Damaged
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Just a one-shot to see out the end of the month.I had a few friends and patrons express interest in this kind of thing, so here it is. Rainbow Dash finding out that sometimes she should maybe not prank the deceptively powerful.Crossed out some of that because wow this hit some creativity. As I sit here, there is around 6k more words already written for the sequel.
Yeah, I think I'll skip both this one and the sequel, unless the sequel ends with either things being returned to normal for Dash, or her turning things around.
Not just because it's Dash being a sub again (which IS something I'm a bit tired of seeing), but also because Seabreeze is a character who, while I don't hate him, I don't particularly care for him either.
I mean, I'll read stories about him, definitely, but not clopfics.
If this story was published 17 minutes ago, why does it say this story came out last month?
8277676 Because I made the story on here 7 days ago (when I started writing it), and only just published it.
8277660
I read the whole thing, and it's not exactly a clopfic. It may be if you're into it, but there's nothing particularly explicit about the actual content.
That being said, while well-written, I don't particularly care for Seabreeze either. And honestly, the more demanding portions almost seem out of character when he was the most reasonable of the breezies by the end of the original episode.
EDIT: Actually, the point of the episode was actually that he was being too demanding and needed to encourage more and insult less, which makes this half-and-half with regards to his characterization.
8277722
And you just gave me one more reason to skip this one.
That was worth the 9 hour wait...sequel needed
If you pretend the Breezie episode never happened and accept that a year of slavery isn't something people get worked up about this works just fine. Great for people with a control fetish but never explicit or even suggestive really. I suppose if control fetishes don't interest you this story might seem kind of pointless since there's little fairy-tale elements to be had or any content beyond Rainbow's servitude.
Also I'm shocked, shocked (pleasantly) that Damaged did not have 1000 words in here about consent or safewords. It's a bit weird that everyone just lets this happen (it's vaguely implied Rainbow is entranced but unclear it's about more than the bridle), but there's way, way worse excuses than "let the
wookiefae win", which again just requires you accept breezies as more classic faeries than the weird tiny people the cartoon had.This was a good read, I would have preferred a darker ending but that is just me.
8277774 If this had anything to do with BDSM there would be consent involved. This is not a story for everyone, not even close. I wrote this for two particular people (not including myself), and so long as they enjoy it I am happy.
This story already has another 10k words of the sequel written, it will probably come out around the same time next week.
8277810
I enjoyed it, for what it's worth.
Enjoyed it, upvoted it, tracking it.
So what your saying is brainwashing is totally legal in equestria with no consequences?
8278559
I'm going to calmly point to the "reformation" spell books and the Want it need it incident.
Add to this... he's a Faerie.
You just don't, tiny adorably frail bug horse or not, mess with a Faerie unless you sincerely want to have a tale told about the fool being torture or killed in some horribly ironic or transcendently cruel situation in your name.
Train the Rainbow! Taste the Rainbow!
8278575
Yeah, this was a Faerie's reaction to someone he doesn't mind, or maybe even likes for her help, for a minor break in their laws.
I always remember, slightly related, Terry Pratchet's quote about elves, a branch of Faerie in discworld
8277774
I see what you did there -.-
I enjoyed this story quite a bit. It's sensual, it's kinky, and yet not a clop story. It's about a different kind of adult situation playing out.
The scenario of the fae being wronged and doing this... believe it or not, for a dark take on the fae, this is one of the lighter interpretations. Does Rainbow Dash deserve what happened to her? Of course not, but stories of dealing with the fae are always about disproportional retribution or pranks they play in one direction only. I mean, some Disney stories like Beauty and the Beast and Pinocchio carry very strong aspects of that, what with the curses provided for disrespect in the former case leading to an entire kingdom being transformed for decades or longer, and in the latter case of being invited to an island and enjoying "bad" activities turns you into a donkey and being permanently enslaved.
