The Golden Crane flies for Tarmon Gai'don.
Comedy4,731 stories ·1,291 members
"Blinkie" Limestone Pie, "Inkie" Marble Pie and69 stories ·154 members
Comedy, Inc.2,129 stories ·389 members
Maud Pie211 stories ·454 members
Maud Pie is Best Pony314 stories ·891 members
The Pie Sisters362 stories ·191 members
Maud Pie has a boyfriend now, and so those who once called her their waifu respond with a movement of emasculating themselves. But what happens when that craze catches on in Equestria? How will the Pie sisters handle it? And what if Mudbriar feels he too should go No Rod for Maud 2018?
A mini-anthology of sorts, with chapter 2 focusing on Marble and chapter 3 on Limestone.
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This is going to be ridiculous, isn't it?
*cracks open a bottle of Arrogant Bastard*
8952065 I feel it would be lacking if it weren't
Chapters 2 and 3 more so than chapter 1 though, I'd say; writing Maud in-character required some more stable bits.
You madman. You actually did it.
8952097 Totally did! And there were so many better things I could have spent the time doing
I don't know how I didn't see this story coming after you asked me about that, but I definitely didn't
I... think it's a pleasant surprise, though? Not quite sure--I'll have to get back to you on that later
8952118 Aren't mass dive-bombing penises everyone's idea of a pleasant surprise though?
I was wondering if there was a way to tie it in the the Beanis continuum, but I think I've just got it - inspired by the zombie survivalist erotic adventure horror that the Pie farm has become, Fluttershy and Tree Hugger set up a vegan equivalent using beanises?
Also, I noticed another of those HIE stories in the updated column yesterday, so I think I was right!
8952133
Well. “Knobswatter” certainly was, at least
I’m a little disappointed now that you didn’t actually make this a Beanis story while you were at it
8952184 Without blowing my own trumpet too much (which Mudbriar could have actually achieved, shortly before the end, if he'd kept hold of it), I don't think I've ever summed up a character more succinctly and accurately than choosing that one word to inscribe on Limestone's weapon of choice. It was going to be a baseball bat, but buckball doesn't use bats, so, a crowbar it became. I think it's more her, anyway (though probably a bit tougher to hit an aerial target with)
For a time, the story had 5 upvotes and not a single down, but alas, no more. What kind of monster would downvote a tale of characters from a show for small girls casually mutilating genitalia, whether others' or their own? A story that murders a character for fun, before going on to discuss babies being thrown from rooftops? Who doesn't want to read about an army of flying dicks attacking a homestead? Man, that last one would have given A New Hope a different vibe...
Sadly I only just thought of the beanis connection, so maybe a spin-off would be the answer, or a new chapter added (though I like how it wraps up now). Majin Syeekoh has definitely seen the story, though, as I was messaging him about what level of pixelation wouldmake the cover art appropriate for fimfiction. Starting with none at all. So, technically, I sent one of the mods a dick pic. Which he was pretty cool about, really.
8952133
It's raining men (h-hallelujah?)
8952226 As I heard elsewhere on the internet recently, It's Raining Men and Let The Bodies Hit The Floor are just the same event from two different perspectives.
8952215
Bit tougher, true, but I think she relishes the extra challenge, as it encourages her to push her penis-thwacking capabilities closer to their absolute limits.
Oh, using a crowbar is absolutely more her
I was vaguely tempted to downvote on the principle of you releasing this instead of working on other stories
Which, um, means I probably shouldn’t also be encouraging you to work a Beanis in there somehow, but, no, I’m going to do that anyway.
The same crowd that was against the cactus thing’s probably to blame for all the downvotes, though?
I feel like it would’ve been to the story’s benefit, though. I shudder to think of what could possibly do a better job of establishing a regime as the ruthlessly oppressive sort than having it bombard a peaceful desert homestead with severed penises.
Huh. I’m not that surprised.
8952250 True! I'm picturing her holding it by the curved end, though, like a walking stick, so that the tip flies faster and straighter, which I think would be more accurate, and stave penises in and send them out to home-run heights. Whereas hitting them with the curved tip might leave them impaled there, and that would quickly get heavy as they build up.
I like that principle! I figured this would be ok as a not distraction if I got it done in one night, but it ended up taking three or four, as writing Maud without using the word 'flat' over and over took some thinking
I think the downvote is fair; the first chapter is very slow for a story marked as being an extreme, wacky comedy. It was after writing that one that I wondered about not publishing it at all, but then chapters 2 and 3 dragged it back up I think.
True, and also, any negative effect it had would be offset a hundred times over by hearing Sir Alec Guinness mention that penises usually fly single file to hide their numbers (which doesn't even make sense, but nor does a parsec as a measurement of time, so...). Plus, if they're native to Tatooine, they might come back in Return of the Jedi, leading to the Sarlacc scene of a squadron of flying penises fighting a giant toothed vagina with tentacles.
8952270
I’m thinking she might switch it up at least a little bit, though. The straight end might ward off penises with greater efficiency, but I imagine having one or two impaled on the other end would, when combined with appropriate preservatives (Or not, depending on how frequently more invaders must be repelled) applied during moments of respite, make for a far more effective deterrent.
The first chapter was indeed slow, and oddly... rational, I guess? It feels weird to say that when the premise of the first chapter was Maud’s boyfriend lopping his dick off, but having Maud calmly breaking down why exactly Mud Briar was completely missing the point of everything felt a tad incongruent to me
So, in the end, I suspect I’ll be more likely to remember Marble and Limestone’s discussion of babies and Knobswatter much longer than the actual main chapter.
