• Member Since 15th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

forbloodysummer


The Golden Crane flies for Tarmon Gai'don.

T
Source

Written/proofread/edited by NaiadSagaIotaOar and myself.

Aria Blaze takes up farming. It's not nearly as wholesome as Applejack was hoping.

Sex and gore tags are for mentions of Aria’s time on Earth, where she had a penchant for hedonism and exotic depravity.

Artwork by Wubcake, used with her kind permission.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 67 )

far less worthy of the lazy reputation than Aria herself, whose mantra had always been ‘effort means eff-it.’

:rainbowlaugh: Didn’t notice that until just now!

That ending still makes me die a little, but the rest of this was a ton of fun! Always do love the way you write sirens :pinkiehappy:

8304359 I'm glad that was still funny, I wasn't sure if it worked in print as well as it did out loud. Though I suppose the site has text-to-speech now :trixieshiftright:

I only realised after we'd written quite a bit that I'd never written Aria POV before, but doing so felt pretty natural, so I think it's ok.

Hey, remember that time, like two weeks ago, when we said we could never write an Aria-centric story, because the existing examples were just too good?

I must say the fic wasn't good. It was quite bad. It was hard to read. Aria's speach and thinking didn't feel natural. It should have been comedy, but i didn't laugh even once. In other cases i would laugh at the last sentence, but the story took the laugh out of me. Maybe i got up this morning with wrong foot.

8305481 Sad to hear you didn't like it, but thanks for commenting - as you can see, you're the first person to leave feedback, and that's invaluable either way, so that's much appreciated.

The story structure is definitely weird (I mean really weird: two small 'normal' scenes sandwiched around nearly 2,000 words of Aria's dialogue-less history lesson, a second chapter of one tiny scene from a different perspective, and then 3,500 words of Aria monologue to finish), and Aria's character is pretty intense for something out of a kids' show, so I can see why it would be jarring.

But we did spend a long time yesterday editing it, so I was hoping it wouldn't be hard to read - would you mind sharing any thoughts you had on why reading it was difficult, please? Probably too late to change it now, but it'd be good to know for next time.

I...I'm not sure what to say about this. Have a like, I think it's deserved.

8309580 Thank you very, very much! :pinkiehappy:

There's really only one way to describe this story.

“I feel like you just violated my eye sockets with a cactus.”

That pun at the end, that hurt my soul :rainbowlaugh:

8323011 :rainbowlaugh: I completely agree. But for the first time we can now ask:

...In a good way? :raritywink:

Aside from the history section, pretty much everything in the story is there because of setting up that pun. The Starlight thing just sort of happened, and there are a couple of sweet moments in Aria's speech, but otherwise it's all there as set up.

A much better pun was accidentally discovered when writing it (Specslavers), which led to the bits about Discord setting up his opticians in response to Cadence, and the other villains all being involved in businesses. I almost felt bad for including a pun of a reasonably quality in the story.

Thanks very much for commenting! As you can see, it's a bit of a barren wasteland of comments here, and Naiad and I are a little stumped as to why... So today we added the description disclaimer about the sex and gore tags - do you mind if I ask if that had any bearing on your decision to read it?

8323177
Good way :rainbowlaugh: It was weird as hell, but it was also pretty funny. But I might also have Aria bias. And Starlight bias. The idea of other villains having their own startups was pretty hilarious too.

No, the disclaimer didn't really change anything for me, I didn't even realize you had added it to be honest. The reason it took me so long to get to this story was because I wanted to read Life and Times first, and I was waiting on that because I wanted to see if it would update so I could binge it. Glad I went ahead and read it, because otherwise I would have been waiting a long time I guess, based on Naiad's author notes.

8323336
I’m quite flattered to hear that the thought of binging my work is so enticing :twilightblush: But yes, it might be a little bit until it updates again; there are a handful of ideas flitting around in my head that’ll hopefully make it there sooner or later but there’s another story competing for my attention at the moment that I’m more interested in finishing.

