This is definitely not what I expected this to be.

TNo Rod For Maud 2018

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Random

Now that Maud Pie has a boyfriend, stallions across Equestria are chopping off their members to prove their love. Mudbriar thinks he loves Maud too, so shouldn't he do the same?

• Sex
• Gore
• Pie Sisters
• Maud Pie
• Limestone Pie
• Marble Pie
• Mud Briar

forbloodysummer · 3k words  ·  19  9 · 895 views

No Rod For Maud 2018

Good:

• The puns got a chuckle out of me.
• The fact that the author was able to make insightful commentary on what love should be through a Pain Olympics (don’t look this up) parody in MLP form is worthy of praise.

Suggestions:

• Don’t put so many ideas into one sentence. Found that a bunch of lines (especially in the beginning) were hard to read due to how many pauses/clauses you’re using. Less means more in the art of writing.
• Random can equal funny if it’s got good pacing. To me, I found this not as funny as it could have been if the pacing got more and more grotesque instead of being grotesque off the start. Buildup is appreciated, even if we’re talking about lopping off dicks.
• The last two chapters felt tacked on and, honestly, could’ve been their own stories. Either that, or the story needed to have a wider title to encapsulate those ideas you wrote too. And yes, HiE has stereotypically been like that (human dies, and then they respawn tactically in Equestria lmao).

Final Thoughts:

A decent story that doesn’t take itself seriously (thankfully), yet also takes its message of loving yourself and not being like the others to the extremes. Honestly, the tone it took reminded me of a Book of Ass, while also not veering into the puzzle-piecing element that fic had delivered (along with the other monstrosities). Point being, no rod for Maud. Thanks for writing this, author!

Final Score:

Grammar: 2/3
Creativity: 4/5 
Characterization: 3/5 
Flow: 3/5 
Impact: 2/7 
Overall: 14/25 (Get The Mop, Maud.)

<For archival purposes: 5.6/10>

7504978 Hi Soaring, thanks for reading and reviewing.

I completely agree. Rereading that first paragraph was ouch, the third sentence in particular is a mess. Yeah, there is zero pacing through that first chapter. Would you believe it was meant to be funny? The humour there totally fell flat. I like the message behind it (though I'm not sure the setting was the place for it, since the original meme behind it was obviously a self-aware parody of that to begin with), but I'm much happier with the later two chapters. I agree, they don't feel like part of the same story as the first one. At one point I almost deleted the first chapter to leave just the funnier bits, but couldn't quite go through with it. I don't know if either section is really strong enough to stand on its own though.

I agree with your numerical scores, too. I think the characterisation was pretty good for Limestone and Marble, but not great at all for Maud. Limestone with that crowbar had a bigger impact on me personally, but the less you hear about my dreams or nightmares, the better.

Thanks again!

7505022

Would you believe it was meant to be funny?

Yeah, I mean it had some funny but I think due to that hyperfocusing on the blood and gore really made it hard to get those laughs out.

(though I'm not sure the setting was the place for it, since the original meme behind it was obviously a self-aware parody of that to begin with)

You can insert humor into any setting. The questions you should be is it the right time to do so, and if the situation lends itself to humor. In this case, it could be possible. Depends on how you portray it.

At one point I almost deleted the first chapter to leave just the funnier bits, but couldn't quite go through with it.

Limestone with that crowbar had a bigger impact on me personally...

Tbh. you could've incorporated Limestone's crowbar in that first chapter quite easily. I think if you focused on what you wanted the story to be and how these parts related to each other in that particular situation, I think this story would've been more entertaining. I mean come on, having Limestone walk in on these two and she's just completely disappointed and knocks all those cocks out of the room? Talk about knobswatting.

You're welcome. Happy to see your POV of your own fic.