This story is a sequel to Rainbow's Rave
Rainbow Dash talks Applejack into visiting one of the most popular beaches in the country but fails to mention a few details of that beach.
Rated "T" for nudity.
Continuity: SciTwi Shimmer Chronicles
Image from The Butcher X
(Do not ask for unedited cover pic. Comments and PM's requesting it will be deleted/ignored)
Seriously? I know you don't have anything planned.
...there, but I don't wanna piss someone off just because they think I look like a slut.
Ain't is a slang contraction for "Is not". Replace that with: "did not". Otherwise, the sentence makes no sense.
...that I had slept in.
In my opinion, AJ saying "thar" just makes her sound like an inbred moron. I understand what you're trying to go for but sometimes you don't have to be quite so ham-fisted with the contractions and countrisms. She'd be perfectly fine saying "their".
Hmm as for the story itself...
Too early for me to really get a feel for it. I guess it's because this is technically a sequel and I didn't read the other installments? The buildup just seemed kind of thin to me. Maybe if AJ and Dashie had run into some nude beachgoers, that might have made the scene bit more interesting and funny.
Aside from the spelling it's a good story
8272700 As far as Applejack's dialogue goes, I'm not trying to make her sound like an "inbred moron". It's that her country accent and my southern dialect has kinda gotten mixed together while I was writing. I have plans for the next chapter to have more filler in it. Plus I'll fix those minor spots you brought up.
8272809 Thanks.
8273026
You're welcome
8273024
Like I said, that's just my opinion. I was only letting you know how it sounded from a reader's perspective. In general though, southern dialect can be a bit tricky to implement in writing... even if you're from the south. Good luck with the rest of the story.
8273069 Thanks.
If it is gonna be realistic then this is what Rainbow and Applejack will remember on the way home:
previews.123rf.com/images/elxeneize/elxeneize1211/elxeneize121100045/16509446-Different-kinds-of-sausages-Stock-Photo.jpg
8295718 No words...
8272700
As a Southerner, your attempt to "correct" a Southern character's dialect to make it accentless mildly offends me. You'd have been better off correcting the one actual mistake there: the absence of the word "got".
"Seriously, Ah know you ain't got nothin' planned. Do you?"
8298076 Actually, that line was from Rainbow Dash over the phone. Not Applejack.
8298590
Ah. My bad. (Haven't read the story, it just seemed like he was...yeah. I'll just see myself out now.)
After getting my suitcase packed and loaded in the trunk of Rainbow's Mustang.
I read Mustang...I'm intrigued.
8361579 I love Mustangs and I figured what better sports car for Rainbow Dash than... well, you know. Plus, Mustang... a horse reference.
8361777
True. I myself drive a mustang and they are a blast
That was sweet. I was wondering if they were clothed or not when the pizza came. Thanks for the background on the movie. Glad you got another chapter posted. Good luck on the next one.
8375193 Thanks. I don't have any plans to do a third chapter for this because most of it would be redundant and I believe it would water down the end of the chapter.
8375244
Oh, I don't know. This could be a major turning point in their relationship. Does nudity become a bigger part of their lives, who else do they meet on the beach, and where else do they go to be nude together? It feels like you've only scratched the surface with the possibilities.
8375688 I had planned on continuing this into a second series that was parallel (and sometimes intersecting) to the SciTwi Shimmer series. So there's more to come.
8376248
Yay! I'm looking forward to it. Have fun writing it.
8377344 I hope I do. There's going to be at least one holiday fic involving AJ and Dashie, maybe more, in addition to whatever else I can come up with.
8377368
Cool. Good luck.
8377788 Thanks.
Took me awhile t get back to the story. Unlike the sexy prequal, this one was fám more calm, but I liked it just as much!
9059441 Thanks. I'm looking forward to reading your comments for the sequel.
I like this, looking forward to the next chapter.
Although the image you used doesn’t work. It’s just an “unsupported image.”
This was just lovely to read! Well done!
Vinyl being a really nice girl and her and Octavia getting along super wholesomely is something I'm glad to see! Plus it's neat to see them having fun with AJ and Rainbow.