• Published 4th Jan 2016
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Principal Celestia Hunts the Undead - Rune Soldier Dan



The faculty of Canterlot High battles otherworldly horrors with style

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Sunset Shimmer is not Good at Lying

Sunset was a good kid. Genuinely shocked by Twilight Sparkle’s forgiveness, she had taken the Equestria-sent lesson to heart and become decent, honest, and loyal.

However, she was also a teenaged girl, who possessed both a secret and a very garrulous band of friends.

The rest followed inevitably.

“Vampire hunters?” Sandwich crumbs flaked out as Rainbow talked and chewed at the same time. One shot over the lunchroom table, landing squarely on Rarity’s hair. The fashionista brushed it off with a nauseated look, then stared distastefully at her hand.

She sighed and produced hand sanitizer from her pocket. “That’s hard to believe, dear. Are you sure?”

“Uh…” Sunset gave a cheesy grin, realizing too late where their gossip had led. “Maybe?”

Applejack and Rainbow shared a frowning glance, while Fluttershy swallowed nervously. Only Rarity and Pinkie seemed untouched by the revelation – the former engrossed in her hand washing, and the latter giggling at something across the cafeteria.

“Pfft.” Rainbow blew through her lips, one hand sneaking over to Applejack’s cookie. A sly smile crept to her face, drawing a confused look from Sunset. “Nice try, Sunny. You had me going.”

“Jeez, don’t you make a habit of prankin’.” Applejack rested her chin in her palm, planting its elbow on Rainbow’s errant hand. “It’s hard enough keepin’ up with Pinkie Pie. Ah swear, that girl’s a whirlwind in a pigsty some days.”

Fate had given Sunset an out, and she rolled with it. She laughed unconvincingly and shrugged, but her friends’ attention had already wandered. Applejack and Rainbow’s roughhousing was slowly escalating, with both parties ignoring Rarity’s call for a truce.

Sunset’s sigh of relief was premature – no sooner did it leave her body than she felt a tug on her sleeve. A turn of the head showed Fluttershy, unleashing her puppy-dog eyes to their fullest effect.

“Was it true?” the girl squeaked. She hunched her shoulders and looked away, fidgeting with a lock of hair. “I, I only ask because vampires are scary, and, um, I’d be really scared if they were real.”

Sunset froze, the relieved smile locked in place. She wanted to maintain the bluff – the school faculty fought a shadow war, and she could appreciate that. Deception and intrigue were surely as important to them as any weapons, and breaking open the secret could cause them no end of trouble.

But those eyes… those blue, adorable eyes that could only belong to Fluttershy… only a monster would lie to them. Sunset was no monster. Resigned to the inevitable, she opened her mouth only for a brusque voice to interrupt.

“Hey.”

Both girls startled, and looked up to see Vice Principal Luna looming between them. She turned to Sunset, presenting Fluttershy with her back.

“Do you have a gun?” Luna asked. Fluttershy gave a “Meep!” and shirked away.

Sunset’s jaw worked for a second before she gave the only answer she could. “Uh… no.”

“Here.” A solid noise sounded as Luna slapped a heavy object to the lunchroom table. It was holstered and small, but unmistakably a black semi-automatic pistol.

“Remember – our office, after school.” With that, she turned and departed.

A new, even less convincing grin tore across Sunset’s face as she glanced to her friends. Fluttershy’s eyes were wide, and she leaned away from the gun as though it would bite her. Applejack’s battle with Rainbow had swung clearly in her favor, with two fingers jammed up the other’s nose like a wayward hog’s. The country girl gave a low whistle, ignoring Rainbow’s flailing and Rarity’s disgusted glare.

“That there’s a nice piece, Sunset.” Applejack said, grabbing her cookie with the free hand. “You ‘n the V.P. goin’ to the shootin’ range today?”

“Yes!” Sunset pounced on the excuse. She quickly swept the pistol into her backpack, mind racing with theories on just what the hell Luna was thinking.

“Shucks, next time y’all just come on over to the farm. We got plenty of spare targets, and you can try out my shotgun if you’re curious what a right proper long-arm can do. We got a .22 as well, but even Applebloom’s outgrown that little–”

“Applejack, will you kindly get your hand back where it belongs?”

Shrugging at Rarity’s request, Applejack pulled the offending fingers from her gasping rival. She then proceeded to companionably slap Rainbow’s shoulder with the same hand, causing Rarity to swoon at the created stain. Fluttershy and Pinkie knelt over her, Rainbow leapt on Applejack with a scream… and the gun was forgotten.

Sunset quietly sipped her juice and wondered, not for the first time, if she was the only sane person this planet had to offer.

Author's Note:

Yesterday, I wrote deep, sad tales of loss and sacrifice.

Today, I wrote booger jokes and giggled.

I am content.

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