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Calcen

Calcen #1 · Feb 1st, 2017 · · ·

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Great story! I love it :D

Exuno

Exuno #2 · Feb 1st, 2017 · · ·

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wow.

That was really hot, and felt like it knew exactly what it wanted to be every step of the way.

Starting off with the food was pretty nice, that meal sounded delicious and instantly made Spellswirl pretty attractive. Apparently the way to a reader's heart is still through the stomach, heh. It gave the fic solid room to breathe and exposit before diving straight into the sex, without lingering too long, though, so props.

The sex itself was great, pacing itself very comfortably, and capturing the appeal of both parties' infatuation at being dominant/submissive. I appreciated all the magical stimulation – a lot of clop skips out on how naturally some acts would come to ponies, but I think you did a good job of that here.

...also, it took me a solid half an hour after reading this to realize it starred Ralek's Turq. Which is totally on me and not you – I'm not sure how much explicit you can get than a dominant big grey blue-maned pegasus with piercings, that'll fuck another dude at the drop of the hat.

I was going to say that for the level of mostly healthy consensual sex scenario this fell into, it seemed like it could have used a bit more nerves and caution and relationship talk on both ends, if only to establish that the characters have emotions other than "Damn, he's hot;" but recontextualizing it with that charming asshole, you got it spot on, I think.

Oh, you do consistently capitalize "unicorn" and "pegasus", which is non-standard and sticks out a bit. As generic terms, they should be lowercase, which would make the sentences flow a little smoother on a casual read. It's nothing serious if you've got a real personal preference on the matter or something, though.

Thanks for posting this! M/M clop is disappointingly rare.

sparks117

sparks117 #3 · Feb 1st, 2017 · 1 · ·

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Hottest stallion boning I've read in a wile. Very nice.

Spellswirl Moonraiser

Spellswirl Moonraiser #4 · Feb 2nd, 2017 · 2 · ·

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7914737
Hey, thanks for the critique. I'm glad you liked my writing. I noticed you pointed out that I capitalized unicorn and pegasus. Figured I might explain that. In the universe of Equestria Unicorns and Pagasi aren't just different descriptors for mythical horses. They're races. I figured they would be proper nouns, but it's just how I figured I'd put it. I'm glad you liked the story over all.

Maybe I'll write more, and I am waiting for word from Ralek as to whether they'd like a chapter two, and what direction I could take it in. Otherwise I'll probably work on other stuff along the way. Maybe some SFW stuff, maybe not. If it is NSFW it'll probably be M/M stuff. It's what I like, and what my friends or people whom I admire enjoy. So that's probably gonna be the bulk of my NSFW stuff, if not all of it. Again, thanks for the kind words and critique.

Mix-up

Mix-up #5 · Feb 2nd, 2017 · · ·

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This was a good read, I hope to see more of this story again.

Comment posted by Amm deleted Feb 3rd, 2017

Amm

Amm #7 · Feb 4th, 2017 · · ·

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Any particular reason my comment was deleted? I liked the story overall but felt it had a glaring flaw. I hope I didn't come off as too harsh.

Comment posted by Spellswirl Moonraiser deleted May 26th, 2017

Zh3sh1re

Zh3sh1re #9 · Mar 4th, 2017 · · ·

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I liked the story, but it seems to fall for the same Dom/Sub thing that always seems to happen. Just because it's a dom/sub story, the dom always seems to want to rent out the sub to his friends and I really don't understand that fetish. To each his own, I suppose. Atleast the story is well written and the sex is good.

iamli3