The CMC's made embarrassing photos which caused Ponyville to ignore them. What would they do when they have lost the love from their family?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 13th Jun, 2017
- offline last seen Feb 10th, 2022
Khushi1428
Hello! This is Khushi here and I'll be making stories here. Enjoy! :D
Khushi1428
Joined 13th Jun, 2017 ·
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you made an error; you called Big Mac 'Box Max' at nearly the end of the chapter
8349970
Oops! XDDD
Actually I'm currently writing with the phone so, the grammar changes.. xD
I'll fix it, don't worry! 😃
Alright, here we go...
She can't be a 'filly farmer'... that would break several thousand child labour laws. Celestia will see you in court.
You might change the wording, but the meaning in still the same. Your bail just got doubled.
?
I repeat...'?' Was it some sort of magic trick?
Nope, still not makin' much sense here.
I'm sort of throwin' this one out here, but I'm kinda guessin' that English isn't exactly your first language. For that reason alone, I'm willing to cut you a bit of slack. Not much, but a bit. From this point, I'll only highlight the most obvious errors. Good luck.
A pet peeve of mine... someone writing down 'your' instead of 'you're. However, I've seen much better authors than you make that mistake, so lets skip over it for now, shall we?
Er... wut?
Somewhat redundant first sentence there.
Hmm... when exactly did Granny Smith ever call any member of her family 'pumpkins'? Show me where, and I'll buy you a life-size float for the next big parade. Incidentally, the last sentence here is hilarious... what is the 'voice of the old ponies'?
Wow... BURN!!
Wow... so many new characters in MLP these days, I can barely keep track of them.
But that'd just redistribute the moisture, not dry it at all.
I don't think you'll find her up there, Applejack. I know the Crusaders have tried pretty much everything to get their cutie marks, but I don't think 'astronaut' is on the list.
Phew, thank God, I was worried there for a minute.
...................................................................................
So about from being an incoherent, angsty, grammar impaired fic in desperate need of an editor giving it mouth-to-mouth I'd say you seriously have... something here. See ya for part deus...
8349970
Just one?!
Talk about understatement of the year...
8350033
XD
I'm not FiMFictionSins!!!
8350013
Haha! XD
I see that I do have some English errors.. 😬
And it's not my first language as I'm a Indian.. 😰
But, I am really happy that you read my story! 😄
8350037
IK! XD
8350033
XD
8350037
Shame, you'd have enough material to last you a year with this one little gem...
8350049
You. I like you. You accept criticism gracefully, and can even laugh it off. Here, have a follow.
8350074
Thank you! :)
Hard to understand the plot. I know the episode, but what the hec is going onhere? Evidence HUH?!
they kmow they posted the photos is thsi a story on how much worst it could been or them beem framed, i'm confused.
8350199
The evidence was actually some clues to make them confirm that they didn't do. But, since they didn't trusted her and trusted the evidence, she got desperate from them for having such behaviour on her just for an evidence.
Actually, my English's not good, as it's not my native language neither first. (I know they are the same.. xD)
And it's your critique that you can't understand the plot, which is good that you did criticized my story.. :)
I'm not angry or sad but, critism is important in everything..
8350074
It's a little... realistic, if that's the word I'm looking for. That constructive criticism of yours, that is. I personally don't know how farm labor works, especially for children, but I do know there's a part in the episode "Apple Family Reunion" where Apple Bloom does apple-buck a tree by herself.
It's a bit angsty so far, but at least you've driven home a point or two.
8351531
I was talking about Apple Bloom having a full-time career as a 'farming filly', not as a simple helper. Such an arrangement would almost certainly be against the law in any version of Equestria, and I was merely trying to emphasise that point. You don't normally call children in training 'farmers' until they reach a certain age... so, yeah. Hope that makes things a little clearer.
8351575
Well, I kinda knew that, but like I said, I don't know anything about that kind of farm labor.
Oh for god's sake... There's a few major problems with this story. Firstly and foremost: the Grammer. It's all over the place and god above it's terrible. Secondly, this line.
Pretty sure Child Labor is illegal in every first world country I can think of. Apple Bloom's a helper around the farm, like Spike's Twilight's assistant (Although he may not be a child, never really sure about his age) not a full time worker. Slow clap Congrats, you made me hate Applejack and Big Mac even more so than I did in the original episode. What a feat.
Pretty sure space tech hasn't been invented in Equestria yet, so I don't think going to the stars will help, AJ.
8385399
Please do reply. I'm not rude in this.
I'm sorry for that grammar, but as you know or not, English is not my native language. But, still I try to improve some mistakes when I see something's wrong so I correct it.
Okay, the filly farmer word means about child labour. I will edit it soon. :)
Diamond Tiara's hide's gonna get such a whoopin'!
8394328
It would! xD
THE love from their family, you gotta work on the grammar.
Okay, only a few seconds into it and already I'm quitting. This grammar nazi work is absolutely horrible man. >_<
(Haters can still eat me).
8413364
Sorry. English is not my native language if I say..
(Not rude.)
8413367
Sorry..
I said English isn't my native language..
I will try to improve my grammar to stop this nazi grammar away. xD
So, Apple Bloom is going to push all the blame on Diamond Tiara, even though they started doing that stuff even before they were blackmailed.
Low.
Okay. Let's see how this works out. Because Sweetie is crying over a gift that wasn't for her, never was for her, that she simply believed she would get even though there was no hint that she would. Rarity has no real reason to feel sorry other for making her cry by accident. Which isn't, say, printing her private diary in a newspaper.
8495618
They would put the blame.
In my opinion, I know Diamond Tiara made those gossips and I know they were also involved in that. They DID deserve the hate. But, this story only shows that what usually happens when the CMC shows their rage and hatred when they think that they don't love them anymore.
8495621
Sweetie usually felt wrong and sad in the beginning, as well.
Although, Sweetie thought that Rarity was making the dress for her, but she was making it for somebody else. It was really pretty that Sweetie thought it was for her, but it was for somebody else.
(If this story doesn't make sense, I understand.)
8503269
Update please
8620244
Sure but I'm kinda inactive in this website..
Grammar...Grammar...GRAMMAR GRAMMAR GGGGRRRAAAAMMMMAAARRRRRR!
When will the next chapter be done
Granny Smith set them straight.
Didn’t they do it before diamond tiara blackmailed them?
Is this gonna continue?
10357726
I don't see it happening.
10841507
Aw man.
More good