As I sit upon my icy pond, a young filly comes to talk to me. It's not often that I get visitors, and she's so sweet I want to show her my Garden.
And we could play and be happy there. Forever.
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- Member Since 7th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Penn Hooven
Writer and fanfiction reviewer. Feel free to say hi.
Penn Hooven
Joined 7th Jan, 2015 ·
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so creepy, glad i didnt read this late at night.
Kind of wondering how a horror and dark story got approved for a E rating when this seems like it should have had at least T rating or M rating.
7724360 I'll change that.
7724370 This was adorable!
7724393
?
7724400 All that clearly innocent thing wants is to bring ponies to live in her garden forever.
If you keep doing that to your would be friends, it is no wonder you have trouble making new ones.
7724417 Faèries have a strict set of laws and think infinitely different from mortal races.
Break the laws, loose your power and life, or worse, be left to the tortures of Queen Mab and Queen Titania.
Its to spooky and Sad she just wanted a friend. But i have this felling her "statues" was once alive ponies. Brrrrr talk about a chille conclusion im so sorry for that one
.
Before I read, what is the Dark and Horror for ?
Alondro's eyes turn wearily to the Fay, "No. My garden's vastly superior anyway. You should visit mine instead. It's in... The New Jersey Pine Barrens."
Alondro gains a Fay statue.
7724759 if I told you there would be no surprise.
I would read it but I don't really want to
7730543 why, are you that scared?
If that cover art is supposed to be the speaker, it makes it all the more chilling. For her to be so beautiful but so evil...
Absolute cringe.
But it would be unfair of me to at least point out one reason why.
' “NOOOO!” Sweetie turned to run, but my grip was too tight upon her leg. Struggle as she might, my icy grip was strong, unyielding.'
Firstly: "No".
Secondly: Cliche of useless struggling.
One of the strongest cliches is rendered into one of the most generic horror cliches in the last 100 years.
A horror is merited by the pay off from a given moment after a degree of suspense. The suspense should be created from world building of the unexplained abilities of an agent of horror, or by the lack of ability of a hero to change a tragic fate. IT by Steven King, or the shapeshifter in IT follows fit this description. Hell, the insanity of the main character in the cabinet of Dr. Caligari shows mans mortality and weakness more than this villain/protag (which I think you were trying to go for).
You see, in the end, this story equates to the settling of an evil being; not their endless dissatisfaction or lament/hell. We do not feel there is anything on the line when the character states in the end, that they're fine with statues. If the protag doesn't care about their life, then why should we?
This is garbage. You can thank me for telling you this later.
7734811 thank you for your opinion. While I might not agree with everything you said about my piece, you do have some fair points for me to consider.
Now, Let me defend myself by saying this was a thought experiment. I understand it's not really that scary of a story. I mean, the true scare comes from the unknown, not knowing what it is happening or why. You don't get either of that here. Because you're seeing it through the eyes of the monster rather than the victim. It was something that came to mind, and I thought it would be interesting to try to write a story that way. So I did. whether or not it has achieved success is in each person's point of view. To you, it hasn't. To others, it did. So again thank you for your comments.
I think being would be plural, here.
Other should be plural too.
Humorous is probably what you're looking for.
The "d" wouldn't be needed.
You may have meant "landed", but I'm not entirely sure.
You can take out the "i".
Either a "was" or a "had a" would work before the right.
Skull is spelled with a k, not a c.
Now, as a story, it gave off an incredibly eerie feel from the start. Big plus on that. The best parts were the Fay spoke to itself, giving off an inner dialogue that expanded upon what it was, what it wanted, and how it planned to get it. You writing in those parts was awesome! Also, the first interaction with Sweetie Belle was believable, and admittedly a bit cute.
One of the qualms I had with this, however, what happened after Sweetie Belle left. I understand that the setup was that Sweetie Belle was on a trip or something of the like, but I felt the Fay and Sweetie could have met at least another time or two before this whole drag-you-to-my-garden thing happens.This could have been a good opportunity to build a stronger connection between the Fay and Sweetie, leading to a more emotional conclusion when she's torn away from her friend.
The other minor problems I had tie into the big one, those being the pace once Sweetie Belle is introduced and the ending, but the main thoughts are covered in the above paragraph. Overall, a nice read!
I rather liked this story my only complaint is the end. Did rarity use a giant magnifying glass and if so where did it come from?
7751086 reread it. It's not a magnifying glass, but it's really thin ice that she uses like a magnifying glass. If she can manipulate the environment with her magic, it stands to reason that she could create ice, or use ice to form different shapes as needed. This is just another case of rarities ingenuity.
7751154 oh I see, I misunderstood that was my fault. Well then I enjoyed this story.