• Member Since 6th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 5th, 2014

TheVulpineHero1


Hi, I'm British, and you're reading a bunch of stuff you don't really care about! Yay! Go easy on me, I'm still finding my way around.

T
Source

Sequel to Music Makes The Heart.

With a new job comes new challenges. Octavia and Vinyl's relationship continues to grow, but can they handle what life will throw at them?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 25 )

More top-notch Octascratch? Today is a good day.

Yessss. Thank you, kind sir~

I've always loved Music Makes The Heart, it was a very heartwarming read~
There are a couple of slight errors throughout your story though, nothing that will detract from the story at all but small things which could be meddled with a little, hope you don't mind if I point them out (and further apologies if it turns out you were actually correct, it's like... 2am at the moment XD)
"...they had ceased to be ponies, and become the crowd"
'had ceased' is in past tense but then you change to the past principle become, shouldn't it be became? (this one threw me for a bit, not 100% sure on it sorry -_-;)
"...control into one last, frenetic motion."
I presume me mean frantic?
"rather than worrying about ours,”
Bit of a grammatical error I think, not sure if the comma should be there at the end.

Hope it helps, I rarely try to intervene with someones story but
a) I've been up all night doing an English assignment, so English is the only thing I can really think of at the moment :twilightblush:
b) I like your stories too much for it to be unfairly down-voted due to some random Grammar-Nazi.
All the best though~!

2679863
In the first case: the had in 'had ceased' would carry over to the second part of the sentence in this case as an operator (I think?), so it's as if I had written 'had ceased to be ponies, and had become the crowd'. Had become is a perfectly valid grammatical construction for the tense I was in, but the first part I'm not sure on.
Second case: fre·net·ic /frəˈnetik/ (Adjective):
Fast and energetic in a rather wild and uncontrolled way: "a frenetic pace of activity".
Personally, I think it's a valid descriptor for the context it was in. Frantic would imply panic, which wasn't what I was going for.
Third case: The comma is the punctuation before closing the speech tags, which you always need. It would be incorrect to use a full stop, since the standard 'Octavia sighed'/character + speaking verb construction follows it. I didn't feel it carried enough force to be an exclaimation since Octavia is a fairly calm character in my portrayals, and it wasn't a question, so those two are out. In essence, that comma was the only correct way to close the speech tags there.
Feel free to take me to task on grammar, since I'm fairly book dumb about it and make mistakes semi-frequently, but in these three cases I think I'm fine. Glad you're enjoying the story, and I'm happy you enjoyed Music too!
2679860
You are welcome, also kind sir and/or madame [delete as appropriate]!
2679811
Any day on which I overcome laziness and actually post something is a good day in my books. It's a pity those don't happen too often. :raritywink:
2679803
I'm always pleased when people say they like this portrayal of Vinyl; it ended up being a characterisation I really enjoyed doing. (The downside to this is that I'm unlikely to ever do a story with Gregariouspartymode!Vinyl, since this version is so firmly ingrained.) I'm looking forward to writing it, too. :twilightsmile:

2680041
... Oh dear I need to study more English XD
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my comment with a full explanation, helps anyone happening to read these to improve their writing skills too!

2680041
Mechanically, the comma is 100% correct, but I do kinda-sorta object to using "sighed" as a speaking verb. It's one of those said bookisms (e.g., smiled, laughed, etc.) that are a bit awkward when you think about them. You can't physically sigh out a sentence (to say nothing of smiling a sentence). A breathy word or two? Maybe. A full-blown sentence like Octavia's in this case? Not so much.

Oh, and pay no attention to that pedant behind the curtain. :twilightsheepish:

2680051
No problems. Don't believe everything I say, though, because I make all sorts of mistakes.
2680076
For me, basically anything that counts as an exhalation wherein sound comes out can double as a speaking verb. (Someone already took me to task for the use of 'grinned' and other such things, so I try to avoid them where possible although one slips through every now and then). And while it is mechanically weird when you think about it, the entire English language is pretty much like that. I think it's an area where a certain amount of greyness is beneficial, since it broadens an otherwise limited pool of speaking verbs and allows extra connotations to be added while keeping concision. To me, 'sighed' as a speaking word is in the same boat as 'fumed'; it doesn't make sense, but it implies something about the manner of speech and creates the context of sound. Same as laughed, really. I use those kinds of things because they make just enough sense and broaden my options for speaking words, and I feel that, grammar aside, they can be used to enhance effect without having to resort to things like 'said with a sigh', which to me feels quite bloated and unwieldy. But, to each their own. :twilightsmile:

2680108
Well, I certainly do agree that it's very much a grey area. :twilightsmile: I guess I get hung up on the physicality of the verbs. "Fumed," for instance, seems more or less fine to me as a dialogue tag because it's more suggestive of the manner in which the character speaks (i.e., angrily) as opposed to the way the character physically produces their speech (e.g., "sighed").

And this is why semantics-obsessed English majors shouldn't write fanfiction. :rainbowlaugh:

A tea too sweet for Vinyl let's-keep-adding-sugar-to-the-cup Scratch? Madness I say!

It's so good to see these two again. I've missed your Vinyl, and hre relationship with Octavia. And with Vinyl as the main focus perhaps we'll get to meet her mother too.

Also, Octamom on the horizon, all of my yes

I love a good Vinyl and Tavi fic.

2680246
Unfortunately I have Vi's mother's part earmarked for another story which I may or may not get around to doing ever. Depending on how this story goes, I might just end up tagging it on in this, but I have no idea.

I DEMAND MOAR:flutterrage:
if thats fine with you:scootangel:

Like your improvement, waiting for more. :twilightsmile:

This is realy good. Can't wait for the next part

Is this story still going?

Good to see an update.

4511909
Good to finally be updating! I've missed this.

4512208 Wow. My enthusiasm for the update was off the charts wasn't it? I need to avoid posting when I'm incredibly tired and hot. Had a hard time coming up with that for a comment:twilightsheepish:
Seriously though, it's great to see you back writing this. Even with what little happened in this chapter, it was enjoyable. Probably because Tavi's mom is back.

Not sure how I missed this the first time around, but regardless, 'twas enjoyable. As ever, I quite like your interpretation of this pairing.

Sounded like big band until I added the bass. You and Brass really nailed it.

Sounded like a big band until I added the bass. You and Brass really nailed it.

Just as eloquent as always I see, but I will hold my review until there are more chapters to judge from.

Please sir, may I have more?

Brilliant story so far. Glad to see Octomom back!

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