JUST SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!
Princess Cadence could already tell that this was going to be a... very.... long.... dinner party.
"DISCORD STOP IT!!!"
"MAKE ME FLUTTERSHY!!"
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??"
"BECAUSE I CAN, SILLY!!"
Cadence's eye twitched, her head moving back and forth as she looked at each individual in the argument. The rest at the table had been doing the same, their eyes flicking to Fluttershy, then to Discord, then back to Fluttershy as each one screamed some words that most likely meant nothing at all. Discord was using his chaos to make the silverware dance, and they had all enjoyed it at first. But once Shining had asked if he could stop so they could eat, then it became a problem. Suddenly, faster then you could say "Boogieing forks" the pegasus mare and the draconequus had both started to shriek at each other, over the smallest things.
"I ASKED YOU TO STOP MESSING WITH ANGEL BUNNY, BUT NO! YOU CAN'T JUST STOP TORMENTING PONIES AND ANIMALS FOR TWO SECONDS CAN YOU??"
"OH SHUT UP! LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME! YOU'RE JUST A WIMPY PEGASUS!!"
"I UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER THAN ANYPONY ELSE AT THIS TABLE MISTER!"
"YEAH RIGHT! I MADE SOME UTENSILS 'GET DOWN AND FUNKY' AND NOW MY MAGIC IS SUDDENLY A BIG DEAL!"
"HE ASKED YOU POLITELY TO STOP YOU BRUTE!!!"
The five other elements of harmony all awkwardly watched them, some poking at their food and others taking small sips of their wine.
Cadence grew impatient and annoyed as the conversation went on, slowly growing more and more insane as she began trembling. She could sense it from the both of them. Both of them were in some deep denial. And when Princess Mi Amore Cadenza says deep, she means that they were drowning in it. The endless sea of kicking limbs, panicked faces, scraping for survival. She absolutely adored them as a couple. After all, she was a hardcore shipper, and any hardcore shipper could tell that they were hopeless for each other. It drove the Princess to the end of her.
She knew her husband was staring at her, obvious concern and fear beginning to enlighten itself upon his face. She didn't care however, getting so, VERY anxious. She stared down at her plate, her mind gnawing at her very bones. She could feel the blood vessels in her head start to throb, and she knew that couldn't have been healthy.
"OH SO NOW I'M THE BRUTE???"
"YES YOU ARE, YOU BRUTE!!!"
Rarity kept drinking from her wine glass, not realizing that she had emptied it two minutes earlier.
"YOU'RE THE BRUTE IN THIS CONVERSATION!!!"
"NO! YOU ARE!"
Applejack slammed her head against the table, whilst Rainbow Dash slowly sank down underneath it.
"BRUTE!!!"
"BRUTE!!!!!!!"
Twilight twiddled her hooves nervously, clapping them together every so often. It made a little tink every time it did, not that it could be heard over the shouts.
"SPINELESS BRUTE!!"
"BRUTE WITH NO SPINE!!"
"GASP!"
Pinkie stared strait forward into space, a solemn, and quite terrifying look upon her features.
"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT!"
"OH I SOOOO DID!"
"WELL..... YOU'RE A.... A..... A POTATO!!!!"
All the while Shining Armor continued to stare at Cadence, reading her mind like a book. Cadence heaved in short, static breaths and continued to stare at her plate, slowly starting to mumble inaudible things.
"A POTATO??"
"YEAH!!!"
"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOU DISCORD???"
She could hear it.
"WHAT IS THAT??"
Her heart fall to her stomach.
"I THINK YOU ARE A-"
Princess Cadence, slammed her hooves against the table loudly, causing her plate to tumble to the ground and crash, and her wine glass to fall over.
"HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT JUST KISS ALREADY!!!!!" The, quite dignified, Princess screamed, not able to hold it in any longer.
Everyone, including the two that had been previously arguing, had went completely silent, staring in shock at the pissed off alicorn.
