• Published 2nd Nov 2017
  • 553 Views, 15 Comments

Written Off - Sharp Spark



Sixteen minifics that include absurdity, sweetness, darkness, and also absurdity. Also, Applejack invents the Matrix.

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It's Gonna Get a Little Weird, Gonna Get a Little Wild

It was a sunshiny day and Twilight Sparkle was up early, on her way to Fluttershy's cottage to help with some repairs.

"Come in!" Fluttershy cheerfully said.

She ushered Twilight into the living room, where there was a big fracture in the side of the stone wall. Twilight looked in her toolbox. She had some Iron Will Brand Concrete Crack-Fix, which had worked wonders on patching up her own castle. Still, she glanced over the instructions, like a responsible adult. It only took a few minutes to spread it over the break in the wall and use her unicorn magic to start the process of setting the sealant.

"Thank you ever so much for coming to help," Fluttershy said. "I've had so many new friends from Everfree, and some of them can get awfully rowdy."

"Aw, no problem," Twilight said, smiling. A cute little puppy ran up and jumped against her leg. "Like this little guy? Isn't he the most adora— Ow!"

Twilight stared at the smoke rising from her coat. She looked at the puppy again. It wagged its tail.

"Fluttershy," she said slowly, "Did your puppy just shoot me with lasers from its eyes?"

Fluttershy's wings flapped nervously. "Oh, dear, Barko Diaz, you need to be nice to our guests, you know that! I'm sorry, Twilight."

"It's… okay."

Fluttershy had walked over to the stairs. "Star, please come down. I think the puppy needs to go outside."

"I mean I'm fine, I've just never seen a puppy shoot lasers," Twilight said. "I…"

Twilight's words trailed off when a pink bipedal monkey girl came tumbling down the stairs. She wore a blue dress and had long yellow hair. As soon as she hit the landing, she popped upright again. "I'm good!" she chirped.

"Twilight, this is Star Butterfly," Fluttershy said.

"Hi!"

"Uh, hi," Twilight said. "Who— What—"

"I'll take Barko Diaz out! Back in a bit, mom!" The girl skipped out the front door, the puppy following behind.

"Wait, mom??"

"Oh, yes," Fluttershy said. "Poor Star lost her parents recently, so I decided to adopt her."

"When?"

"Oh, either yesterday or the day before, maybe?"

Princess Luna walked down the stairs. "Oh, Fluttershy, do you think we should paint Star's room with my cutie mark or yours? Which would make her feel more at home?"

"How about both?" Fluttershy smiled warmly. Luna walked over and they nuzzled one another affectionately.

Twilight stared, her eyes the size of dinner plates.

"Oh," Fluttershy said. "I guess I forgot to tell you that Luna and I got married, too. Was that also yesterday?"

"Tis our one day anniversary, then," Luna said. "Huzzah!"

"Did you get the—"

"Oh, yes, here." Luna pulled out a package and handed it to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy put on her glasses to peer at the wrapping. "Oh boy, the shipping is a little much." She began unwrapping it.

Luna shrugged and went back upstairs.

Twilight's brain finally finished rebooting. Fluttershy had pulled a wooden cross out of the wrapping and was advancing on the cottage wall with a hammer and nails.

"No wait," Twilight said. Unable to deal with what was going on, she focused on one tiny detail she could at least wrap her mind around. "You can't put that up."

"Now that I'm a mother, I think it's important to set a good example for Star." Fluttershy pursed her lips. "Horse Jesus died for your sins too, Twilight."

"No, I mean…" Twilight jabbed a hoof towards the toolbox. "The sealant! I read the warning label. You can't put wood on it while it's setting or it might release toxic fumes."

"Gosh, Twilight, it's plastic." Fluttershy tapped on the T with a thunk. "You should know better than to get upset about the cross over Crack-Fix when you don't even know the source material."

Author's Note:

Final Ranking: 35/57

No one appreciates a good feghoot. :raritydespair:

Or at least a very bad feghoot.

This is ostensibly a crossover with Star Vs., which I irrationally love, but that's not really important to the point of it. There's an easter egg in there for Star fans who are paying careful attention.

"Horse Jesus died for your sins too, Twilight" might be one of my favorite sentences that I've ever written.

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Comments ( 5 )

Wait, you're still here? I thought you left the fandom!

8526412
Blame Haze, he made me write minifics.

8526423
What if I told you, that orange background is the One.

A wonderfully insane collection. I really need to get back into the Writeoff.

:twilightangry2: *shakes fist*

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