The Sour Apple (Part 1)
Ponyville over-confidential
Story by Khushi1428
Chapter 1: The Sour Apple
After the little filly returns home, she sees Applejack and Big Mac working together, bucking apples and collecting them in buckets. Applebloom gets worried, thinking they won't blame her again. So, by keeping a partial confidence, she walked towards the barn, sweating along.
When the little filly reached near them, but going straight without looking at them, Big Mac saw her and responded by a bitter response.
"Hrmph!" Big Mac scoffed.
Applebloom didn't look at them, she wen't straight. Then, Applejack responded bitterly as well.
"Yer not welcome, inside Applebloom."
Applebloom stopped. She turned around the big ponies disappointed. Without wasting a second, she puts her conversation over her and starts to talk.
"W-why?" Only these words were meant to know from her mouth.
"Why? Because, young lady. You made those embarrassing photos which made us betrayed! Did we expected this from you? We taught you good things, and.." Applejack tched in between. "They learn to use them for the bad.." Applejack said bitterly.
"W-what? Are you saying.. I'm bad?!" Applebloom said.
"Yes, you are Applebloom! You humiliated your sister, along with your brother! The values we thought are going worse as you are making them bad! You ruined the population of us because of you and your friends!" Big Mac replied.
"Even though your our little sister and our part of the family, we will not allow you to enter this barn. Even one step ahead! If you stepped this time it's your final warning.. otherwise-" Applejack said before Applebloom could break her lines.
"WHY YOU EVEN HATE ME?!" Applebloom screamed in tears, causing the both to open wide. The big brother confronts her.
"Watch your tone, Applebloom! You don't know whom your talking to!" The big brother responded harshly.
"Yeah! I'm talking to the Mayor, right?! That we should only respect those who teaches us! What about others?! They are also like our teachers! If those teachers start to disrespect harshly to their students, wouldn't it ruin their future? Wouldn't it ruin their love? Wouldn't it make them shed one tear? And look what those teachers doing right next to me are treating me.." She said in tears. Applejack then confronted her.
"What do you even mean? Ya think that your the boss of this barn, and order us to do that?!" Applejack cried.
"I respected you.. I taught many things from you.. you thought me that once we take evil we wouldn't come back to the good, because the good knows what wrong we did. But, I don't think the good is not sad, he's kinda happy! Because.. because he knew we didn't do anything wrong.." Applebloom said by trickling tears.
The big ponies glanced themselves. Applebloom just shook her head down and tearing, soon after, Applejack broke the half-minute silence.
"Look, Applebloom. I know you did say right but, until we don't get the evidence, we won't trust you at all. So, please leave.." Applejack said her little sister to leave.
Applebloom shedded tears. They still didn't trusted her, she bursted into tears.
"THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANTED TO LIVE WITH SUCH SO-CALLED FAMILY WHO DOESN'T LIKE HER SISTER, ANYMORE!" Applebloom screamed and ran away from the barn, this makes the big earth ponies open eyes wide.
Later, Granny Smith returned from the zap apple shop, as she sees Applebloom running. She sees something strange, so she also sees the big ponies standing outside the barn. She went towards them, and asking what's wrong with Applebloom.
"Um, pumpkins? What's wrong with our dearie' Applebloom? She'd look depressed while running as I saw her." The old pony said with that voice of the old ponies.
"Granny! Ya don't know... she's making those embarrassing photos and sending them to the public! We told her to stay away from the barn. Until we don't decide." Applejack said.
"W-What?! You bitterless pumpkins! What did you do?!" Granny Smith's tone going in high rage.
"G-Granny.. I can explain.." Before the farmer could speak the old farmer raised her voice.
"Why would you explain by your excusable talks upon me! Ya don't know my dearie' wouldn't do that! But, you bitterless pumpkins aren't ready to listen! You are just paying attention of what happened that day, and straight! You are gonna forget her, which Ah.. don't.. LIKE!" Granny Smith scolded.
"B-but Granny.." The big brother lines broke due to the old farmer interrupted between.
"You two! If Ah don't get Applebloom back, then Ah'll leave this barn and find her myself! After that, you will see what punishment we both would give.."
The both farmers widely opened their eyes in shock, that caused the old farmer to walk away from them. This caused Applejack to say only one word:
"W-what have we done?"
After some time, the both big ponies of Applebloom were sitting outside the barn, worried for what they did. Applejack bursts into anger and raised her voice.
"This is because of you, Big Mac!" The farmer raised her anger over the male farmer.
"W-what?! Why your pointing the blame on me?!" Big Mac replied. Applejack's blood boiled more.
" If you didn't humiliated her with such hurtful comments on her she wouldn't leave!"
"But, you also did the same I did, as well! Why you just blame me?!"
Applejack stopped and her anger went down, as she didn't remember that she also did the same. She trickles a tear and says:
"Oh, mah sister Applebloom.. Ah'm so sorry.."
Applejack cried in tears and teared. She landed her head over Big Mac and he calmed her. The one and only thing they did wrong was not only giving hurtful comments to her, but to..
