• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

TobiasDrake


Sequels1

E
Source

Twilight takes Applejack up on a chance to study new kinds of relationship, but will this experiment end pleasantly, or will their relationship crash and burn around them?

When a dark shadow comes crawling out of the past, the pair may find themselves lost in Ponyville's twilight hours.

Thanks to Meta Four for proofreading.

Chapters (6)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 26 )

More chapters soon!!

I want more chapters. This is interesting.

Twi's scientific approach to dating is really amusing, even though it's clear she's cruising into a disaster.

By that point, Twilight had actually begun enjoying the game. “It’s all math,” she explained. “This game is about calculating angles, judging for weight, and measuring velocity to ensure the optimal impact.”

I'm laughing behind my fan like a Japanese noblewoman right now.

For a new writer/fan, you're very good with character voices. Twilight and Applejack are sweet enough, but the others shine through in their moments as well, especially Rainbow (for all that I'm used to seeing her shipped with AJ instead, it's cute to see her as just kind of a bro:rainbowwild:) and Pinkie, who... just yes.:pinkiehappy:

I’ve seen my orchard in full bloom during the harvest season more times than I can remember. I’ve seen the light of Zap Apples firing off one after another in a concert of light.

:trollestia:

Aww...:fluttershysad::facehoof: Twi's definitely invested in this relationship now, just too darn polite to show it when it counts.

7930461 Thank you. It helps that I've been receiving very good help with editing and proofreading. Some voices are also easier to get than others. I'm very familiar with southern twang so Applejack's dialogue is a piece of cake, barring some missteps with writing her dialect early on, but Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are tricky.

Comment posted by kinglinkkokiri deleted Feb 9th, 2017

what going to happen to Twilight & Applejack i'm dead to know

I have a very bad feeling about this guy.:twilightoops:

Interesting how everypony means well (except the stranger) yet their best efforts to fix this mess are just prolonging it.

Also interesting how the stranger's M.O. is pretty much the same as how Sunset Shimmer drove apart the main five in the first EQG movie.

Speculation time: Based on that first-person bit at the beginning of ch 2, I suspect Cardinal is a splintered aspect of Discord.

Oooh, so they're dealing with a cross between Discord and Tsukishima from Bleach.

Refreshing to see they're at least trying to be clearheaded, communicative and mature through all this- even if an overemphasis on maturity at the expense of communication is a large part of the problem. I mean, Twilight having gone off with Rarity may subconsciously compound AJ's doubts, but at least AJ isn't i,mediately jumping to the worst possible conclusion (making her possibly the most mature AJ I've seen recently:rainbowwild:).

Twilight love Applejack's hat she should ask Rarity to make a

cope of Applejack's dress from Grand Galloping Gala

get a sheriff badge a lasso a new hat for Applejack so Twilight keep the old one

and take a photograph with a note that say we need to have a talk about the fight

and for Twilight in the end of your story should take Applejack by her ear with her

magic before she gave Applejack a red flank or something like that

Very interesting story so far. I like it a lot. :ajsmug:

Ohhh that hurt.:fluttercry: Good thing this is finally building to a head.

And it does make sense that the group would fracture just so over this situation, with the "interventions" we've seen from Cardinal. It does kind of feel like Rarity took a level in jerkass, at the very start of the story, to justify this moment, but 1)it's AJ so of course they're going to butt heads (especially so soon after that desert fiasco) and 2)she was right from the start, relationship upgrades between divergent personalities like this make everything more complicated. It wasn't necessarily pleasant reading, but that doesn't mean it's not good writing.

:twilightsmile:

Have to say, as much as it hurt seeing the group fall apart, it was perfectly in the spirit of the show to watch them reconcile, not to mention the rest of the cast pitching in.

(I don't think Fluttershy really had much to learn either- she tried to get everypony to calm down- but eh.)

Celestia nodded, taking all this in. “It sounds like you’ve all learned very important lessons about friendship this week.”

“Except me!” Pinkie shouted.

“Except Pinkie.”

“I did nothing wrong!”

:rainbowlaugh:

Thank you for the wonderful story!

I enjoyed helping with the proofreading on this one.

The mixture of romance and adventure genres was very interesting. So many other fics that combine the two will essentially have the adventure plot and the romantic developments running parallel. The events of one plot will influence the other, and maybe both will climax in the same scene, but still the audience gets a lingering sense that the author could have completely excised either the adventure or the romance without affecting the other too much. But not in this story! The romance is the adventure here. Now I wish there were more stories like this.

