A Villain's Folly
I didn't know how much more of this I could take.
Nightmarish future after nightmarish future, all because my friends and I didn't meet each other. To be honest, I couldn't blame Starlight for her complete and utter disbelief in what I had told her.
Had I not seen it firsthoof time and time again, I wouldn't have believed it myself, but it was true. My friendship with the other girls was all that was standing in the way of Equestria's downfall.
More than all of the futures I had seen so far, finding that out had scared me deeply.
Knowing that my friendships weren't a choice, but a necessity if I wanted to maintain peace, put things in a very different light for me. After this was all over, I'd need to have a talk with the girls and Princess Celestia, but for now, I couldn't let Starlight get away with this.
As the portal opened once more, I decided enough was enough. Trying to convince her to stop the normal way wasn't going to work, and she had proven to be far more adept than I had ever imagined. I needed to do something drastic.
I needed to show her just what her foolish actions would cause.
I needed to share at least a bit of the pain I was feeling—show her the toll this was taking on me, and Spike no doubt. The baby dragon tried not to show it, but I could see him shaking at the thought of going through another horrible future.
Well he wouldn't have to worry after this.
I planned to make this the last time either of us would have to go through this.
"I don't know how important other ponies friendships are to the future," I began, before shifting my weight, "but I can show you what the world is like without mine!"
Before she could react, I rushed forward and grabbed Starlight just as the portal sucked us in.
Nothing....
There was nothing left.
The land was dry, barren... dead.
It was dark—unnaturally so—and the constant smell of ash on the wind assaulted my nostrils. For a moment, I completely forgot about Starlight as I looked around in mute horror.
There were no stars in the sky, nor was there any moon or sun. I could feel an odd tingle in my horn, and it took me a moment to realize what I was feeling... was raw magic.
This... this was different from the other timelines I had been to... far different. Right then and there, I would've given up my wings to see a single living soul anywhere, villain or no... but somehow I knew I wouldn't find anything.
I took a step back and bumped into Spike.
I looked down to see the baby dragon looking around uneasily. I didn't know whether or not he could feel the utter wrongness of this place, but I certainly could, and I wanted nothing more than to leave.
"Where are we?!"
Starlight's question snapped me out of my own thoughts and I turned to face her. The question, while spoken in apparent anger, betrayed a quavering fear—the same fear I felt. That was good, it meant she could hopefully understand just what it is her meddling with time had wrought.
"The future," I replied gravely, sweeping my gaze over the barren wasteland that was once Equestria, "...or rather, the present."
"But..." she looked around her briefly before turning her disbelieving glare back to me, "there's nothing here!"
"I wish I could say I was surprised," I replied quietly, "but every world I come back to is worst than the last," I looked Starlight in the eye, hoping—praying for the mare to understand, "I don't know why my friends and I are so important to Equestria, but we are."
If these horrible futures were anything to go by, my friends and I were more or less Equestria's only line of defense against these threats. It was ridiculous to think about, and beneath all the fear and sadness... I felt... angry—indignant even.
It wasn't fair.
Where were all the other safeguards against Equestria's enemies? Why didn't Celestia or Luna step up to the challenge? Weren't they supposed to be powerful, centuries old alicorns? Why did it fall upon me and my friends to save Equestria from every single threat?
Sure, there were exceptions, but they were few and far between.
My friends and I fought against the changelings when Chrysalis invaded Canterlot during the wedding, but it was ultimately Cadence and my brother that saved the city, and it had been thanks to them and Spike that the Crystal Empire had been saved from Sombra's evil clutches... but again, what of Celestia and Luna?
I knew for a fact that they had kept Equestria safe in the past, so what happened?
"I don't believe you!"
Again I was snapped out of my thoughts by Starlight's angry, desperate denial. The mare glared at me and I slowly shook my head in response before gesturing to the endless devastation.
"Come on, Starlight, look around!" I replied, a hint of exasperation coloring my tone, "like I said, everything in the past affects the future... even the tiniest act," I gave Starlight a hard stare, though her back was turned to me, "and what you're doing leads here."
I took a step forward and hung my head, my ears flattening as I continued.
"I know I can't stop you," I admitted, "but I thought showing you this might change your mind."
"Change my mind?!" she growled, finally turning to face me, "you don't know anything about me!" she jabbed a hoof in my direction, "I was perfectly happy before—"
She froze mid rant.
My own body locked up with a sudden dread I couldn't place—a cold chill running up and down my spine. Every single one of my hairs stood on end as Starlight and I stared at each other. The horrified look on her face most likely mirrored my own, and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing.