Quite glad to hear you’ve enjoyed them both, though! :pinkiehappy: Even if I had no contribution to most of the best parts of this one beyond inadvertently inspiring the framework :twilightsheepish:

8323336 Aria and Starlight biases are no bad things, in my book :twilightsmile: I've come to appreciate Aria a bit more recently; I don't think I'd have considered writing a story with her as the lead before, when I could just write one about Adagio instead. I'm glad to now be able to see her as more of a leading lady in her own right, even if Adagio does still dominate the plot quite a bit of the time for a character with no dialogue.

And Starlight is a bit wonderful, and the queen of unconventional friendships of the kind we've only really seen previously amongst the Dazzlings themselves, so I think there'd be a good match there.

Ah cool, that makes sense :twilightsmile: I just suddenly realised a couple of days ago that the story might be guessed from the description to be AriaJack shipping, of which there is virtually none on the site, and thought that might be putting people off.

Also, maybe we now have a little more insight into why sirens think cacti make good housewarming presents...

8323618
Awesome, Resplendance Revoked got me hooked on your writing.

Its awesome that you two work together.

8324246
Haja, as Ive written Beighbors, Ive discovered that while Adagio is still my favorite siren, Aria is my favorute to write. Now I just gotta figure out Sonata...

Starlight is adorbs, and now is friends with all the best side characters except Coco. Add her and the marem is complete!

Cacti... housewarming presents... oh dear lord what have you done!? That joke was supposed to be innocent! Innocent I tell you!

8324264 I think there's probably more freedom with Aria; the way I write her she's more reactive and perhaps a bit less guarded with her emotions, so I find her much quicker to write dialogue for.

I find Sonata can be very problematic, whatever approach one takes. Either she dominates the story with her ditzy silliness, with the other two sulking in the background like Patty & Selma Bouvier, or she only pops up from time to time when there's something to add, almost a background pony the rest of the time (she's used as the butt of a joke a couple of times in this story, but that's really about it). Given how irrepressible she is in Rainbow Rocks, that can even make the other two seem a bit mean to be keeping her down that much. I tend to write Adagio and Aria having a lot of back and forth, especially in comedy, which can lead to Sonata getting left behind. Without meaning to namedrop another story, this one was very dialogue-heavy, so it's especially prominent, and Sonata gets about a quarter of Adagio's word count, and a third of Aria's. It's something I'd like to learn to address, but I'm not quite sure how.

I have to say I never got the Coco appeal thing :twilightsheepish: I don't think adding in Aria to that group would work on the show for logistics reasons, but I think she'd make a very interesting contribution, as the overlooked middle-villain.

Could be a subconscious association between cacti and happiness?

I definitely find Aria most relatable of the three.

Yeah Sonata tends to become a third wheel easily. Her biggest problem is, if one sticks to the movie canon, she is dangerously stupid. Theres not much you can do with that unless you tone it down, or ramp it up to 11.

Coco is adorable, thats all there is to it for me haha. Shes like the perfect marriage between Fluttershy and Rarity!

Hmm, well I do like desert aesthetics. If we play the siren/cactus thing right it can be the fandoms next big meme! We could rival Twicane and Taco Tuesday! WAHAHA

8324585 Yeah, I think with Sonata it can become problematic when you try to take it more realistically, and realise that there are two smart characters who continue to hang around with a very stupid one despite her nearly ruining their plans. They'd need to have a pretty good reason to keep hold of her.

I hadn't thought about Coco like that before, that's an interesting approach, and I see what you mean.

As you mention the fandom memes, I was seriously considering having Applejack mentioning growing penis-paste beans as a new business model when talking about the farm being left behind in the second chapter. Figured it would be the only thing people commented on though :twilightblush:

8325259
Yeah, that's one reason I like them as sisters, it's a good reason for them to stick around even when they don't always have the best rapport. Of course, there's also the idea that their powers only work together. Or maybe she's a Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass haha.

