It's winter, you and Rainbow are having some fun in the snow when some bitch ass branch falls on her, meaning you have to take her back to your place, where you find out about Rainbows feelings for you.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 26th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen May 15th, 2016
SpectrumSpeed
I don't know what to put here.
SpectrumSpeed
Joined 26th Jul, 2015 ·
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Really didn't need the M rating.
Short but sweet. A bit simple, but that's expected with the length.
That was a solid little story. Not bad for your first (at least on fimfiction).
Short, simple, and sweet. I think its pretty nice.
6790610
Otherwise, cute story. Have a like.
Not bad for a little shipping fluff. Just a few things to tweak.
It doesn't need the "M" rating. "T" would be fine. In something like this, unless there is sex, it doesn't need the mature rating.
Don't know if those break lines look differently in your word processor, but they don't need to cover the entire line. A few dashes, centered in the middle of the page, work fine.
I believe you missed a sentence here:
Overall, not bad, fine shipfic.
Surprise, I'm an editor. However, I am going to be ruthless on this story.
If you're going to not capitalize letters, at least add a comma after Rainbow Dash.
You seem to do it for a TON of other times, aswell.
x2.
You don't need that, not to mention is looks god awful in the actual story. Use {hr} < regular brackets, though.
I improved the sentence structure.
What. Was. That, you think to yourself as you mull over what just happened. She sounded so nervous, and she was blushing a lot. 'It was nice when I was holding her', what does that mean? It's like she has a-... Wait, no. Me and Rainbow are just friends! That can't be it, can it?
I improved the sentence structure.
As you wait for the bath to fill up, you attempt to keep Rainbow out of your mind, but you fail horribly. "But what if she does like me that way? What would I even do," you mumble to yourself. Something clicks in your mind. "Right, I need some way to find out if she does actually 'like' me," you mumble to yourself again.
"she says, her voice wavering, she is barely able to look at you."
Spaces are needed here.
While triple periods may be good for expressing awkwardness, it's overused here. You may want to revise it.
You're welcome. It totally didn't take me an hour to write this whole goddamned thing. :)
This is nice. It's short,sweet and simple.
Good Job!
That was cute and well done.
The only criticism I have is its too short.
Aww!
6792650
Ruthless?
Damn man. I wish more commenters were ruthless as you while trying to be.
That was more like kindness wrapped in a pretty pink bow, to point all that out as you did.
At least compared to how some others give their comments, or suggestive fix to a story on this site.
Soul sucking, wretchedly vile, is how even a few are on this site. Sad that...
If this is what you do, than you stay ruthless. You hear!?
6954680 Ahaha, thanks.
I've still got me editing skills as of late, I just haven't done it as much as I did anymore.
Though... Do you have a story that I could just rip apart and fix? :")
Hey, I'm glad to see you shortened up the spacings, however, it saddens me you kinda ignored the rest of the edits.
I just hope you fix em, before I be 'ruthless' again ;)
Nice, short, and sweet.
too short nid more!!!!
MOAR!!!!
MOAR!!!!
more pls....
Kinda escalates a little too quickly but I loved it, great work!
Sequel?
Cute.
This was nice.
Aww, that was just too cute.
No, No bad touch, bad touch, stranger danger
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/707/426/1c3.gif
7137760
YAS I NEED
MORE!
That was adorable