There was something here.
"T-Twilight?"
Spike's shaky voice was enough to bring me back to reality and I pulled him close with a wing as I looked around. Starlight took a few steps back as she did the same, a small whimper escaping her mouth.
"Stay... s-stay close Spike," I muttered, "I... don't know what's going on, b-but we need to leave... now."
I turned to Starlight, intending to tell her it wasn't safe... and the words died in my throat. Starlight had already begun casting the time spell, her horn flaring to life and a panicked expression adorning her face.
"I don't know about you, Twilight Sparkle, but I'm not staying here another—"
A bright flash of light lit up the darkness, quickly followed by a loud, warbling cry that seemed to come from everywhere at once. Before I knew what was happening, something lashed out from seemingly nowhere and grabbed a screaming Starlight.
It looked like a white, shining tentacle of light had wrapped itself around Starlight's barrel and had lifted her into the air. Horrified, I followed the tentacle to its source and reeled back at what I saw.
"Twilight!" I heard Spike cry from somewhere next to me, "W-What... what is that... thing?!"
I didn't have an answer for him, not that I could speak anyway. The sight of what had grabbed ahold of Starlight had robbed me of any words. All I could do was pull the little drake closer, his small shaking form hugging against one of my own shaking legs.
Standing before me, just a yard or two away, was a creature unlike any I had ever seen before. It looked like a pony made of pure light, so much so, that it was hard to look at directly. It was easily three or four times as big as Celestia herself and had no other features save for two brightly glowing red circles for eyes.
As I watched, the creature opened a large mouth that hadn't been there a moment ago, and roared again as it drew Starlight closer and closer. The panicked mare screamed and flailed for all she was worth, her horn sparking and flickering with failing magic.
My eyes widened and—before I could stop myself—I galloped forward.
"WAIT, STOP!"
That had apparently done the trick and the gargantuan monster stopped—Starlight clenching her eyes shut and whimpering weakly as she was suspended mere inches away from its gaping maw.
The ethereal creature slowly turned and stared at me as I slowed to a stop just a few hoof-lengths away. I swallowed and took a shaky step back, hoping against hope that it didn't decide to eat me instead.
Rather than do anything however, it simply continued to stare at me. After a few heart pounding seconds, it tilted its head as though confused about something. It then turned to look at Starlight and I got an odd impression that it was thinking.
Another minute passed and just as Starlight peeked an eye open, the tentacle holding her aloft unwrapped itself and Starlight dropped to the ground.
"Starlight!" I cried, rushing over to the mare who herself was desperately scrambling away from the thing that had almost eaten her whole, "are you okay?"
She didn't answer me as she continued to stare at the creature with a terrified gaze. Just as Spike and I reached her, another flash of light made me cover my eyes. I blinked a few times, trying to get the spots out of my eyes, when I heard Spike cry out in alarm.
"T... T-Twilight," Spike exclaimed, pulling on my tail, "y-you need to see this!"
Once my vision cleared, I followed Spike's gaze and my jaw dropped open. Standing right where the monster had been was an almost exact copy of me. Everything looked the same save for two key differences.
Its eyes were completely white, and it had no cutie mark to speak of.
Without warning it began quickly trotting towards us, causing Starlight to scream out in panic and scramble away faster. Gathering up what little courage I had left, I stepped in-between it and Starlight, giving it my best glare despite my own fear and confusion.
"S-Stay back," I commanded weakly, "I don't know who, or w-what you are, but you can't just—"
It didn't stop.
I stumbled back slightly and flared out my wings in a useless attempt to intimidate it. It kept moving forward as though I wasn't even there—its face eerily blank. Thinking on my hooves, I lit up my horn, intending to push it away with telekinesis.
It blinked out of existence in a flash of light.
Another cry from both Starlight and Spike caused me to turn around. The doppleganger had reappeared behind me and was now standing over a quaking Starlight while Spike had backed away as far as he could.
"Wait!" I cried frantically, "please don't—"
"There was something Rainbow Dash told me a long time ago that neither of us really understood... until now."
I shuddered.
The copy spoke using my voice... but it was wrong. It didn't sound normal, and as she turned away from Starlight to look at me, I couldn't help but flinch at its white eyed, expressionless gaze. It spoke again in a low monotonous drone that sent more shivers down my spine.
"It was the story of how she lost a race when she was a filly because of a broken wing," she continued, turning back to Starlight, "do you want to know how the wing was broken? I'm sure if you think back, you'll figure it out."
