What happens when Warehouse 13, also known as America's Attic, and the agents who run it receive a mysterious artifact from the Regents? The artifact activates somehow, of course.

In the wake of this particular artifacts activation, the warehouse agents, along with the warehouse itself and all the artifacts contained within get transported to another world, much different from their own.

Now they must track down the artifact and others to return home.

A/N: The teen rating is more of for later, as I plan on some fights and possibly some language, though not likely too much. I don't have any deaths planned from the start, and I'm not likely to include any, even though it happens all the time in the show (Warehouse 13). Seeing as how this is the warehouse, expect some comedy here and there. I am trying to write so that each chapter contains one episodes worth of content.

Thanks go to Radon18 who provides some help on the story.
I am looking for an editor for help with grammar, and to pre-read the story for quality control. You get a mention in my notes/story description (like Radon), so if you want that, apply for the post. Just send a PM.
But there are some requirements:
1) You must have Skype, but you don't need to be able to participate in calls.
2) I need somebody to help motivate me to write. Think you can do it? (WARNING: I may be playing D&D in a Skype call sometimes.)
3) The grammar is American English. I only say this because a friend of mine was dating a Canadian for a little while.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 58 )

Author's Notes:
Okay, so I'm going to try and claim the first comment each time as a notes post, similar to what patnintendoguy does on his story Why the hell is Duke Nukem in Equestria: Reloaded and Retsamoreh does now on The Great Brony Migration. Mainly, it's just to keep the word count that much more accurate.

So, time to give some credit to people before I go into my note proper. I've already given credit to two people above, and there's two more. One is Literature and his story One Week! That's it! for the idea on that one spell I used. I'm not saying what it is for those of you who read this before the story. The other person I need to give credit to is Parchment_Scroll for an idea or two I took from his story Marehouse 13 (whether or not I took one or two ideas depends on how you look at things).

As for the actual notes: comments, concerns, criticism is all appreciated. So are suggestions for title chapters.

I do apologize if that last line seems a bit cheesy/corny. It was the best thing I could come up with so that it would be clear the chapter is over. Plus, considering that Warehouse 13 does that, I figured it kinda worked.

I tried to keep them all as in character as possible. I'll explain the alternate universe tag in a blog post about this, as well as a few other things.

My biggest problem with this is that stories are narrated in past tense. So for example, 'says' is 'said', and etc (and this doesn't apply to dialogue obviously, only narration).

Otherwise, I think it's fine.

I am willing to see more. Although I hope you make at least some of them turn back, I like better stories where the humans stay humans
(Plus, I honestly expected Artie to grumble something at his new body, get back in and come back as a human holding some artifact for dear life - "As I said...There's no way I'm walking around as a pony" Don't know how THAT would have turned out, but I would've laughed my ass of xD)

Many stories use present tense narration, it's a perfectly acceptable choice.

I don't know. It feels more like a play script in present tense. And it's kind of irritating when most have it in past.

LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT SOOO MUCH! this is one awesome story so far. you did an amazing job kudos to you :twilightsmile:

You beauty!! You made petes cutie mark a reference to his father didn't ya?!!

Which is kind of an idea borrowed from Marehouse 13...

It's still awesome though!!

P.S. sorry but fimfiction.net doesn't work well with my mac that much.

Which is why I gave credit to that story in my notes. I took the idea and modified it, yes, but I still took it from somewhere else. It only seemed appropriate to give credit.

And credit was given where credit was due.
Nonsense. It works perfectly on mine! And my Macbook is more than 5 years old.

I might use that in a future chapter. I might. I'll see if it fits in anywhere while I write. Though like the princesses said, the spell is to keep them hidden, so that the existance of humans stays quiet.

And for anyone who is going to ask, no, they didn't know about humans until they met Lauren Faust.

Glad you liked it. If you actually go and read my first blog post, you'll see how this idea came to be.

Do as you want, who am I to force your hand ? :p
I thought it would be funny to do this with Artie, since he usually stay at the warehouse, meaning few ponies might meet him.

Nice work, I hope to read more:twilightsmile:

Reading this in present tense definitely presents an issue. It feels too much like a screenplay. My suggestion: Either rewrite it to fit with standard narrative practices (including getting rid of the eye catch cues) or get someone to animate it so it can be watched properly.

I don't know why, but when I started, I was writing in present tense. I kept it that way throughout the chapter just to keep it consistent. I might change it once I finish chapter 2.

Sorry if I came across as a little intense; I have a bad habit of being forceful when I see something I think I can help fix.

That said, past tense would make it flow better. Present tense stories read rather awkwardly since the mind processes events in the past tense. Also, the bits where you have the Warehouse 13 intro and such don't really add anything to the overall story and draw away from it for those who don't watch Syfy. When writing stories like this, I feel it is best to think of it as a story that just happens to include characters and settings from the two shows and not as stories for the actual shows. This isn't a Warehouse episode; this is your story. Write it as such.

I'm really enjoying the story so far; the style just needs to be refined. I'm looking forward to seeing how the team gets out of this mess.

