Bonus Chapter: Kiss De Gurl
Princess Celestia came awake slowly. She moaned and smacked her lips, eyes fluttering as she passed through the last layers of sleep. She shuffled, trying to free her limbs from the tight tangle of sheets. The move left her legs still bound, so she tried again.
With still no effect, Celestia cracked a curious eye open to see what odd position her nighttime restlessness had created.
No sheets. Green, plastic-like strips of goo bound her forelegs together.
The other eye snapped open, awareness and sudden panic hijacking Celestia from her grogginess. She was not in her room after all, but a glittering cave – somewhere in the crystal mines beneath Canterlot. A glance back showed her hind legs bound like their neighbors, and her body perched on a few sofa pillows she recognized from Twilight’s castle.
One of the pillows pressed uncomfortably into her belly. Celestia lit her horn instinctively, sighing with small relief as her magic slid away the offending object.
The sigh cut short in her throat, replaced by a confused blink. She was unfortunately familiar with changeling restraints, and the deadening properties they had on magic. Looking cross-eyed and up, she beheld her horn – white and unbound.
Curiosity began to win over fear as Celestia took a slower look around. She saw Chrysalis, the obvious culprit, dozing against a wall without a pillow for her own comfort. The changeling was in a seated position, and mumbled without meaning as her head swayed with the snores.
Aside from her… nothing. Celestia gazed around again, searching in vain for clues to help the situation make sense. Where were the changeling guards? The cocoon with her name on it? The hidden base, and the inevitable monologue? Why didn’t Chrysalis bind her magic?
It had to be a trick. Tempt Celestia with the obvious route to freedom, with some feedback or draining device ready to make her regret using her horn.
Or was it?
Celestia was old and learned enough to find confusion a terribly annoying state of being. One expected the world to have exhausted its surprises after twelve centuries of life, and to be as clueless as she was now left Celestia more nervous than any dungeon or trap could cause.
She did not like questions, but that had long formed Celestia into a mare unafraid to seek answers. Eyes on the sleeping Chrysalis, Celestia loudly cleared her throat.
“I’m awake!” Chrysalis jerked all her limbs at once, falling back and banging her head on a jutting crystal before rallying to a stand. “Awake, yes. Um…” Chrysalis met Celestia’s nonplussed stare, and grinned weakly. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Celestia replied tersely.
Chrysalis chuckled and broke the gaze. “Can I get you something? Some water, or…”
“Do not toy with me, Chrysalis.” A hard, regal edge entered Celestia’s voice, and Chrysalis… flinched? Unconsciously softer, Celestia finished. “How did you free your horn from the nullification ring? You can’t remove it yourself, and Twilight Sparkle would never be so foolish.”
“Not Twilight,” Chrysalis clarified. She tapped her hooves together, looking from side to side. “Oh geez, this is awkward. Look…”
One evening at Sugarcube corner, Chrysalis put on her best air of nonchalance. “Hey, Pinkie? We’re friends, right?”
Chrysalis had been nothing but hostile to her, but a little thing like that never stopped Pinkie. “Yepper-depper, Prissy Chrissy!”
“Great. Can you help me with something? Like, as a friend helping a friend?”
“Okey-dokey-lokie!”
“…Then I asked her to take the ring off my horn, and she did it.”
“I see.” A wince came through Celestia’s endless calm.
Chrysalis gave a comforting wave of her hoof. “If it helps, it’s embarrassing for me, too. I’ve been losing to that.”
“And then you came over to kidnap me?”
“Yeah.” Chrysalis nodded, then paused. “Well, after I tied up Trixie and left her in a closet.”
Celestia frowned. “That was uncalled for.”
“Spoken as somepony who has never met her,” Chrysalis noted. “Anyway, yeah, then I kidnapped you.”
Celestia glared levelly at her, and again came that guilty flinch. “I’m disappointed, Chrysalis. I had hoped you would have learned something in your time with Twilight.”
“Oh, but I did!” Chrysalis leaned forward, gesturing excitedly with her hooves. “Not so much friendship, but I learned a lot about ponies that I never knew. I mean, present company excluded they’re insufferable idiots, but it’s like instead of being smart they’re all so nice! Even those that are lovers, they actually seem to really like each other. It makes me wonder if trying to conquer Equestria wasn’t the best way to win your heart.”