Starlight's eyes widened in horrified realization at the same time mine did and I slowly turned to stare at the mare. It was also at this point that I realized this wasn't just some monster taking on my likeness.
This monster—this mare... was me.
I had no evidence of that aside from her looks and the words she spoke, but somehow I knew. Without a doubt, I knew this was the Twilight Sparkle from this timeline.
But what on Equus had happened to make her this way? What had happened to make Equestria this way?
"By your stunned silence I take it you've figured it out," the other Twilight continued, "just as she was set to win the race, she was blindsided by a stray blast of magic, and sent careening off course. The concussive blast hit her with enough force to break the wing and send her tumbling to the ground."
She took a step closer to Starlight and leaned in close.
"Unfortunately, the only one who saw it happen, was Rainbow Dash herself," she said, before turning to me, "and the strangest part was that she also saw a mare who bore a striking resemblance to the way I look now."
She straightened up and turned back to Starlight.
"Things worked out for the best in the end," she said, her tone somehow lighter despite the drone of her voice, "she was still able to save Fluttershy and even pull off a sonic rainboom in her state, but nopony believed her when she told them about the two mares... and now here you both are, years later and completely unchanged from Rainbow's description."
I couldn't speak.
I no longer knew how to feel about what was transpiring. What was this other me planning to do? If I didn't know any better, it almost seemed as if she was about to carry out some kind of punishment, and if Starlight's whimpering and shivering was anything to go by, she probably thought the same.
"The only conclusion I can come to is that one or both of you have been messing with time," she surmised, "and if your actions are anything to go by, I'd say it was you that initiated the change."
She raised a hoof and my heartbeat picked up. I didn't know what she planned to do, but I got the feeling it wasn't going to be anything good. I took a step forward and—
"I'm not sure why you tried to interfere with my timeline, but I intend to find out," she exclaimed, "I wonder just how many horrible futures you've created..."
I was too late.
Her hoof lit up and shrunk down into a thin tendril. Starlight's scream was quickly cut off as the other me jabbed the tendril into her forehead below the horn. Her jaw snapped shut, and her body went rigid.
I was faintly aware of something latching onto one of my legs, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from the sight. The other me stared at Starlight impassively as the tendril did... something. Starlight herself had gone slack jawed, her eyes glazing over as she stared at nothing.
A few moments passed and the tendril pulled itself out of Starlight's head. The mare shuddered violently before slumping over, her eyes cloudy and distant. I looked on in silent horror before turning back to the other me. I was alarmed to see that the other lavender mare was making a beeline right for me.
I quickly backed away, looking from her to Starlight.
"I-Is she... did... d-did you—"
"She's not dead, Twilight Sparkle," the other Twilight answered, "though I'm not sure of her mental state at the moment—nor do I care. More importantly, it seems you hold the answers to the depths of Starlight Glimmer's sins."
"S-Stay away from her!"
Spike quickly moved to stand in front of me as I tried to do with Starlight, much to my fear and dismay.
"Spike!" I cried, "what are you doing?! You need to—"
"N-Not another step!" he continued, "I-I'm warning you!"
I went to push the well intentioned little drake out of the way, but a flash of light caught my attention and I looked towards the mare that shared my likeness. It turned out that had been a mistake.
It was as though a needle had buried itself in my skull, yet I felt no immediate pain. In fact, all feeling ebbed away and I was left floating... floating in a sea of memories both mine... and not.
A dark beast of titanic proportions roared into the night sky just as a wave of magical fire washed over the land, filling every nerve in my body with intense agony. A land, rendered completely dead and barren in an instant. Friends, family, homes, entire towns and cities, everything... gone or completely destroyed.
A desperate futile search for any remaining life, only to find nothing. No... there was something... an ash covered stetson in a dark cellar. The destruction of Mount Canterhorn, a horrifying chase through a ruined city, Celestia blinded and broken, more horrible agony as newfound power was ripped away.
My death.
Cadence...
What are these images?!
I couldn't stop them!
They just kept coming, more and more and more of these horrible, tragic events flooded my mind, and I was powerless to do anything to stop them! My only remaining loved ones, falling to despair and corruption, Discord... dead.
Dead like me... again.
Death after death after death after death after death after—
"Twilight!"
—my friends!
Pinkie! Oh Sweet Celestia, Pinkie! I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't—
"Twilight!"
—so sorry! Please forgive me, all of you! I didn't... it was an accident!
"TWILIGHT"
"—don't... hate me. Please... d-don't. I'm s-so... so sorry. I didn't—"
My head jerked to the side and I blinked. I slowly brought a hoof up to my stinging cheek and discovered that the fur covering it was matted and wet. Apparently I had started crying at some point.
"It looks as though sifting through your memories had an... unintentional side effect," came my own monotone voice, "Starlight Glimmer merely broke from the shock, but with you, the process seems to have gone both ways... interesting..."
I looked up at the other Twilight as she lowered her hoof back to the ground. A sudden weight on my leg made me look down, where I saw a wide eyed, frantic looking Spike staring back at me.
"Twilight, are you okay?" he asked worriedly, before glaring at the other me, "she... she did something to you—stuck that weird tentacle thing into your head and... a-and you went all glassy eyed and... and then you start saying things that didn't make any sense, and then you started screaming and crying and... and I didn't know what to do!"
As worried as Spike was, I couldn't focus on what he was saying. All my attention was taken up by the mare before me. The mare whom I now knew had suffered... suffered so much pain.
"W-What happened to Celestia... a-and Luna, and Cadence?" I took a step towards the mare, "what happened to you? Why—"
"While I could stand here and answer your questions," the other Twilight replied, turning to the still catatonic Starlight, "I haven't eaten... in some time, and I'm rather famished."
I looked from the other me, to Starlight, and back to the other me, realization dawning on my face.
"No!" I cried, galloping over to, and standing in front of Starlight, "please don't eat her! I... I... there has to be something else we can do!"
"There's nothing else," the other Twilight replied flatly as she began trotting towards me, "I have the feeling my time is drawing near, and though I'm curious to see what happens, I'm still compelled to feed, so if you'll excuse me—"
"Wait!" I cried again, wracking my panicked brain for a solution, "just... hold on for a moment!"
There has to be something I can do... anything!
I frantically looked around me, desperate for some kind of plan. Then my eyes fell on the dilapidated table that had somehow always managed to cross over with me... and an idea hit me.
It was beyond foolish—it was downright insane, and I knew I might be putting so many others at risk... but... but I couldn't just leave her here. I decided right then and there that it didn't matter what kind of monster she was now. There was no way in Tartarus I could ever leave her here in this dead world.
Not after everything I had seen.
"W-What if you came back with me? To my own time?"
"What?!" Spike shouted in disbelief, "Twilight have you gone crazy? We can't—"
"I... I know what I'm doing, Spike," I said, knowing full well that Spike was absolutely right, "just... please trust me on this one, okay? I can't leave her here," I didn't have to fake the tears that came to my eyes as I gave Spike a pleading look, "s-she's... been through... a lot, alright? Just... please."
Spike looked at me.
He stopped and really looked at me, the same way he did every time I was about to do something stupid for the sake of somepony else. He turned away and looked back to the other Twilight, who had stopped and was watching our exchange with an unreadable expression.
Eventually he sighed and looked back towards me.
"...Alright, Twilight," he relented, "I don't like it, but if you think it's a good idea, then I won't argue."
"Thank you, Spike," I whispered as I pulled him into a tight hug, "thank you so much..."
I raised my head and looked towards the other Twilight.
"How about it?" I asked, "you spare Starlight, and all four of us can go back to my time and away from this horrible place," I set Spike down and trotted towards the other Twilight, "maybe we can get you some help, maybe Celestia—my Celestia will know what to do."
The other Twilight sat on her haunches and stared at me blankly for several long moments. It went on long enough that I began to get nervous, but just as I opened my mouth to say something else, the mare spoke.
"As I said, I am compelled to feed in this form, however, I don't believe that will be the case if I decide to follow you into your own timeline," she rose to her hooves as she spoke, "maybe your Celestia will know what to do, maybe not, but one thing is clear. Staying here will most likely result in my eventual demise."
"So... you'll come with us?" I asked with an odd mix of dread and hope, "you won't eat Starlight?"
"As long as you understand the possible consequences of your actions, then yes," the other me replied, "I won't eat Starlight Glimmer, and I will follow you into your own timeline."
Despite the extremely high risk I was taking, I still felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Flashes of what I had seen, both from this timeline and the others, still haunted me—and I had no doubt they would continue to haunt me, but I did my best to push them to the back of my mind for now.
I lit up my horn and lifted Starlight over and onto my back before turning back to the decrepit table. I trotted over to it, but was stopped by the other Twilight's voice.
"I think this might be important."
