- Member Since 22nd Mar, 2017
- offline last seen March 17th
Lucky Rose
I am the daughter of princess Luna.
Lucky Rose
Joined 22nd Mar, 2017 ·
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- silvercrystal432 · 4.1k words · 17 10 · 779 views
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8567132
But we don't know your life.
Also, deleting comments just screams to the world that you’re incapable of taking criticism.
I deleted the intro since I cant write a good backstory. also I didn't like how the intro turned out
8567171
Don't mind me while I watch these comments.
8567172 Still doesn’t fix the horrifically rushed pacing, lack of any real character, and the awful dialogue-style.
It seems like the author took someone's list of bad fanfic cliches and thought those were guidelines. Starting with a weather report, sad backstory, "people hate me, why the world didn't end" kinda human gets transported to Equestria and changed into a pony who just happens to be named like the author, coloured text, changing the pov by announcing "X's POV"... oh, and deleting comments. Hoo boy...
8567227
I remember when I tried colored text, waaaay back in the "two years ago" time of 2015-2016...
Didn't turn out well.
8567240
The only book that pulled it off was The Neverending Story, I think.
8567246
I have no idea. I tried colored text I think in my third ever fic as a bit of experimenting with different writing styles, but it just got confusing even for me when re-reading, so I dropped it pretty quickly.
8567253
8567246
uhhhhhhhhhh what was that cringe fest?!?!?!
geekshowpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/vision-cry.jpg
it hurts to look!
I'm checking off a lot of cliche boxes. Might want to change direction or try again.
8567171
We've always been at war with Eurasia.
This is obviously a trollfic and you goyim just got worked.
Still better than the Twilight saga...
I mean, it's bad, but there are worse things out there. Just work on your writing for a bit, maybe find someone to teach you, and this could work eventually.
Until then... the internet isn't a polite place, dear child. I'd also recommend keeping the "Mature" tag far away until you get older.
8567535
Thanks for the advice. But I think I did pretty good on my first story Daughter of the night. I kinda rushed this one a little to much. I’ll try to do better in the future
Apologies, but checking THIS may help immensely (especially regarding coloured text, which is an eye-sore in the earnest, and similar things).
awesome story looking forward to more
I gotta admit it. The story isn’t all bad. It feels a little rushed but the story line is well made. It has potential. Good luck! Also, don’t let those critics get to you. I’ve been heavily criticized for my stories but it’s never gotten me down! Just know that there are still people that like this story. Fair well and again, good luck.
8568636
Thanks my friend. I admit I did rush the first chapter a little too much. But I will try to slow down on the next.
8568659
Ok! Good luck!
two thoguths pop into my head with that
1 first is luck bastered
2 i watched to much hentai to know where this is going
8580301
lol. Sorry to say you have no idea where this story is going.
8580386
well as long as rose luck isnt a mary sue idc
8580388
ok.
8580388
8567950
I started writing chapter 2. I hope to have it up in a few days
8588164
thats good to hear
8588200
8567950
Chapter 2 is now out. Enjoy. I. Wrote this on my phone. I hope it turns out right
two things
1
you left a little something extra in the story
2 i think lucky rose could want to have a foal but that's just what i would like to see
8589922
Thanks. I’ll fix that. I hate doing this on my phone. Also Lucky Rose will have a foal later on in the story
8589922
I fixed the error. Thanks again
8589936
alright and your welcome
should be thank you not thany you
again it should be thank you. you forgot the k
should be nightmare not bightmare
awesome chapter there is one thing i would go to add and that is describe Rose's dress you described Lucky's it's only fair you describe Rose's
8590779
Thanks. I missed those mistakes. I hate using my phone for this. I always miss something
8590779
I’ll fix those when I get a chance. I don’t have good internet signal right now and my aunt unplugged my internet.
8590853
i understand just wanted to let you know you also dont deserve so many hooves down
8590931
All those dislikes came from when I first posted it. Back when I had the intro.
8591061
still you didn't deserve it its a really good story
8591066
Thanks my friend
8591770
your very welcome you should see the comment this dude said on my story RBS in my newest chapter
ChasingThePurpleDragon
8591952
I saw it. I don’t know why people have to leave such negative comments like that.
8591952
I fixed the errors and added a little more to this chapter. I added what Morning Roses dress looked like
I’m going to start writing chapter 3. But I won’t be able to post it for a while. I’m writing it on my laptop but since I don’t have internet I’ll have to rewrite it on my phone to be able to post it. So it will take a while for the next chapter. Thanks to my family for unplugging my internet
8591952
8588200
Chapter 3 should be up with in a week
So, you just wanted a comment.
This level of angst is absurd. Like, it's a huge red flag to walk into a story and immediately the character is melodramatically whining about how sad their life has been. Already, I don't like this character, because all I've seen them doing is whining with no context or reason for me to sympathize or care. If you want me to feel sorry for them, you need to give me someone to feel for and something to feel sorry over.
Then there's the matter of how Twilight goes about bringing him to Equestria. I'm glad you at least had Twilight stop and think, but really, why did you bother with all the stuff if nothing was going to be explored?
The English in this story is decent, but it doesn't really have much else going for it. So far, the concept is incredibly unoriginal and probably not worth going at if you don't have a fresh new take on it, and your execution falls incredibly flat.
“Hello.”
Delete the space between house.
too
And full stop after Somepony please take me from this world.”
You forgot speech mark.
You forgot speech mark.
won’t
Twilight
too
Princesses
Put a comma here.
Ok
Look at the red that’s what needs changing.
student,
And a full stop after Twilight Sparkle.
it’s
Forgot speech mark.
teacher,
And a full stop after Celestia.
Change these into full stops instead of commas.
Princess
Put a s in Greeting.
Put a full stop after Canterlot.
Castle
Princess
Put a comma there.
Forgot speech mark.
Forgot speech mark.
Twilight
Princess
too
All of this needs commas before the name has been said.
Castle
way.”
Comma.
through
TV
Forgot comma.
Come
white
Forgot speech mark.
lunch
too
too