• Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Ponyess


I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP

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Living in Sunny Dale is fine, when you have your family with you. I have my sister living next room in our cottage. The only difference between the rooms is that hers is mirroring mine.

I have a Hero doll of Pinkie Pie, while she has one of Twilight Sparkle. I have mine living on my nightstand, and I treat her like a household deity, with all that goes with it.

If it is a common and regular life, but that is merely where it all begun. The shock only hit home as I saw my reflection in the mirror one morning. Being a filly, not what a boy is looking forwards to, or dreams of, now is it?

Seeing the real Pinkie Pie in the flesh, I guess I could contain my shock? She is just as exuberant and energetic as they had said, if not more.

In memory of: Shadowplay, A Hearth'swarming Tale, Surf and/or Turf

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 12 )

Umm... huh...

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I just read. There... wasn't much to get from this. A lot of description about what the room looked like, then maybe one paragraph that might have been the actual set up to a story?

6712130

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I just read.

I need to know what you thought you saw, in order to develop the story further, if you don't mind me asking?

There... wasn't much to get from this.

Aside from being the short, first chapter it is. If it is your impression, I feel i did something wrong. Preferably before I publish the next chapter,

A lot of description about what the room looked like,

Ah yeah, the room; it is supposed to be a reflection of the boy living in the room, his sister and the family at large. Even if I guess it is a bit vague as such and up to interpretation, as to ho he is?

then maybe one paragraph that might have been the actual set up to a story?

If I get you right here, it is the link between one place and another. If I read you right, that is just the one paragraph.
There is an actual part of the story on the first page as well.
Question is, how would I best personify the included characters, from the chosen path to where we are going? Furthermore, when is this in Equestrian time?

6712251 The chapter did little to establish our MC. Aside from what his room looks like, that he has a sister, parents and that he left cookies for a Pinkie Pie toy/doll, I have no real idea of who he is. I didn't get much of what the story is going to be either. The chapter felt devoid of substance.

I'll admit the last paragraph was an exaggeration, but that's just how it felt when I finished reading. The chapter was... kinda wooden I suppose? Like it needed the second chapter to be posted with it so someone could get an actual feel for the story.

I've encountered a few like that, where the second chapter completely changes the way a story comes across where as the first doesn't stand properly on it's own without the support of the second or other successive.

6712854

The chapter did little to establish our MC. Aside from what his room looks like, that he has a sister, parents and that he left cookies for a Pinkie Pie toy/doll, I have no real idea of who he is. I didn't get much of what the story is going to be either. The chapter felt devoid of substance.

These details are cultural references, and personal preferences. The cottage setting is tying the scene into where thy are going, just as much as being a convenient home to live in.
What you are looking for is the Rosetta Stone, with which to unlock the puzzle in order to understand what was actually happening and what it all was good for?

I'll admit the last paragraph was an exaggeration, but that's just how it felt when I finished reading. The chapter was... kinda wooden I suppose? Like it needed the second chapter to be posted with it so someone could get an actual feel for the story.

The story is still incomplete, which the tag is indicating. Maybe the first chapter doesn't need to feel quite this incomplete, but if it is complete, there is no need for a next chapter, right?

I've encountered a few like that, where the second chapter completely changes the way a story comes across where as the first doesn't stand properly on it's own without the support of the second or other successive.

Sometimes, we write the first chapter in one way, while writing the next completely different on purpose. I think it is a kind of style. On that note, there are other reasons behind the break at this exact point as well.

I'll wait a few chapters before I pass judgement. Let's see what happens.:twilightsmile:

I shouldn't have read this..

Once upon a time, there's this boy, who has a Pinkie Pie doll. He got this really green toy grass mat, to pretend to let her roll in it, and he puts out pastries for her to eat. The pastries disappear, but he hopes he's just eating them in his sleep. On a completely unrelated note, his sister's room is built as a mirror image of his own, and there is a mirror placed in the wardrobe closet, on both sides of the shared wall, making him mistakenly think that he's looking into his sister's room sometimes. His parents may be just a tad crazy. The eating cookies in your sleep thing is also kind of crazy.

So, one day he wakes up, and goes to get dressed, but instead of his reflection, he sees a pink filly in the mirror. Not a furry, btw. He sort of turns into a furry though, because the closer he gets to the mirror, the more he turns into a pony. This could have been very weird and unsettling, but becoming a half-pony caused him to lose his balance and fall against (and through) the mirror entirely, emerging as the fully transformed pink filly that he saw, in Equestria. Pinkie's waiting there for her, to thank her for all those tasty pastries. The filly remarks that her sister might be interested in ordering a suit from Rarity's boutique. Oh and the multiverse is called Metaquestria here, with mirrors connecting various locales.

There are 217 other stories this author has wrote. The end. :twilightsmile:

Alright, re-reading because cache expunged due to expiration.

The kitchen is under our parents room; where the dining room is as well, side by side. There is a third floor, but you need to take a separate flight of stairs up, if you like to go there. Likewise, we do have a basement as well. I have the notion, that we live in a fairly common home.

Heh, no, four different sets of stairs is not common. We'd be lucky with two! It seems you meant to say there is an attic, which would make more sense in any case.

This presumably young boy narrates quite oddly. We can't help but read it in an old man's cadence instead. Which makes it all the more jarring when he actually speaks... Even if it's still quite stilted, just in a different way.

On to the next chapter!

The only problem is, that it does not sound as if a boy is walking on the floor; this is starting to sound more and more as if it had been a filly, in his room.

How does she determine the gender from the sound? Are they on a farm where hearing hooves on wooded flooring is commonplace?

on the luxurious, luscious grass I planted for her.

Planted where? A tray of dirt? Quite unusual for a child to have a micro pasture made of actual grass in their room...

It is the kind of thing, one does for one’s household deity. At least, it is my image; of what one is supposed to do for her.

Bwah? Is she worshipping her doll?

Just as my brother, I am starting to lose my balance, as I am slowly becoming the filly I am looking at.

But, she does not know this happened to her brother...

We're lost...

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How does she determine the gender from the sound? Are they on a farm where hearing hooves on wooded flooring is commonplace?

Just because it has not been mentioned, does not mean that it is not there.
Maybe I should have a chapter about the spiritual farm at some point?
What is established, is that both siblings has a fair knowledge of the other sibling's room. Including the chosen deity, who is female in both cases.

Planted where? A tray of dirt? Quite unusual for a child to have a micro pasture made of actual grass in their room...

It would be on the nightstand. Roughtly a squarefoot seems plausable.
If the deity is viewed as an Equine, is it so off, if one has special grass planted in her honour?

Is she worshipping a doll?

Not the plastic doll itself, but the deity it had been made in the image of.
People do worship Icons and statues, as I recall.

Bur, she does not know this happens to her brother...

If this phenomina is commonplace in the society, she is bound to know of it and recognize what is happening.

7055965

I should not have read this..

Why?
Care to elaborate?

9378917

Heh, no, four different sets of stairs is not common. We'd be lucky with two! It seems you meant to say there is an attic which would make more sensein any case.

I guess you can see the top floor as an attic, based on how little description there is to it.
The architecture is loosely based on the image of Fluttershy's Cottage in the show.

This presumably young boy narrates quite oddly. We can't help but read it in an old man's cadence instead. Which makes it all the more jarring when he actually speaks... Even if it's still quite stilted, just in a different way.

So you see the Narrator, as an older man?
The boy is a fily, in the instance of finally speaking.
While this may be common knowledge, but to finally be standing before your idol or deity does affect you in different and strange way.

I would be only too happy to listen to your suggestions.

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