I turned to see the other mare holding a piece of parchment in a bright white aura. I had completely forgotten about Starswirl's finished spell with everything that had happened.
"Oh!" I replied sheepishly before taking the parchment into my own magic. I tried not to shudder as my magic touched hers, "thanks, yeah I... kinda need that."
I nodded my thanks and returned my attention to the table. I quickly looked over the scroll and nodded to myself before giving the mare on my back one last look. Starlight truly was a talented, and powerful unicorn in her own right... I just wish she had chosen to use her power and knowledge for something other than revenge.
Revenge never led to anything other than more pain and misery.
At least, that's what Celestia had taught me... but in the end... that's all the other Twilight had left. I shook my head and lit my horn, aiming it towards the table. I looked over to see my other self move up next to me with Spike standing on my other side.
Satisfied that everything was in order, I unleashed the spell that would take us home, back to my own time and away from this nightmare. There would be time to worry about everything I had witnessed later. Right now, there was a pony and a monster that needed my help, that needed the help of my friends, and most of all... that needed the Magic of Friendship.
And I really, really needed to talk to Celestia.
This was originally supposed to be a one shot to celebrate gaining 80 followers, but because I'm terrible at squeezing a full story into just one chapter, this turned into a full blown multi-chapter fic. Then it became the most popular story I've written to date, much to my surprise.
All I can say is thanks again for all the support you all have shown through this depressing thrill ride. 
IT DOESN'T END THERE THOUGH!
I still feel there's a lot I can do with this story, and I have a few ideas for a sequel, so after much deliberation I'm gonna make one at some point in the future.
Will it be just as dark and depressing, or will it be more uplifting? Will it be a tale of growth and healing, or will it be a tale of death and insanity?
Who knows? I sure don't! 
(Knowing me though, it'll probably be closer to the latter...)
Hope you guys look forward to it either way, and thanks again ya'll! 
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- the7Saviors · 6.6k words · 523 25 · 7.1k views
- the7Saviors · 98k words · 246 17 · 4.9k views
- the7Saviors · 3.1k words · 440 6 · 7.1k views
- the7Saviors · 283k words · 518 18 · 6.1k views
- the7Saviors · 2.4k words · 237 12 · 6.4k views
- JoeShogun · 143k words · 282 5 · 2.1k views
- the7Saviors · 19k words · 151 6 · 2.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.203 seconds
Total duration
928 users online
485,941 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So...this current Twilight traveled through time to see another version of herself to show her what happened, and prevent it from happening again
. Interesting...
.
Wait, with a broken wing? How is that possible?
HOW DID I NOT EVEN THINK OF THIS EPISODE WHILE READING??? *facepalm*
I like the ending. Pretty good. Although I will admit, I don’t quite see how disrupting the impromptu race leads to this, but I like the tie-in.
Why wouldn't she need to eat if she went to mainline Twilight’s world? How would going there change anything?
One thing’s for sure: Mainline Twilight’s world is in for a surprise!
9098920
Their are no one thats need retribution, thoe Starlights fate will be in balanse one wrong move and ther will be...
spirit-of-metal.com/les%20goupes/R/Retribution%20(PL)/pics/708722_logo.jpg
img00.deviantart.net/bcf8/i/2017/261/3/0/midnight_sparkle_by_tomycase-dbnu5lm.png
9098989
Maybe no one Twilight is close to, sure. But I do find it hard to believe that in all of Equestria and beyond, there’s no one who needs retribution. After all, not every creature out there are as peaceful as ponies are. Surely Retribution Twilight would feel that and be drawn there?
9099014
Most likely...
Well. That's an ending.
I just finished reading this story from beginning to end in one sitting, and I want to thank you, the7Saviors, for writing such a gripping story. You did a magnificent job conveying the horror, dread, and especially the breakdown of Celestia, Cadence, Luna, and Twilight, and their eventual reconciliations. The twist on what the monster was and how it came to be was perfectly executed, and I like how the ending is ambiguous about what might happen. In fact, I would say not to make a sequel to this story: it's such an emotional roller coaster that any followup risks lessening what happened here. In my opinion, it's best to leave this as is.
'Those Left Behind' is getting a permanent spot in my favorites list. A big congratulations to you for a job well done.
So, something about rainbow having broke her wing, changed how she or the others acted enough to make Luna not go to them about the tantabus?
9099131
9098920
That's just it though. The butterfly effect is a funny thing. Starlight's attack on Rainbow Dash wasn't enough to deter the timeline completely. But because of that, there were little changes, small choices made here and there that built up into a completely different outcome. Not every change has to be drastic. Sometime it's gradual and can come from even the tiniest act just like Twilight said.
