Braking a Young Drakes heart
The New Dragon Noble
Chapter 1(edited)
Braking a Drake’s Heart
She dreaded what she had to do. But she had to do it. It had gone on for far too long and Spike needed to be put in his place. Rarity repeated this over and over in her head as she slowly marched through Ponyville. The fashionista loved the young drake but just not in that way. Spike was a dear friend; and has been for many years. She assumed that his little crush would simply end at some point like most crushes.
Unfortunately it only seemed to have increased over the years and had become an obsession as the gentle drake had taken to trying more grand gestures to win her heart at last. Like when he went out to the more dangerous parts of the quarry to dig up gems, and nearly breaking his back when he brought them back to her shop. He sung her praises as if she was an alicorn princess to everyone's annoyance. The worst however was Spike’s sudden urge to duel for her honor. When a client didn't like Rarity’s designs or what she had to offer in her shop Spike word insist on a duel. When a critic in the paper mocked her dresses Spike was banging on the poor pony's door the next morning demanding a duel. If any stallion so much as looked at her Spike would pout and huff a puff smoke and lay down the challenge.
Enough was enough. Rarity cared for the drake but his crush had gotten too far out of hoof and not only was he he ruining his life but her’s as well. Not to mention how horrible it was for every single pony that accepted his duel thinking it was a joke. Poor Thunder Lane still smelt of burned mane.
Before she knew it she stood at the crystal tree that was the castle of friendship. Home to what many nobles and socialite nicknamed The Ghost Princess. It been years and Twilight still was not used to being a princess in high society. Unless it was a gala with Celestia or a government meeting the princess of friendship was nowhere to be found. There was even a rumor that Spike wasn't her assistant but a deadly guard dragon to ward of any who might dare approach her. The rumor was not helped by Spike’s constant duels.
Rarity took a deep breath and readied herself for what was to come. In her magic aura she held an invitation. It had been handwritten by a steady hoof, or claw in the case, and stated that Rarity, the element of generosity was invited to a private meeting by a Spike the dragon assistant to the princess of friendship Twilight Sparkle at the Castle of Friendship. The white mare could guess what would be inside waiting for her.
Spike would be waiting dressed in one of the many suits she had made for him. He would be a gentle drake and lead her to the dining hall for an extravagant dinner. All throughout he would shower her with compliment after compliment and not so subtle hints. Only to end the evening with a gift stating that he would like her to be his marefriend.
“I'm truly sorry my dear but that is not going to happen.”- Rarity whispered under her breath, still standing at the door. “ I care for you, but as a friend. I have told before but you become obsessed with me.”
With one final deep breath Rarity rather firmly knocked on the door. The second she finished her knocking the doors swung open. Almost as if someone had been waiting by the door. Once the door opened there stood Spike. The same small purple dragon with a green underbelly and spines, round face, and dark emerald green eyes she had known for years.
“Rarity.” Came spike excited voice. “You made it. I am ver-” he stumble for a moment while looking Rarity over. “-yy.....you didn't wish to dress up for the occasion?”
Compared to the drake the unicorn seemed out of place. Spike was dressed in a dark emerald green tuxedo that formed to his body easily. A necktie that had a light purple quartz gem pin in the center and matching quartz cufflinks on the drake wrists. Spike seems as if he was standing in the middle of the Grand Galloping Gala, while Rarity was simple just there.
“Why would I dear?” she said has if she was stating the obvious. “ the invitation didn't says it was a formal affair. I took this dinner to simple be meal between two FRIENDS.” She stressed the last word rather firmly and punctuated it with a hard stare.
Spike looked at Rarity, not really registering how she said the word friends. In his mind he was cursing himself. ‘Admit it Spike you poor excuse of a dragon. You invited her but left out that it was a fine dining dinner. Now she'll think you be boastful like that fool prince Blueblood.’
“Right just friends. I just thought that you would take the opportunity to try your latest design before sending it off the latest noble mare's party.” Spike quickly said hoping that he did not screw up his plans already as he welcomed Rarity into the castle.
Rarity shock her head. “No need. I thought it would be best that we keep thing simple between us Spike”. Rarity trotted in; already heading for the dining hall.
Spike merely mumbled. “Yeah, simple.”
The two walked to the dining room of the castle. Not the one that Twilight and her friend usual ate at. No this dining room was more of the banquet hall. A huge room with a long crystal table lay with crystal plates, crystal utensil, and crystal chairs. The only thing that wasn't crystal was the long line of candles that had Spike’s green flame glowing brightly on them. With the green light reflecting off of the crystals of the palace it caused the room to shine like it was made out of emerald.