“You don’t–” Celestia caught herself. “Wait, what?”
Chrysalis pointed at her. “You started it. You seduced me.”
“No I did not,” Celestia huffed.
Chrysalis twirled her hoof in the air. “You did it just by being you, all kind and motherly and hommina hommina that neck. Anyway, changeling romance is antagonistic in nature. You court someone by destroying everything else they have so they have no choice but to turn to you for support. Like ruining their job, or blowing up their house. Or in my case, conquering Equestria.”
Celestia studied Chrysalis’ face, earning a blush in return. “This simultaneously explains everything and nothing. I find your culture to be very strange.”
“‘Was’ very strange,” Chrysalis corrected. “Now I get postcards from Changelings all over Equestria, posing with their friends and describing all the sweet love they have now that I’m deposed.”
“Oh.” Now it was Celestia’s turn to flinch. Her face turned to a soft frown, and her lit horn created a warm magic pat on Chrysalis’ side. “I’m sorry.”
Chrysalis shrugged, brushing her hoof to the yellow magic. “In hindsight, I really should have studied pony romance before getting into this. Even then, I don’t think it would have worked out. Evil queens gotta conquer, you know?”
Celestia’s words took a gentle tone. “You are not a queen anymore. Perhaps now you can change?”
“No.” While Celestia had softened her words, Chrysalis’ came out harder as she pointed a hoof at Celestia. “And I’ll tell you why. You ponies are dumb. Dee-Yoo-Em, dumb. How you all have foiled my genius time and again to the point of complete dissolution of my kingdom is beyond me. And it’s the same for others: Tirek, Discord, all of them should have had you. I can only presume some higher power willfully manipulates events to save Equestria each time an apex predator comes along.”
“Higher power, hm?” Celestia murmured – very softly, and with just a little smugness.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” Celestia smiled welcomingly. “Please go on.”
Chrysalis obliged. “But your luck’s going to run out one day, and that’s why you need someone like me. Someone smart, sneaky, conniving, and distrustful to do everything she can to look out for your interests.”
“And what would be in it for you?” Celestia asked.
At that, Chrysalis paused. She blushed and tapped her hooves again, making a soft little whinny Celestia could not help but find adorable.
“Love isn’t just food.” The speed of Chrysalis’ hooftaps increased as she spoke. “It’s a precious commodity. Its sources are valuable things to be protected fiercely. So if… if you…”
She trailed off, leaving Celestia to finish. “Give you my love?”
“Yes!” Chrysalis squeaked. “Think about how great it would be! I could protect your kingdom, satisfy your wants and needs, and you could trust me because I’d never do anything to jeopardize your love, because that’s my love!”
“Well, the mutual interest is there,” Celestia admitted.
‘And I have not been laid since the invention of algebra,’ but that part went unsaid. Instead she added, “Are you willing to romance me in a, ah, manner more fitting with my own culture?”
“So long as I don’t have to buy you anything,” Chrysalis said. “Not that I don’t want to, but I have literally nothing to my name.”
Celestia nodded. “Fair. But I wonder how we might present you? We have to do something to show you’re not dangerous to the ponies or me.”
Chrysalis grinned at that. “Like, say, a gesture of submission?”
“You’ve thought about this,” Celestia noted.
“Guilty as charged.” A green glow around Chrysalis’ horn severed Celestia’s bonds. “Sorry about the kidnapping. I panicked. Fell back on what I knew. Anyway, I’ve got just the thing to show off our new relationship.”
In the Sisters’ throne room, Twilight had paced her circle so long a groove was formed in the carpet. “I can’t believe Chrysalis would betray us! Were my lessons not good enough? Too much homework? Not enough? Did I push the practical friendship too hard? Or did we spend too much time in the classroom? Argh, what kind of a friendship teacher am I? This is Discord all over again.”
Luna stood, a stoic counterweight to the young alicorn’s panic. “Calm thyself, Twilight. I do not believe Chrysalis will hurt my sister, and that gives us time to track them down. And do not blame thyself – she is a master manipulator, and doubtless weaved a great web of influence and lies to compel your innocent friend to remove her anti-magic ring. Deceit is second nature to Chrysalis, as it is for all changelings.”