Fluttershy's entire face was bright red, from the apples of her cheeks to the tips of her ears. She was the first to speak.
"Wh-..... WH-WH-WH-WHAT?!?!?!"
Discord, clearly trying to hide it, but not doing a very good job, was blushing as well. He followed Fluttershy's example in talking.
"WHAT THE H-HELL CADENCE?!?!?"
Shining Armor immediately shot up from his chair, and began to push five out of six of the element bearers to the exit.
"OKAY! Time to go!!" Shining sing-songed, looking as if he just saw a demon (which he kinda had). Once the ponies realized what was happening, they all quickly agreed with the stallion, and allowed their hooves to function and rush them out the door. All except Pinkie Pie, who uttered an "Awww no fair!" before being shoved out of the room.
The silverware had finally ceased their dancing, seeming that the draconequus wasn't focusing on his chaos right now. Cadence growled in agony, her mane messy and out of place. She clenched her teeth as she looked at the two.
"YOU HEARD ME!!" She screamed.
Fluttershy squeaked a bit, shaking with embarrassment as Discord continued to argue.
"I would do n-nothing of the sort! I would never-"
"YES YOU WOULD YOU LITTLE SHIT FACED LIAR!!!!"
That shut him up completely, his previous look of determination completely askew from his face.
"YOU ARE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS IF YOU THINK I CAN'T SEE IT!!! THE WAY YOU STARE AT EACH OTHER! THE WANT YOU TWO HAVE FOR PHYSICAL CONTACT! HOOF/CLAW/PAW/WHATEVER THE FUCK HOLDING, HUGS, MOTHER FUCKING CHIN GRABS?? DAMN YOU TWO HAVE SOME WEIRD KINKY ASS SHIT GOING ON!! AND NOW EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ARGUING THEIR'S THAT STUPID LUST SPRAWLED ON YOUR FACES! COULD YOU PLEASE JUST STOP MAKING IT SO DIFFICULT FOR EVERYPONY AROUND YOU AND REALIZE THAT YOU'RE CRAZY FOR EACH OTHER?? SWEET CELESTIA DAMN IT!!!!!"
Nopony uttered a sound.
Nopony dared.
"Ya.... Ya think everyone's alright in there?" Applejack muttered, her gaze falling onto the door they had recently departed from.
Shining Armor merely gazed over at the farm pony, his face stern and serious. "If she doesn't come out here in the next couple of minutes, we start running, alright?" He said simply, as if this were an everyday occurrence. Applejack's stomach churned, and she looked down at her hooves without another word.
"R-Rarity?"
"Yes Rainbow Dash?" Rarity replied, looking over to her multi-colored friend.
"I'm scared.." The pegasus croaked, shaking violently.
"I.... I'm scared too...."
As if on cue, the door in front of them all opened slowly, a long creak emitting from it. The Princess closed the door behind her, trotting forward and staring at the ground as if nothing just happened. Everypony stared at her, all in shock from the previous events.
"Wh-What happened??" Twilight stepped forward and asked, making Cadence stop in her tracks. You'd think that Twilight would know not to ask Cadence questions right now.
Cadence didn't look behind her. "Well. They're making out on the table." She said as-matter-of-factly.
Everyone choked on their own silence and fright, and the Princess began trotting forward again.
"Wh-Where are you going??" Twilight muttered, once again taking her chances, and Cadence finally turned to look at her sister-in-law.
"Me? I am going to go and jump off of a mother FUCKING cliff!!"
And with that, not only Cadence, but everyone in front of the door, silently walked, all hoping they could go home and sleep, and maybe bang their heads against a wall.
And that was fun to write at 2 in the morning! 
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Well this was an interesting little thing. Yelling can be therapeutic sometimes.
One tiny think that's been bugging me. In the short description you say the conversation went wary and I think you mean awry.
Nice, have a mustache
Anyway, have a thumb up. There would be a fav as well, if there was some insight about how they make out on the table, but then again, some things are better not mentioned.