And the romance itself is a refreshing alternative to the usual ship-fic formula. Here, the love confession is the prologue instead of the climax. Rather than dragging out a "Will they or won't they?" you focus on the growing pains from after the relationship's established. And I can't remember the last time I've seen a story's main couple portrayed as such an initially lop-sided relationship. (If this is how you, as a self-identified TwiJack shipper, write TwiJack's relationship, I don't want to imagine how you'd write a relationship you actually dislike!)

So congrats on finishing this. Here's hoping it gets the attention it deserves.

7968125 Thank you so much for helping this story find its legs.

Regarding both the story's emphasis on the growing pains of the relationship and the way the adventure and romance intersect with each other, both were important points for me going into it. Ultimately, when I started writing this, the goal wasn't necessarily to write a Twijack story so much as it was to write the kind of story that could only exist in a Twijack setting.

Writing about the complications that arise from an existing relationship rather than the complexities of getting into one was a key point of focus for me, because I feel like there aren't enough writers in any kind of fiction focusing on that side of it. Relationships can be hard work, especially when entered into by people with wildly different expectations and emotional needs, and I wanted a chance to explore that.

I've also always been a big fan of the Earn Your Happy Ending trope, but it was important in my estimation that fixing the relationship be the key to resolving the conflict rather than a consequence thereof. It has always bothered me to see a successful romance held up as the prize of the conflict, especially when that conflict has little to do with said relationship.

So, yeah, I put a lot of what I wanted to see more of in shipping stories into this. I'm glad to hear you liked it and, again, thank you for your help.

This.. was a really good story. Yeah I love how the romance and the Threat were linked, how one used the other, and was the key to the win, just both being there and needed, rather then the all to often, the threat is just tacked on for the sake of adding some action and only there to serve as some kind of hindrance to the romance. Making it matter really worked.

Not a huge fan of the whole stretch of Twi and AJ being mad at each other and how easily they were kept away, HOWEVER that’s just my own dislike and being tired of that idea in general, situations that just need talking about to work. This story did it really well and had very good reasons for why, so this is 100% a personal, just tired of it in general, but damn did the story do it right.

And like that the story made rather clear that this whole thing was not some grand, perfect plan and the baddie wasn’t some uber puppet master. That he was just getting lucky, and doing a combination Xanatos Speed Chess, and Xanatos Roulette to take advantage of things as they occurred. While also getting lucky. And that.. he was really just.. well insane, wanted something he did not understand, or what it meant. Was lashing out Really just did not understand what was going on, the the reveal of exactly who it was? I laughed my ass off. Which is rather awkward while reading in the break room at work.

The romance was well done, the issues believable, not forced. Twilight clearly feeling deeply for AJ, but simply not showing it in the typical manner because, Twilight. AJ caring but, stuck in looking at it her way and not really understanding Twilight. This was all building and just needed a spark to set off the powder keg.And that they would have gotten over it and dealt with it fine on their own if not for meddling.

I also LOVED Twi’s report and her trying to work out of platonic or romantic relationships are inherently one better then the other, and getting no, they are not just different. Also thank you for not drawing out the “It’s clear all a trick and not the real world” thing at all and having Twi instantly see the trouble more or less. Speaking off, no way even with the Elements he could have rewrote reality that much, so this had to all be in their minds. Using the Elements as connections to them and a power source.

But overall one thing that above all else I loved about this story was this line.

“It took you the better part of a week to try and tear us down, but we fixed the damage in an afternoon.”

It’s just, so perfect and shows how strong their bond is, and that they arne’t perfect but they will work through their problems. Just, it’s so damn good.

Yeah this was an all round amazing little idea and story.

8218266
I’m glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

To answer your concern, yes, the intent was that Cardinal’s world exists in their mindspace, not reality. It’s as fake as everything else about Cardinal; a shared illusion meant to keep them complacent. That’s why nopony but the Mane Six and Cardinal actually exists there, it’s why they’re secretly still wearing their Elements, and it’s why they’re still on the hill where Twilight confronted Cardinal once released from it.

8220417 That’s more or less what I figured. Just could have used Twilight outright making clear that was what was going on. But minor quibble, overall, yeah really loved how you handled this.

Applejack nodded. “We know. Welcome to the resistance.”

Awwww yeee

“It’s posted on the barn.”

“I can’t keep track of all these changes you make!”

Your farm is quite large, even Dashie would heve trouble finding you ina single orchard.

When it comes from Applejack, however, it fills my heart with a warmth that I’ve never felt before.

I’ve never worried much about wanting compliments from my friends, but I find myself openly seeking them from her so that I can feel that sense of fulfillment again. I look forward to discovering more ways that the meaning behind small gestures can change when under a romantic context.

Then say something.

Now Twilight was angry. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. No idea.

This is what happens when you don't say anything, even a simple I love you but no all you do is go like this is still an experiment.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!