How Does That Make You Feel?
The clock above Sunset ticked irritatingly slow as the leather underneath her weight creaked and groaned every time she moved or honestly, even thought about moving. She didn’t want to be here. But her friends insisted that she at least try to find out why she had not been getting enough sleep. So now, here she was, in the school counselor's office, wanting nothing more than to be anywhere else but where she was.
The woman across from her shifted in her own leather chair, making Sunset wince at the now familiar sound of leather creaking. “Hello, Sunset. Is this your first time here?”
Sunset almost said something snarky, but held her tongue, nodding. “Yeah. I...was never one for talking out my feelings. I only passed here on occasion. And...saw that some kids came here....Because of me.” Sunset’s eyes downcasted, and she rubbed her arm.
“There are bags under your eyes,” The woman observed, pointing the ballpoint pen in her fingers at Sunset. “Haven’t been sleeping, I assume?”
Sunset shook her head. “No, not exactly,” she responded, sighing. “I’ve been stay up late.”
“Video games?” The counselor guessed with a smirk. “I hear from the other students that you run your own gaming channel on the weekends.”
So she’s heard of her. Sunset knew what was coming then. “I do, but, it isn’t because of that. There’s...been a lot on my mind?”
“Oh?” A raised eyebrow.
Sunset fought the urge to roll her eyes. “There’s been a lot that has happened to me in the past two years,” she played with the geode around her neck. “And I guess I haven’t been processing it as well as I thought I was.”
A head tilt. “Like what?”
Sunset laughed dryly. “You wouldn’t believe me.”
The counselor smirked. “Try me.”
Sunset sighed. “I’m sure you’ve heard the stories from the other students. Raging she-demon, former bully and bad girl. Giant rainbow and now I’m good. Sirens, dimensions bleeding together, wood mages, all that.” she said nonchalantly, rolling her wrist.
The woman in front of her laughed. “Yes, I’ve heard. No wonder you can’t sleep. Such a fantastic life you live.”
Sunset gave a small laugh. “I wouldn’t call it fantastic, but it certainly does keep me on my toes. But...that’s not why I haven’t been sleeping.” her tone suddenly changed, and she pulled her knees up to her chest. “You know who Wallflower is, right?”
The counselor blinked. “Who?”
Sunset also blinked. “Wallflower Blush? She comes to see you every Tuesday?”
The counselor tapped her chin, then gasped when realization washed over her. “Oh! Oh dear, that girl is quite...er...”
“Forgettable?” Sunset filled in for her.
“I was going to go with unimpressionable, but yes,” The counselor agreed. “What about her?”
“Well, a few weeks ago, she got a hold of some powerful magic from another world. And she used it to take the memories of me and my friends...We destroyed the rock...but honestly, I’m just afraid that we haven’t gotten all of our memories back.”
“How are you sure?” the counselor asked.
“I don’t, I don’t know...” Sunset confessed. “That’s what keeps me up at night. I’m not sure.”
“Well, let’s see if you do remember anything. Do you remember what your mother looks like?” the counselor asked, tapping the tip of her pen on her notepad.
“Well yeah. For one thing, she’s a horse.”
There was a moment of silence between them, and the creak and groan of leather as the counselor sat forward. “I’m sorry, what?”
“My mother is a horse.” Sunset repeated.
“That’s not a nice thing to say about your mother,” the counselor said sternly.
Sunset also sat forward. “No like, I don’t think you understand, she’s an actual horse.”
The counselor blinked. “You...were raised by a horse,”
Sunset nodded. “Yes, because I'm a horse too. Well, a pony. Unicorn. Technicalities.” she said waving her hand.
“You're a unicorn?” the counselor asked on disbelief.
“You may have heard stories about me, but I don't think you've heard everything. It's not exactly a secret either,” Sunset said, shrugging.
The older woman sat back. “Alright, so. Tell me about your upbringing.”
“Well, I grew up in a gated community called Sire’s Hollow, in a place called Equestria. With my mom, my dad, and my little brother Sunburst. When I was old enough, I was admitted to Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.” Sunset explained. “After that Celestia saw how much of a prodigy I was, and took me under her wing. And....” she trailed...looking off somewhere else.
“And?” the other woman prompted.
