A sedate character study of Princess Celestia as she begins a new day in Canterlot Castle. Contains, in no particular order: beanbags, phoenixes, Twilight Sparkle, and delicious wheaty breakfast cereals.
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- Member Since 6th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 5th, 2014
TheVulpineHero1
Hi, I'm British, and you're reading a bunch of stuff you don't really care about! Yay! Go easy on me, I'm still finding my way around.
TheVulpineHero1
Joined 6th May, 2012 ·
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Very well done, an excellent piece of writing! I hope that you will extend this. I'd very much like to see what Celestia does on a daily basis, how she thinks and feels through the course of her day.
Alicorns...I love alicorns.... dear princess celestia your awesome!
Mind your tenses - the narrative slipped from present tense to past tense and back quite a bit.
808685
(*Why Thank you :)*)
(Thank's for the story :P)
808631
I'm probably not going to extend this, since it was a very spur of the moment thing, but I might well do the same sort've thing with other characters. I'm glad you liked it!
808685
Alicorns are pretty interesting given the context of the show, that much is true.
808723
If you're talking about the long tangents on Twilight's beanbag and Celestia's pondering on the afterlife, those were in reference to events or thoughts that had already happened so past tense would've been the thing to use. If you're talking about anything else, well, I'm a screw up and should be shot.
808732
You're welcome.
808766 I making a new fic right know (even though I'm not done with my old one, Don't tell Resilient Spirit.) about the orgin of alicorns with goes from the brith of the first to when they arrive in equestria
808766
Shooting's a little extreme, but yeah, was talking about other things. 'She mused' stuck out to me, since it was supposed to be a 'current event'.
As for references to past events, I can see your point, but it's not doing what you want it to do here. It's generally confusing to both the reader and the writer when the tense switches in the same scene (hence your occasional slip-up), regardless of the reason, so consider sticking to past tense for the sake of simplicity.
808808
Well, I'll comb through later today and scoop out what I didn't catch the first time.
I can see your point, and accept it; switching tenses within scene is a little confusing if you're not paying attention. However, if I broke the scene, it would have disturbed the very slow, peaceful feel I was shooting for. The reason I used the present tense as the main tense in this piece is largely to create and preserve that effect of a rolling narrative, so the suggestion of sticking to the past tense wouldn't have helped.
Also, although I may have slipped up with implementing them, I would consider the past tense scenes to have provided what I as a writer wanted them to, which was to throw a little indirect commentary on how Celestia handles and thinks about relationships.
You definitely make good points, though, and I'm grateful for the catch on the tense slippage. It's been a while since I wrote something with tense switches, so I'm out of practice. It's always a pleasure to discuss things with someone who knows what they're doing!
Clever, very clever.
This was fun. Nice slice o' life with some interesting perspectives.
God god, if this is practice... *Removes shades*
Then what does the real deal look like?
Quite an interesting read. I noticed a few errors here and there ("letter's," for one, should not have an apostrophe in this context), but other than that, I enjoyed it!
I liked it quite a bit. I think it definitely had that slow, gentle feeling that you said you were going for--and, for what it's worth, I didn't find the switch to past tense (for Celestia's musings about the past) to be confusing at all. I especially liked the bit with Celestia reflecting on how she enjoys Twilight's letters, not because they're anything new to her but because of the sense of newness and discovery in them. I hadn't really thought about it, but it makes so much sense--of course this is something Celestia herself wouldn't be able to feel, given her age, but it's something she can get vicariously through the young Twilight Sparkle.
My favorite single line, though, was undoubtedly "Celestia, if nothing else, has spectacularly failed to die for over a thousand years, and this alone is worth more to a bird of rebirth than all the magical artefacts in the world." That's quite funny, and it displays a dry, whimsical humor that strikes me as meant to be reflective of Celestia's own sense of humor.
Lovely little character study here; feels very true to the characters. It's always nice to see a good solid Luna, for however briefly we see her, and I think you've captured the mix of ingenuous brattiness wrapped tightly in buttoned clothes very well.
Watch your consistency in spelling the phoenix's name; it shows in two different iterations that I don't think are dialect-based.
Faving to keep track of!
808984
Glad to hear it. Normally I'm pretty dumb.
812795
I do love slice of life things, because they're just so much fun to write. I always worry that they're less fun to read, somehow.
814588
Hopefully the same, but with less tense screwage and more delicious cereal!
814985
Argh! Normally I'm pretty fastidious about apostrophes, so knowing I got that one wrong is really annoying. When I have time to edit this, that'll be the first thing to go. Good catch!
884183
I did have a whole bunch of fun with Celestia's characterisation here. I'd never really considered how interesting she was before, but found that the gentle, happy style of writing fit my mental image of her quite well. I prefer happy Celestia to a more cynical take on her; I like the idea that, no matter what she's been through in her long life, she remains optimistic because over a thousand years, optimism has proven to be the correct viewpoint.
Also, Philomena is now favourite pet.
931049
Phew! I'm glad it's at least somewhat true to the characters. I usually blunder a little when it comes to characterisation. I'm especially glad to hear Luna was okay; she was a ton of fun to write about, and I'd like to use her again.
Also, d'oh. I must not have proofed this very well at all, since a literal ton of mistakes slipped through. Thanks for the catch!
To all: thanks for the feedback, and sorry I was so long in replying.
This was a very nice look at Celestia's personality. Very enjoyable!
Why are all of your stories so amazing?????
1844937
Practice, black magic and smashing my forehead against the monitor in frustration account for a good part of it.
1845460 MAGIC
It's curious that while your fic seems to be more tell than show, it is readable and enjoyable and works perfectly well.
I've been reading a lot about the show, don't tell principle, and the arguments range from "Disregard entirely" to "Never summarize where you can explicate". I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere.
I also know that I wouldn't give up this sentence for all the showing you could offer:
Honestly, a fic exploring Celestia's relationship with Philomena, as the first half of this does, would have been wonderful all by itself. That said, I don't feel like you really got the depth of her thoughts on Twilight, at least not by comparison. Not to mention the editing seems to have run out around that same halfway point. That and I felt Luna was used mostly as a joke, and not a good one either (good lord, she quotes herself from the show) rather than anything integral to the piece. Still, a nice character sketch.
2534539
I know nothing about writing theory, so I'm afraid I can't really say anything constructive here. My practice is to just describe what seems to need describing at the time, and hope it works.
2539237
I agree with pretty much everything you said. The more often I look back on this piece, the more I wonder why I ever posted it; it's half-baked, badly-edited and just generally somewhat embarrasing. I was overly focused on maintaining the narrative style and on sounding out Celestia's character since I'd never used her before, so what little story there was suffered for it. (My grasp of Luna was even more shaky, and remains shaky even now.) Really it should have stayed on my workbench, rather than being put up as an actual product. A few people enjoyed it, but it was somewhat of a lack of professionalism to post something as obviously half-finished as this; I've half a mind to either take it down or extend it somehow to give it more depth, but I wonder what good that would actually do.
I'm glad there was at least something likeable about it, though.
2545223
You've got some world-building and character-building in this that, if you haven't already, you should consider as jumping-off points for something else. :) It's certainly not without merit!
This has been in my tabs for a week, and once again (i do this on a regular basis) I'm struck by my idiocy of not having read this sooner...
Stupid me procrastinating my procrastinations
Pointless, but nice to read.
I reviewed this fic tonight you can find it here