9099014
The reason she may not need to eat is be ause her form might change. Like I mentioned before, her form can change depending on the judgment she's dealing out. She just has to learn how to change it. Another thing I should've mentioned but forgot to, was that when it comes to the voices the dead speak the loudest, but she can hear the will of the living and act on their behalf if she so chooses and it would count.
9099047
Thanks. for saying so.
Like I said, there was a lot of deliberation as to whether or not I should make a sequel, and if I were to continue focusing on Avatar Twilight I agree that I wouldn't have been able to take story much further without having to reach for plotlines. With Canon Twilight (who is no longer canon thanks to these events), there's still a lot I can do, so if I make a sequel, that's where my focus would shift.
Seriously, THANK YOU for this story! Actually, I`m not a fan of such type of stories, but you have done it soooooo well that I was really waiting for the ending of the story.
So, 8 out of 10 and definitely to my favourites (-2 bacause of logical questions, and the begining for me was a little boring)
Aaaaand I have several questions to you, though. Half of them were answered during closer to the end of the story. But a few of them about "logic" of events still left unanswered.
Why don`t you count creatures in Tartarus as "sapient"? Why they haven`t showed in "Realm of dreams" when Luna entered it after land devastation? That is the reason why she had gone mad.... Although, it might be the case that Tantabus make her believe that noone existst in this world. Although Tantabus also was there, how Luna cannot see him(or Tantabus fooles her somehow)? If "Realm of dreams" is connected to other worlds how Luna cannot see creatures from other planets, huh(you said it in almost the last chapter)? Every, even tiniest creature on the planet is counting. What about bacteria? The are also live-beeings that can survive. Viruses? The also will survive almost anything. Also, they must be some plants beneath ground, and in my opinion plants is also live creatures...
The other question: how AJ`s hat could possibly survive? How some buildings, even in ruin, survive? Tree`s barks?
I`m asking this question quite often... But all of this is because of the f&*^ing mlp writers... They screwed up the logic of their imaginary world entirely. Some thanks about it comes to Lauren Faust herself...(it`s actually her fault she created a world without pre-defined "world rules", especially about magic)
Just rewatched this episode about Starlight revenge... I could only say, that if mlp writers or anyone else is not professionaly enough... DONT. EVER. even touch the "time travelling". It`s screwing up logic entirely without way back. Same goes for infinite power without slightest restrictions (hard restrictions for infinite power is really desirable, and in your story you had these restrictions, so yay).
But back to your story... "she was still able to save Fluttershy and pull off a sonic rainboom". So, then how her broken wing could ever possibly lead to such drastic changes of the world`s future? It was Luna`s fault (as you described in chapters) that she didn`t contact Twilight`s friend to help (in some episode they did actually helped her, can`t remember the number of episode though). So, by your logic, Raibows(!) broken wing(!) years in the past(!!) changed Luna`s mind to contact or not Twilight`s friends for help(!!!)??? Or what is the cause then? Or I didn`t understand something?
Also, "she was still able to save Fluttershy". What do you mean about this? Rainbow actually haven`t saved Fluttershy cause she falled down to meet with animals.
So, again, thanks for this fic, but I`m also interested in answers to this questions.
And yeah, no sequel needed...
This was fantastic, for some reason I really didn't expect the ending. I kinda feel dumb now..
As far as a sequel goes, I would definitely read it. As a one shot though, this could also arguably have ended like this and been perfect.
I look forward to whatever you have next! Take my favorite you beautiful bastard
An amazing story! When it came out, I thought it didn't have potential. I was so wrong. This was an amazing story, and really showed how loss, pain, and desperation can change someone.
As for a sequel, maybe a bit of both growth and death, but more growth for justice twilight, I believe she deserves some happiness.
9099257
Thanks for the kind words, and sure, I'll try to answer your remaining questions as best I can.
The reason I don't count the creatures in Tartarus as 'sapient' is because they're not. They're merely Tartarus wildlife that act solely on instinct. I'm aware that Equestrian wildlife seems to have some kind of sapience, but Tartarus isn't in Equestria.
As far as why they didn't appear in the Dream Realm, it's because Luna can only sense and commune with 'sapient' creatures as 'sapient' creatures are the only ones that can dream (yes I know this isn't true in reality). I actually meant to explain all this in the story, and I thought I did, but I went back and checked, and apparently I either forgot or accidentally cut it out during the editing and proofreading process. Either way, that one's on me.