Despite herself Rarity couldn't help but give a loving grin. The scene looked like it had been ripped out a great love novel. Looking to Spike and seeing his proud face just made her heart ache at what she was about to do.
“Have a seat my lady” Spike said with a slight bow pulling out a crystal chair for Rarity to sit.
“Always the gentle drake.” Rarity sighed looking from the little drake to the the table. Of course it was set as if Celestia herself was holding dinner for the nobles. Silverware was set from salad fork to dessert fork. A champagne glass with a bottle of the apple family's cider next to it. And the soon revealed main course for her was dragon fire roasted vegetables with fresh cut rose petals.
Spike sat in a chair across from Rarity with a proud smile on his face. He had worked hard on the whole thing to win her love heart. He spent time with cooks at the fanciest restaurant in town to learn how to properly cook the meal. They were all too happy to since Spike’s flame seemed to add a flavor to the meals that pony's loved. He had a tough time keeping Rainbow Dash far away from the prized cider that she always complained she didn't get enough of. Finally there was the literal jewel for this whole night, a necklace with three pure white diamonds set in a sliver necklace to perfectly reflect Rarity cutie mark.
“So Rarity how are you this evening?” Spike said while loading her plate with a portion of food.
“I am fine all thing considered Spike.” she said in a com voice. All the while trying to resist the tempting food that was set before her.
“Only fine? I thought-” Spike said confused; stopping the placement of his food. “- with the new string of noble order you would be thrilled.”
Rarity nodded. “Yes darling I am happy for the most part about the newest clients from Canterlot.” She then looked the drake straight in the eyes. “BUT what I am not happy about is you Spike?”
“ME!?” he squeaked out, accidentally dropping the crystal plate of food. “Is it the food? The candles?” The dragon looked about the room to see what he could have done wrong to upset the unicorn . “I know it's me dressing up isn’t it. It makes me seem like I'm arrogant ant like prince Blueblood,” Spike said in a pleading tone and a smacked his face with his claw.
“No spike it’s not the food, the candles, your cloths,.” Spike looked up at each of these thinking it must be something else. “It is how you been acting.”
“Acting?” said Spike confused. “But I strive to be nothing but a gentle drake with you.”
“Yes you have but you not always a gent drake when I’m not there.” she said is a growing stern voice.
Spike looked to the floor as thoughts raced through his brain. Did she mean his love for the power ponies comics? Okay that was childish but he wouldn't mind giving that up. Even if the latest issues were returning to good stories instead of the next “big event” comic. Was it his habit to nibble on her gems when she was not looking? Okay that's not very gentle drake like but he’d been doing it far less lately. Soon though he was brought back to reality when Rarity spoke.
“For starters you little habit of challenge every pony I meet to a duel?” she stated with a slight frown on her face.
“But that is what a gentle drake is supposed to do? A gentle drake defends his ma-”
“BUT I AM NOT YOUR MAREFRIEND SPIKE SPARKLE DRAGON.” the unicorn cut the drake off with a clear firm tone. Spike’s eyes went wide at Rarity’s shout and he shrunk down in fear as he grabbed his tail. Looking down at him Rarity continued. “Even if I was it still wouldn't excuse you from what you done. Like the nobles from last month who stopped by my boutique
“But they were rude to you and insult you dresses.” Spike spoke up; determined to show that he was right.
“That does not mean you can roast them with you fire Spike. They were rude yes but only one was arrogant enough to insult me while they others were simple a conflict of tastes.” Rarity stated, eyes never leaving the dragon.
“B...but the insult was-” spike started to stammer.
“WAS just that. An insult. I have been in the fashion business and around the upper elite for years. I have heard and dealt with far worse customers Spike, and even then it still does not give you the right to do such thing.” Rarity’s said to the deflating drake. “And nor do you have the right to do it to those who seek my affection.”
“But they’re not right for you Rarity. They would only break your heart” Said Spike, standing straight and pleading as tears started to form in his eyes. His perfect night was quickly turning into a disaster and, it was the night he thought he would finally prove to Rarity his love was real was going all wrong.
Rarity frowned and glared at the dragon. “I’m so glad that you have such foresight into the future Spike. Why bother to let me make my own choice in who I date then. In fact why stop there. Maybe I should just let you run my business and decide how to make my dresses for my clients as well.” Rarity said in a huff.
