After Twilight tells Starlight about how Tirek tried ruled Equestria, Starlight goes to Tartarus where Tirek is imprisoned and confronts him.
- Narrated from Starlight's perspective.
Includes Twilight x Starlight shipping.
Chapters (1)
CAPTAIN YOSHI HD
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Okay, um... You wrote this story in first-person from Starlight's POV, and yet you mention how Tirek feels and often somehow have Starlight see the expression on his face when he's turned away from her. And... How do I put this? What exactly is the point of this little scene? Just that Starlight wants to yell at Tirek?
This is poorly written and the story doesn't go anywhere. I can live with the incorrect punctuation and all the sentences with randomly missing words, but ultimately Starlight doesn't make a very compelling argument, and I'm left wondering why this conversation even happened.
9234448
9234413
Ditto.
Well, that was interesting lol.
9234448
What are you talking about?! This is a masterpiece!
Fin.
thumbs.gfycat.com/PointedInstructiveAustraliancattledog-small.gif
This is just Stupid Sorry. :|
9234448
Really? I couldn't get through the story because the punctuation bothered me so much
I was curious about why this had so many downvotes. Now I know.
9234833
This was the best summary of a story I have ever read.
I don't want to be rude. But...
WTF is this, an Evictus story?
9235286
I don't know, but it really bothers me that I spent six months pouring my heart out on a 30k word fic and got maybe 300 clicks over a month long period, but this garbage gets recommended and receives better view metrics in 24 hours. I've given up trying to understand this website's nonsense algorithms.
9234413
precisely.
9235286
I don't understand why people think I'm like Evictus. I don't write stories like he does anymore.
9235210
And what do you know?
9235435
But...
Hoo boy.
There's no real point to any of this. Starlight has no direct personal stake in anything that Tirek did to Twilight. If she went to Tartarus to yell at anyone, it would have been Cozy Glow. The reader goes through this ordeal and learns absolutely nothing new and gains no insights into either character. It all comes off as a colossal waste of time.
9234448
Hey, I worked so hard on this story. I don't understand why this has so much hate. Is it the profanity?
9235443
How did she get to Tartarus? Why did she go there?
What was the point? I don't have answers for any of these questions.
9235305
Same. I spent weeks writing a story that I really enjoyed writing, and it only got less than 30 likes and less than 300 views since I published it in November. Maybe it was because it was an OC's POV?
9235446
This comment makes me think Yoshi is Evictus' alt account...
9235446
Simple, there is no reason for this story to happen. It just comes across as Starlight being a Twilight White-Knight for a 1,417 word story.
9235789
I'm not EVICTUS! Why does everything think I'm Evictus? I mean, come on. His writing is more different than mine.
9235812
Because people want to see if the bad fic they habe heard about is really that bad.
In cases of stories like this it's not really a good things being popular as it just means people are passing it around to show how bad it is and talk about it.
9235446
You are writing this in response to a comment that lays out exactly why the reader didn't like the story in the clearest and simplest terms possible. What is it that you don't understand here?
9237040
Why everyone hates the writing in this. I tried to make it generic.
9237281
Here, I'll just repeat what you seem incapable of reading:
It's badly written because it's totally pointless. You spend over a thousand words saying nothing about either Tirek or Starlight.
9237395
I edited it a little bit.
My brain spins as I try to figure out what the hell this line means.
9237908
Can you write a better version of that line so I can copy it and edit it in the story. I'll write proofread by JD McGregor in the story's description.
9239816
Impossible, since I literally have no idea what you're trying to say in that sentence.
Here, lets break that thing down:
I've never been in such a strange place (Okay, we're starting out clear enough) since I took off in that cave (Wait, what cave do you mean now? The one she ran off into at the end if The Cutie Map, part 2?) after I lost my chance to get lost in it, (And here's where the sentence goes completely bonkers. After she lost her chance to get lost in it?) along with my villagers', including Twilight and her friends', cutie marks. (She lost her chance to get lost in the cave along with the cutie marks of the Mane 6 and Our Town's inhabitants? But... What? She just ran away into the cave at the end of the episode. And are you seriously saying that cave was as strange as Tartarus?)
And the thing is, that one line isn't the problem here. The problem with this story is that Starlight has no real motivation to do this, and her conversation with Tirek is just sort of insipid. What's the point of her going down there to yell at him and say "BLARG! YOU ARE BAD AND WILL REMAIN BAD AND I AM BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE I WAS BAD, BUT NOW AM GOOD!"
Because, truthfully? That just makes her come off as a dick.