Enigmus
Joined 29th Jul, 2014 ·
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I've been looking for a good M/M story, and I think I may have found one. I'll be curling up by the fire with this one tonight.
I love it. Really sensual, and more focused on the characters and their development rather than being just pure sex. Very descriptive and I felt the story's length was just right. I approve!
7600989
I'm glad you like it! I'm glad the story came across as what I was aiming for.
7600971
Well, hopefully I won't disappoint.
It was a good read, keep it up.
CUP YOUR HANDS!!! Err... Hooves. Sorry, Corporal.
Nice story!
7602780
Thanks!
Nice story even though I'm not gay. Though I could've sworn I saw this in the new stories section just 8 hours ago...
7603166
You did. Your comment was right the first time before you edited it. And thanks, this has been in the works for a while. Glad to know I didn't screw it up.
Good story. We need a sequel.
Not bad, not bad, but one word of advice:
Please, curb your use of the words "a bit" as a descriptor. He blushed a bit, he smiled a bit, etc. You use this set of words over 30 times in this story, so after a while it's kind of noticeable. Slightly, a little, somewhat, a touch, a tad, lightly, subtly...there are better things you can do here to break that up, so get creative with it! That can be a lot of fun. Keep it up, and congrats on getting featured!
7604134
Yeah, I sort of got used to doing that in all of the RPs I've been in for, like... the past four or five years. I type it entirely too often. But anyway, thank you very much for the critique, and I'll be sure to provide more variety in future projects. Again, thanks.
Oh Gawd... I... This is amazing...
This made me really flustered down there...
For reasons, I was expecting a very Pythonesque gay clopfic where the CO/NCO would be shouting orders and explicitives like Sergeant Arch Dornan from Fallout 2 while roughly doing a Private, bad military pun-based sextalk too.
I am both disappointed that this didn't fulfill my initial expectation, and "excited and relieved" (Nudge-nudge) that this didn't fulfill my initital expectation.
7604809
You might be surprised to know that I wanted to do something like that initially. But my writing process is weird. I change things as I see fit along the way. At one point, this turned into a mushy feel-good fic.
7604341
That was probably my favorite part to write. Glad you liked it!
I'm going to start by saying that I liked this story. I did notice a few things. The 'a bit' issue was already commented on by another reader, and I completely agree that it is a bit overused. Terrible, I know. Just terrible. Shame on me and all that jazz. I'm a big fan of folks actually putting descriptors into their prose, and you have certainly done that here. Though for me, the beginning was a little slow. I do certainly like it when authors set their characters in a backstory that shows why we're here at the start, but in my opinion, the opening sequence was too telly. For example, we're told told the aspects of Shade's history that got us here as opposed to sitting in the scene ourselves. Those little things aside, this was a touching tale of ponies exploring love, and who can't like that? :3
7605297
I guess it all boils down to personal taste in that department. I wanted to make this as realistic as possible, and I guess I was a bit too telly. But at the same time, someone else might like that. Oh well, trial and error. Learning as I go along. Anyway, thanks for critique, and I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future.
7605375 That is certainly true. It is impossible to please everyone with every facet of a story. Just threw in the additional baggage into my comment. Like I said, it was a good read. Entertaining... and even cute through the saucy action. ;)
Sexy
Cute story
7608038
7606498
Glad you liked it. Thanks for the feedback! ^^
Why am I reading this at 11:34 PM?
7686695 Because reading gay horse porn before bed is the best time to read gay horse porn.
Couple of notes:
....You're giving me thoughts....
...called it
What are you writing a poem? Actually, I did that for an English homework assignment but what are you writing deep advice? Actually, a lot of people need that advice.....I hate you, mind. I fcking hate you.
....best....story....EVER EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MORE THAN ONE!!!!
7740232 I agree!
Nothing like the ol' gay horse porn to drift you off to sleep and hope for such wonderful dreams.
WARNING! ; Wet Dreams may Occur.
This would make more sense if they used the Navy merit structure.
8063685
I'm generally not a very military-savy person. Besides, completely different cultures and what have you. Oh well. Smut is smut.
8063713
Just trying to make a joke about how the Navy is gayer than the Army.
8063719
Oh. Please excuse my shitty intelligence. :c
8063727
It was admittedly a little obscure, given how much context I provided. I try not to point out punch lines all the time, but it will occasionally cause confusion.
Also, please close the italics in your story description. It's making all of the text (including our names!) italicize. I put a closing italics at the beginning of my comments to fix it, but have omitted it from this comment to show you that it's happening.
8063737 Wow, that's an incredibly annoying bug. I wasn't even aware that was a thing. It should be fixed now. Anyway, thank you for reading my story, and a have a great day. ^^
Nice little story you got there. Could use an editor's touch, but I liked it. The protagonist was a bit of an edgelord though.
8153399
Well, I mean.
Most people have problems that weigh on their mind. It's pretty normal to dislike those problems, and react to them accordingly. But in any case, I'm glad that you liked the story. It could use an editor, yes. I might ask someone to look at it one day, but I'll probably just look through it myself. If I remember. I probably won't remember.
Wow, I found this on account of another great M/M story as per recommendation from the author himself, and I can say I was pleasantly surprised with how deep this one chapter was considering I went in with the expectations of just another run of the mill "exposition to smut" type read. Safe to say I was pleasantly surprised by the grounds this Fic made for itself, it had a very simple yet undone concept of just friends being friends that just happened to evolve into something more, people may argue that is has in a sense been done countless times before but it left the impression that this situation could have never happened at all due to the fact that the General himself said he would have never acted on the pretenses that he wasn't sure if the feelings would ever be returned. It's left with the thought that maybe this is a one in a million chance romance story that is very sappy on the surface, but had a deeper impact that may be hard to understand. I found myself wanting a sort of spinoff that maybe took us a little bit into the future that had the characters look back on if they hadn't talked at all would they not have been close. All in all a very good read, I loved the build up of the scene itself it spoke the words it needed to speak and the execution of the sensual scene was a perfect capitalization on what the relationship meant to our main character, and the ending thoughts were a excellent way to round out this short story. Fantastic work from you Enigmus I'll have to read more of your works now from this story alone!
8191840
What a great comment. Thank you so much for your kind words, and I hope to impress you further in the future. I have to say, though, that I personally think that this is my best work so far, and my other stories don't really stack up. But I've actually learned a lot from this story, and hopefully, I'll be able to make even better stories in the future. Again, thank you. Anyway, what story did you come from? I'm actually really curious as to what story you're talking about. I could always use a good M/M story to pass the time by. ^^
8193316
No problem! Well to answer your question the Fic I came from is " 'One Way Road' by Wing Dancer" in a comment on one of the chapters he had pointed to this Fic as a sort of similar work that we should also as readers take a interest to, he mentioned it as another great M/M bat pony Fic that we should read, due to there being oh so little of the type of pairing Fic. It delves into the relationship boundaries between the two characters that is really deep and more than just some sex scenes. Although the solo shower scene was one of the funniest and more erotic chapters I have read on this site to this day! It has been recently been picked back up by the author from a three year hiatus, and I'm glad it has. So I'm very glad you liked my point of view and I will definitely be trying to analyze some if your other works, even though you claim this is the only gem, yet I have to reason that if you can manufacture this great work, then you are more than capable of doing the same for your other works! Have a great day and keep on writing!
8193929
I'm aware of the story. I actually have it on my front page. It's definitely one of my more favorite stories. Anyway, thanks again. ^^
I know this is sin but it’s so cute like if this was a long romance story it would be precious it’s amazing how you put so much emotion in a short story lots of love