I'm in the middle of writing my next story and there are plenty in there already too.
Sometimes I think I do them because I'm trying to convey the mental pauses a character themself is having or how they're thinking, but it's probably mostly just my bad grammar. I've noticed that I have a difficulty conveying/describing things in story.
9440723
Thank you as well!
9458233
You're welcome!
As for the comma splices: versatile are its solutions. Apparently, the most common answer is to replace it with a period, but you want to convey mental pauses, not mental stops. For that, ellipses, semi-colons, and em-dashes serve their purpose in increasing order of suddenness/jerkiness of the pause.
I'll just leave the modified quote here with the above three possible solutions applied and let you see what works for you in which situation.
9914882
Well, kinda makes sense... Still not smart though.
Well, finally I finished this story, and of course, I just have to say a few things.
First of all, when I started reading I simply had no idea what I was getting into.
At first the concept of the story is really simple, but you managed to create a whole new universe with so many new characters, each different and unique, inside a whole universe we already knew, and it was all amazing.
Applejack was extremely well written and every single action she takes is just absolutely correct for her character.
The three main villains were also great and a strong point in your story, your idea, like you said a few chapters ago, of them being a member of the three races is interesting, but not nearly as interesting as the characters were. But here also lies my only complain.
It was nothing bad or disappointing at all, quite the opposite, if I have to be honest the problem is that you basically let the best... First.
It is just a matter of timing I guess. King Avarice and the wielder of the Heart of Fire were unique, but after the battle against Night Storm they were kinda... Left behind.
Not because of the battle being amazing (Even if that helps) but I felt like he was the one that deserves more the spot of a "final boss" that Avarice received. He was the only one truly "sane". He knew what he was doing and he knew it was wrong and he loves it. The arc with him was just so much more personal that I will always remember it as long as I live, and I think finishing with him would leave me with a feeling of true ending.
Anyway, in my opinion this is simply the best adventure fanfic I had ever read and it gives Applejack the attention (And maybe epicness) she always deserved. A true masterpiece.
Not a bad story to be the first fanfic I've read in about 4 years. Honestly not sure where to begin...
You've done a great job of characterizing AJ. Nearly everything feels right to what she would do, the only exception being what one person has already covered which is smidge too much emphasis on appuls and not enough worrying about her family. There was only a few times I called her dialogue into question for not being proper "southern" enough (coming from a verified southerner who failed English once) but it was good for the most part. Extra props though for not using "ah" in her speech which pisses me of. Also getting to see AJ shine in the way she was back in the first couple of seasons was nice. The no-nonsense, the down to earth, and the rock (and being a badass too was just gravy). I found Undying Greed arc interesting because a little of the M6 dynamic was there but with AJ as the head instead of Twilight.
Perhaps my favorite part of this story is that it solves one of the show's problems. It made Equestria feel huge and mysterious again. Like Applejack could run into anything at anytime. Anything was possible. It was 'The Big Tortise' where I finally realize that you brought back some that wonder and awe in the world that this series initially had. This story had some of the feel of Samurai Jack, sometimes it's quiet beautiful moments of walking and scenery, sometimes action, but never the same place for long. I did like how in some chapters you were willing to leave things hanging as they were. Such as in "Quiet Hills" Harlequin White (or Red) isn't explained or elaborated upon, just left to the reader's imagination. I think it leaves much a greater impact that way. I say you succeed in your concept of popcorn fanfiction because it was very easy to read and the drastic change in between some chapters lends itself well to that.
Not really sure how to end this so I'll simply say... thank you for this fun story about my favorite pony.
9921663
Wow you really read this story fast. I'm glad you liked it so much. The high praise really makes me happy.
I think the reason I made the villains go in the order they did was for "scale". Each situation I feel was progressively worse and more dangerous for Applejack and involved a greater number of ponies. You're right that Night Storm was probably the most personal villain, especially to Applejack's present companions, but he was also the simplest and I feel that made him work best as the first serious villain. And unless I changed the structure of the story around he had to be the first just because of Hoof of the Earth.
9921772
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Speaking of long gaps this was also the first thing I've written since a short story class I took back in community college like 8 years ago. So it was really important to me to actually get myself to write this. Applejack's accent was tough to get down and everything and I know I didn't do it completely consistently in the story, a lot of the time I just wrote "whatever felt right in the moment". When I was watching episodes of the show while writing the story I knew I wasn't getting it right all the way but I tried my best.
9921800
I wouldn't sweat it too much. If one of my biggest gripes are AJ ain't sayin' her "ya'll"s quite right and such I'd say you done purdy good. I appreciate the effort.
Hahahaha.
9962275
I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much.
I regret not reading this sooner. It's fun, shows Aj's obsession with apples, and the power she has to make change. Also, she can expand her business west to new markets and not have to rely on cider sales to get through the winters!
10326701
And it makes me happy that it made you happy!
Fun characters, interesting places, and "wholesome adventuring"! What's not to like?
I've been reading this one over the course of several months, and I have to say that this is one of the absolute best Applejack-centric fics out there... And I say this as someone who's been reading from the site since early '12.
There's a surprising amount of depth to this for a story all about moving forward, and I greatly appreciate that. This is really quite a unique gem; you added just the right amount of spice to transform an otherwise normal series of arcs into something refreshingly cohesive, yet overwhelmingly fun!
Thanks for writing!
10435142
Thank you for the high praise! And I'm really glad you enjoyed the story so much.
This was a very nice story overall. Like I said before, Applejack is characterized near perfectly. As a few others have mentioned, I think that a little more emphasis on the desire to see her family and home again would've been nice.
