• Member Since 7th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen January 27th

OneBrainCellLeft


Hi, I exist.

E

While Rainbows at work, her friends come by to see how she's doing. She had been acting strangely all week and now her friends know why.


UPDATE 3/20/20: I got very disinterested in this story after a while and no longer plan to complete it. Almost a year ago I decided to rewrite it from the ground up hoping that I would regain my interest and create a better outcome. Unfortunately, that didn't work and I'm sorry if anyone (though I doubt it) wondered what might've happened next.


(Bad) Cover Art By: Me

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 56 )

This is great so far!(A thumbs up👍)

Pretty neat so far.Nice way to end it.Just make sure to add a few commas here and there because there's a few commas missing.
(I know.I'm such a puntuationcripite)

Commas.

Apart from that,everything's great!:pinkiehappy:

This is cute.Yup,'the secret finally slips'




I know,I'm not funny.

Hehe,Rainbow and her Daring Do books.:rainbowdetermined2:

Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Aug 23rd, 2018
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Aug 23rd, 2018
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019

9127655
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I really appreciate it!

9127658
Thanks I'll try to work on it in future chapters and maybe once it's finished or I have more time I'll come back and fix it.

9127660
lol it was pretty good I can't come up with these dang titles thou

9127675
I'm working on the next chapter and it'll be out as soon as I can get it out!

Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Aug 26th, 2018
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Jan 13th, 2019
Comment posted by RotiKhaase deleted Aug 26th, 2018

9170315
Honestly, a lot of them aren't even real people that matter to the story. A lot of this sorta just comes right from my head and I never really planned it lol :rainbowlaugh:

9170341
Yeah thanks for pointing that out, I'll make sure to correct that.

"Thanks mom, what would do without you?"
*"Thanks mom, what would I do without you?"

"Bye mom see you later! Tell dad I said bye too!" said yelled hurriedly as she was about to walk out the door. "I will! Drive safe, love you!" her mother responded. "Thanks, love you too!" Rainbow Dash yelled back as she ran out the door. Rainbow Dash swung open the car door and jumped inside.

*"Bye mom see you later! Tell dad I said bye too!" said yelled hurriedly as she was about to walk out the door.
"I will! Drive safe, love you!" her mother responded.
"Thanks, love you too!" Rainbow Dash yelled back as she ran out the door. Rainbow Dash swung open the car door and jumped inside.*

Also you could remove most of the "Rainbow Dash" in this and replace them with she and it would flow a lot better

Which she felt was a bit unfair to whoever had the opening shift, but she didn't care all that much. She just wanted today to be over. Because tonight she was going to have another sleepover at Pinkie's. The girls had all decided that they were going to have sleepovers at Pinkie's over the weekend. Rainbow Dash didn't remember, the day they decided to do that, that she had to work. So the all cleared their schedules except her. Rainbow Dash luckily only had work today then she was free for the rest of the weekend.

*Which she felt that was a bit unfair to whoever had the opening shift, but she didn't care all that much. She just wanted today to be over. Because tonight she was going to have another sleepover at Pinkie's. The girls had all decided that they were going to have sleepovers at Pinkie's over the weekend. Rainbow Dash didn't remember that because she had to work the day they decided to do that, . So they all cleared their schedules except her. Luckily she only had work today, and then she was free for the rest of the weekend.*

I like I'll defiantly read the next chapter.

9316599
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I will definitely look into making a few changes to the story. :D

9316599
Thanks for the constructive criticism! I edited the chapter slightly to fix a few of the mistakes I made and improve the piece overall. I hope you enjoy story :D

OMG!This was brilliant!I love the tension between Applejack and Rainbow Dash winning.

9399487
Thanks! It was a lot of fun to write!

Really hope this story continues :twilightsmile:

Yay I’m so excited you updated :pinkiehappy: lol can’t wait for more :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment