Twilight Sparkle wakes to a normal day in Ponyville, a bright sunny sky greeting her. The only pony who doesn’t seem able to enjoy it is Rainbow Dash, who is dodging weather duty and begs Twilight to hide her. After being invited to stay at the library for the day, Rainbow discovers Twilight is working on a new spell, a spell that could take any group of ponies anywhere.
Twilight soon finds herself pressured into taking her friends on vacation, somewhere far away from Ponyville. When the group of six arrives in a wooded clearing for a picnic, and feel themselves grow incredibly tired, Twilight opts to cut the vacation short only to realize she can’t open the portal back. Stuck in this unknown place the friends discover a strange line in the ground cutting the forest in half, and then an even stranger creature piloting a huge machine that towers over them.
When the creature nearly makes off with Applejack, managing to dislocate her leg, Twilight tries to figure out how the group could possibly get home, and what was preventing them from using their gifts to open the portal. She is driven to drastic measures when another of the creatures finds the clearing they arrived in, and finds out getting it to help her may be her only hope to lead her friends to safety, and discover the truth behind this other world.
Time Machine - Accept
i didn't see a single flaw :D
Oh mah god. This is already the coolest PoE story I've read :D
Thank you, that means alot.
Truth be told this is the first time i've ever finished a story, usually i'll get halfway in and move on but then again this is the first time i've written about Friendship is Magic. I never thought anyone would actually read one of my stories let alone like it, so to see i've made myself a fan is beyond anything I thought i'd get out of posting this. Thank you, and I hope you like the rest of my work as much as the first chapters.
MOAR
971283
I'm planning on releasing a chapter a day untill around chapter 5 or 6, at that point I may decide to hold off some of them for reasones of suspense, rest assured however moar is comming.
970421
Good sir, this requires 30 times as much tracks and likes as it already has.
How people do not recognize the amazingness of this fic, I do not know
971911
Well we can start with the fact that i'm an up and comer, this being my first work. But if everyone who reads this likes it as much as you do I have a chance. On the bright side I did just post this yesterday so i've still got some time to gather readers.
moar?
974942
Wish Granted
Great so far :D
Finally a pony-on-earth where a brony doesn't take them in in the second chapter
976296
I never said there were Bronies here
I also never said they were on Earth, the creature untill stated otherwise could be anything, what makes you so sure it's a human, besides the obviouse human tag?
976329
Possibly the 18-wheeler?
976796
976329
And the road.
And the description of the creature, I mean it has a human shape and no mention of non-human features like a tail or pointy ears. And his skin is a human color. And the clothes sound human.
And of course, like you said, the human tag.
Unless he can breath fire or something, it being non-human would be a meaningless distinction.
It is nice that there are no bronies though. I always hate it when the show exists in-universe.
977544
When the show exists in-universe, it could make it really good, or extremely terrible.
Say, in this story, where the first encounter is with a random truck driver, he's probably going to tell the local authorities, or the government. If it gets out that aliens have been discovered, and they fit the description of FiM ponies, bronies will go wild and demand to see them. Not just bronies, but overall, everyone. It will create a whole new level of turmoil and coolness. I wonder how Dash would react to a helicopter, or jet.
976329
You have no idea how much I hope this is in Canada, or something other than the United States. I want to see them land in Canada, or hell, Russia. Them landing in the US is just boring now.
977610
"bronies will go wild and demand to see them. Not just bronies, but overall, everyone"
But thats the thing, Even if the show never existed, everyone would still want to see them. Like if aliens were to suddenly show up, people would still want to see them even if they don't resemble anything from the media. So in this case, the show existing would add nothing but a layer of awkwardness as random people the ponies have never even heard of before start talking about their lives as though they were there.
I wouldn't mind if the story was about the fact they have a whole show about them. But that is rarely the case and is usually just a thing that's used to skip half the character introductions and half the "getting to know each other" dialog. And to spout memes.
977656
Fair enough I suppose.
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977610
Well that took a turn I didn't anticipate.
Every wrighter wants to put something out that apeals to everyone but this is literally impossible. I don't want to spoil anything, as the journey is the best part of any story, but i have no problem saying i never put a single place down as where thay land. The closest i come is still 2 chapters away, but i leave it to the reader to decide the location.