I'm not sure that the sequel material deserves to be broken into a separate story. I feel part of the downvotes in this one is because the scenario is presented as a completed story, and a kind of a dark one, with Rainbow not well at the end of it. Had it been incomplete, I feel you'd have been given the benefit of the doubt. Plus, you can't easily read a sequel without knowledge of this original story anyway.
8279059
I was kind of bummed this didn't have Twilight outsmarting the fae to save Rainbow by using their law against them and forcing them to keep taking on Rainbow's responsibilities (a typical requirement of fae regarding slaves) and considering her time with her friends a responsibility until they gave up on managing it all.
That would undeniably be a different kind of story, though.
I do agree the ending didn't help this story. It was kind of sad; I'm not sure it was intended to mean more than "and now she has a control fetish" setup for a sequel, but it felt like it was a trauma she might not ever recover fully from and as you say it just ends with her "hurt". Twilight sticking around was nice, though.
8279060
NO! This is like the worst possible idea for dealing with the fae! Only a fool attempts to outmaneuver them and expect no repercussions! There are so many stories of the fae getting the upper hand on those dealing with them, this would have had no other outcome but tears.
Ultimately, it was Rainbow saying she was alright with it that allowed them to take the safer path of letting Rainbow's punishment play out. I think there could have been a scene of Rainbow being "lent" to Twilight and her friends to do something important before Rainbow had to go back, to give it perspective, and maybe an attempt at conversation with her. Unless it would have been very awkward with Seabreeze there the entire time directing Rainbow to help the others, to prevent her from escaping his influence and watch.
8279060
I can agree with that, as it definitely seems at the end like Rainbow doesn't have a control fetish, so much as she has lost the ability to act on her own. Although Damaged does seem to indicate that Twilight is going to help Rainbow recover that ability. Perhaps a sequel showing Twilight essentially "untraining" Rainbow might be in order.
And I've got to agree with Canary about Twilight vs Fae in rules lawyering. Nobody, but nobody gets the better of faeries when it comes to that. The best you can hope to do is break even and Twilight simply does not have experience or skill for that. Celestia or Luna would have a good chance, maybe a lawyer, but Twilight? Much as I do love my purple alicorn wifu her interceding more than she had would have been disastrous.
8279087
It's still surprising no one pulled the "diplomatic relations" card, though; legally there must be some precedent for kidnapping a renowned hero, Wonderbolt, Element of Harmony, or whatever.
Also, I'm now getting hung up on the technical detail that the breezies never exactly acted like fae, and TWILIGHT CAN SWITCH A PONY'S SPECIES, so why didn't she at least occasionally go back to monitor?
Maybe I should just mark this incomplete and throw the rest on here (as chapters)?
8279299
Might relieve some of the dark feelings.
I don't necessarily think it's dark, though. Uneasy, maybe, but not bleak.
8279087 Most stories I've read have the fae cheating like they do, but the people end up getting the better of them anyway (sometimes by pulling out the anti-fae kryptonite and basically flipping the table).
Fae are villains, so they don't normally win. Fetish porn nonwithstanding.
Example:Lyra and the Little People
Well, I've written a lot of really screwed up stories, so I'm definitely not criticising the story as a whole - it's got a purpose and theme in mind, which it executes well, and a specific audience. More fic is always good! My personal reaction to it, though, is less happy. It really does feel pretty bleak to me. Rainbow is singled out by these apparently disproportionately powerful creatures to be hurt, and no one really tries to do anything to help her because they're afraid of retribution themselves. Rainbow is broken with fear and forced body control, and by the time the year is even half-over, her brash, energetic, playful personality has been ground down to basically nothing - that really feels like a tragedy to me. By the time she's released, she's fundamentally broken, and at the end, it doesn't seem like she's ever going to be whole again. That's why this story doesn't work for me.
Meh, I did enjoy the story as it is something new (reminds me of another story which was cancelled where Twilight wears down on Rainbow's patience over some weird protection spell and makes her, her slave/pet) and mostly leaves you to enjoy it without much clop. Really enjoyable to see something new But 3 problems which are really glaring that it took me out of the story:
1) Breezies have ability to use magic and trick ponies which somehow hasn't caused a war between the two (if there are other ridiculous "laws" such as this, which is most certain given their character in this story). I dunno, I guess the Sun Goddess didn't give a shit as usual...