Since Applejack is a pony without many faults, the story structure of her getting involved in trouble due to her nature of helping others and doing the right thing works quite well. The story felt connected up until after the showdown with Night Storm. The chapters that came after this felt relatively disconnected from those came before it, and it was a bit jarring to abandon her companions at that point. I know it had to be done for both storytelling and in-character reasons, but a proper farewell would have been nice. I tempered my expectations a bit after this point. That author's note on "popcorn entertainment" would probably have worked better earlier in the story rather than at the very end.
Hoof of the Earth is awesomely overpowered, and it really opened up a lot of potential for the story. Perhaps a limit to its power could've been introduced, but you did well to make sure it never had potential for abuse. Having antagonists that couldn't just be brute-forced with Hoof of the Earth made things quite interesting. The whole Body, Heart, and Mind theme was also a nice way to diversify the antagonists.
The Cross Way and Twin Towns arcs were nice, and they had that aforementioned sense of connection early on in the story. I really liked the Hoof of the Earth and Wings of the Wind arcs; the disciples were great characters (at least Quartz and Obsidian were) and there was a good sense of urgency that Applejack couldn't just avoid.
The Heart of Fire arc was definitely the highlight of the story for me. It had nice foreshadowing, awesome action scenes, and a great antagonist. I really liked that we got to see her backstory, and her redemption was well executed, like a better version of Starlight Glimmer's.
I thought the Glimmer village arc was neutral (ha). Applejack certainly intended to help the ponies there, but it came across to me as upending their way of life but not really showing them the better way.
The Undying Greed arc was really good, too. I didn't care for the companions as much as the disciples, but they were still nice. Outsmarting a mad, undead king made for a nice plot.
The 'filler' chapters were hit-or-miss for me. There's usually not a point to most of them beyond a change of pace, but that doesn't mean they aren't valuable. I did like the racing chapters, the giant tortoise chapter, the strawberry chapters, and the decathlon chapter. The bridgekeeper and labyrinth chapters were the only parts of the story that I disliked. Perhaps they just came too soon after Wings of the Wind, but they felt too out of place. The characters were kind of annoying, it ends rather anti-climactically, and Applejack doesn't even end up helping anyone in any way. It was probably your intention for it to not make any sense, but I think something like that would have been better off as a summary or removed.
One thing that did confuse me was the "Harlequin" thing. A Harlequin White is mentioned once in "Quiet Hills" and never again, and then a Harlequin Red that knows and has too much shows up sometime later. Then you mention two other Harlequins in an author's note. Is this some kind of reference that I'm not getting?
I'll probably check out your other stories sometime; it seems some of them may be connected to this one.
10483756
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, you went through it pretty fast too. Yeah I've heard some similar feedback on the filler, I guess my point of view is that I see those random little excursions and events as just as much the main part of the story as the big arcs because in a lot of ways that kind of stuff is what the story is about. But yeah I totally understand not all of them being great chapters or anything like that. I think those kinds of chapters comes from some of the influences I had for this story, being Alice in Wonderland, The Phantom Tollbooth, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Kino's Journey, The Wizard of Oz/Return to Oz, etc. etc.
I'm especially glad you like the Heart of Fire arc, that one was really a joy for me to write and it was the first time really trying to write something with that kind of emotional level.
The Harlequins aren't a reference to something, they're characters of varying importance that play a role in my stories. They pop up every now and then. As you can tell from the two chapters they're all very different from each other, but if you do read more you'll learn a lot about them.
And I really hope you do continue to read my stories! I'd love hearing what you have to say. It's all something of a web, I write them where anyone can walk in and read one of them without prior knowledge of the others, the main plot, the character's journey, is all self-contained. But there may be references, call-backs, foreshadowing, shared characters, etc. of other stories. It's sort of like Needful Things by Stephen King, you could easily read that and get everything out of the story even if you hadn't read a single other Stephen King book in your life. But the novel is peppered with little references to other works and characters first introduced elsewhere and if you know them you can go "Oh! Hey, I recognize that!".
Who Needs A Map?
171,985 words later...
Bring One Next Time?
This was a very nice story overall and now that Applejack is finally back she has to leave again. She really has bad luck right now at least this time she'll have company and will likely take a map with her.
10655113
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
10768379
She's been there before, she ought to know the way home
10768481
I’m wondering about the phrase itself. Seriously. It’s a really good way for people to see that you’re immature. If you didn’t like the story, why bother on reading it?
10768580
I do like the story. I just don't think it's perfect .
10768593
Doesn’t have to be. It is imperfect, and I have issues with the grammar, but oh well. It really good though
This fic in a nutshell :
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/9/10/2141203__safe_applejack_fanfic-colon-austraeoh_apple_fanfic_fimfiction_food_hokuto+no+ken_reg_weg_what+i+watched.jpg
11338541
What's funny too is I had never even read Austraeoh until well after I finished my first Rainbow Dash fic.
Yeah, someone on /mlp/ made that a while ago. I like it.
Great adventure story. My perception of is colored a little differently from first coming onboard with Rainbow Dash's tale, but for what this is it's definitely solid for having been written the earliest. I really enjoyed reading it.
Now to move onto the next one and see what's happening on Rarity's business trip...
Hah!
Huh. I wonder if there's a big tie-in for a lot of this stuff at the end? Or maybe this is just one last barb to Applejack from the universe just not letting her relax.
10483837
I wonder whether or not parts of Courage the Cowardly Dog served as an inspiration for a certain arc in another story?
11570148
Glad you enjoyed the story!