“Racist.”
The familiar voice startled them both, albeit far less perceptibly for Luna. They turned to the entranceway to find two forms striding in: Chrysalis, smirking cheerfully, and Celestia, with a deep blush she kept raising her left hoof to scratch. Never the right hoof – that was occupied with a leather strap tied around her fetlock, trailing upwards to hook the collar on Chrysalis’ neck.
“Fear not.” The blush leaked into Celestia’s voice as she called. “Chrysalis and I have made an arrangement.”
“Arrangement,” Luna repeated, one eyebrow raised.
Celestia nodded. “Yes. She will give up her evil schemes and feed off my love, working as my spymaster and, ah…”
“Sex slave?” Chrysalis offered.
“Consort,” Celestia said firmly. “‘Slave’ implies a lack of free will.”
“Oh, but I am enslaved.” Chrysalis gave a quick, surprise kiss where Celestia’s jaw met her neck, drawing the tiniest squeal from above. “I’m slave to your voice, your eyes, your neheheck.”
“Stop. Not now.” Celestia gave a last tittering giggle and turned her eyes to the other two. “Um… I hope you are okay with this.”
Twilight looked to Luna.
Luna stared impassively at her sister.
Then, with an unheralded burst of blue energy, a beam of starry magic shot from Luna’s horn. The hit collided with Celestia, sending the unprepared princess flying backwards. The leash stretched taught and Chrysalis sailed after her with a strangled yelp. Celestia impacted a pillar, Chrysalis slammed on top of her, and the pair slid down to the floor and laid still.
“PRINCESS LUNA, WHAT THE HELL?!”
“What?” Luna called, striding over. “It was obvious. A changeling plot to take over the kingdom. My sister is doubtless locked away in some hidden lair.”
Twilight scurried to catch up. “How do you know?”
“Feh.” Luna stopped over the fallen Celestia. “Just watch. She’ll start turning into a changeling any second now.”
They watched. The burnt, crispy Celestia twitched on the ground.
They watched a little longer.
Luna nudged the prone alicorn with a hoof. “Any second now.”
Another few seconds.
Still nothing.
“I’ma get a doctor,” Twilight said. Luna dumbly nodded, and the young princess vanished in a purple flash.
“Tia, I am so sorry!”
Swaddled in bandages, Celestia nonetheless rose from her hospital bed in good cheer. “It’s alright, my sister. Such damage is nothing to us alicorns.”
She gave a light shake, and some of the bandages slid off. “See? I’ll be right as rain tomorrow, and they say Chrysalis will be able to walk in two weeks.”
The sisters shared a hug. Chrysalis – who was not an alicorn – pouted in her wheelchair.
Unable to resist pitying her, Twilight gave an awkward pat on Chrysalis’ shoulder. “So… everything’s good? Between, um, you and Chryssi?”
“Yes,” Celestia announced, nose to the air. “I expect you both to be more welcoming to her in the future. Chrysalis is to be my Royal Consort…”
“WHOO!” Chrysalis pumped a hoof to the air. “In your face, Screwna! In your fat, stupid, f…”
Celestia finished. “…after she completes her friendship lessons with Twilight Sparkle.”
Silence greeted the announcement. Celestia shrugged out of her bandages and strode from the room, mumbling that it was past time to raise the sun.
A loud sniff broke the quiet. Twilight looked to see Chrysalis’ eyes had gone glassy, and her bottom lip quivered.
Twilight groaned. “It won’t be that bad, Chryssi. Don’t be such a drama queen.”
“Oh, it’s not that.” Chrysalis rubbed a hoof against her eyes. “It’s just… that was evil. So very, very evil.”
Her pupils were huge as she looked up and stared to where Celestia departed. “I’ve always lusted for her, but now… now I am in love.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. Luna reached out a hoof, pushed over Chrysalis’ wheelchair, and departed in a huff.
I die as I lived: with referential humor and stupidity.
Stats
Page generated in 0.034 seconds
Total duration
1,067 users online
2,189,719 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not only do I ship it, I love this chapter and Luna's bit was priceless.
That was beautiful...
Bless
You
Right behind you.
. . . I for one welcome Celestia's new Royal Consort!
My god that was wonderful!
Loved the TF2 reference.