Spike started to cry but did his best to speak calmly. “(sniff) I didn't mean like that Rarity. (sniff) I just don't want to see you hurt like you were with Blueblood and Tender Hoof”
Rarity felt her heart ache at the sight of the teary eyed dragon but kept her harsh tone.” So any stallion who so much as flirts with me is ok for you to attack. What about the noble pony at Twilight's little party here at the castle. He was being nice to me but you saw fit to burn his tail off. Or how about Thunder Lane. He always a little flirty with any mare but it's harmless fun. His wings are still a little chard.”
“But they wouldn't make you happy like I could Rarity!” Spike yelled then ran to the other end of the table. Rarity started to get up thinking she would have to chase Spike but saw he was coming back to his seat with a determined look on is teary eyed faced and holding a black wood box.
Spike stopped right at Rarity’s side and held the up the box and opened it. Rarity couldn't help but let out a gasp at what she saw. Three white diamonds; the same shape and size and arranged like her cutie mark set in a elegant silver necklace. It look like something the princesses would wear around their necks. In fact she was already daydreaming about herself walking through Canterlot castle and heads turning at the artistry that would be around her neck.
Her dream quickly came to end when Spike spoke up. “Rarity this here is proof. Proof that I can make you truly happy. Proof that I love you. You know my actions aren't meant to harm you or your business. Will you please be my marefriend?” Spike spoke with all the strength his heart could muster and looked at Rarity. Her face wasn't what he expect though. He expect her to maybe be in shock or awe at the jewel but she had the same cold look Twilight had when he did something bad.
Rarity took a deep breath. Part of her hated herself for what she was about to do but she knew it was for the best for both of them “Spike ...” she said in a whisper, then placed her hoof on the box and slowly closed it“-no”
“No?” spike whispered back. The color drained from his face and a hole opened up in his stomach as he felt his heart shattering into pieces. “Wh...hat you mean no?”
“I mean I will not be you marefriend Spike. I do not love you like that.” said Rarity.
“But I....I... I mean.... why not give me a chance.” whimpered that little dragon. Tears began to run down his face as the box shook in his grasp. He couldn’t understand it. He had done everything right. He had done chores for her, run errands for her, make dinners for her, dug up gems for her. He had praised her, complimented her, been a shoulder for her to cry on. He had defended her from danger, and even risked his life for her. How was all that not good enough?
The unicorn stood from her seat and spoke again in her stern voice. “No Spike.”
Rarity did not look at the crying dragon at dragon as she got up from her seat. Lest her resolve break and she go back to comfort the small dragon. She simply got up and headed for the hall. Spike didn't follow. He couldn't even see her through the tears in his eyes. He merely sat on the floor and held the jewelry box as tightly as he could. Soon his sobs could be heard echoing throughout the castle.
The sound was like a dagger plunging itself into Rarity’s heart as she walked toward the entrance. Her heart begged her to turn around and rush to broken hearted dragon ,and mend the damage she had done. But her brain forbid it. Reminding her over and over that this was for the best and the only way to make things better. A particularly loud whale hit her ear as as she opened the door and her hoof shock. A single tear running down her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, then walked out.
MEANWHILE AT CANTERLOT CASTLE
“Is everything prepared?” Celestia said walking into her son’s room and looking to her assistant Sun Drop.
“Everything is set and ready your highness,” Sun Drop said as she walk to the princes. “We have the latest arch of power pony's, both normal and magical world. A set of the knight action figures. Bowls of rubies, sapphires and emeralds. And last but not least a series of formal and formal casual cloths made by the royal tailor.
Celestia smiled and nodded. Good.” The princess gave a giggle as she held up an old fashioned red clot’s sailor suit. “Ohhh Spike is going to look so cute in this.”
“I understand you're happy for your son's soon to be long visit but why all gifts? You're not really own to spoil someone.” Sun Drop said while pretending to check her papers in her magic aura.
“Well let’s just say Spike has had his hope up for something. Something that likely isn’t going to happen how he wants it to. So he is going to need a big pick me up.” The sun prices said going through more of the outfits. Deciding which her son should wear first. “And the other task I asked of you?”
“The Tea party for the gifted unicorns is to be held in the castle garden? Everything has been set. The gardeners have finish any and all gardening. The staff have set up the tables and tents. And a wide variety of tea and snacks has been gathered.” The yellow unicorn said actually looking at her papers this time.
“That is good to hear. I take it we will have full attendants for this tea party.” Celestia said, knowing full well that invitation to a party held by the princess herself would not be turned down. They whole school would show. The downside of course would be that some parents would be there to brag about their children and attempt to win her favor. On the up side though there would be many fillies Spike’s age. Not to mention once pony’s saw and got to know Spike it would help dismiss those silly rumors going around that he was Twilight's attack dragon.