As far as why Luna can't sense anything else in the Dream Realm, remember that the Tantabus was manipulating the Dream Realm. If it had wanted to, it could make Luna see/sense whatever it wanted her to.
As far as things like bacteria, underground plants and the like, maybe they did, but they probably didn't. I also count plants as being alive, which is why there are no living plants on the surface. In the end, things like bacteria, viruses and even underground plants weren't something I took into consideration because they were far, far from the focus of the story, and to be fair, I don't think that's something a lot of people would've thought about.
The fact that the blast vaporized every living thing doesn't necessarily mean that it has the same exact effect on inorganic materials. Also keep in mind that blast was magical in nature, so the effects may not necessarily be consistent with how logic dictates a blast like that should act.
As far as the connection between Rainbow's wing and the events in the story, I actually explained a bit of this in a reply to another comment. But basically it has a lot to do with the butterfly effect causing small changes here and there that cause other changes that gradually lead up to the events portrayed in the story. If you want me to come up with a specific timeline of events from Rainbow's race all the way to what happens in the story... well... if you really need to know that badly I could probably do it, but I'd really, really rather not.
As for what happened with Fluttershy, I actually did allude to that in the A Princess' Friends chapter. Out of all the girls, Fluttershy was probably the most affected by the change in the timeline. She didn't get her cutie mark when Rainbow Dash saved her, and she also developed a fear of heights that caused her to move to Ponyville probably earlier than she would've in canon. She discovered her talent during her time living on the surface.
I know at least some of these answers probably weren't satisfactory and for that I apologize, but one thing you have to understand is that I write these chapters on the fly. I don't use an outline or anything of the sort when I write, I just wake up, sit down at my computer, and just kind of... go for it. I try really hard to be consistent and make sure everything makes sense, but with how I write, I'm bound to miss a few things here and there, so again, sorry about that.
This story had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Very well executed and definitely worthy of my follow!
Well, at least I knew time travel was part of the story's ending! Point, me! But, in all seriousness, this was an AMAZINGLY written story. You convey horror, dread, and just flat out grimness so well in your stories; and this put it on full display.
Even though my "Twilight is the Tantabus" theory is pretty much out the window now, I still want to see where else this story could go. Ambient Magic is still a thing, and I think it'd be a shame if it was only mentioned or utilized once and never again. But, even if there isn't a sequel, I love how this was a Stealth Origin for the lifeless Equus seen in "The Cutie Re-mark." Very well done.
Hmmm... I like this outcome. It's sort of a hope for a better future. I wonder if you plan to write a sequal.
9099446
Thanks about answers! They are quite fine. MLP writers screwed up much more logic than you ever did, especially if you are writing "on the fly".
I have just ooone more question: what happened with voices in Twilights head? Why Celestia from "this ruined" world in Twilights mind didn`t responded when Twilight from "normal" world said that she should talk to "normal" Celestia about it. And what about Luna`s and Cadence`s and other`s voices? Will they stay in Twilights mind at least(so they will still alive)
I`m also a hobby-writer and I must say this: for other genres than fantasy(or regular fantasy with people) this method should be preferable, cause this leads to interesting plot details and twists. However, with fantasy (I mean animal fantasy or even better) it`s preferable to firstly create your world with certain rules and cool features, and only then move to creating a story, which should be quite an easy task when the logic of world is created. MLP writers also doing a lot of sH$t because of that(or they just don`t mind it).
It was also my mistake (and I probably do it several times again) with my fantasy book (it`s not in English, sorry). I made a story "on the fly" for half a year (I called it plan) - then I rewrote everything cause I wanted better story. Then I triple edited that story (I mean not just "checked", but rewriten at least 3-rd part of story and tried to "somehow" establish logic of my world). I spent 4 years doing this... and I still feel my story might be "a little bit" better. More gripping, more wonderful... Who knows?
Think about firstly "creating" world and then story. It probably wouldn`t help you with MLP world (they already created it, even if it`s sH*t without proper magic), but if you ever consider creating your own world think about it ;)
Wish you all the best in your writing (although I think i wouldn`t read your others story, sorry :)
Or to sum it all up. This is all Starlight's fault for fucking with time. It might not have been her magic blast, but it still is her fault for Rainbow being hit.
And all the shit that happened afterward.
9099668
The dead are avenged, why should they hang around? they've better places to be. If Twilight had been a more conventional variety of revenant she would have been able to join them.
