• Member Since 5th Oct, 2016
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Israel Yabuki

Canon x OC, that's my specialty, both in art and in MLP stories


Comments ( 68 )

(Sorry if there's no photo, but when I was editing, the page wouldn't let me upload it, so I have to settle with a photoless story, but I made sure to tell knighty about it.)

That's fine, you're stories are good enough that I rather read the story than the clop parts. I do wish you good luck on you newest story, I'll wait until it's complete, because your stories just feel better to read when they are completed. Have fun dude, and I can't wait until later chapters. :twilightsmile:

In all seriousness though I absolutely LOVE this so far, I hope to see more of it in the future, especially the story bits :twilightsmile:

Good Luck


Excellent start but holy crap the beginning was depressing.

I didn't exactly have this writing talent to begin with, it took some time and practice. I have faith that with some proper practice, I have full confidence that you can become a great writer, too. I'm glad you liked this chapter so far

My editor and I were thinking about doing Queen Novo next. He seems excited to write about her

It just doesn't feel like I get any better at writing when I do write. It feels like anytime I write something it's absolutely crap. I do my best to add detail but I feel like it's too much, or very little. I can never find the balance between. I also cannot good verbs to add to like "Hey!" Apple Bloom shouted; as an example. It's tough

Alright amd thought it was princess skystar

When it comes to details in the story, you have a choice between you explaining the details of a character or a few characters and how they look, or even the details of a certain places in a town or city, and maybe certain conditions like how it feels around there and what's happening, and it's also important to whether or not have the characters you have in your story explain their's or someone else's backstory about what's been going on or what happened already.

I guess that's true.

Another problem is how should I explain the character's appearance? Should I say what they look like/what they are wearing or explain how they look through details like "The water flowed through his dark red hair."?

If you're just introducing the characters themselves, it's always necessary to explain what they look like and sometimes what they where, depending on whether they're a big part of the story. If they're either minor , I usually describe their appearence, minus the clothes they wore

I can only guess where you came up with the title for this story, because I did that too.

Can't wait to see the rest of it.

Actually, the title of the story came from a certain line in the song "Always There" from Lady and the Tramp 2

Alright, I guess I'll do that then. If you want you can be a proofreader/editor of the story. If you decline that's perfectly fine.

only for the soul purpose of profit.

people sang songs for the soul purpose of bringing joy and happiness

(I believe the word you're looking for is "sole.")

You sat up on your knees and were relieved that you still had the dog and cat statues. You

Umm... Was there supposed to be more to that last sentence? It kind of got cut off abruptly. :twilightoops:

You should have him sing "perfect" by ed sheeran to rara. I think it fits well with the story

I chose "Always There" because the song was a quartet in the movie, so I wanted it to match the quarted the OC was in with Rara, Fortis and Fleur, so I apologize if I didn't use that song.

Its alright. I should rephrase what i said. You should use "perfect" by ef sheeran as a way for the main character to show his feelings to coloratura.

Either that or Galway Girl, I've come to really like that song

Thank you so much for this second chapter :) And thanks for looking at my story, means a lot. Good luck with the rest of the chapters!

Cute chapter, bro! I look forward to the name that the main character of this story is going to get!

Excellent as always my friend

I wonder who is Next also another great story in your series

Nice! The boob massage was a very nice and sexy touch!

I came up with the massage idea, but NineTailBeastBall came up with the boob massage. He's a GENIUS

Such beautiful stories of you

who's next after your next story maybe songbird serenade, photo finish, or sapphire shores

Actually, I'm gonna move onto either Daring Do or Gilda

Comment posted by fluttershyfan3030 deleted Jun 8th, 2018

check your pm for my response i don't want to spoil the plot of the next story for those who haven't read this story

I think that if he played "this is gospel" for the singing competition, applejack would have been crying.

Also good job as always, but make sure to grammar check when you can.

WAIT?! Did Granny Smith Died? :pinkiegasp:

“Just listen to yourselves, it’s rather dreadful. So what if Rara’s with a human, you don’t see me judging her. You shouldn’t be so quick to judge others,” said a female voice. You and Rara turned your attention to this elegant unicorn mare who was also accompanied by a human and had a child of their own.

“L-Lady Fleur! You’re not in the least bit disgusted?!” one of the nobles asked.

“Why would I be disgusted? Have you ponies forgotten that the princesses are married to humans themselves? And they were commoners once in their lives, just like mine. Before you open those uptight mouths of yours, you need to start treating others with respect! I’m ashamed that this whole city is doesn’t appreciate the simpler things in life,” she scolded.

“B-But milady, he could just be using her!” another noble persisted.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t jump to conclusions and go about your daily business or I will alert this constant harassing to the princesses! We might be nobles, but you never show it through the kindness in your hearts... if you can even show kindness. Now, I’m going to make this perfectly clear to you all: no more judging others by their social standing, am I making myself clear?”

The nobles backed off and nodded at the elegant mare. They bowed to you and made a mad dash to avoid anymore confrontation from the mare called Fleur.

Dayum :rainbowderp: remind me not to piss her off.

After the model recruits were finished, Fleur De Lis and a couple of pro models made their way on the runway, posing for the cameras and blowing kisses to her fans. Fortis had a perfect view from backstage as Fleur’s manager.

Man, I can picture it now I wonder if I should get a kiss from her after this.:heart:

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