No, indeed ‘twould not make much sense at all--one would think that the flying penises, particularly when pursuing the humanoid prey that’s so abundant on Tatooine, would be far more inclined to spread outwards so as to increase their overall presence and demoralization factor (Granted, I’m not entirely sure how well that would work on aliens? It depends on how widely the shape of the human phallus is recognized, I suppose, and for that matter whether the Tatooine Flying Penises are racially homogeneous).
If this alone isn’t all the justification one needs, I don’t know what would be
8952338 I certainly think that, yeah, at the end of each day, Holder's Boulder might be topped by a crowbar standing like a flagpole, curved end upthrust and surmounted with impaled cloven wangers, trophies to ward off any that dare to pop up by night. A scarecrowbar, if you will.
It was the Maud perspective, showing her being emotional inside but steadfast outside took some time. As did trying to show how much better she was with Boulder, with him protecting her and her realising that Mudbriar would never understand her in the same way Boulder did. I enjoyed writing her in-character, but I agree that the latter chapters are more memorable, and I think they're a lot more fun.
This I can understand, but I think travelling single file at high speed to ambush the homesteaders would be learned behaviourable habits evolved over centuries, all stemming from the Tatooine tradition of rodracing. Which is indeed a multi-species activity, so I think in Star Wars canon all shapes, sizes and colours of flying penises would be feared. That's why they were the design template for the Imperial Star Destroyer fleet.
I'm not even sure what the internet is for if someone doesn't animate that.
Oh Gosh darn it
8952622 That is exactly the reaction I was hoping for!
(This wasn't the story I was after Limestone advice on, by the way, but having talked that through with you definitely helped this one too
)
8952725
Haha well done though. I daresay I needed this
I... think I love you?
Need more time to decide.
I DEFINITELY love your Limestone, though. You've inspired me to get off my ass with her, finally.
8952742 Thanks! You're the authority on Pies, so if it meets your approval, I'm happy
8952917 Not sure if that feeling of butterflies in your stomach is love, or maybe those butterflies you ate earlier?
8952921 Thanks! I've been reading so much of her recently, and thinking about who she is for another story I'm working on, so once I had the idea for the two bonus chapters it was really easy just to drop her in there. There are a couple of hyper-cynical lines I'm rather proud of which I think suit her down to the ground, so I'm really happy with how she turned out
I would recommend 'The Quartz Quartette Quarrel' and 'Stone and Sky' for more Limestone
And I'm really interested to see your take on her! Also, I've read all the Limestone stories on the site now, and I'd like more. So, if you wouldn't mind...?
I don't even have to read this to know I need to upvote it now: I loved that bit.
No Rod for Maud, 2018!
8970178 And it was by far his best song to date, too!
The other highlight for me was his dubbing of Limestone telling Pinkie what to do to herself
>Sees Title
>Reads summary
>Dafuq.jpg
Well, this ought to be good.
8986207 Then I hope it lives up to your expectations! With that in mind, I should perhaps warn you that the second two chapters are funnier than the first
8986225
The last chapter tho
I was not prepared for that.
8986392 Neither were the Pies, the first time it happened
8986603
Whelp, that mental image isn't leaving my mind any time soon
Oh look, there's my bleach!
Limestone is indeed best pony.
And that's an awful pun.
So Limestone wields a crowbar with... that scratched onto the side?
>>headcanon accepted
9137902 That is exactly the right response!
And awful puns are excellent things to write whole stories around. Learned that one from Asimov!
9137908 Definitely!
Did you have a name for her bass guitar? I'm afraid I don't remember whether that detail was in Heavy Rock or not.
9137945
Oh, you remember her bass?
Truth be told, I don't think it ever got an official name. I figure she'd eventually just start calling it "Jackhammer." Or possibly "my other jackhammer" if she ever needed to disambiguate between the two of them.
9138007 I like her giving it that name, and I can totally see it!
Yeah, Limestone playing bass was one of those wonderful headcanon moments for me where it really clicked. Good headcanon, in my view, shouldn't prompt the response 'Ooh, that's interesting,' but instead 'Oh, of course, that explains so much!' And, more than any other character in the fandom, Limestone Pie is a bassist (so is Applejack, for sure, but Limestone even more so).
This has no business being a good lesson in love and relationships. :O
Limestone is truly the wisest pony in Equestria. :3
oh my god
I need to write an epic adventure story and shove Limestone into it just so she can have a weapon called Knobswatter. XD Amazing.
“Everypenis” lmao
You go swat them, Limestone!
Although I’m sad Mudbriar and Maud didn’t work out :(
9477196 Thanks, I liked the everypenis line, but no one else mentioned it!
Hmmm, I'm sad Maud had to go for a breakup, but I think it was ultimately for the best
9448817 Definitely not!
I wanted to say thank you for the comments and review you wrote for this story, not just because you said nice things about it but because you reminded me of some good things in it that I'd forgotten. I really like the relationship advice parts of the first chapter, and I'd rather forgotten they existed since publishing the story, becoming more and more fixated on how the first chapter really isn't very funny.
So I thoroughly appreciated your approach of the comedy starting at chapter two, with the first being reserved for other matters
8970988
Personally I think Hamilton horse play was way better.
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