9099668
Maybe she did respond, maybe she didn't. We have no way of knowing because this chapter isn't taking place from that Twilight's point of view. As for the voices, they won't follow that world's Twilight into the next one. If she enters the other Twilight's timeline she'll hear the voices from that timeline instead.
You should do one of healing and growth, with sometimes horrifying relapses, like maybe if she sees Luna again? Or maybe one of her friends. Maybe the first couple arcs could be et learnings deal with the fact that the world she is in is not her wasteland of a home, and that she will have to deal with ponies that are still alive and not, our know, dead. Then later down have her deal with Luna and the dream realm. Maybe throw in a bad guy or two for some nice bottles.
9100336
Those are all good ideas, and I'll probably implement a lot of them, but I've already decided that most of the story is gonna actually take place from canon Twilight's POV. So most of what happens with avatar twilight will happen from her perspective. I wanted to convey a different perspective and show that canon twilight also has her own issues she now needs to work out aside from avatar twi.
9100409
Cool, cool. Just thought I would throw some ideas out there :)
Just binged this story, it's incredible. I love the twist at the end there, the sense of "oh horseapples, we've seen this before" mingled with hope.
9100409
when you PUT TWILIGHT LIKE THIS I AM BE HERE FOREVER 10/10 GOOD WORK
You’ve pulled a happy ending from the one thing that too many authors shy away from... TIME TRAVEL!!! You pulled it off so beautifully it brings a tear to my eye. Not intrusive but intensely intriguing. Deeply satisfying and covers all the plot holes. This ONE chapter turned this story around so fast it gave me whiplash. It was a great story already and if it ended one chapter short it would’ve left me with all the same feelings that this story lead up to. My god this is beautifully done. To end it off I will leave you with this: why did this have a happy ending? I want more BLOOD!!! Great story, good chapter, and a fine author to top it off. I’m going to read a slice of life or something.
9103023
Thanks for all the praise.
Honestly though, I wouldn't call this a happy ending per se. Hopeful maybe, but not necessarily happy. After all, anything could happen next, good or bad. And don't think canon Twi got out of this unscathed either. She's gonna have some issues to work out after all is said and done. And then there's Starlight...
YES!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequel!
Sequal!!!
Definitely one of the more elaborate, thrilling, and luring stories I've read. I love it, and there's much more for me to say, but I'm afraid I have to get back to class.
Will definitely come back and let you know my thoughts.
Now then, as I was saying.
I've been a reader off and on since 2010, and good tragedy and/or post-apocalyptic stories that are unique on their own aren't very easy to come by. Something about genres like this story are hard for me to pass up on. You kept me wondering and doubting my own thoughts throughout the whole thing. I literally couldn't even make my own guesses on what would happen next, out of fear that I'd be getting my hopes up.
I look forward to the sequel! This one is going in my librarys for sure!
After all the tension, fear, and mystery, I was hoping for something more dramatic than a dark spirit, and an ancient hidden power of arbitrary theme to answer it, but the journey was pretty good. Nicely done!
Wow. This is a great story, the best i have read about the timelines and that one in spefecific. I can honestly say that you sir, are a freeking good writer. Congratulations, i look foward to that sequel.
9139688
.
Eeyup
Mind = Blown
Simply fuckin INCREDIBLE
Hey, i liked the old cover. Mind sharing it? Tough i like this one too.
I like the new cover art!
This was an excellent story, certainly the most detailed account of the wasteland timeline from that episode (and I honestly did not see that coming). I will also echo some other readers' comments that you (kinda sorta) pulled a "happy" ending from an otherwise grimdark story. Well done.
Holy fuck... AND you're gonna do a sequel?
I'm scared, and I think I kinda like it.
Had a lot of fun reading this, bravo sir, bravo. <3
I cant wait till the sequel!!
This story is a true masterpiece holy shit. I'm ashamed I started reading it and then forgot about it.
What's that? plan for a sequel?! HELL YES boys.
Very good the story, it surprised me the villain, the ending and I'm waiting for the sequel.
Jesus, fucking amazing...
I swear you're now in my top 15 authors after reading this.
You took a what if and made it a what happened, and that's not easy to do.
Wow.
This was certainly one twist ending that I didn't see coming! This is how you weave in Chekhov's guns, too.
This would probably be more fitting for the ending of the last chapter, too...
There's a 50% chance that beings like the Hippogriffs and Diamond Dogs are still alive. The Diamond Dogs live underground, and the Hippogriffs live underwater. Maybe the backlash never reached them?
You can has review!
9210848
Oh neat, thanks!