On the note of the existance of Bronies, i wont say if only to let you find out.
Whatever happens and whatever your prefrences I hope you try not to judge to harshly. I'm fine with negative comments, for if noone tells me im bad i'll never improve, but this story is told from my own veiw as a wrighter and I hope you give the peace a chance even though it may conflict with yours.
Collor me nervouse because I know I can't please everyone, but you may be suprised with how i take this story, or not, i don't know.
977656
For your information (hope that didn't sound to smug, i don't mean it to be) I HATE with a passion skipping anything like that. At the very least the characters need to get used to and learn about the Brony in question. On a deeper level then that what about things the show dosn't cover? Like there fillyhood or how they got there. Rest asured i'm on the same page with you, i'm not bold enough to say something i couldn't prove or justify exists in the universe...in this peace. IF there are Bronies, i'm not going to cop out on you, scouts honner or whatever other moral thing you'll take to show i'm telling the truth.
This story is great, please keep it up!
Now this is something I rarely see in HiEs: pacing. Your pacing in this fic is just unbelievable. In other HiEs, the pacing is sometimes incredibly fast and unbearable like the Spiderman '90s cartoon, but you take your time and slow down at the right moments, giving time to flesh out the characters (particularly Twilight) and their thoughts. Also, it's unbelievably realistic on how long it takes for both sides to come to a small understanding. The human is freaked out but maintains the best of composure while the ponies are on high alert on every little flinch.
Keep this up because I feel that this is going to be up there as the best HiE (in my opinion).
982670
You know my editor said the exact opposite, he told me, quote unquote. "You're Steven Kinging this, to much detail will lose your audience and this slow pace is taking away from the action scenes." I didn't take his advice, (although i think chapter 1 may have this problem,) because of the exact reasone you said, I hate it when a story is ruined by improper pacing, It's just not beleavable. This chapter means alot to me though, more or less it was this meeting that created the rest of the story. I'm planning on releasing a little authers note section or something after the last chapter is posted. Maby i'll do it as a blog post or just tack it on to the last chapter but this sceans going to get alot of atention.
on the note of your compliment, i thank you very much for your support.
I hope you like what i have comming as much as you have so far. Don't forget to tell me your thoughts.
982742
Even so, I don't see that much of a problem in the later chapters. Besides, it hooked me a lot faster than any other chapters.
982793
I'm glad to hear that, my biggest fear posting this was people would be turned off by the pace of chapter 1, it's good to know that's not the case. I told the first few people who read this to give it till the end of chapter 2 (At the time that was the Pinkie scean,) before calling a judgement. Looks like i didn't need to.
Oh my god. This is so gooooood! The pacing is amazing, the detail is awesome, and I like that they don't speak the same language.
Twilight being the egghead she is will be awestruck by the awesome science of humanity
Impatiently waiting for more. (In the good way, of course)
NNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT ANOTHER FIC WHERE THE HUMAN WORLD IS AWARE OF PONIES!!
Sorry. I'm not 100% against that concept, but for me personally, it ruins the interaction between characters because you have one side who knows a lot about the other. That, in my honest opinion, discards a lot of fun moments of both sides trying to understand the other.
I won't stop reading this fic, but I can't help but feel that I have, in some way, been ripped off. RIPOFF ARTIST!!
Hmm. Brony? Does he have a daughter? Or a son that's a brony? Or what? Now I'm confused!
To counter act gent777's comment, I love that he's a brony. And I can't tell you how freaking long I've been waiting for a PoE fic that FINALLY gets to the point of revelation to the ponies. I see so many PoE's where the world has bronies, and each chapter's like: Well? Will they finally fucking learn? No? Next chapter. Ugh.. constant tease. And now I am looking forward to your next chapter with great anticipation.
However, my one complaint - Why does Twilight freakout over four miles? Surely Canterlot is much farther away.
Well lets just hope it's his office with a PC or something, not a creepy room with thousands of posters and dolls
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In order of comments posted. I can't please everyone, but I thank you very much for giving my fic a chance even though you disagree with some of it. Don't worry to much about the interactions, we still have alot of fun moments to come that i think will suprise you. Maybe I did throw out some things because he knows who they are, but I've got some tricks up my sleeves, trust me and i won't let you down if i can help it.