2) Twilight seems to have forgotten that ponies can be controlled and "pretend" to say that things are fine. Which again, somehow hasn't caused her/others to go "Wtf how is at all fair"
3) "Cuz magic, shut up!". To me magic here is becoming an increase in plot holes and inconsistencies as your expected to just go with it because "magic has no rules/limitations". Most notably the sudden accept that she now works for them which goes against her entire character of being anything but a pushover. In other stories that I've read they are either forced through unpleasant methods or seduced because of recognizable character weaknesses.
But hey ho, this was written for fun, so it can be excused :)
8281904
The thing about Fearies', especially low Fae like the Pixie-Breezie, is that messing with one brings the others into the conflict.
And I'm to say it, Faeries in old mythology killed gods without batting an eye.
And the fact that by design Fae aren't mortal, don't percieve the world remotely the same as normal beings and have a completely alien set of ethics, morals and good and evil, to such a degree that the term of Blue-Orange Morality is used to describe them compared to the Black and White used by humans.
Faerie also rarely instigate the conflict, in most cases they are reactionary to the faulty decisions of others.
They aren't something any one, ruler, peasant God or eldritch beast toys with and goes to war with willingly.
Not without the fate of the world already decideded.
8279972
That's the thing though.
Faeries by their laws, binding to their very existence, can't lie.
They don't outright decieve, cheat or turn the odds.
They thrive on half truths, omission and logically sound mind games, literally handing over only half of you ask, and allow those who think themselves clever for asking, but not prying for all of it, to walk themselves into their ends.
It's where the "ask them thrice, answered in truth" thing comes from, Invoking a Fae's name and demanding to be answered thrice binds them, but the effort of finding a fae's true name and using it is at once a lifelong endeavor and an insult fit to have Mab and Titania, the Queen of Unseelie(Winter) and the Queen of Seelie(Summer) Fae to take a healthy, and damning interest in the mortal who holds such arrogance.
8282288
No, they do all those things, constantly. Maybe they can't tell a literal lie, but that's barely a speedbump for deception. Maybe they can't break the rules *they made* but their rules are always unfair -- they cheated before the game even began.
And I'm not sure what you mean by 'turn the odds' but they'll always imply that you have much more of a chance to win than you actually do, because they'll deceive you into thinking that you're making a fair wager when in reality they've already cheated before you even made the deal thanks to rules they made up and didn't inform you of.
And of course they always use their own interpretation of everything with no room to argue.
The only way to beat them is to use their weakenesses against them. Lie. Break the rules. Agree to something and then change the deal by force. Those are the mortal's advantages.
It's not like you can actually deal with them in good faith. They don't even know the meaning of the words.
8282332
What fool tries to force a creature to defy their laws save one who is already in the wrong?
When you deal with Fae no matter their rank or form, you deal with the same laws that govern their actions with eachother.
The laws they follow are fair, but the hero dealing with them rarely if ever had the intent to barter fairly, so often demanding a world changing action for a pittence and with barely any thought in how they speak to the godly entity they had the gal to order like a servant.
Add to this the fact that by design and with even rudimentery knowledge of Fae, you should know not to tempt nor try to be human in your wording.
No hyperbole, no metaphores nor word play save that which plays into itself.
In most cases they aren't evil, the person dealing with them is just patently stupid and has to break the accords to win, usually threatening violence and death when simply being able to ply their laws as they do would have sufficed.
Think of Fae as lawyers. They know every law front to back from birth and how to get what they want without giving more then they deem of equal value.
If you can't match them in that you are playing a game you are destined to lose from the start.
8282424 They're more like sovereign citizens with magical powers to enforce their insanity and no judge to contain their excesses.
It's not even all about bargains -- they'll take random actions you do or don't do as an excuse to unilaterally impose harsh penalties or steal from you.