Honestly I didn't realize why I liked her so much until I put it that way :twilightsheepish:

Oh no, is this the new beanis!? It's a cactis! ... no that doesn't work.

8325318 I agree; I think their bond best suits siblings too. I think this was the first story I've done in which they're not, though I'd have to check LATOS to confirm that. It just seemed like a good opportunity to do something different, since it wouldn't affect anything else. Sonata could have some hidden talents, true, but there's a fine line between that and the character not feeling true to who we see on-screen.

Definitely the new beanis :pinkiehappy:

8325716
Plot twist, there were originally only two sirens, and Sonata is actually Starswirl the Bearded in disguise, intentionally sabotaging their every move!

8325842 ...That is amazing, and you need to write it.

I guess after banishing 'three' sirens, he goes back in time, disguises himself, and inserts himself into their lives from the beginning, so he's always there as a ditzy sister to keep an eye on them? Or alternatively he magicked them at the point of banishment into believing there'd always been three of them.

From the start of chapter 3 I was waiting. I knew it was coming, the setup too perfect. This is how you set up a joke, everything contributing, not deviating into entirely disparate places.

Loved the Aria and Starlight angle, works great with her weird friendships, as well as Aria and Discord being old friends which makes perfect sense.

Hey, this chapter has no comments! I'll fix that!

But what does Strawberry Sunrise think about Eyeballs outselling Apples? I think we might need a sequel :trixieshiftright:

8610688 Ah well, she's had to change her name to Lime Twist to go with her new green eye colouring. She loved her strawberries, and let her wardrobe be inspired by them, but those Mountain Dew-coloured eyes in the optician's window were just too good to pass up. And with such a discount for Black Eyeday, too!

Black Eyeday sounds much worse than I intended it to, there are implications there I hadn't thought through :twilightoops:

But the thing I'm wondering is what happens when cider season rolls around. I mean, nopony wants apples as one of their five a day, but they all love to behave like cornish tractor drivers once a year and drown in cider. Aria, of all ponies, would be heartbroken to have put others off drinking. So her next innovation is to find a new solution to help ponies get blind drunk?

8610745

Black Eyeday sounds much worse than I intended it to, there are implications there I hadn't thought through

I dunno, that sounds like a very Aria kind of holiday :pinkiehappy:

8610745
Black eyeday sounds like it would be a thing in this 'verse, honestly. And why do I see Dorito Orange and Mt. Dew green being two of the best sellers?

Well, if people aren't eating Apples, there's always this option:
https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/500x/62657159/squeeze-the-jelly-from-their-eyes-actually-its-quite-good-on-toast.jpg

Edit: Well, image link won't work and I look like a moron. F**k you Shrek.

8610758 It creates boatloads of negative energy, the competition fuels demand just as in reality, and any eyes that get damaged in the ensuing fist fights just mean more business for her. It's bordering on genius...!

However, I think it'd be very much at odds with pony culture. And that would, typically, be the moment when Princess Twilight would finally intervene. Aria thinks about how she can't be arsed to change ponies' natures, only exploit them. So maybe once she realises what a good business opportunity it could be, she decides to put more effort into that, and with enough time could push them in that direction?

So I think that might be more of an eventual end-goal, but Black Eyeday could only be introduced once she'd laid the groundwork and prepared Equestria for it.

Alternatively, if Aria is too lazy to change ponies to her liking; well, that's not a hangup I can see her big sister having. We don't know what she's been up to since their return to Equestria, just that she at one point confirmed that assimilating the Sweet Apple Acres brand was better than flattening it. So it may be that she's way, way ahead of us...