Actually, the way I'm writing it, I'm trying to do it like it's an episode of Warehouse 13 each chapter. That's why the intro and credit links are there. I put them where they seem to fit right.

935851 Yours doen't have a battery life of two and a half hours though.

Ha! It actually does. 3 is stretching it.

942250 I got mine at christmas time last year.

I'm more or less working on chapter 2. I'm also revising Chapter 1. And I got an idea at work that I want to act on. Likely a one shot.

Do you need an editor?
Id be happy to help out. i noticed a few things on the first read through.
The dialog is lacking a bit in the drama department.
Also this fic is paced WAAAAY too fast.
The art of telling a story is to delay telling a story.
The longer you put off major events the more rewarding they feel once they happen.

Is it too fast? I'm trying to get around one episode of the show each chapter. As for an editor, my usual ones aren't interested in Warehouse 13. I've tried, but it didn't work.


It is paced like a TV show yes where a lot of stuff has to happen in one sitting for the consumer to stay entertained. But for the written word you need to take things slower. Like i said the art of telling a story is delaying its telling for as long as possible. You stretch out the major events as much as you can, not necessarily only with "Filler" but with a slower pace, maybe a bit of detail, and yes Filler events.
Little day to day events that while not hugely entertaining to watch on screen, give credibility to characters in a written story. It makes them feel more real and connects them to the reader, and by delaying the "major" events you make them feel that much more rewarding when they do happen.
To use the appearance of the royal sisters as an example. It doesn't feel like the appearance of a pair of immortal goddesses, more like your aunts Celly and Lulu popped in to say "hi" to your new neighbors.
Im not going to condemn your choice to turn the WH13 cast into ponies, but i will say your missing out on some rather easy drama points to have it happen so quickly and without fuss.
Its obvious the residents of Ponyville have met humans before, specifically Lauren Faust.
But she is probably the only human they have met. (drama point)
maybe she avoided Twilight's questions about humans like the plague? (point of interest)
Pete would probably take being ponified alright, but Myka? More than likely would freak out, she tends to be hyper serious about weird stuff. Arty would have none of it, and could probably give you a lecture about why it was a bad idea. Claudia might think it was awesome, but also might freakout. (could go either way) But these are character observations and my opinion, so feel free to ignore.
Basically your goal is to delay major events long enough so they feel rewarding when they happen but not so long as the readers start to lose track of the direction of the story. (Its a fine balance and difficult to get right the first time.) Giving away a lot of high excitement events (Transport of the warehouse, finding out about the missing artifacts, and meeting the princesses are all examples of high excitement events.) right at the beginning/ too close together merely cheapens them so they don't feel special at all.
Massive lecture post is massive! :trixieshiftright:

Actually, Lauren only really spoke with Pinkie, if you notice that Twilight didn't recognize humans. The princesses actually met her only once, so there isn't much I can do with that. It was mostly to make the artifact a bit more plausible, and set up how this world ended up as a show in ours.

As for Artie, I think I might be able to work in more. At the moment, it's just a bit surreal, and the princesses didn't give them much time to react. I think I mentioned some stuff in my second blog post about why they're reacting to some things the way they are.

As for the actual artifacts thing, well the alarms would go off right away. The warehouse is the place it is, after all. As for the princesses, that could have been delayed by Twilight and questions.

I'm still early in the second chapter, so I think I might be able to slow it down a bit from what I had planned.

Your right the Artifact alarm would go off right away, and the combination of that and the accident a few moments prior actually could make a nice 1,2, punch of drama to get the reader interested, Its after this point that you have the option to slow things down. And i dont really mean actually slow down the events (though the story could do with some of that IMO) But slow the pacing, add in details, throw in some more mundane events related to the operation of the warehouse. (The artifacts CANNOT be very stable after being transported to a place with so much ambient magic around.)
You know, things to get more mileage from the events you have planned out/ already put down, and to make those events FEEL more dramatic and have more impact.
Think of it like this after an event with a lot of excitement, the readers go into what im going to call "literary shock" Like actually going into shock the mind needs time to calm itself and to come to terms with what has happened. Big events that happen in quick succession quickly feel distant and unimportant.
A lot of the examples i gave in my last comment were just that. Examples of just a few things that might change things up a bit. Im not really questioning your events, although i did question your character reactions simply because, to me at least they seem OoC when compared to the show. But this is your story, your the author and not me, im just trying to give you some tips on how to provoke more emotion from your readers and get a little more mileage out of events.

