When Rainbow Dash's wings are burnt to the core by dragon fire, she discovers she may never fly again, and may just lose her friends if she can't learn to cope...
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- Member Since 14th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 26th, 2022
DragonShadow
The home of the Shadowbolts Adventures and various other stories, mostly related to Equestria Girls.
DragonShadow
Joined 14th Jun, 2012 ·
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Very creative, you get a like from me! If you need an editor to fix the grammatical problems, I'm here for that
I'm no expert but from what I've gathered "dashy" is usually spelt "dashie".
Anyway, great story! It could've possibly been better if you'd stretched the story out more, say to about 20,000 words, but otherwise a really great story!
Great story! I feel like you could have added another paragraph near the end how RD got back on good terms with her other friends
Either way it's stated they're still friends. I think you can expand this story. Still, great story!
This was really nice, and I enjoy the idea that one pony riding a pony is indecent, though it doesn't make much sense considering that Spike rides Twilight all the time, and Pinkie has at least laid over Dash's back before.
I reckon the story could've been longer, at least with a scene showing the others apologising to Rainbow and whatnot, but aside from that, I very much enjoyed reading this, and loved the blurring line between friendshipping and shipping, especially as Rainbow Pie is my favourite pairing. Good job
EDIT: Oh, and though this works perfectly well how it ended, and would likely be best left that way, I would never complain about a continuation for Pinkie and Rainbow.
You picked a tough subject, and an even tougher means of getting through it. Making Rainbow feel isolated and forgotten by her friends basically means making them all act like jerks at some point. Because of this, the midsection of the story felt rather out of character and overly morose with every other character basically treating Dash as a non-pony so you can get that isolated, worthless feeling across. It works, kinda, but felt heavy-handed because of the extremity. I think if you had made it longer and showed a slower decline of actual events where Dash gets in constant arguments or brings the mood down, it could have felt a little more natural and acceptable for the others to start avoiding her more.
Also, giving more detail into the injury and expected recovery would have improved the ending. The basic tone throughout was that her wings were probably permanently destroyed, then suddenly it's time to take the bandages off and she's perfect again. There had really been no conflict before that between hope and doubt, so rather than feeling like a joyful revelation, it felt like a cop-out for a happy ending. Small details and mentions throughout the story like pains or itching could be used as hints to whether her feathers could be regrowing or not, and these signs of hope or fear could be used to swing her mood into conflicts.
Overall, this mostly lacked building tension. There was a spike of tension at the party conflict, then a spike again when her wings were unveiled to settle into the conclusion without enough steady build to each one.
Pinkie and Rainbow's relationship was very well played out though. I grow very tired of seeing them tossed together because 'they're both energetic and love pranks and instantly fall in love' that it's very refreshing to see Dash's emotional vulnerability and Pinkie's soft side used to bring them closer. Too many authors forget the Pinkie that will chase Dash down and hug her until she stops crying because the Pinkie that breaks the fourth wall is funnier, and cheap gags are easier to write than emotions. You made the better choice.
Slow your pacing a bit, and add in more small events and conflicts, but keep (friend)shipping just like this.
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I'm well-aware this story's pace is extremely brisk. This was during a period where I was suffering a severe writer's block. Honestly it was written months ago, before Season 2 even began. If it was recent, I never would have simply broken Dash's wing, since that was already done in-canon and if there's one thing I dislike it's ending up doing something that I know has been done.
I'm currently working on another project that's longer and more fleshed out and more of the stuff I used to write before I was smacked with writer's block and possibly a dose of Depression.
Thanks for the comments though, it's always nice to see constructive criticism. I hope you keep reading my works and constructively criticizing
Very good, most fics like this (Rainbow gets hurt, depressed, can't fly...) seem to be kind of lacking, at least in my feeling towards all and in the depth of characterization and even reasonability. But when it is done as well as this one there is really nothing better.
My feelings by the way (in order)
then plenty of these guys 
and a like and a watch
I see you already answered the question "Why write a fic that's so similar to an actual episode?", so I'll just say that this story feels quite like an episode, a crossover between "party of one" and "read it and weep" plus a dash of RainbowPie.
I hope you take it as a compliment, because it's meant as one.
And I suppose with "Zakura" you mean "Zecora"?
Possibly the gentlest and subtlest ship I have ever read. The only problem I have is Applejack going along with keeping the party from Rainbow Dash. Perhaps she would have gone along with it at the others' behest but it would have been kicking and screaming, and she would have felt awful instead of getting physical with somepony who is basically a cripple. Even though RD did slap Rarity, AJ would have felt that they all deserved that and more. She certainly wouldn't attempt to justify lying to somepony after the fact. She would be the very face of shame. To make things worse, this is an act of disloyalty against the Element of Loyalty herself. AJ would be begging for forgiveness.
Very good style. You could have taken more time with it, perhaps had the others grow more distant through Rainbow Dash doing more and more things on her own as described through actions as opposed to an internal dialogue, though I am not saying that was not very well written. Because of the lengthy internal dialogue, however, the setup for the final conflict seems stylistically different than the rest of the piece where actions describe the scene. Also, I think "shallow haze" may be a mixed metaphor; perhaps thin haze or light fog would work better there. Thinking it through, perhaps it works as Dashie is after all, an aviatrix and may be used to thinking of low-lying atmospheric conditions from a bird's eye point of view. Just because I can make sense of it after thought though, that doesn't mean it didn't give me pause in the middle of some very good storytelling.
This is a very good story and I hope many ponies get a chance to read it. I would certainly recommend it.
Holy shit, Dashie' s a dovakiin!!! Sorta. That's the thing about dragonfire, it burns the mind, body, and soul. If your flesh can withstand the flames, a spark will burn forever in your soul. Considering dragonfire can burn steel to ash, it doesn't happen very often.