“That’s where things started to go downhill.” Sunset’s voice was low, and ashamed. “I was so focused on being the best, and being better than everyone else, that I became too ambitious for my own good.” Sunset’s body started to tremble, and her voice became uneven.
“I said some horrible things to her, because she wouldn’t teach me something immediately when she felt like I wasn’t ready for it. I was bullheaded and naive, and in my anger I stormed off and ended up running away to this world. That was four years ago. This whole Wallflower thing? Was the first time I had seen Princess Celestia in years.”
“Celestia?” The older woman seemed confused. “She’s a princess in another world?”
Sunset nodded. “More like a god. But you know, again, technicalities.” she said, waving her hand. “I thought she’d still be furious with me, but, to my surprise she embraced me. I haven’t...I haven’t felt the warmth of her hooves around me since I was a filly.”
“Was she more of a mother figure to you than your own mother?” the counselor asked softly.
“You could say that,” Sunset responded cooly. “My mother always tried to push me into things, to have a plan for everything. I think she’s part of the reason why I ended up so...zealous about my position as Celestia’s student.”
“Do you remember what your mother looks like?”
The question hung in the air, and Sunset wasn’t quite sure how to answer it.
“I...yes and no.” Sunset said, sitting back, the leather groaning along with her movements. “When I think of my mom, I don’t see my actual mom. I see Princess Celestia. When I think about the memories I have, or the ones at least, I think I still have, I think about our tea parties, and the days where I’d watch her set the sun, and sing to me as her wing was draped over me, lulling me to sleep.”
“Do you miss it? Equestria, I mean.” the older woman asked, crossing her legs.
“Maybe? Sort of? Every time I go back though it’s so hard to get used to walking on four hooves again.” Sunset gave a small laugh and blushed a little. “But I feel like my home is here now.”
“Because you’ve made friends,” the older woman responded, placing a hand on her chin. “Tell me about these friends of yours. They seem to have a huge impact on your life. Especially since no student has come to me about you for months.”
Sunset smiled wryly. “I guess I should consider that a good thing. But my friends...they are my lifeline. Without them I wouldn’t have made it this far. It may sound cheesy but it’s the truth. They gave me their hands when no one else would. They saw the broken and angry person I was, and became the pieces that made me whole again.”
“That’s an excellent metaphor, Sunset,” the older woman said, smiling. “So in a way, they’ve saved you?”
Sunset nodded. “You could say that. And...the skills they gave me...I used them to save someone else. And she’s now one of my best friends. And...and I don’t know what I would do without her.”
“What’s your fondest memory of this friend?”
Memories came flooding back into Sunset’s mind, and of all the ones that flashed before her eyes, the fondest one was the moment she realized Twilight had been just as hurt as she was, just as broken and in need of someone to show her the way.
Take my hand, Twilight.
“The moment I realized that someone else needed the help I got. The moment I realized I was meant to bring her back from the same brink I was on,” Sunset said, smiling.
“For someone who’s worried that they’ve forgotten things, you seem to remember a lot,” the counselor teased, smiling back at her.
Sunset blushed. “Yeah, well, I mean, I’d never forget something like that. It was life changing.”
“I can only imagine,” the older woman agreed. “But it seems to me that you’re just letting your anxiety get the best of you. Sunset Shimmer, I may not know you as well as the students and other faculty, but it seems to me that you’ve developed into a fine young lady. Er. Horse. Technicalities.”
They shared a laugh.
“I honestly thought you were gonna think I was crazy,” Sunset admitted, scratching her cheek.
“Giving the amount of bizarre and crazy things that have happened at this school over the past couple of months, I’d give you a pass,” the older woman chuckled. “I know you didn’t want to come here today, but did it at least help you feel at ease?”
Sunset stood up and slung her bookbag over her shoulder and nodded. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for listening to me.” she said, smiling.
The woman smiled back. “Anytime, Sunset. My door is always open.”
Sunset stepped out into the hallway to see that she had a few missed calls and texts from her friends, mostly from Rainbow Dash wondering where she was.
She met them outside the school in front of the statue, their waiting faces making a warm feeling swell in her heart.
“Finally!” Rainbow shouted. “You know the movie starts in like fifteen minutes right? It’s gonna take forever to get across town!”
