Before we begin, allow me to introduce myself to you, my dear reader. To be frank, I am merely a voice in your head, that person talking inside of your mind as you continue to read down this passage. I have no real name, for I do not exist. Like I've said, I am merely a voice you have created within your brain. A voice that will accompany you throughout this tale of a man named Chocolate Dick.
No, no. He does not have a literal chocolate-coated er...dick. No sir, this man's rather misleading name was bestowed upon him by the ponies of Equestria. Well, one pony, to be precise. You shall find out more about it later in the tale I am about to share with you.
Chocolate Dick, a.k.a. Adam was a man who possess great love and passion for animals. He absolutely adores them; normal, mythical, mystical, you name it. As long as the creature was categorized under the label 'Animals' he'll love it. So, as one might expect, when he was given the opportunity to go to Equestria, Adam immediately jumped on it. Besides, Equestria was an entire world filled with all sorts of animals. All waiting for Adam to learn, understand, and love.
Adam may be the eponymous main character in this tale, but what sort of tale would this be without a deuteragonist? Adam was not alone in this, no. He was with someone. A pony, by the name of Fluttershy. Their meeting was not a coincidence, but it wasn't fate that brought them together, either. Strangers at first, the two slowly find out that they are connected in more ways than one. Ways that could change their lives entirely.
So, have you gotten used to my voice yet? No? Well, my tale is about to begin. So I suggest you get comfortable. For this is a tale you won't forget any time soon. The tale...of Chocolate Dick. A human, a caretaker, and eventually...a hero.
Cover art by Daruqe
I truly enjoyed this fic, and not just because of the main character's funny name. You seem to know where your going with your writing and have a good grasp of effective dialogue.
I just have a few nitpicks.
I find issue with the highlighted bit here. When you say snatch, you already imply that the action is quick. Adding an adverb to a verb that reiterates what is already implied comes very close to redundancy. For example, you need not say that you loudly shouted, quietly whispered, or quickly ran unless the adverbs used distinguish their attached actions from another adverb's attached action. It's necessary to say that Jack ran, but Jill ran faster, if you do not explicitly state that Jill caught Jack, but if Jill is running alone, one needn't necessarily say that Jill ran fast.
You change from past to present tense within the same paragraph here, it isn't too noticeable because it's a common mistake in spoken English, but has in the highlighted case should be had, because you start with knew, which is in past tense.
This is by no means comprehensive, but many of the issues don't detract from the story too much, and can be ironed out by extra proofreading or a good editor.
You did a good job here, I eagerly await the next part of Chocolate's story.
With a name like Chocolate Dick i was expecting Porn star, or maybe Viagra spokesperson, possibly advocate for Sheriffs against Arm-sucking, but animal caretaker?
Liked and tracked
(WildCat) "Dick Chocolate"
I think it should be more like this:
A young man at the age of twenty-four, Adam was unemployed, unfortunately.
A comma after twenty-four would make the sentence flow better, and the 'an' just shouldn't be there.
Other than that, great start (as per usual).
What, no high-five first?
There best be more soon. . .
" We will call it: Duh duh....I don't know.....Dick um chocolate ~I AM WILDCAT