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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I clapped! I clapped because it was rated mature and their was fuck in it! I'm 13 years old and I like fuck and swear words that make me feel like a big boy!
Upvoted and favorited, and then fapped again!
This needs an editor, badly.
The lack of proper grammar in the description already gives off bad vibes.
Please continue
8144747 Yes, I would also like you to continue because fuck and boobies make my two-inch wiener hard!
8144742
Yeah I'm not the greatest with spelling and I'm looking for someone who will help with it.
8144880
I wish you the best of luck, then.
Can anyone say "Out of Character"?
This is not good. I can see you're a new member, so I will give you some guidance:
Firstly, the shift key is your friend. Embrace it. Use it. Even if this was a masterpiece of storytelling and characterisation (and it really, really isn't) nobody would know it because the grammar is so dreadful.
Secondly, take a step back from writing, and read. Start with the top stories list, so you can see what works. Join a few review groups, so you can see what does and doesn't work, and why.
Right now, the fic you are writing has been done dozens of times on this site, and they are all dreadful, for all the same reasons. It has no chance of success, and was doomed before you ever published it. I recommend that you do a lot more reading, with a view to research the site.
This has to be a trollfic. Please, tell me it is.
this story is the reason why hitler did nothing wrong
Oh boy...
This has to be a trollfic. If not, the approver was clearly asleep when this one hit their desk.
I dont expect somone new to writing to have their stories be amazing. But I have to be honest this was really terrible. If anything if you like HIE and want to make good ones your going to have to try alot harder. But in any case personally id avoid HIE. As this idea has been done so many times. What you should do is read more fics on this site and figure out what you personally like. After that start with a simple story or two for practice and when you feel comfortable and you've made somthing good, then you can publish.Also dont title your fics with cuss words. No it wont make your fic more edgy or cool, it makes you look like your desperate for attention or a troll.
FYI: This person is not new. The old account with the same name was just deleted because their other stories were just as bad and despite the same comments, they never learned.
8145657 it's not the same person he is my younger brother and you can shut up about him sucking so bad bc this is his first story ever of course he going to suck but at least he trying to start somewhere like most that don't try. Plus he wants to get better at so he has to write more. So I'm trying to help him as well and my editing is not that very good bc I have different types of autism. Before you say that I'm insulting commenters I'm not its what you said that made me angry is they never learn. Well let me till you what I accept the other comments that this bad so we are learning and trying to improve it little by little so you insulting a 14 year old that never learn he can learn so give it time.
8144980
Thanks I'm the editor so any help I can get would be great thanks for your opinion.
8145296
We both have read many this story has a storyline to it but there is definitely alot of trolls to it that is within the story to. We want to write something that is new to the HIE that combine a little of both that's why it so out of character it's is like that for the reason and it's so random like that changeling part of it it's one of those random things that just happens if you know what I mean and I did read the chapter again I think it's good but I could improve it a little bit. I mean it's that I would read but it's not for everyone.
8145657
But I do see where you coming from tho and did read so of the story's you wrote to. It's not something I like to read but it's a good story and I apologize for sounding angry from my last post. My brother means a lot to me and I kinda loss it when someone being unfair to another like that I'm sorry.
8145891
Really gonna blame autism for lack of editing skills? That's the oldest excuse in the book. I've encountered others with autism on this very site that have an excellent grasp of writing mechanics in general.
8145273
Just another point on the list, my dear Shocks.
8146555
Oh no I'm not just blaming on that entirely I'm just say that is one of the main reason and that I'm just slow at learning to write there are others reason as well but there to little to mention and yes there is people out there like me can do this but I'm not them and that why I'm not gonna blame it entirely on it but I'm blaming myself as a whole.
8145273
You know there are worse story's out there right?
8146893
What do you mean?
8146923
Ok? I was going to but thanks anyways
8146923
Wasn't not was
8147693
I put a lot of effort into it but I know I can do better. That's why I'm writing this story so I can improve my writing skill's better that they are now. But thank you anyways for taking your time to read my story and comment what you thank.
8147736
Thank you for correcting me
8147693
I am putting effort in it.
8147910
I said was but I meant to say wasn't
8148142
Nvm it's not important
This military has an awfully liberal dress code.
Please continue
8151358
I've been working on it today so it will be out in a few more days.
8150669
Max and John were not in their standard military dress code because the were going to the base first to get there clothes and living arragments done.
8294162
I'm continuing the story! I hope it peeks your interest.
sorry dude this is not working for me at all........
the grammar is a killer! like literally!
i cant know who's talking or what coz of the grammar.....
the stories way too fast paced for my taste!
i dont understand what these guys a talking about......its like they're high or something.......
it a bit random and different,i like it and i will continue reading it