Twilight adjusted her glasses. “Well, given my calculations if we wait for the bus right now, we’ll have three point two minutes to buy tickets and two point five minutes to get snacks.”
Rainbow frowned. “In English!”
Twilight frowned back at her. “It means we’ll make it if we leave now.”
“Calm down Rainbow Dash,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes. “We’re the ones who said she should go in the first place.”
“How was it, darling?” Rarity asked. “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep tonight?”
Sunset yawned. “Most definitely.”
Fluttershy clapped her hands happily. “Oh thank goodness! We were so worried about you! Especially since I’m the one who found you curled up in the music room.”
Sunset laughed. “Haha, yeah uh, thanks for waking me up too. I don’t even remember falling asleep in there.”
“I’m just glad we didn’t catch you sleepwalking through the hallway! Can you imagine?! Zombie Sunset!” Pinkie bubbled, starting to groan and stagger like an undead monster, much to the amusement of the other girls.
“C’mon guys!” Rainbow groaned. “If we miss this showing, we’re going to have to wait a whole hour!” she took off down the street in a blur.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Oh the tragedy.” she said sarcastically, but still following after her, the other girls close behind, giggling.
Sunset watched the retreating backs of her friends and smiled.
Everything was going to be just fine.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheNewYorkBrony · 2.1k words · 100 2 · 2.9k views
- shallow15 · 2k words · 328 9 · 7.3k views
- TheNewYorkBrony · 6.8k words · 251 23 · 7.5k views
- NotanImportantPony · 1.6k words · 42 6 · 2.9k views
- Paradigm Shift · 7.2k words · 115 11 · 4.2k views
- Sotharan · 207k words · 297 9 · 10k views
- MorbidTheBrony · 3.7k words · 14 3 · 993 views
- KatonRyu · 4.8k words · 56 0 · 2.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.102 seconds
Total duration
600 users online
901,105 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Looking very good. Not sure if there is a spelling error here though.
8937164
once should be ones
8937308
yeah i made a typo me bad
8937325
it ok.
"staying"
"come"
Comma before "Twilight".
This happens a few times, but you need to have a comma instead of a period when dialogue ends with a dialogue tag like "said"
Missing "you" here.
8937711
Thanks
Oh noes, first demon, then a zombie?! What's next? Frankenset shimmer? Shimmer of the Undead?
Princess Twilight said exactly the same thing a short time before Tirek started his second rise.
Do you want any criticism?
8938766 Im always open to it.
Nicely done! The feeling was so well conveyed!
The topic of memory loss could so easily become fuel for a horror/dark story, but nice way of getting the counselor to at least ease Sunset's mind. I really wish the fandom hit the memory stone as hard as we seem to hit the Anon-y-miss one, since it's just a better story line.
8938811
Cool. I don't like to drop it on anyone that isn't open to it. Seems kinda condescending to me and it never really ends well.
It seems like this and most of the other stories I've read from you kinda get stuck in the idea phase and never really move out of it. I mean, Sunset going to therapy to explore the darker sides of herself she's shied away from for so long? That is a really interesting idea and I could also see it being a comedy as well. The problem is the execution here is basically nothing more than exposition: Sunset tells the therapist her abridged life story and a few cursory intimate details but it never really goes anywhere beyond that. There wasn't really anything funny going on nor anything particularly sad about the details she shared, which leaves me wondering what the point of it was. Sure, she was trying to resolve something keeping her awake at night but it didn't really feel like anything got resolved. She said some stuff about the memories she did remember and then poof, she says she feels like she can sleep again. There wasn't really any satisfying resolution in that regard and the conflict was resolved almost forcefully.
That and honestly, most of the story seemed kind of disjointed. Like all the information she told the therapist could have been excluded to focus on the main conflict she was facing. I think the story would have done a lot better with some more planning. Like what came before that finally made her friends tell her it was time to see a therapist? A few nights of sleeplessness isn't that big of a deal so maybe something more serious could have happened. Then she could have an initial reluctance to open up to the therapist, followed by a breakthrough and learning more about herself because of the experience. That kind of thing would have been really interesting to read as Sunset struggled through why those missing memories were bothering her so much. As it stands it just kind of happens without much meat to it. I'm not here to force you what to write, but I would suggest taking ideas and refraining from writing 1-2k word stories about them and stop to flesh them out to something closer to 4-5k if not more. It would give you some valuable practice and make your stories much more interesting.
One last thing is that you rely very heavily on dialogue to move your story along. In certain segments this isn't a bad thing, but it pretty much dominates the story. A more detailed description of the therapists office and Sunset's uneasy feelings or initial hostility would go a long way into conveying emotion that you want to get through to your audience. Even little moments of silence of character movements can be more fleshed out to better show what you're trying to build up. Just try to think about what's going on around the characters as they're talking, also what they're feeling and doing while they're talking, not just what they're saying.
I say all this because I really do want to enjoy your stories. You have a lot of really good ideas that I'm honestly sometimes jealous that I didn't think of them. I respect someone that is still dedicated to EQG like you are when so much of the fandom has written it off. Prolific and talented EQG writers are definitely something I think the site needs more of. I'd like to see you improve but just sticking to 1-2k word long stories isn't going to do much to help you down that path.
Hopefully that didn't come off too dick-ish. If you've got any questions about anything else I'd be happy to try to help.
8937331
8937325
Your avatars make it look like Sunset's arguing with herself, and that amuses me for some reason now that I've read the story.
8938865
Not dickish at all! Thank you for telling me...honestly i would like to do 4k stories but honestly when i do those type of stories no one tends to read them. For example, i wrote a 4k Christmas special and it barely got any traffic. It was really discouraging because i honestly put all of my heart and soul into that story.
I honestly feel like ill never be as good as you, or Oroboro, or TheAlbinocorn. I feel like my writing isnt up to par with some of my ideas amd i kind of flounder through them thinking im doing well. Im going to try next time to write it out more, because i honestly do sometimes feel like i cut things short too often.
8939010
I think that might just come with the territory. People read shorter fics because they can get through them faster, but will most definitely still read longer stories if they're interesting/well-written. I definitely know how discouraging that kind of thing can be, but i can promise you it will turn out better in the long run even if those longer stories end up flopping in comparison on occasion.
All you need to do is keep practicing. I honestly think you can get to that point if you want to. Believe me, I know how hard it's going to get--I must have half a million words of unwritten trash across all my laptops that are basically unpostable--but in the end you'll be glad you did. If you ever need any help don't hesitate to ask.
this story was really good and heart warming you should write more have sunset do weekly visits
8939035
Youre absolutely right about that. You made me realize that if im not trying my best, ehy bother trying at all? It does suck, but youre absolutely right, i shouldn't let it get me down. For every dud theres always a diamond. I will keep practicing, and thank you for offering your hand. Getting advice from one of my favorite authors would help immensely.
After reading what they had to say, I can completely agree with Holy on this. There's a lot here that could be expanded into a larger story; be it a larger one-shot or a series of chapters going over different subjects.
I love a lot of your works (Magic Touch, Spankset, Never have I ever). Your smaller works are really nice and well written, and they feel more intimate because of that. Especially when it's either focusing on a joke or two characters having a discussion. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't love seeing more longer projects from you; especially when a topic like Sunset going to therapy has a lot of potential to get into the nitty-gritty.
I've only written one things so far, with more planned (and not finished), but seeing people like you put out such nice work really helps inspire me to work on my projects some more.
Keep improving! Never give up!
This is somewhat specific, but you really should have had the councilor introduce herself immediattly and then use her name mostly when she speaks and such. I legit couldn't get over the fact that she was only referred to as "the woman", "the counselor", and "the older woman" for the entire fic.
A background pony or even an OC would be fine. "Sympathetic Ear" would be a pretty solid name.
A sentence or two describing her wouldn't hurt either. It's usually superfluous for the main/mane cast, but good for background characters and ocs.
This don't need the sad tag, it's not sad enough.
Still fairly decent.
I was slightly surprised it was not Dr Wolf. Then again, he is rather busy with other patients, including Princess Celestia.
9012453
I actually kind of wanted to make her dr wolf, but I didnt exactly know how hed feel about that
Completely unrelated note, what kind of phone do you have? I may be able to help.
8939010
Still better than mine for the most part. All of it, given that you include why I write.
8938366
Or having to wear a frilly princess dress, especially if Rarity makes it?
Well,. Rainbow Dash might find that scary...
Oh no, Sunset! You should know better than that by now!
This was nice.