• Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

TheBandBrony


V7b9

E
Source

What would you do to save your country?

A young princess Celestia must grapple with the fate of her nation and her own mind as a cursed scroll delivers warnings of apocalyptic proportions. As the scroll's true intentions are revealed, it falls to faithful court transcriber Silver Quill and ghoulish archmage Silver Spell to stop it before it consumes their princess and casts their world into darkness.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 7 )

Son of a bitch that was good.

Very well done! I especially like the twist at the end!

This deserves so much more attention than it's gotten!

This is an interesting take on what led up to the Nightmare Moon schism. I like how things ended up going. Celestia was sufficiently not in control, there was true dread and Lovecraftian horror throughout, the other main characters underwent some nice development.

There is some nice suspense and some good mystery to the whole thing. Though I’ll admit, I had a pretty good idea early on that Luna was behind everything. The story was taking place in that timeframe, a lot of the hard-core scroll manipulation took place in dreams, the fact that she seemed to know exactly what was going on down there but only had a seemingly passing interest. All good hints, though maybe too good when all put together.

I am confused slightly by Luna seeming to be a carnivore. Especially since most animals in the world seem to be borderline, if not outright, sapient. Like cows, bison, dragons; eating one of them is the equivalent of some malevolent alien species eating humans.

What’s also odd is how Luna doesn’t blame the Silvers for anything going wrong. She had to have spent a great deal of time researching or observing Quill to know what book to place the scroll in for optimal chances of success, but doesn’t seem upset at either Quill or Spell that all that time was essentially wasted due to their efforts.

I think there’s only one time you mixed up your characters, right before Spell reads the letter, I think you said it was Scroll that had arrived. This that is very impressive considering how difficult it must be to differentiate between two characters that only have a 3 letter difference between their full names, especially since the first and last letters are the same, which is essentially what people look at when reading a word.

Now, nitpicks aside, I did really like the story; it is very well executed. I enjoyed the method of narration as well as the perspective changes. The storyline itself was phenomenal and I think it covered something not often tackled.

Look forward to reading more in the future.:twilightsmile:

This story was engrossing! Accompanied by some good reading music it was very enjoyable. I dropped everything so I could finish it. The ending was worth it to me, definitely. It gave me a new perspective of the night princess. If it had been written any other way I don't think it would have been as impactful. I think you have a lot of writing talent!

My only issue with the story is the character names. There are two characters named Silver and it becomes confusing at points. I had to backtrack to make sure I was thinking of the right character. It may seem like a small gripe but when the characters are similar, it is harder to care about them as individuals. It also affects the pacing of the story for your readers.

This was before Nightmare Moon? I assumed this was after! I didn't see anything to tell me it before Luna's banishment. The other Princesses weren't mentioned but that didn't signal before NM to me. Also wouldn't Star Swirl have been an important character if that were true? I like to think so. This is my perspective. Despite being immortal I'd like to think being stuck on the moon for that long would do something to the mind. The obsessive scroll born out of hatred for a sister who banished her once made the most sense to me at the time. She can't outright attack her and she can't take offense to her sister. A double offense would not end well for Luna. I took this attack as carefully planned. If this was before NM, you fooled me.

One more thing I would like to add- I only had suspicion after Silver Quill/Spell did not think to speak to Luna about the events. You would think that Luna, being either equal or the second most powerful magic user, living in the same castle, would have been alerted. I naively shrugged off my suspicion. Luna played me too, Celestia.

9095421
Being carnivorous is not a surprise from me. Eating meat in the past was a luxury. She is a literally a Princess. Humans eating meat is just as disturbing to me, not to say that I don't as well. It has been proven in the show that ponies have farms with animals so it makes sense they would use some for food. The animals aren't generally on the same level as the ponies, just as humans are considered above agricultural animals by society standards.

Luna wouldn't be angry with the Silvers. She views them like children. They are not (were not) threats to her and especially does not respect them. They are pawns to her.

9095421 9321549 Thank you both for reading and leaving your thoughts. To answer one question--Luna's meat-eating tendency was my way of underscoring her predatory intentions.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!