- Member Since 24th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Ringtael
Don't waste time on reading this, you got stories to explore.
Ringtael
Joined 24th Feb, 2015 ·
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Nice story! I think you really made the characters likeable. The kinkiness was well illustrated too...im not to sure about the whole "dungeon" scene but you made it sound interesting.
8180411 Thanks for the feedback. Ever since I started writing, I wanted Rarity to have a dungeon.
This was great dude! Really love BDSM fics like this.
Oh, also, I'd love to see more chapters here.
Wouldn't mind more of it. This story was a delight to read
I just want to see a role reversal chapter
With my reputation of the niche kind of clopfics I enjoy to write, a story with this kind of title would have had a drastically different outcome.
Neat.
It was a fun read, but the pacing was a bit too fast. It felt more like you were summarizing what they did more than describing it. I think the story would have benefited if it had had less going on at once, but everything described in greater detail. Put us in the scene. You told us what was in the dungeon, but not what it looked like. What were the characters thinking, feeling, seeing, smelling. A lot of it was described clinically, not emotionally.
The scenes with the candle and the spanking both had a lot of setup, but not a lot of payoff. Rarity is presented as very experienced and very tolerant of pain, but she is only able to take five or so cane strokes before the scene moves on. The candle is a really sexy idea, but has little impact on the story at large.
I really enjoyed the premise, and it was enjoyable to read. The characterizations were appealing and believable, and I really liked that you actually followed through with the punishment for dropping the rotor early in the story. It's a good story, but it needs some touching up to be a great story.
I hope this is constructive, and not overbearing.
8185137 It's exactly what I'm looking for in critique and feedback in general. Thanks for reading and giving me some points to work on, I'll definitely give your comment another look the next time I write smut.
8185161 Glad I could help
That's great.
A day late and a dollar short, but I did read it so that's that. The story itself was pretty good but the ending of Anon courting Rarity just doesn't make sense. A relationship between two vastly different people is not going to work. Sure, they might like the whole BDSM thing but is that really enough to keep them together? (But that's too far into the future for a one-shot, so no real criticism can come from me)
For a one-shot clop-fic, this is pretty great. The pace is pretty good. All points were covered and in the end, it was a pretty fun arousing read. Excellent work.
8273138
Sounds like a naive question.. or question born by modern, materialistically biased outlook on relation that there should be something third in relation. You kinda repeated question of Starlight Glimmer.
what would keep different people together? of course, attraction to each other and ability to complement each other. more likely similar people would tear their relations apart due to competition , than complementary personalities. that's why so many marriages today end with divorce.
rofl a raunchy fuck fest then they become a couple rofl she will always be the sub now with mind shattering climaxes i think i see a collar with anon's property on the tag with dimond studs around the collar in her future
Dangly wangly? LOLWUT?!
Mmmm this was a satisfying read.
A good and hot read and very well written.
HEY THAT'S PRETTY GOOD
Wow that was great! Loved everything about it, good intimacy too, good job