8610772 I think the bright, sometimes UV colours are the best selling false-colour contacts, and that might hold true with eyeballs too - the first thing you'd go for is something not naturally possible, as it's suddenly an option for the first time and you'd be the first with that look. It'd be impractical for daywear, but the range of pony mane colours suggests that's less of an issue for them than it would be in many earth-bound jobs. But even then, with the eyePod, you can always keep the exotic colours for your nights out, and switch back to plain old pastel colours come morning. So yeah, I think those particular oranges and greens would sell very fast.

Shrek yourself before you wreck yourself, I guess?

8610681 This chapter was the most fun to write, as well :twilightoops:

Just goes to show that when people talk about what went into their story - usually a lot of effort and heartache, by their own account - all that really matters is the end product on the page :trollestia:

8610820
Do people actually do that, outside of cosplay? Cause I've seen a couple of color changing contacts, and they do not look pleasant. Marginally better than having your eyes gouged out by a cactus, I suppose, but still.


8610835
Pro tip, never launch multiple chapters together :rainbowlaugh:

8610852 As far as I know, they're no better or worse to wear than any other contacts. I bought some once - I woke up and thought 'right, today I'm going to do something Steampunk,' which morphed into me trudging down to the cybergoth shop, and then realising that white contacts were the only thing I might wear with anything else I owned. I tried once or twice, but I never managed to put them in, so they're still on a shelf somewhere, long past their use-by date.

They crop up a lot in most alternative dance scenes, whether it's metal or rave culture. Huge in visual FX for TV, stage and film, as well as cosplay as you mention.

8610872
Huh, yeah, I should have thought of plays and film, although that kind of counts as cosplay :rainbowlaugh: Still, the dance stuff is interesting. Club scenes are weird. Concerts too, I guess. This is why I use Spotify.

8610883 But dancing at home is just a bit awkward :twilightoops: I have to take some issue with this, though - you don't look at the first 30 seconds of this scene and think it looks the coolest place on earth to hang out? And concerts, well; the sound quality's always going to be better in the studio, but live has the atmosphere.

8610899
Dancing is a bit awkward wherever I do it :twilightblush:

I dunno, I've been to a few concerts at this point, and I'd just as soon not haha. They can be fun on occasion though.

8610915 :rainbowlaugh: Good answer!

Quite seriously, it might be worth having a dance lesson. There'll be plenty of times you can't really avoid dancing, and one hour with a professional teacher could save you many of public embarrassment, as that's all it takes to have a few moves you can relax into and groove through indefinitely.

If it's not your thing, fair enough. Depends on the genre as to how good the live experience is compared to the record, too. Out of interest, were you sitting or standing? My first couple I was sitting off to one side, a fair way back in a sizeable arena, and it could have been anyone on the stage all that distance away. Whereas standing a few rows from the front, it's a whole other experience. And, um, not all live shows are equal... there are live bands, and then there are live bands...

8611006
Hmm, might be worth it, I suppose, considering the number of weddings I end up getting dragged into.

Haha, well, I'll admit the ones I've been too were probably not the best. But I just don't enjoy being around that much noise and that many people :facehoof: I suppose if I were to go to a really good one with some groups I was really into with a decent group of friends I might have fun, but that hasn't lined up so far haha.

Man, these comment threads can get off on some real tangents :rainbowlaugh:

8610775
Honestly, when dealing with a populace where replacing one's eyeballs became an overnight fashion phenomenon, it's only natural that black eyes, being something not as easily replicated by surgery, would be the next big thing (The special colors wouldn't be so special if everypony has them, after all). Aria probably starts rockin the look one day after a particularly vigorous night with Starlight, and next thing you know, you've got ponies lining up to get clocked in the face.

Good point about Adagio, though! I'd kinda figured that, like, she'd made it her mission to sleep with every gay stallion in Equestria, but she could have all kinds of dastardly schemes brewing.

8611025 To go back to the original topic then, did you spot the OoT reference this time? :trollestia:

8611038
Come to think of it, shouldn't everyone be walking around with black or swollen eyes all the time? Pulling out and replacing your eyeballs is bound to lead to swelling.


