• Member Since 6th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 6th, 2017

Enigmatic Brony


E

A human by the name of Karl, Ventures into the mystcal world of My Little Pony, with no knowledge how he got there he begins to live he's life in PonyVille making friends and compaions along the way, but what lies instore for Karl and what challenges will he face along his journey as a citizen of PonyVille.
(Comments,Likes and Favs appriciated)
P.S this is the first ever Fanfic I have ever written

Chapters (32)
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Comments ( 21 )

Nothing i can say is realy negative. The only thing though is that Rarity was a little too open at the idea of him being a human. But other than that there is not much i can say until i read more.

Only problem: mother didnt try to stop Shadow. bad parent

Damnable. I figured his mother would put up more of a fight

Shadow and his parents really dont get on that well... i've been meaning to explain that throught the story but i have forgotten to alot throught the story so i'm kind of holding off on explaining that bit till a certain part of the story

Well at least if he goes out then he does it trying to protect the ones he loves

Not too bad a little rough maybe but ok

Yeah im thinking of Re editing all the Chapters to this fic soon

Wow ... She took that rather well.:rainbowderp:

Boy. That escalated quickly :rainbowlaugh:

nice story just look like a little rusher but i cannot judge with only one chapter

finally that was a realy good story good job:twilightsmile:

1456309 Thnks man, feedback is always appreciated and im glad you liked it :twilightsmile:

Advice...don't go so quick...it should take anypony a lot longer to be convinced he's a completely different creature from a completely different reality that just so happens to look like a pony now:facehoof: re-write time, dont'cha think?

1799976 Actually im re-writting this and changing the main character and other changes to other key characters in this story...

Nice story only a bit rushed. but don't worry about it just do what you think is alright. its your story after all. :raritywink:

The ponies are way too accepting about the fact that he's a human(Celestia didn't even question it, nor did Twilight or Spike), everything is going way to quickly, and did Celestia give him some start up bits or something

Might want to work on the dialogue bits, kind of hard to follow, also it seems like your making him, I believe it's called, a Gary-Stu.

“I’m not sure…maybe three days”
“Alright your room is no.12 on the second floor”
“Thanks”
I head up to the second floor… open the door… and dump my bags down near the door and head to bed to sleep

I think this was supposed to be up where he just got to the hotel, not after he's leaving.

Like I said, Moving WAY to fast: was a human a little over a week ago, gets a marefriend, has SEX with said marefriend(I understand he's a pony now, but it'd still take at least a month or 2 before he got over the fact that their ponies, probably more if he didn't watch the show), has another pony liking him, has relationship troubles, and then asks Rarity to marry him. All in a little over a week... Definitely moving WAY to fast. If you were to fix that and the other things I've mentioned, plus things I've noticed but can't really explain how to fix it, this could actually turn into a really good FanFic. But as it is I think I'm going to stop reading it, no offense meant.

Uh... Rarity was a bit too opened with Shadow. The chapter was a bit too fast for comfort. If Shadow was out for 4 days, couldn't Rarity send him to the hospital? Also, if he was unconscious outside of Rarity's boutique when he arrived, then wouldn't the other ponies would of noticed him? Was his arrival silent but no flash? Did he came at night or by day? Why keep Shadow that long in her home with telling her friends?:applejackunsure:

There are so many questions, yet so little answers.:trixieshiftright:

I kind of like what you're trying to do, but it might of needed more work.:twilightsheepish:

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