Far Beyond Toast
It was the apocalypse.
Bread crumbs covered the once polished floors of the royal castle, pieces of toast were scattered around the streets and rooftops, all of them without exception were falling from the sky with the butter side down.
A disaster.
“This is a nightmare!” A pony screamed, trotting down the streets, stumbling against walls of toasted bread.
“No! This is the Toast Apocalypse!” A heavy voice reverberated through the toast filled skies, sending bread dust in the air.
It was no other than Celestia, standing at the tallest balcony of her spiraled tower, staring with teary eyes the toastification of her empire. There was nothing she could do about that – such a disaster could have never been predicted.
It started in the dead of the night. At first, some tiny pieces of toast started to cover the ground like bread powder. ‘A bakery must have exploded!’ Twilight presumed, as she inspected the phenomenon from her window.
Soon, entire toasts, of all sizes and shapes, poured over the city, pilling up in small mounds. Plow trucks tried to drag the toast mess away, they moved the mounds back and forth, but the heinous crushed toasts jammed into the hinges of the trucks, generating even more frustration.
Equestria awoke with a heavy layer of toast coating every rooftop, patio, and street.
It was the Pompey of the pony world.
No one had reasons, no one knew why, it just happened. Even discord was surprised.
“Sister… Why? Why such a thing?” Luna cried, wrapping her hooves around Celestia’s stiff shoulders.
“Quantum physics, my dear.” She responded bluntly, gently pushing Luna aside as she ran for an old cabinet at the corner of her room. “It was always a matter of probability- It could happen anywhere, with anyone.” She muttered to herself, crawling through books and old parchments.
“But… Toast?” Luna stomped a hoof on the floor. “We deserve a more dignified death, if that’s our fate!” She stated, turning around to face the rain – of toast. “What will the archaeologists of the future say about our race?”
‘Oh, the ponies were a brilliant species… A shame they were wiped out from the face of Equestria by toast.’ She forced a speech.
Celestia didn’t paid attention to her sister’s musings, instead, she focusing on finding one of the oldest, craziest, and most dangerous spells, she had stored in that castle.
“Think positively Luna… At least the quantum fields gave us the probability of toast. It could be literally anything…” She scowled.
Luna preferred not to think about the probabilities. It was too much for her own head. Maybe Twilight would understand – if her castle wasn’t buried under a layer of toast.
This was not common toast though.
It had properties that affected magic, affected the way their world worked. Legend says a unicorn ate two toasts that fell right onto his plate while he was having breakfast.
He’s still experiencing terrible symptoms of magic loss.
“I found it” Celestia squealed, levitating a very old-looking scroll from the bottom of her cabinet.
“Good sister, but you better hurry up, there’s a-“
Everything was dropped to the ground, their jaws as well, as a massive, imposing, scary, mind-boggling, unbelievable, toasty, mothership arrived.
“No…” Luna backed down. “It can’t be”
“Yes Lulu, it can be anything!”
A blotchy shadow covered the hills and contours of the cities below, already toast-covered and helpless. Pegasus ponies tried to escape from the massive toastorm dodging right and left, plummeting down into the clouds.
The toast ship silently hovered over the castle, turning day into night.
It was moving very slowly, rotating around itself like a planet.
“Celestia, hasten your spells! The butter side is coming at us.” Luna screamed, seeking shelter near her sister, as if her presence could somehow save her from the impending death.
If the toast collapsed, it would be the end; the end of the world as they knew it. Ponykind would be crushed under miles and miles of toast, their bodies mummified and breaded, for the future races to discover.
“Luna, if I start this spell, I won’t be able to stop it.” Celestia said, opening the parchment very carefully. “It won’t change the world we love so tenderly, but it will move all the living beings to a safer dimension – I wish, a toast-less dimension.”
Luna just nodded, walking away as her sister drew a large circle on the floor, unknown runes surrounding it. The air sparkled with electricity, and the hair on the back of her neck stood up.
Celestia opened her glowing eyes, and the ethereal light that escaped her being created a spherical aura that expanded around the room and beyond.
Flashes of light and images randomly popped up here and there, as she tried her best to tune her frequencies to a compatible world.
With eyes wide open and dilated pupils, Luna stared at the fragments of unknown alien lands that swirled around Celestia. Where would they go? Where would they live?
It was impossible not to think about the chances; if something as odd as a toast storm was about to destroy their world - turn their lives into bread crumbles with butter - what other chaotic worlds awaited out there? She could never know.