"The most important thing about making a story is that it must be about something big, important, and significant. Otherwise, why should we care? Even if it's about the friendship of two little frogs, it has to say something important and timeless about friendship. It has to speak to something that we can all relate to, perhaps how taking their friendship for granted led to the loss of their friendship. Something has to be at stake. It doesn't have to be a big story. It does have to have big issues, such as family, fatherhood, motherhood, honor, the law, crime and punishment, prejudice, wealth and poverty, freedom, understanding, pleasure, spirit and body, guilt, war, sickness and health, and love and hate. Stories answer the big questions in life. How can we find love? Can love conquer fear? Where did we come from? What does it all mean? You need to find the universal in the particulars of your story."
Directing the Story
Professional Storytelling and Storyboarding Techniques for Live Action and Animation
1st ed.
Francis Glebas
(Dont sue me plzkaythx!)
Also something the quote didn't go into a ton of detail about is Fear, that can be a huge powerhouse when it comes to drama, Fear of change/commitment/confrontation/ect. ect. The characters don't, just have to tackle the problem scenario you laid before them, they have to overcome their own emotions, like fear.
Sure a happy story about the WH13 cast going to Equestria is nice and all, if your 6 years old, but it wont hold your older/more mature readers for very long.
Im not trying to control your story/ change your style/ or anything like that, merely trying to clue you into some well known psychological constants that you need to be aware of when you write.


The artifacts CANNOT be very stable after being transported to a place with so much ambient magic around.

They did kind of just get doused in neutralizer, if you note. Blog post #2 talks about some of that.

to me at least they seem OoC when compared to the show.

It's been a while since I watched it. I'm trying to watch some of the first two seasons on Netflix, however, and season four premiered last night.

But this is your story, your the author and not me, im just trying to give you some tips on how to provoke more emotion from your readers and get a little more mileage out of events

That's why I need you guys to help me out here. I'm not a very good author. I'll message you a link for the entire story, and some notes on what I'm doing with it.

Dont sue me plzkaythx!

I'll make sure they do.:trollestia:

merely trying to clue you into some well known psychological constants that you need to be aware of when you write.

Like I said, I'm not a great author. I know I need some work on my skills. Hell, for the most part, I don't care for writing, though that's mostly essays and the like.

Lols thanks for the link im probably about to get. :twilightblush:
I have an entire textbook on this subject although i dont think i can give you direct access. :fluttercry:
Last thing, One of the most important things for authors is to establish a sense of Imagery a sort of visual idea that exists only in our heads that follows along the story, these are part of the details i was talking about like calling the inside of the warehouse 'dark' or the shelves 'dusty' it establishes an imagery that sticks with us through out the scene.
And sorry to say pretty much all of chapter 1 lacks this sense of imagery, feeling more like just a list of events with dialog, really in all honestly i would rewrite chapter 1, while keeping in mind some of the things ive said.
This might sound harsh, but really i'm just trying to help you write the best story possible.
(Along with any random author who happens to read this :trollestia: )

I'm currently working on putting it in past tense, actually. I might eventually rewrite it. As for the lack of description of the warehouse, this story is more or less directed at those who are familiar with the show. Reworking it later can help me, though.

My little Warehouse 13, My little Warehouse 13
Ahh, ahh,ahh ahh
( My little Warehouse 13)
I used to wonder what artifacts could be
( My little Warehouse 13)
Until you shared their secrets with me
Big adventure
On the run
Destructive objects
Dangerous and strong
Hacking files
It's an easy feat
And teslas make it all complete.

*sniff...sniff* "Anyone else smell fudge?"

Hmmm.... Might use that.

I saw a few problems.
1. I think that the artifacts acting up from just Claudia's small amount of anger wasn't realistic. Try adding a few more lines of arguing before the artifacts freak out.

Once he maked it outside, he looked around, picking up a football that was right next to the warehouse.

That mistake is fairly obvious.

Otherwise, good chapter, although I think you could portray Artie a little better. But that's just me being picky. Also not too big a fan of Pete being a brony. But again, picky.
I can also edit for you if you want. Shoot me a PM if you're interested.

It did feel rushed. Mostly because of the ponies not being confused when they were teleported and because you built a really shallow argument between Celestia and Luna instead of going into detail and adding more.

At the very end, I really didn't give them time to be confused. Twilight just told them to do stuff almost right away. But the argument, I was actually thinking that's where it needed to be built up, but I can't really think of what to say.

Better than me: "Chapter 2 (Incomplete)"


(note to self: look up others to list here)

Forgot I even had that. That's how long ago I typed up that part of the chapter.

The only problem, other than the rushing, is that you are only using artifacts mentioned in the show. Try to be creative, make a few of your own! If the reader doesn't know what it does, then it adds a greater sense of mystery and suspense to the story.

I agree full-on with Literature here, the thing that made Warehouse 13 so fun to watch was the danger and the mystery that came with each new artifact. It won't be as much fun if you just write down the old artifacts. Try making So-and-so's scented candle or the Bed-sheets of What's His Face. See where I'm going here?:duck:
EDIT: OH! And make some pony-original artifacts like the Diaries of BookWorm or Sombra's chemistry set!:pinkiehappy:

Clearly you two didn't read the blog post. I've got two in the works, and there was one I found on the wiki that wasn't in the show that I'm thinking of using. Pony original is actually starting to come up to a degree in the beginning of chapter 3, though I don't have names for the one I'm using yet. Nothing like the Alicorn Amulet, but something original and made by ponies.

Did you completely skip the Author's Notes at the end of the chapter?

Also, I'd be happy to preread/edit for you. Just send me a PM.

Seriously, did you read the notes? I put a link there. Anyway, five seconds, and I'll get you a link to the story, and my Skype names.

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