How would you feel if you were an orphan no family no one to call you there own no one to love you but what if those you can call family were in your face but you didn't even know it
Chapters (7)
fabianguzman18
Joined 16th Mar, 2012 ·
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Thought this might be a good story, until I read the really poor synopsis. Put some commas in there, and then i'll rethink.
It was an interesting concept and a somewhat nice read but it needs help on the descriptive side, its very lacking.
The idea is good but I suggest you get a beta reader to check over and smooth out the rough edges of this fic.
669485 my bad next chapter will be better
I enjoy the idea that Scootaloo is an orphan (I'm a heartless man, Mmmk?) but this needs serious editing to even get back on track. I would personally throw this chapter completely out the window, and start a new one.
Is English not your native language?
669759 yes it is buy i suck at writing
Interesting idea, but there's not a chance I'm reading it if the grammar isn't fixed up.
Interesting read, I will have to keep an eye on this one, yes there are some little issues here and their but so do most first chapters, as you wright more you'll find those issues slowly getting less and less.
So don't let these early issues bother you, I reckon you will do fine as you go on.
Get a beta reader, one who will be happy to tell you what you did wrong and how to prevent making the same mistakes in the future, because this was full of grammatical errors.
Spellcheck and beta reader pls, thanks
Interesting idea but needs a lot of work. I had trouble trying to read it. I'll try and re-read it later if you fix it up a bit.
674482 sorry to busy ot retype.
like everyone else is saying, good idea, but its gotta make grammatical sense .
Thought that Scootaloo would've tried to dodge the question....
Guess not. :/
Took me a minute to realize it was a flashback.
I'll keep an eye on this... not rating yet, haven't decided.
dear author
you get a fav and a thumb
682373 yeah sorry about that should make it more easy to follow
682431 thanks
Please continue this.
Great so far.
690166 thanks
wtfcontent.com/img/131392620503.jpg Heavy Weapons Guy Approves
teehee. i like this
716968 thanks really the support really helps alot
When is the next chapter coming out
778590 after i go home from california which is in two weeks but i will message you when i update it if thats ok with you by the way why do you like my story and what could i do better in your opinion
I like this story because it tells a rare sad point in the world of Equstria but i think you could work on making the story a lot more clear because i am very confused on this chapter The Decision.
788403 thanks i won't be doing the next chapter in like two weeks cause in at my cousins so please be patient and I'm very sorry the connection here is very slow and I can't get into google docs but be sure the next chapter will be worth the wait
788403 thanks i won't be doing the next chapter in like two weeks cause in at my cousins so please be patient and I'm very sorry the connection here is very slow and I can't get into google docs but be sure the next chapter will be worth the wait
788403 I promise
Very nice story. poor fluttershy
823047 thanks but not any more she has found a new family and will be very happy thank you for your support
Hmmm... Bizarre. Enjoyable, but bizarre.
Never read a tale of RD+ Fltutershys filly hood thats quite like this. Keep going. 
I can't wait to see where this goes 
828407 thanks sorry for the wait summer and all any who not the best writer but glad to have a few trackers next chapter is about the disease Linda has so keep tracking by the way anything you'd like to see in the next chapter
What ever happened to
?
Thanks for updating dude and i love this story
It could be cool to return to scoots for at least part of the next scene. You don't need to tell the whole Flutterdash fillies part in one go.
828675 point taken will begin working on the story tommorow busy today
to all my readers i don't know weather i will cancel this story or not just need some support and ideas to continue
Any new ideas for my story suggestions recomended
This is an interesting first chapter. I won't waste your time with a comment about the grammar issues, but I was at an advantage knowing they were there from the comments. I just read the story slower, and I'm glad I did.
I really felt for Scootaloo. I like to think that she is an orphan. Not in a mean 'she's homeless' kind of way, but rather that she's living in a foster home waiting for a certain pegasus to adopt her. Though in my mind, bizarre as it is, I think Fluttershy would be the better mom over Rainbow. In that regard, I think it was a really good idea to have them dating. This way, Scoots can live both pegasi and finally have a happy family. Of course I could be jumping the gun. I'll have to read the rest to find out.
Well, better get to it then.
Thanks but if you didn't catch the drift Rainbow and fluttershy will raise Scootaloo together>>931888
931888 by the way any suggetion for the the next chapter
This is becoming really enjoyable. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
931905
True. I gathered from the first chapter that they would take Scootaloo in. It would be awful if they tell her the story and then throw her out. I really don't have any suggestions for the next chapter, though I'm very intrigued about Linda's illness. On that note, are humans myths in this story? I guess it's not really relevant since what matters is Flutters, RD, and Scoots.
I'll think on it and send you a message if I can think of anything.
931979 yes but dash's family comes from a long line of human worshipers so they give 'human' names to there kids and eat meat sort of like a cult
932136
Oh ok. Must be at least somewhat tolerated if foods come in meat flavors like at the Wonderbolts show. For some reason when Rainbow told Fluttershy that they were eating a turkey sandwich, I thought she was joking with her. Good to know. Thanks.
I look forward to the next part. Um, no rush though.
933539 will update tommorow for sure haven't done so these days its funny you think with summer and all a guy has more time to do these kinds of things when in reality I've got less but will update tomorow
Now I wonder about the big question here. Is Rainbow's mom still taking morphine? Or has she stopped and now suffering through withdrawal like Mrs. Dubose did in to Kill a Mockingbird since she had been on morphine as well?
963056 she will but next chapter will be about the present time
Hang out with new family please
Crusading can easily come later, then Scoots will have a story to tell her friends...
1087139 hmm we'll see by the wau how would you say this story is because i honestly beleive i have the discriptive power of a 4 year old
1087139 hmm we'll see by the wau how would you say this story is because i honestly beleive i have the discriptive power of a 4 year old also when will you update crashing angels?