8611071
You know, I feel somewhat ashamed that I did not :facehoof:

8611071
Wait, I got it! It's the teleport thing, right?

8611038 Hmmm, you'd need a way to prove it's a genuine black eye, though, rather than just makeup, theatrical or otherwise. What about drilling new sockets, so ponies could wear multiple pairs of eyes simultaneously?

I'd kinda figured that, like, she'd made it her mission to sleep with every gay stallion in Equestria, but she could have all kinds of dastardly schemes brewing.

:raritystarry:

All at once, or...?

I like the implication that if this chapter is the kind of industrial chaos that Aria's involved in, then there's good reason we haven't heard what Adagio's up to. But equally, the thought came to me the other day that maybe she's done with her sisters, as they didn't help out much with finding the way home.

Also, though, if black eyes catches on as a fashion, somepony's got to do the punching. I wonder if we can take Adagio full-circle.

8611077 I'd think Discord could swap them out without side effects, and maybe switch your lungs around when you aren't looking.

8611090

What about drilling new sockets, so ponies could wear multiple pairs of eyes simultaneously?

Only for the most decadent of the upper class :raritywink: I imagine they'd branch out to different-shaped pupils first, though.

At once, or...?

Hmm... if there're any that're particular dashing, I don't think she'd be fond of sharing, but for most of the riff-raff, I wouldn't be surprised if she thought it was easier to just round 'em all up, throw a big orgy, and call it a day.

Are they even sisters in this one? :rainbowhuh: I have it in my head that they aren't, but maybe I'm just making that up :twilightblush: Considering how heartfelt Aria's speech got towards the end, that'd be an awfully tragic spin to put on it.

Also, though, if black eyes catches on as a fashion, somepony's got to do the punching. I wonder if we can take Adagio full-circle.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Perhaps with a nerd-exclusive side business of nose-kicking, for when the batshit crazy pony fashion trends encapsulate other facial deformities?

8611098
True, but they can't be going to Discord all the time! That's the point of making them portable, so they don't have to come to ponyville every time. Sure, Discord could go to them, but I get the distinct impression he doesn't like to be summoned.

Oh, did I mention how much I love the idea of him opening an office just out of spite?

8611117

I imagine they'd branch out to different-shaped pupils first, though.

That's true; sooner or later Chrysalis' detective agency would make it big and she'd be the next Sherlock, and suddenly everyone would want the changeling queen dual iris design. And then you'd get Thorax and his wretched brethren going, "Hey, we looked like changelings before it was cool!" And Rarity will have to lecture them on the time and place of fashion trends, and how if they try to go back to that look now they'll just be posers. And Thorax will say, "So our time to be cool is yet to come?" And she'll tell him, "No, darling, looking like you're covered in clown vomit will never, ever be cool."

Hmm... if there're any that're particular dashing, I don't think she'd be fond of sharing, but for most of the riff-raff, I wouldn't be surprised if she thought it was easier to just round 'em all up, throw a big orgy, and call it a day.

She is nothing if not efficient, and we know she at least managed it with one family previously. I imagine she'll be quite disappointed if it turns out Caramel is the only gay stallion in Equestria.

But you're right, though. The hottest ones would have to be kept separately. All I can see now is John Barrowman's smirking face :facehoof:

Are they even sisters in this one? :rainbowhuh: I have it in my head that they aren't, but maybe I'm just making that up :twilightblush:

No, now you mention it they aren't; it came up the last time the three of us were commenting on it. I don't think it makes much difference to this story, but of course it needs to tie in with LATOS.

I'd almost forgotten them being sisters would add some incest into it too. That doesn't seem a huge problem at this point.

Considering how heartfelt Aria's speech got towards the end, that'd be an awfully tragic spin to put on it.

