• Member Since 26th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen July 30th

Doctor Disco


Chappie is my favourite stranger.

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Source

Twilight used to live the most ordinary life. Then came Nightmare Moon. And then came the Doctor.

Twilight's views of the world have now been shattered as the Doctor has come crashing into her life. Quite literally so. Even with all her knowledge and planning, nothing could have prepared her for this.

Now a new threat has arisen in Ponyville, with the Doctor as the only one capable of stopping it. With help from Twilight and co, The Doctor must now find out what could be causing such an uproar in Ponyville lest the fate of the world hang in the balance.

Will they be able to stand and save the day?


A whole bucket of thanks to boardgamebrony for edits made!


Rough draft cover art by ME! I'll polish it in due time... For now my efforts are directed elsewhere.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 15 )

Excellent first chapter! /) I was blown away by how fantastic your writing skill is! :D You definitely have a refined style. Not only that, but you've got an excellent skill with pacing and character action. This felt very dynamic in how the characters interacted with each other and interacted with the events in the world.

Starting the story with a mystery like that is FANTASTIC! Not only that, it's very much Doctor Who for the Doctor to save someone from a catastrophe without even having to be there! Excellent scene!

I want to see what happens sooooo bad!

The only thing I would say is change your quick tag description at the top of this page. You gotta catch those reader's attentions! Every time you upload a new chapter, it will kick this story to the top of the front page for a tiny bit, and you need that small description up at the top of this page to really catch their attention. Let them know the Doctor is in here, cause Doctor Whooves fans want to read stories about him. Let them know about the challenge he faces very specifically! And you should see an increase in views. Tease the readers with some key, very specific info, but not with any plot points or twists :P

KEEP

WRITING THIS! :D *hugs*

Comment posted by Doctor Disco deleted Jul 13th, 2016
Comment posted by boardgamebrony deleted Jul 13th, 2016
Comment posted by Doctor Disco deleted Jul 13th, 2016

Oh I didn't know you updated this! I'm putting this to my "Read Later" list so I can check it out! Congrats on the new chapter! *Hugs*

Slowly, mellow but entrancing light poured out of the box, golden in color. What looked like endless amounts of shimmering, fluid golden sparks accompanied the golden light which provoked a gasp of amazement from Rarity and filled everypony with wonder.

I love this description, but you may be using the word "golden" a bit too much :P

“The regeneration process is always a bit tricky. I always wondered what I would look like as an equine! Even better, I can talk. Cool! Talking is cool, I like talking.”

Ohhhh he used to be HUMAN! :D'

“You crashed into my home, burning a crater into it.” Twilight said with an eery calm, which only scared everypony more because of her small outburst just seconds before. “You destroyed part of my library.” Then she paused. “Now, tell me this-” Twilight whispered, and then roared with a ferocity that a dragon would recoil at: “DO I LOOK BOTHERED TO YOU?!” The stallion’s ears flapped back involuntarily, all the while looking at Twilight.

That's an awesome display of emotion from Twilight. I love it! Very good buildup after the initial outburst! :D I can already tell you've got a great eye for dialogue :)

However, the tree was living and magical so it had started re-growing as soon as the sparks had smoldered and died off.

She could visibly see the neglect and drabness of Fluttershy’s cottage. It just so happened that Fluttershy’s cottage usually accompanied Fluttershy’s mood. If she was sad and wanted to be alone, the cottage would eventually (usually in a few hours or at least a day) respond by looking as if no one had cared for it for a long while.

“Whovians will get it.” Pinkie explained

FOURTH-wALL'D! :D
Oh that's an interesting detail. Very nicely done!
Ohhhh nice detail! Good way to get the tree repaired too :)

“Because of your eyes, silly! They’re old and sad. How can your eyes be so old but you look so young, Doctor?”

I really like that Pinkie is functioning as the character who is asking all the right questions when otherwise the ponies wouldn't logically know what to ask, since she breaks the fourth wall :p

---

I'm enjoying this story a lot so far. I notice there's a lot of references to Doctor Who, which is cool for whovians, but some of the references last quite a bit, like the red hair bit, so perhaps shorten them down in future chapters so the refs are only one to two sentences long. That way, people new to Who would be able to get this a lot more.

I think the part with Fluttershy was REALLY intriguing and I'm glad you added yet another bit of intrigue to this chapter to keep the mystery going. That'll entice the readers to continue and possible binge-read your work to find out what's happening :)

I think the strongest character in here is Pinkie Pie. She has the ability to ask all the right questions, as I've said, and manages to point the group in the right direction. RIght now the Doctor seems to be reacting a lot, which is fine, but he's going to need to be a lot more proactive to really stand out.

You're doing great so far with the combination of mystery, action and adventure. Keep going! :D

Dude keep writing this story it is amazing I only just started reading and have come up to this point and I'm hooked keep writing and your readers will be happy.
SB (Smouldering Bolt)

Bring the next Act soon please
SB (SmoulderingBolt)

The Doctor frowned at that. From the short time they’d known each other, he knew that Twilight was very intelligent and would base many things from fact and evidence. But to see her completely accept that Pinkie would just be Pinkie was… Well... unsettling, to say the least.

Interesting detail, which is a good thing he caught since he has come to know twilight very well :)

“Nonononono after the whole deal with Queen Elizabeth I am not getting myself entangled with royalty again!” He backed away from Twilight and the letter.

Nice throwback reference! :D

“I guess we’ll have to take the long way ‘round,” muttered Twilight. She and Spike began walking up the stairs to wake Fluttershy.

Hah, even she understands how time works at this point :P She is the only pony to have time-traveled that we know about. :)

“Nope, still not feeling it,” he said, referring to what he had said just after he flipped the switch at the start of the paragraph.

Hah! I love the fourth wall breaking the narrator does for the Doctor.

It kept sucking things in, growing in size and glowing brighter and brighter the more it took in. Just as though it couldn’t take any more, the glowing ball of mass gave off a wave of energy, expelling excess material not needed. What now lay before them, was a newborn star.

Ah, but how long does it take for a star to be born? Doesn't it take a while? Just wondering. I don't know the science behind it very clearly.

“I’ll say Pinkie, I have a knack for this kind of stuff just as much as you do!”

“Don’t be silly, it’s only because the author wanted some humor to liven this fic.”

I love your fourth-wall breaks :P

“Lastly, or very important, 5! Or E. Or the little ‘v’ you see beside a bracket you would see in the footnotes; there’s one thing you need to do.

Hehe I like how he keeps adding to this :)

Tap, tap, tap, tap

If you hit Ctrl + F and then copy-paste what I wrote there in the quotes, you'll find the secret messages highlight one-by-one. :P And oh dear, that is a not a good sign to have those four taps... :P

This is amazing! I love the whole story! It's wonderful! You had a great resolution to it too :) You need to write more stories! You are a fantastic writer and VERY good at writing Doctor Who/Whooves fics. I'm sure the Whovians will love any future writings of yours too :) *hugs*

FAV AND UPVOTE THIS, people! It is worthy of your love <3

Whoa, this took a while but it was worth it. I love the detail u put into the character and everything else. This gets a like and a favorite. I'm kind of jealous that my story isn''t this good:ajsleepy:. Anyways, keep it up:twilightsheepish:

Comment posted by Ericcartmanlikescheese deleted Aug 30th, 2016
Comment posted by Ericcartmanlikescheese deleted Aug 30th, 2016
Comment posted by Ericcartmanlikescheese deleted Aug 30th, 2016
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