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Comments ( 5 )

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Silver Inkwell

Silver Inkwell #1 · Feb 9th, 2017 · 1 · ·

This is Story #50
Yeah!!!
Also,
#First
#FirstComment

Calcen

Calcen #2 · Feb 9th, 2017 · · ·

Great story!

LILDASHIEGRINGO

LILDASHIEGRINGO #3 · Feb 10th, 2017 · · ·

Sounds good. But, the emotional initiative that she had when killing her friends didn't look personal enough, making this sound bland to me. She stabs everyone in the heart and drinks their blood. But, that's it? What about Twilight getting stabbed in the frontal lobe because Pinkie knew how much of an egg head she was? Or what about Applejack putting up a fight to give her more time to convince her that she is telling the truth, even if it doesn't work? Nobody wants to die under the hand of their best friend. But when their heart is set and their mind follows, they have to fight for their life on an emotional roller coaster until the end.

This is not bashing of any sort or trying to remake your story into something better. I'm just a fellow writer that wants to help another.

So, your story is really good. But, I feel that it should be more emotional and intense to have a larger impact on the reader.

BTW, you get a thumbs up!