I was thinking of complaints levelled against some siren stories that Adagio does all the work while the other two freeload, and while that would kind of be the case here, it doesn't necessarily say that she put up with it once they got home, just that she wanted to go and so might as well bring them too.

I prefer to think not, though.

Perhaps with a nerd-exclusive side business of nose-kicking, for when the batshit crazy pony fashion trends encapsulate other facial deformities?

:pinkiegasp: Of course!

8611119 Bugger, that's absolutely true. I really hadn't thought about that before. Ok, so once she's back from her "romantic" getaway, Aria needs to start work on an install-your-own eyeballs kit :rainbowdetermined2: With magic it's probably still not too bad?

All of that was just to get the Specslavers line in there. I could see him doing it, though, and the conversation between Twilight and Fluttershy, with the latter arguing how he's finding a place within the community and a new career to work towards, and Twilight just tugging her mane and repeating how Discord is making ponies look at a blurry chart of squiggles just so that he can pluck their eyes out with spoons. "They're not squiggles, Twilight! They're letters in an alphabet he made up himself. He's very creative like that, you know."

8611174
Imagine Twilight's reaction when Celestia announces her support for the company. Turns out, she and Aria have very similar tastes. Ponies flock (herd?) to get their own princess approved eyes, now in Celestia Pink and Luna Blue. Years later, seemingly by coincidence, crime in Canterlot and the surrounding area has dropped to zero. No one knows why, but ponies praise the efficiency of the royal guard. Only one pony, a well respected economist, notices the correlation between replacements and the drop in crime. He hires Chrysalis PI to investigate, and she uncovers the biggest scandal in Equestrian history: Eyeballgate. The princess cut a deal with Aria to add enchantments to the eyes to let the guard monitor and track any ponies with the replacements. The guard was watching through ponies eyes as they commited crimes, or walked to the supermarket, or made love to their special somepony. The backlash caused a riot, and the Diarchy was quickly deposed. In the power vacuum, a new leader rose to power: Adagio Dazzle, backed by the surprisingly powerful Gay Stallions voting block. Shockingly, Equestria moved into a golden agee of peace, love, and rock and roll.

8611159

That's true; sooner or later Chrysalis' detective agency would make it big and she'd be the next Sherlock, and suddenly everyone would want the changeling queen dual iris design.

Y'know, I don't think either of us ever brought Chrysalis up that time, like, a long time ago when we were talking about Sherlock crossovers, but now that you mention her...

"No, darling, looking like you're covered in clown vomit will never, ever be cool."

Yeah, I think that's something that even this Equestria will never be that into :pinkiesick:

I'd almost forgotten them being sisters would add some incest into it too. That doesn't seem a huge problem at this point.

No, I'm fairly sure that, on the sliding scale of sexual deviancy, screwing one's blood relative is quite a bit lower on the ranks than gouging your own eyes out with a cactus.

She is nothing if not efficient, and we know she at least managed it with one family previously. I imagine she'll be quite disappointed if it turns out Caramel is the only gay stallion in Equestria.

Hmm, good point. Maybe legalizing polygamy would be next on her checklist so she can wed Shining Armor and marry into the royal family?

8611627 :raritystarry: That would be pretty staggering :pinkiehappy:

It would mean Aria selling out her brand, though, but she might be able to wangle it so it's the Apple brand that takes the hit, scoring the added bonus of tarnishing their honest reputation when it all comes out.

I'm picturing Adagio being very reluctant to accept the call to power, feeling it'd just be wrong to obtain the throne by somepony else's scheming rather than her own. So then she takes up the helm as a hard-done-by, long-suffering ruler, going along with the whims of a popular support bloc who won't take no for an answer, looking the tortured hero as she's granted power over yet another expansion of her territory while reclining on a golden chaise longue in a Rarity-custom-designed monostrap grecian dress being handfed the finest red grapes by an oiled attendant while two others buff her hooves with pegasus feathers.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!