“Correct princess. Every student at the academy is attending. Some parents will also be attending but it mostly for the younger fillies who live in Canterlot.” Sun Drop said looking up to look at Celestia.
“Thank you Sun Drop. That will be all for now.” Celestia said bowing her head a little to dismiss her assistant.
Sun Drop returned the bow “It was no trouble at all you highness.”
Sun Drop left and the princess of Equestria was alone with her thoughts. She hoped that Spike would be all right. She knew how much her son cared for the unicorn known as Rarity, and agreed that the crush had gone too far these days. When Twilight told her Rarity’s plan to brake Spike heart she nearly used the Canterlot royal we to show her displeasure. But she had to agree that it was what need to be done.
Rarity would confront Spike and put an end to his obsession for her. Spike would then come to Canterlot to be away from everyone and relax. Celestia would have a series of parties to not only clear thing up but have spike meet pony’s his own age. Hopefully he would find a new little crush or at the very least make some new friend. And if she was lucky Spike’s upbeat attitude and happy go lucky spirit would help prevent some of the Canterlot young from turning into boorish pony’s like their parents. But no matter what happened Celestia, the normally regal and dutiful princess of Equestria, would finally get to feel like a mother by spending some quality time with her son and help him sort out his feeling.
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Not bad need some editing done but overall not bad. Hope to see more.
8455026
yeah im terrible at edit my own writting. but iwill be looking into it in the furtue. for now i need to work on the next chapter so there will be more.
Just the editing needs to b fixed otherwise seems like a good story
Nice story so far can't wait for.
Ok grammars is a problem but other wise not bad, hope for more soon.
8456460
yeah 'mM gonna need to find help for that. I suck at catching it myself in my own work.
...Oh... The grammar.
I'll start off by saying the premise for this is great. And the first chapter does a good job of setting up the scenario.
But the grammar. Ouch. This chapter was honestly hard to read at times with how bad it was.
Please get an editor before posting Chapter 2. Heck i will gladly volunteer to edit this for you as I have some editing experience.
8466052
if you'r offering to be the editore for the whole story thank you, i will gladly accept. Im still new to this whole thing and not 100% sure how to go about.
Holy bucking shit does this very, very, very seriously need an editor. It's so uneasily hard to read that I could not follow about a quarter of what was written, that being said it has Spike and Momlestia and an very interesting premise so you already have my attention. Get this fixed though, seriously. I'll be waiting for more, and don't give up, despite it's flaws it does catch the eye in a way.
8478402
do not worry. an editor as come forth and will be fixing this soon. did not realise my grammer and spelling had lessened over the yers along with bad writting habbits.
8478423
Awesome, if you need someone to look over your work I can offer my services as a proofreader but I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just excited to have another fan of Spike and Momlestia.
8478438
dont really need one at the moment but feel free to go over my work and point thing out. im ashame to say but i sucked at checking my own work.
8478458
It's what we are here for, helping people improve and get better crafting their own stories, good or bad.
We all are
Well, I would say it but I'm pretty sure everyone already has.
Still, in my opinion every writer should read what they've written to themselves out loud before they post it. I might check this out later, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now.
However, don't let that get you down. Everyone can improve.
FUCK grammar! Jesus Christ this was hard to read in every way. Use Grammarly, it may help you a lot.
As for the story itself, I think you should re-think your ideas and plan the storyline more. It isn't bad, the concept I mean, but the way you deliver it is cringeworthy at best. And Spike is a complete and utter obsessed creep in the way you present him. Although that may be for the best given the context of the story and how he can come to understand his miss-doings and better himself.
8478626
you already stated the the grammer. now how is the deliver cringe worthy beside the grammer? do i need more build up, ovver more world views? and yup spike is suppose to be huge creep at the start. is it realy that hard to belive when spike let rarity use him as a pin cushion?
8478609
yeah speaking out loud doesnt work best for me. my brain is wired differently and i dont always reconized what i say or read. annoying best that live. also lead to some hilarous conversations.
You need to actually know the English language before attempting, the atrocious spelling and grammar makes my eyes hurt.
8486811
you can know 5 languages perfectly but still mess up writting when your mind is wired differently.
Grammar wasn't too bad In all honestly. Seems like everyone's being a fair bit pedantic. I enjoyed the story so far and it seems fairly true to the characters. Please don't be discouraged by poor remarks and continue the story :)
Not bad
Hope to see more.
8478626
Don't use his name in vain.
element of generosity everybody...
8478626
Actually it is more attached to the original story save those words v;