Haha! Nice argument. I actually had a very similar conversation one day.
7109311
I KNEW someone was going send me that clip!
7109142
Hmm Mkay. I'll change it asap! Thanks for letting me know!
7109481
EEP! OHMYGAWSH! I love your work! ANDNOWYOU'RECOMPLIMENTINGMYWORK??? A BLUH BLUH BLUH??
aww, they should have all gone to mcdonalds or something.
7109628 Daw, you're too kind! I found your story genuinely funny in a crazy, fun, amusing way. You look like you had fun with it. And I think Cadance ships it too, actually.
But you flatter me! Keep writing, ok? It's entertaining! I give it an upvote!
Also I wouldn't mind a shippy chapter where we find out about what happened at that table and what they say afterward. Just saying.
7109701
Lmao! That would be funny! I can just see Ronald Mcdonald waltzing in, seeing the two arguing, and start to cry.
"Why does this happen at such a happy place!"
7109744
7109757
Eeee! Thank you! Maybe I'll make a sequel next time it's two in the morning and I feel like writing a rage fic! Lol!
THIS IS ONE MOTHERFUCKING GOOD STORY!
Seriously though, nice job.
Welp, I, uuhhhh..... Have somewhere to go, so... Bye? *Sprints out door, screaming*
7109903
Hee hee! Thank you!
Damn I can't believe how much attention this is getting! 33 like in just 12 hours! Thank you everybody!~
SIXTH PLACE IN RATINGS OF TODAY!!!
WHOOP WHOOP!
Umm...You can fly...
7110722
Cadence doesn't really think strait when she's shipping
Well that was fun but to be honest I'm amazed I haven't seen a fic like this sooner
7112993
What else would you expect? She IS the princess of love!
669 views....
God I'm such a little kid
I know that feel Cadence... I know that feel all too well.
7114215
Lawl!
The characterization was all over the place in this.
7114241
It's a crazy situation! Sometimes personality rules break in a place like that! But I do get what you mean, hope you still enjoyed the story!
7110722
Well, she didn't say she'd hit bottom did she?
T-That-That was amazing. No words to express my feelings. Just... amazing.
7117240
Thank you!!!
Should of had Shining remark, "I'll follow."
7129646
Cool have a like.
Pretty fun.
Two things though: Static breaths sound weird. Makes very little sense. Breaths can't be motionless and even if you're using it for describing that she is frozen and just breathing, it doesn't quite work like that, that word.
Also, the all caps for shouting gets old. Exclamation marks are for shouting, all caps should be reserved for the greatest shout of them all or godlike shouting. So it would have much bigger impact if Cadence's shouts were in caps, while the rest of the shouts were simply with exclamation marks and a bit of narration that tells the reader that they are actually shouting. As it is, Cadence's shouting just doesn't have as much of an impact as it should have. You should have guessed that when you ran out of ways to show emphasis and used red text for extra emphasis.
But it was fun.
Don't get why Cadence wants to jump out from a cliff now that she has actually fixed the problem that was bothering her though.
Well done, have a like.
7155572
Damn do I love constructive comments! I love them maybe even a little more than a like or a favorite, since it shows me how to improve in the future. I like addressing the topics back as well, so everyone can fully understand my stories and writing style. As for 'Static Breaths' it's actually used quite often in story telling, but I get what you mean. Just think of it as a metaphor really. I made all to most of her shouting in caps because of how she gets really.... REALLY loud when she's shouting at Discord and Fluttershy. Personally, when I type some of the shouting phrases in normal text, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem LOUD enough to me (maybe because I'm a loud person but whatever). This is the Princess of Love we're discussing, and if I were her in that exact situation, I'd probably be pissed out of my mind as well. I like the text to really grip you in a sense of what's going on, help the reader imagine the scene more clearly, since it is only words typed onto a screen. And after a stressful experience like that, I'd probably make a sarcastic remark like "I'm going to jump off a cliff" as well. This story actually relates to me quite a lot...... heheh
Anywho, Thanks for the comment and like! I really appreciate it!