Lose her one and only little sister...
Applejack standed her head over Big Mac, and wiped her tears over her face.
"Tomorrow is the day, to find Applebloom with my friends.. and apologize everything we did to her.. are you with me Big Mac?" Applejack confessed.
"Eeyup!" Big Mac replied.
Applejack smiled and looked at the starry sky, as they will do anything to find their little sister.
You will find the rest in Part 2.
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you made an error; you called Big Mac 'Box Max' at nearly the end of the chapter
8349970
Oops! XDDD
Actually I'm currently writing with the phone so, the grammar changes.. xD
I'll fix it, don't worry! 😃
Alright, here we go...
She can't be a 'filly farmer'... that would break several thousand child labour laws. Celestia will see you in court.
You might change the wording, but the meaning in still the same. Your bail just got doubled.
?
I repeat...'?' Was it some sort of magic trick?
Nope, still not makin' much sense here.
I'm sort of throwin' this one out here, but I'm kinda guessin' that English isn't exactly your first language. For that reason alone, I'm willing to cut you a bit of slack. Not much, but a bit. From this point, I'll only highlight the most obvious errors. Good luck.
A pet peeve of mine... someone writing down 'your' instead of 'you're. However, I've seen much better authors than you make that mistake, so lets skip over it for now, shall we?
Er... wut?
Somewhat redundant first sentence there.
Hmm... when exactly did Granny Smith ever call any member of her family 'pumpkins'? Show me where, and I'll buy you a life-size float for the next big parade. Incidentally, the last sentence here is hilarious... what is the 'voice of the old ponies'?
Wow... BURN!!
Wow... so many new characters in MLP these days, I can barely keep track of them.
But that'd just redistribute the moisture, not dry it at all.
I don't think you'll find her up there, Applejack. I know the Crusaders have tried pretty much everything to get their cutie marks, but I don't think 'astronaut' is on the list.
Phew, thank God, I was worried there for a minute.
...................................................................................
So about from being an incoherent, angsty, grammar impaired fic in desperate need of an editor giving it mouth-to-mouth I'd say you seriously have... something here. See ya for part deus...
8349970
Just one?!
Talk about understatement of the year...
8350033
XD
I'm not FiMFictionSins!!!
8350013
Haha! XD
I see that I do have some English errors.. 😬
And it's not my first language as I'm a Indian.. 😰
But, I am really happy that you read my story! 😄
8350037
IK! XD
8350033
XD
8350037
Shame, you'd have enough material to last you a year with this one little gem...
8350049
You. I like you. You accept criticism gracefully, and can even laugh it off. Here, have a follow.
8350074
Thank you! :)
Hard to understand the plot. I know the episode, but what the hec is going onhere? Evidence HUH?!
they kmow they posted the photos is thsi a story on how much worst it could been or them beem framed, i'm confused.
8350199
The evidence was actually some clues to make them confirm that they didn't do. But, since they didn't trusted her and trusted the evidence, she got desperate from them for having such behaviour on her just for an evidence.
Actually, my English's not good, as it's not my native language neither first. (I know they are the same.. xD)
And it's your critique that you can't understand the plot, which is good that you did criticized my story.. :)
I'm not angry or sad but, critism is important in everything..
8350074
It's a little... realistic, if that's the word I'm looking for. That constructive criticism of yours, that is. I personally don't know how farm labor works, especially for children, but I do know there's a part in the episode "Apple Family Reunion" where Apple Bloom does apple-buck a tree by herself.
It's a bit angsty so far, but at least you've driven home a point or two.
8351531
I was talking about Apple Bloom having a full-time career as a 'farming filly', not as a simple helper. Such an arrangement would almost certainly be against the law in any version of Equestria, and I was merely trying to emphasise that point. You don't normally call children in training 'farmers' until they reach a certain age... so, yeah. Hope that makes things a little clearer.
8351575
Well, I kinda knew that, but like I said, I don't know anything about that kind of farm labor.
Oh for god's sake... There's a few major problems with this story. Firstly and foremost: the Grammer. It's all over the place and god above it's terrible. Secondly, this line.
Pretty sure Child Labor is illegal in every first world country I can think of. Apple Bloom's a helper around the farm, like Spike's Twilight's assistant (Although he may not be a child, never really sure about his age) not a full time worker. Slow clap Congrats, you made me hate Applejack and Big Mac even more so than I did in the original episode. What a feat.
Pretty sure space tech hasn't been invented in Equestria yet, so I don't think going to the stars will help, AJ.
8385399
Please do reply. I'm not rude in this.
I'm sorry for that grammar, but as you know or not, English is not my native language. But, still I try to improve some mistakes when I see something's wrong so I correct it.
Okay, the filly farmer word means about child labour. I will edit it soon. :)
Okay, only a few seconds into it and already I'm quitting. This grammar nazi work is absolutely horrible man. >_<
(Haters can still eat me).
Granny Smith set them straight.