“Tia! The toast-ship is turning, I can see the butter!” Luna screamed, preparing herself for a disastrous collapse.
Celestia gritted her teeth; a powerful electrical jolt crossed her body, the spell exploded like a supernova, lightening the entire world.
Buried in toast, the ponies couldn’t understand the burst of light that consumed their bodies, emptying their visions, filling the back of their eyes with a crystalline white radiance.
There was no more noise, no more suffering, no more toast.
No more Equestria.
“Hey…”
“Are you dead?” He touched the unconscious pony with a stick.
Luna squirmed, feeling that pointy something poking her back. She darted herself to the side, scampering away from whatever had touched her.
“Come on little one… I’m not hurting you!” A creature!
A tall, pale creature. A speaking creature.
Luna gasped, looking up at the alien. Celestia had seen many worlds through that spell, but in which one-
“What are you? Identify yourself!” She shouted defensively, trying to look imposing in front of the unknown specimen.
“Woah woah woah-” He backed away, lying against a wall and grabbing his chest. “Can you freaking speak?” He seemed surprised, as so Luna.
“W-here I am!?” She whimpered, shrinking back in a corner.
“God…” He muttered, crouching down on his knees. “You’re a lost one, aren’t you?” He muttered, incredulously.
Luna remained in silence; the only thing she wanted at the very moment was the presence of her sister.
“Welcome to Earth.”
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I was half expecting Ed from Ed Edd n Eddy to show up and aid the ponies in battle :/
BUTTERED TOOOOOAST!!!! *munch munch munch*
Well...this is obviously the weirdest intro to a PoE story I've seen.
The Princesses were OOC and the humor felt forced. I'd recommend Chaplin or some stand-up instead of CWACM for humor inspiration.
7020964 LOL
7021010 It is weird as fuck. I wish I could write a sequel.
7021050 I don't really care.
I wrote this in random fifteen minutes.
7021072 Indeed. Since it was written in such a short time, proofreading would be a waste. You've earned a slow clap for your extraordinary writing ability.
Time is also not, what was it, random?
This might be my fault.
Might.
Probably.
Not.
7021072
Why wouldn't you care? I'd care a great deal if someone took the time to read a story of mine and provide criticism on it. It's one of the ways you can improve as a writer.
Edit: I just read through it and, I must say, this a truly sloppy effort. There are missing words, almost none of the dialogue is properly punctuated, the POV bounces around like a pinball with no apparent rhyme or reason, amongst other issues. My suggestion is to not release a story until you've had the time to go through and clean it up. Writing a story in fifteen minutes is nothing to be proud of if this is what you get.
7021085 It's all your fault.
7021104
Nnope.
7021093 This is not an important story. I would possibly care if it was.
7021107 Then what's the point of posting it? To buff your numbers? If you're not serious about writing, then why are you attempting it?
7021107
It was important enough to write in the first place, which is enough. Anybody like me who has never read one of your stories before this one now has the impression that this mediocrity is what you produce on a general basis. Why would you be content with that when it is easily within your power to fix it?
7021116 I post because I like to write. For fun, for people, for myself.
Don't take this too seriously, chill. Go read another story. No one can please the entire world.
7021129 Are you happy with mediocrity?
Of course you would cause the end of Equestria. With toast.
Oh, this was so completely random, yet I kind of needed it. Thank you, P.H.
Stay toasty my friends.
7021137 I am completely satisfied with myself. Thank you.
7021145 I considered cake... But toast was toastier.
Thank you for reading.
7021156
I'm so sorry for that.
Edit: Also, "Toastocalypse" is a way better title. More clever, rolls off the tongue.
7021156 So basically, you're another jussonic. That actually explains a lot now.
7021170 Don't waste your time with me, friend.
7021050 WHO?
I...wha...but...how...
This is one of those stories, isn't it? you know the one.
(Reluctantly press the like button)
Not sure wtf i just read, and why it make me think of the toaster from new vegas in old world blues dlc.
"YEAH TOAST!"
YEAH!!!!
earth prime! here we come!
and let the cuddling of ponies begin!
and i like my toast only slightly burned that you could still see white parts of it
Just to quote Highly Addicted toast shy guy
"YEAH TOAST"
7021160
If you were to use cake then Celestia would not be able to use the spell beacuse of magic loss.
Oh, I remember this!
BEHOLD THE POWER OF TOAST!!!
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