7172086 Do you seriously shout at the absolute top of your lungs for that long? Maybe it's a cultural thing, I'm Danish, but I've never, in my life, neither in real life or in fiction, seen a sustained shouting that kept a volume that justifies that much caps. We have full stops and exclamation marks to play with for a reason.
Besides, my main point was actually that Cadence would be more shockingly loud if the other shouting didn't happen at caps. Shouting in caps is, to be perfectly honest, something that in my experience is confined to the fanfic community, except in very, very special cases. I'm guessing you already got that part, but I just thought it deserved repeating. Also, Fluttershy in all caps is simply wrong. Even her "you're going to love me" doesn't go above exclamation mark.
Caps is the ceiling for volume. Be careful not to set it too low or your story is going to bonk its head on it and get all fuzzy and indistinct. The less it is used, the more impact it has. In all honesty, in MLP, all caps ought to be reserved for people reaching Royal Canterlot Voice Volume.
Second: Are you a diver by any chance? A quick google search shows me that static breath is a technique for that and static breaths seem confined mostly to the online community. Your story is one of the top ones that come up when I search "static breaths". It might not be as common as you think, though it might just be our experiences have little in common. Also, I have to ask, honestly: Does it mean "taking breaths while remaining almost frozen in place, not moving a muscle"? Sorry, it is just weird and alien to me and I have seen a lot of English in my time, despite my nationality, though I will admit dialects catch me off guard from time to time.
I will not deny that this might be in part motivated by my stubborn arrogance, but in my infinite arrogance, I'm thinking the food for thought it might give you may be worth the irritation my stubbornness might elicit.
Cheers.
7173371
No no no no! I really can see what you mean! Maybe it's because I'm American? (Hetalia lol)
I understand that due to your personal opinion that you think shouts shouldn't go above all caps unless in dire situations.
However, in most absolute opinion, my writing style doesn't work that way. I really get a feeling for my writing, and I won't the words to really take you into the screen. So, I sincerely apologize, but I will not be changing it. The term 'static breaths' in a story sense basically mean that you're taking in low, shaky breaths that are short and separated. At least that's what I've come across. Take Static Electricity for example. It's quick, get's your attention right away, and really is shocking (OBVIOUSLY). But imagine tapping a piece of metal that constantly shocks you each time you do. Now imagine the shock as a breath. That's how Cadence is breathing right now! Unevenly, quickly, loudly, and Shining Armor would notice this.
7173598 I did expect that we would just have to disagree. One note though, your comparison don't quite work, because static electricity is that way because it is specifically static, that is, unmoving. The shock you get is because you discharge the static electricity, that is, the electricity suddenly moves. Being static means, going by the definitions I know, being stationary.
And sorry, but breathing like your describing sounds unnatural in any event but during excitement or exercise. In my experience, people breathe at the worst, steadily and a little more rapidly than usual, when under stress that doesn't make them panic. Particularly when someone is trying to restrain themselves.
But, of course, it's your story. Happy writing.
7173371 I've heard others speak of rather sustained shouting. Not heard it personally, so I think it's best to just say it was a domestic dispute.
Regardless, in general, that much shouting does seem out of character for Fluttershy, and maybe even Discord.
Also, while the initial swearing outburst from Cadence made some sense, the liberal swearing thereafter did not.
It was amusing, though. Odd characterization, but amusing.
Well. Now I know to never piss off a hardcore shipper.
In all honesty, this was a fun little read, and I only wish there was more.
7367098
This was fun to write! However, it's not the kind of story to have a sequel, so I'm probably not going to write one. Glad that you enjoyed though!
Literally being love incarnate I've always had a headcanon that she was the most dedicated of shippers. For all we know she already has a stallion picked out for Flurry Heart.
You should really put the profanity tag on this. I know you warn us in the description, but I just thought that stories should have all the relevant tags on them so they don't go against the rules.