Why is it always the fae law alone that's supposed to guide relations between fae and humans -- with the fae as the judge and executioner as well? How could that ever be fair?
You can't deal with fae fairly, because they don't have any concept of fair play. If you're a lawyer and you have access to a separate authority to interpret their laws (eg, a higher fae who likes you more than them) then maybe you can avoid giving them an opportunity to screw you, but if either of those is untrue your only recourse is cold iron (or sunlight, or horseshoes, or whatever the kryptonite of the day is).
They're basically always villains by their very nature. It's why once humans figure out ways to fight back, the fairies always end up getting exterminated. They're crazy monsters and it's impossible for them to coexist with civilized people.
8282461
It's fae law alone because disobeying them kills them.
Flat and simple, why do you think a fae trying to fight being summoned is in pain?
If they don't abide, they suffer, and not even Mab nor Titania can change that.
So yes, demanding them to change is the equivelant to asking a human to stop breathing for the rest of their lives.
And considering they are required to take things literally, you making an offhand comment like "I'd die to be able to do X" is a binding statement.
As for soveriegn citizens, humans encroach on their territory, the Wilds and untamed parts of the world, that the Fae have resided on and lived alongside for millenia before humanity even began, in the actual mythology.
It's akin to a modern military assaulting cave men due to how Fae are poisoned and burned by man-made metals. They don't like us, and with just cause, but they aren't evil, because again, they are in their own way Eldritch entities, they donnot understand on any level human morality.
I can't even explain that one anymore because there is no real life example.
Rainbow Dash, Element of Speed.
At first (at the end of last chapter) i was a little miffed how breezies seem to be too godlike and manipulative...
That was successfully assuaged
8283838 There's enough Mary Sues in MLP without making breezies into more.
So this all feels subtly fucked up...
I was hopping for some more dark side to the mind control on RD, but it could change over time I guess. Still it was well write, I am looking forward to see more of this.
8285474
Yeah by the end of 2nd chapter it was pretty much like Given Shape. Everything just ends up being consensual mutations with mild-superpowers.
Based on the few comments I've read on the second chapter, my temptation to read at least that part is rising despite what I said earlier, so can someone tell me exactly what happens in it so I can decide?
Because the implication is that RD's situation HAS gotten better, but I need to know in what way.
8297833
It basically 180s and implies this slavery stuff was totally awesome and that's how you get super powers and Celestia did it before and the breezies are behind every good thing ever and now Rainbow is cool with doing it for them more so it's totally consent this time.
8318827
I see.
Well, that temptation is gone again
Thanks for the summary, though
This might have been explained in one of the two chapters already out (I wouldn't know, since I'm still not reading the fic. In addition to the issues I have with the concept, close to 22K words in just 2 chapters, with the implication that that's going to be the regular average for the rest of the fic is just too much for me), but one more issue I thought of after posting that other comment;
How does making someone your slave, even if it turns out to be beneficial to both parties, count as a prank?
That might just be me misinterpreting the summary and the fetishes involved in the fic, but still I feel like I need an answer.
(This is one of those thoughts that was kicking around in my head for a while. I tried to just ignore it and focus on other things, but that just wasn't working, so I had to at least make this comment to get it out there)
8322398
That's mostly "because fae are jerks". Though since magic is something everyone can do I also find their ability to do whatever they want with impunity kind of dumb.
8325239
Is that a quote taken directly from the story, or is that the jist of the whole thing?
And one more reason why I'm never going to read this.
8325247
Not a quote, but a classic interpretation of them.
8325283
I see.
Well, thank you for being the one to answer my questions.
(With any luck, this SHOULD be my last comment on this story ever. I never thought I'd have as much to say about a story I'd never read)
Interesting....
Is this going to continue with a sequel? Or is it marked complete until some other date?
8361148 Maybe a sequel, or maybe a prequel... not sure at this point. The reason I ended it here was that the story of Rainbow being captured is over.