As i've already stated I don't hand out spoilers, refraise your question and i'll answer it as best I can, I hate to leave you confused.
Thank you for the compliment, from what people have been saying i'm aparently wrighting a masterpeace of epic proportions here. That should make me happy but all i'm thinking now is, oh crud will the next chapter be good enough, or the next, or the next... yadda yadda. Don't stop posting feedback, as even the most negative thing you can conger up would help me get better, but you people make me nerviouse. On the note of your complaint, i think what tripped you up is the wording. Twilight asked how far away EQUESTRIA is, in my veiw she is talking about the country, or the land Celestia rules over. To me that Empire starts at the western Appleoosia collony, and ends to the east at the Everfree. North to the home of the clans in the mountains, and south to the ocean. given this, Twilight is asking how far away from the borders of her nation she is, if i plopped you four miles outside the U.S. in Mexico (asuming you live in the U.S., i'm taking a guess there.), you may not be that far from your home country, but your home city could be over a years walk away. THATS why she freeked out.
Next chapter to be released 8-1-12, hope you enjoy the wait
986670 Dangit! Don't leave me on a cliffhanger!!
I wanna see where you go from here!
987684
Weeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllll, I did promise to post an extra chapter up when I got 40 favorites, maybe you'll get lucky.
rawr! i can't wait for more
997310
I hate to leave you hanging, but the waits not to much longer. If it makes you feal any better the wait for Chapter 7 will be much worse.
She just up and tossed his laptop out the window.
Whee!
This was great :D
He's talked about cars and horses.
Now for planes and trains.
Well, Twilight is digging a pretty deep hole for herself.
>a tuxedoed man riding a speedboat
Welcome back, 007. We've missed you.
1023171
Liked that little refrence i threw in there? In these kinds of fics there's so much room for jokes i gotta do a few of them.
1023264
I don't like your references. I fucking LOVE them. Just like this story.
If it's short I'll stab you
I'm expecting them to find out about Equestria through flicking through TV channels.
Well, the obvious solution is to go public and get a few hundred thousand bronies too feed Twilight enough power to go home.
The existence of an MIB that might want to snatch the ponies is remote and they probably only exist in conspiracy theories but the possibility is there. To avoid any chance of that I'd sneak them to a big public event with lots of news coverage and expose them to thousands of witnesses and dozens of news channels. Basically reveal them in a way far too spectacular and public to ever be covered up. The ensuing public and media frenzy may be a bit unpleasant for the ponies to experience but the constant surveillance by absolutely everyone is about the best protection you can get, and they shouldn't have to put up with it for too long.
This is going to be a quicky, i've got company over and need to get ready to go out, but fans come first. (even if i am super tired.)
1024123
It's times like this were I wish there was a universal definition for short, we still have a few more chapters to get through together so i'm not woried yet, but if I get that coment on chapter ten I might be in trouble.
1024421
That was something i considered, but Roger's smart enough not to put on the Hub network and the ponies probably cant work the remote, with there nubbly hooves and all.
1025924
Your plan is nicebut there areseveral things you overlooked. To begin with, the goverment dose not need to cover it up. They say the words aleins have landed and your going to have diplomats, world leaders, scientisets, consperiests, alian hunters, gaurds for some of the welthier individuals here, possibly the secret survice, definetly the president, rich people hopeing to bye a look at them or artifact, thrill seakers, news vans, and probably most importantly, tons and tons and tons of awed spectators flooding the location the ponies are at. With that much coverage the ponies become a "threat to national security" or possibly worse, "Honnered guests of the wight house". They wouldn't need to cover it up, they could just take them under the false guise of "moving them to a more secure location."
secondly, i'd like to remind you of a quote. "The only thing i am certain about man is his unpredictability." You have no idea what a mob would do, ever. The mostdocile and kind individuals can be convinced through mob mentality to trample storm and fight with vengence no leader can match without huge streangth. The french revelotion, which started the Napolionic wars began with a handful of individuals visiting a prisone. If you revealed them publicly theres no telling what could happen to them.