Also, what do we have to do to get you to write an honest to goodness Chryslestia fic? You've teased it like 3 times goddammit.
...well that was random.
"See, she's turning green! No wait.. that's Chrysalis' blood."
7903361
Seconded!
--Spade
Never have I wanted something so much until it was given to me.
it's so beautiful!
bwaahahahhaha ^^
Is nobody going to mention that picture at the end? Because that is some top keks right there.
I can't believe that worked.
Eh?
We all do.
Uh?
You are having way too much fun with this.
No comment.
You say 'higher power', I say 'tree'.
So Chrysalis is a closet fetishist in the land that S&M forgot?
Yeah... that totally makes sense. It even explains why she never actually kills anyone, just ties them up and gloats over them.
This SO has to become a fic in itself. With plenty o' naughty times. And shipping, lots and lots of shipping
Luna's reaction was just as you'd expect from the more battle hardened and logical sisters also just to point out you made canterlot high a target as well as put the city into a power struggle wat with a lich king gone he's territory will be invaded by others of he's kind leading to violent battles for territory as well as killing a obviously old vampire left a power struggle there as well how do you intend to handle that
'See?
RedGreen! No, wait. That's blood.'"So. We still have problem."
Can't tell if Luna is angry or jealous?!
Woohoo! Go bugpony!
...Right, I'm leaving. I'm gonna take a cool, non-sexual shower.
This didn't feel like a part of the story. It would work much better as a standalone story. One I'd happily read.
7905689
mmmmmmaybe. >_>
Well, if nothing else, it neutralizes Chrysalis. Definite positive there. And with any luck, she might even pay attention to those friendship lessons. If all else fails, I'm sure Sunset will be happy to come by and bring her rocket launcher as a teaching aid. ("Pay attention or I pull the trigger.")
... well alrighty then! Can't say I expected that, but hey, nonviolent solutions, am I right? Honestly though, Luna was absolutely in the right there. Absolute judgement with zero hesitation.
I trusted FedEx with my ships. Now two Twilights are with every dude they can see.
Can't say that I blame Luna for thinking Celestia was a changeling. I mean, we know about Chryssi lusting after Tia, but Luna didn't. And there wasn't so much as a hint that Tia would return her affections.
Loved it, so great to see a happy ending for those two, and this was a really neat way to sidestep all that pesky redemption stuff
7912215
Luna did know. She watched Chryssy's dreams, remember?
7915922 Did she? I must have forgotten that part, but it makes sense.
7904064
Damn it! You got to it first!
It was obvious she is the red spy she'll turn red any second now see thats red oh it was juzt blood
"See? Black! Oh, wait, no. That's char."
"Then we still have a problem."
Of course the "not safe for C2" chapter was all the way at the end.
What a rood dood
A truly magnificent resolution to the whole changeling thing! Better then the show in fact! They should retcon all that and replace it with this.
Mmmm...! Toasted Celestia sandwich...
I can make references too!
Better then most love stories.
Oh Celestia, that was just cold.
May you rest in peace
... HA yeah right, someone go get the necromancer 
Oh, Changeling Courtship. Always so wacky with your "hateful monologue" flirting.
(It just fit to have a sitcom riff here.)
10496047
Revive this guy...he's not done till we say so.
(Kidding.)
To the author directly if, at any time, you feel you need a break for something, take it. I speak only for myself when I say I'd rather you do what's necessary to preserve your health, but I hope others agree as well, and thanks for your amazing story.
10757404
Haha, thank you! I write primarily for my own satisfaction so please rest assured that I don't let it become detrimental. I suppose my joke with the author's note was more aimed at the story coming to an end, as at that time I had no plans for a sequel.
i meant, i will not shame-quink you.
now i want a crossover of this with Friendship souls of Thatguyvex, i would love to see the Chrysalis of friendship souls with the interest for her Celestia.
Must... not... make... Homestuck reference...
Ah, are going that route, good old cultural misunderstanding induced courtship. Tia learns quickly too, she has Chyssi wrapped around her hoof. The whole "go learn from Twilight" is totally just to give her time to get her own "Friendship Dungeon" set up now that she might actually get to have fun.
Love these interludes!
I'll have you know that my hatred still burns!
Stop teleporting bread Luna!