Rose is on the search for a rare breed of flower, and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it. She'll have to search far and wide...but how will she handle experiencing something new along the way?
Chapters (3)
Lithe Kamitatsy
Joined 29th Oct, 2011 ·
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I'll read it later when it's longer.
38381
I promise!
Interesting..... a cactus/rose combination, possibly?
A really good start, and really a perfect prologue, it sets it up perfectly so that her journey really begins right on chapter one, instead of spending time going through backstory. This is why prologues exist, and you did it perfectly. Normally I'd focus on plot issues or something of that sort, but you're Lithe, so all I found was a small typo: "The two pored over the text, flipping page after page until Twilight found something. "
pored should be poured. That's it! Everything else was perfect. Nice job! I'll definitely be tracking this.
You've got a nice set-up going here.
Really don't get bogged down all that much with anything in this prologue; it sets up the situation and then gracefully exits stage left.
That said, I do wish that a few bits were extended: the argument with her friends and some of Twilight's research part (if only so the poor girl isn't just a plot device...poor, Twi). You can really ignore me, tho, and the prologue is still fine.
Nice set-up. Let's see where that 'adventure' tag takes this.
-Lammy
38619
Um... actually, it IS supposed to be "pored". (Pore)
Anywho, I'll keep an eye on this one...
I don't see much of rose so my interest is only piqued by the fact that shes the main character never cared much for flowers myself, although i have accepted the rose as an embemic trademark in games and in the gem of my class ring, (seeing how my birthstone was rose and i liked the color before i figured out it was my birthstone)
39636
What?
Really Great story!
Can't wait to read more!
for making such a good prologue you get a rainbowkiss
I'm liking this so far! Keep going!
Are you gonna continue this Lithe?
you better hurry up beafor applejack takes rainbow's kisses from you
yay you continued this
Yay~
I laughed at the muffin bit, that was good.
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH
Also:
Did Brae pretty well here, Lithe. Overexcited and energetic. He's kind of a male Pinkie in a way... (dammit, that ship needs to happen now) Can't quite say the same of Silverstar (think he was made out to be pretty relaxed in the show... sort of a ponified Scruffy the Janitor or something *shrug* prolly just me), but he's not the star here, is he? Nice to see that the ship isn't starting off right away or even heading that direction right away. Big Mac makes for a nice go-between/link here.
On the more technical side of things, find it a bit strange that Brae didn't end up in the prologue now... prologue feels a bit more like a first chapter than a prologue that way, but eh... still did its job. Had some weird bits here and there. (For Example: 'C'mon now, Brae. You're better than this... This ain't how you were raised,' he thought, looking away to hide a small blush. (why are thoughts not italics here? They're italicized everywhere else.) // and "Her deep maroon tail flicked slightly (this was entirely intentional on her part), catching Braeburn's eye." the parenthetical bit just seems like it could be worked in in a better way than a flow-breaking parenthetical) And, personally, I don't quite like how the paragraphs are broken up (or not broken up as the case may be) in places.
Still, solid set-up so far. Waiting to see how you go about having them go about it.
~Lammy
ps- Lily, how you be so cute?
Braeburn, he gets all the mares.
Here's another fanfic about Desert Rose. It was for the February write off, and I like it. Don't see how it didn't win. Anyway, check it out. It's really good.
Huh, looks like that one annoying fanboy nagging you about this story finally paid off.
Holy crap this updated
I completely forgot this existed.
not bad
Mares.