Rainbow's Rave

TBlast At The Beach
Equestria Girls
Romance
Comedy
Rainbow Dash talks Applejack into visiting one of the most popular beaches in the country.
Alt. Universe
DJ P0N-3
Octavia
Applejack (EqG)
Rainbow Dash (EqG)
pabrony · 5k words · 51 6 · 3k views

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Comments ( 17 )

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PoisonJokey

PoisonJokey #1 · Sep 23rd, 2017 · 1 · · Fun On The Farm ·

A good friend of mine, EverfreePony, send me here after spotting your (slightly unfortunate ) advice-seeking story promotion. She's not a great fan of clopfics, but she knows that I'm a sucker for them

I read both the current version of the story and the archived original one-shot.
So, my conclusion is... a dramatic pause ... the current version is much better! You pay more mind to details, letting the scenes last longer and also adding greatly to the atmosphere Furthermore, I'm glad you added the whole car scene and also that AJ was now a lil' bit more hesitating, allowing for a more subtle, longer build-up.
This fic is surely one of the better variety of clopfics I have seen on this site. I Also laughed quite often. Have an upvote!

PS: I noticed some typos here and there and I think it's a pity to let those litter the story. If you allow me, I'll go through the story once more and comb for those.

pabrony

pabrony #2 · Sep 23rd, 2017 · 1 · · Fun On The Farm ·

8443910 Thanks for the upvote. I'm glad you liked it. I was mostly worried about that splitting the one-shot into three would doom it more than what it was. I still have a bonus clop chapter that I'm going to add soon.

Uncle Bob

Uncle Bob #3 · Sep 26th, 2017 · · · Fun On The Farm ·

Well, all in all I would say that this was a major improvement to the story both in the literal sense, with the addition of the car scene, but also to the exploration/revealing of each person involved characteristics with the most prominent being Applejacks timider/more vulnerable nature.
Nice building block to future stories so I guess I can say this:
s2.quickmeme.com/img/16/160473082bbbea7bd8d54407c90c3fa4a8904bf98ab6365819d2c69b28cc0629.jpg

pabrony