Gloryhole surprise

TheOneWithoutAName #1 · Dec 13th, 2016 · · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

It's not bad in my opinion. The POV surprised me a bit, considering most times you read it from more of a mares POV. But that's also not a bad thing.

Only a few things I noticed. For once how you didn't use paragraphs and instead have this wall of text. It is a tad irritating when it comes to reading in my opinion. Secondly the OC. But don't worry now if you think I might be an OC hater since I most certainly am not. I have written OC clop myself, so no worries there. First OC critique point might be as strange as it may sound, the name. Somber Shade is a rather generic name, while it also expresses nothing of importance. If your OC is in the guard, let him have a name that might reflect it. Think about what skills he might have or what weapons he is best with. I also am not sure now if he was either an Earth Pony, Pegasus or Unicorn. These might also help with naming if his strength lies in either of the attributes of one of the tribes. The second issue would be a contradiction I noticed in the OC. The OC is a loner like you said in this chapter, but at the same time he has fuckbuddies? It doesn't seem to fit well.

Any case I hope this critique helps you a tad.

Somber_Shade_09

Somber_Shade_09 #2 · Dec 13th, 2016 · · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

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7791069 Okay, fixed the format, completely forgot about that.
As for Shade himself, due to my own sense of self importance and ego I gave him as elaborate and contrived backstory I could think of. Because I can. And his introversion is mostly with those outside his immediate circle of friends (Mane six, Spike, Shining Armor, Discord, and occasionally Daring do) so it's not uncommon for him to simply stand back and observe the world rather than engage. He is, however, kind of impulsive and it gets him into shenanigans. He IS a Unicorn, and I should probably add that to his description.

But thank you for your input, I'm always happy to receive feedback.

TheOneWithoutAName

TheOneWithoutAName #3 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

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7792003

Glad to be of help! Also glad the Like-Dislike-Ratio changed to something far more appropriate, since it was rather bad the time I read your story. But that was probably also a bit about this being a OC story in a way. I remember that the OC clop I wrote had a voting that wasn't that bad, but still reflected how there were people who downvoted it just because of the OC that was in it. Someone even outright admitted it.

Anyway, I best not start a rant about this now. I wish you good luck in your future writing. I will also comment on your Daring story sometime then I read it, since it seems rather interesting.

Satch

Satch #4 · Dec 15th, 2016 · · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

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7791069 Gotta say, find it a bit funny how human glory holes is the standard in pony fics. Granted, most people are shit at using common sense, but you know xD Plus, this does use anthro, so it has a reason to use first person~

But yeah, using 1'st person isn't too common. Nice with a bit of spicing things up.
Hum... being the creator of the entire equine glory hole genre, I have to say: I prolly should have written one from a customers PoV... really strikes me right about now.

(And to the author: Like the other said: You will get complimentary downvotes due to using an OC. People are only okay with seeing the female canon characters as cumbuckets with no needs or self-regard when they are with other canon characters. Or their own OC. So don't pay too much attention to that. But it would prolly have been more approachable if you made the male just a generic "floating dick". As then they can self-insert what, or whomever they want :3 But up to how you wana write it.)

kalash93

kalash93 #5 · Jan 18th, 2017 · 1 · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

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Twas alright. Satisfaptory.

PinkiePieFox

PinkiePieFox #6 · Jan 20th, 2017 · 1 · · Bonus Chapter: Back at his place ·

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a good chapter, I like how it turned out. Thanks for making it!

OMNIImpressions

OMNIImpressions #7 · Jan 22nd, 2017 · 1 · · Gloryhole Surprise ·

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The moment when he put his dick in the hole of the stall I had another dark thought. He puts it in not to find a BJ but a machete weilding psycho. Ouch.

Shenzy