Third, once the secret is out individuals will start to pose a problem. Obsesive bronies, Religiouse zelotes, anti-bronies, ect. could possibly try to hurt the ponies with any manner of humanities many ways we kill one another. Before that media gets there, or perhapse because of it, the ponies would be in great danger of assasination.
Lastly, although you did mention this, they would have an incredibully difficult time adjusting to the media frenzy. If you've never heard the concept of future shock, i think it would be something like that. Pluse we know how Fluttershy reacted to the media frenzy during her modeling carrer. What will Rainbow do when a helicopter shows up? What will Pinkie do when all these screeming happy fans show up? its not out of the question this method of helping them could not only be unplesent as you said, but hurtful to there minds.
For the sake of dramatic effect i'm not telling you guys if they make it back or not, but i love the ideas you come up with, keep em coming. I'm going to let this chapter simmer awile before I get around to posting the next one. I'm thinking the 7th as the release date but it all depends on my editor so don't get your hearts set. Keep cheaking back and don't forget to comment.
Please tell me they'll meet Lauren Faust.
1052809
Maybe, maybe not. The fun of the story is how they get there not the destination.
They clearly can't handle the truth.
1053650
In all honesty I think they took it pretty well don't you? It's not every day you find out you don't exist and your entire life has been someone elses plaything to alter as they wish. I don't think i'd be nearly as calm as Twilight is were i in her...hooves? yea ill go with that.
1054227 I believe in the idea of infinite universes. So I would think that in one universe they do exist and Twilight merely thrusted herself and her friends into our universe or in this case your universe that you created.
If you think about it... that means all fiction is non-fiction!
1055281
Well let's analize that a bit.
I also beleave in the multi verse theory, so i know what you mean by infinet universes, but for anyone who may read this that does not follow that theory heres the skinny.
picture our universe as a sheet of paper, everything we know, could know, and will know all condensed into one flat surface. in the multi verse theory one original univers (like ours but with nothing in it) created an infinet amount of universi with ever possible thing that could of happened. If you can piture it theres a universe where that happened. Each of these uneversi then created infinet universi for evey possible thing that could of happened in the infenatly smallest time possible. This cicle expanded indefinetly untill time stops. So under this thoery we are but one paper in an infinetly vast notebook. If i wanted to travel from my paper to the next paper over for some reasone, i would find there is an infenet space between me and the other uneverse. Why? because there are only two possible ways this could play out, i am either in a universe where i travel to the other paper, or i am not. Our fates were all decided long ago when the multiverse started, if i do not live in a universe where i do something, i can not do it. so the first problem with your statement pops up, Is Twilight in a universe where she travels to ours? there are infinet universes so it's really a fifty fifty shot to see if she can and an infenetly small chance she ends up at ours. For the sake of argument let's assume she is destened to do just that though. The next problem with your argument, is that because there are an infinet amount of universes, one has alredy long ago been set aside for Twilight to show up in, by going to another univers you actually creat an alternet reality in that universe, leaving two universes when there was only one before. One of them is the original, which it is impossible for you to enter, the other an exact clone of the first, excet you arived there. So it is impossible for Twilight to ever come to our universe to begin with because the multiverse by nature protects ALL timelines, one of which being where she dosn't exist (ours). However i'm going to go a step further and say that not only is it impossible for her to reach our dimention (the word used to describe a single univers in the multi verse theory for thoughs who don't know.) but there is no proof she left hers to begin with. since there are infinet possibilities of universi, there is a univers where Earth is the farthest point from ponyville in the galaxy, maybe Twilight only traveled an incredibly rediculouse distance instead of across dimentions, you have no proof to say she is in another dimention, so this theory is just as likely as your own.
With all this evidence, i can even go further then that and disprove your last statement. There are infinet universes, so there are also infinet definitions for fiction and non-fiction, which means you are infinetly wrong. (and infinetly wright but thats unimportant.) By the very nature of the theory anything is possible, so it is just as likely Twilight is fictional as factuall. You cannot prove it one way or the other as long as i leave what dimention there in open, and nowhere in my story do i say they land on our Earth. This is an unwinable argument because of its infinet nature and the fact that i dont nerrow it down in the story. In fact its even less then winnable because I as auther can state at any time that they land in a place that disproves your statement. But i wouldn't do that to you, would I.
(That my freind, is how you earn a trollestia.)