Pony Joe returns to Sweet Apple Acres. This time, he's attending a wedding.
An experiment in a different writing style that I threw together in just a few hours. Written purely for the sake of trying things out. Constructive criticism welcome.
Inspired by a contest prompt I ended up not being able to utilize in time for said contest and a song I'd forgotten about until recently.
Other stories inspired by music:
Escape
Ordinary World
Bulletproof Heart
Drops of Jupiter
How to Save a Life
Forgive Me, Friend
Time for Tea
Cover art by SpainFischer.
Chapters (1)
You really shoulda let someone do a quick editing run bro.
Edit:
Edit Part Deux: Ok, now that I've finished, I gotta say, t'was a nice piece of bittersweet.
8681663
I knew there'd be mistakes in there, but sometimes I like to try releasing something without having someone else look at it. A few typos were inevitable, but at least I can say this one is 100% mine. It's just a bit of experimentation, anyway.
Thanks for pointing out the problem spots.
8681705
I can understand that. Enjoy!
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This was beautiful. It's hardly surprising, following a formula I've seen many times before, but it's probably the best example I've encountered.
A few phrases stood out to me as particularly well-crafted:
It was mildly startling to find those two words stuck together, where they shouldn't be, which made their effect that much stronger. I immediately knew what Joe was feeling when I read that, and the "public solitude" later in the story was a nice callback that effectively explained that this is Joe's everyday state of being.
I really like this method of telling us about Joe's past, or his fantasies, with and about Mac. It leaves the possibilities open, but makes it clear that they were, and/or Joe wants to be, extremely close.
I'm not entirely sure that I fully understood what was going on in this story, but I'm okay with that. It's a beautiful piece.
This was a nice, little departure. And by nice, I really meant melancholic.
There was a moment, since I’ve been bingeing NH, that this story’s main event would be about Rainbow Dash and Nye Stone, with Joe being an unrelated proxy for the reader.
If I’m uncool about this story structurally, it’s that, while it does work as a short one-shot, it does feel like one of the Practice Pieces; a great concept that fleshed out could be a more complete genre piece. Kinda like The Gentle Nights, another contest one-shot.
Excellent. Just excellent. I feel you've really captured the underlying emotions of the song perfectly here. The situation is slightly different, but yet the same, especially for the last verse. It all fits so wonderfully. Amazing job.
Also, I'm a huge Bon Jovi fan. I think these guys are the best thing to come from hair metal, and indeed the 80's in general. Jon and Richie are especially great, and this is their best song. So, I'm normally very critical when someone tries to do something with the song, whether they cover it, make a painting based on the feelings in it, or write something inspired by it. I tear apart the subpar like a dog would a stick, or Simon Cowell would someone's dreams. So don't take it lightly when I say this story captured it entirely. It really is perfect.
10854425
Huh. I honestly didn't think anyone would ever read this again. Many thanks!
10854444
What do you mean? It's not that old. It's only been three years, I bet people still read it, even if they don't leave anything that would indicate as such. I mean, people still watch "Citizen Kane", and that was bad, so wouldn't people return to something that's good?
10855998
Perhaps it would have been better to say "I honestly didn't think anyone would ever comment on this again." And while, yes, your statement still arguably applies in that case, I find that new commentary on anything older than, say, three months is shockingly rare, enough so that it warrants attention for happening at all.