The Orphan
The cold winter wind was blowing like a it would never end and at the ponyville park sat lay a shivering orange filly. She was there because there was nowhere else to go no all of her friends had other plans, so there was nothing left for her to do, but use a cardboard box as a blanket and try to go to sleep.
The next day it was up and adam to get out of there before anyone saw her she would die of anyone saw her like this only no one knew she was an orphan. She got up picked up her scooter and began to ride to school. she arrived at the schoolhouse and was greeted by two fillies.
“Hey there Scootaloo ready for the test.” they said in unison
“Hey you guys, wait what test?” She said taken aback by the statement
“Ya know the History of Medieval Pony relations test? did you forget to study again?” she asked with a concerned look on her face.
“Right that one great i totally forgot to study great now I’m gonna fail.” even though it was a half-lie it still hurt scootaloo that she had to but she didn’t want her only friends to leave her and besides what would she say “Oh geez i’m so sorry I couldn’t study to busy trying to keep myself warm at night trying not to freeze to death or I was busy looking through garbage trying to look for food so I don’t starve to death.” she knew that sounded a little harsh but she never wanted to risk the possibility of losing her friends.
“Well don’t worry Scootaloo It’s a multiple choice test I’m sure you’ll do fine I mean you’re always good at multiple choice tests. this snapped Scootaloo back to reality
“Oh yeah totally” She said with confidence it was true on worded or math tests she usually failed or barely passed, which always caused Miss Cheerilee to ask a lot of personal questions which she dreaded and always tried to avoid.
She got done with the test with ease and watched as all the other Foals in her class still take the test so she sat back and relaxed which got the attention of a certain Purple Mare.
“Scootaloo Since i see that you so relaxed that must mean you're done with your test right?” she said with a sound of sarcasm in her voice
“Yep here you go teach!” she replied with the utmost confidence,then cheerfully walked back to her seat Cheerilee called her back up again
“Well scootaloo I say I’m impressed B+ congratulations.” Cheerilee said with a smile. Scootaloo mentally breathed a sigh of relief none of the I’m worried about you Scootaloo how’s life at home speech.
“Well seeing how there's 30 minutes left before lunch I guess I can let you rest your head”
Cheerilee stated.
“What!” was all she could utter was she crazy? was she hearing things?
Cheerilee giggled a little “Yes you heard correct I’m letting you rest your head but don’t get use to it it’s only for today OK?”
Scootaloo’s heart skipped a beat she never not ever not in a million years would she ever see this. Cheerilee told her she could just sleep in class AWESOME. she ran to her seat turned around and said “Miss Cheerilee you rock.” Then she proceeded to lay her head and go to sleep.
After lunch she went back into her class and because all of her fellow classmates were still doing their test she got to sleep even more and by end of the day the last person finally finished their test.
“Well class seeing how this test took longer than expected there will be no homework tonight.” As soon as she said that everyone jumped in joy.”Well calm down class you’re acting like its summer vacation she joked. As everyone ran out the room
Scootaloo walked out with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom ready for the adventures ahead.
“Hey girls are you ready for the next great crusade I was thinking about Cutie mark Crusader sky divers.”
“Sorry Scootaloo but I’m helping Rarity with her new filly designs.”
“Yeah sorry but I got ta help AppleJack and Big Macintosh around the Farm.”
“its okay.” she sighed “well i got to get on my way then see ya guys later.”
She rode off in her scooter trying to run from her troubles, but unfortunately she rarely ever succeeded. Her thoughts were about how she envied her friends having a family people who cared about them and who did she have you may ask? No one to care for her no home no family Nada. Her eyes teared up and she stopped and sat on the ground and began to cry until her stomach began to rumble. she walked to a local dumpster and waited till no one saw her and jumped in and found a treasure trove of food not someone's disgusting left overs but freshly packed and healthy fruits and vegetables. She always wondered why so many people could just throw away perfectly healthy and not to mention delicious food. Either they didn’t now they were doing it or they just had bought so much food that their was no place to store it so they just throw it out what a waste.
She got out the dumpster and carefully put the food in the saddle and rode off to the local park sat beneath a tree and began to inspected what she had managed to scavenge.
“Let’s see here a loaf of bread still looks fresh apples,some oranges, and two corn stick things pretty good day if I do say so myself.”she praised herself and began to eat after eating she slowly closed her eyes and drifted into sleep.
When she woke up she must have been out for hours it was already dark she panicked got on her scooter and rode off.
“Way to go Scootaloo you had to dose off didn’t you just great and now you’re lost.”
She rode and rode her scooter and really lost and found herself in the everfree forest. she began to sob and scream.
“SOMEBODY ANYBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!” she broke down and started to cry
“What's that who’s there?” called a soft voice was in the distance
“huh?” then Scootaloo saw that fluttershy was coming close to her she quickly wiped her face fixed her mane and tried to make herself not look as pathetic as she really was.
Soon Fluttershy quickly saw that Scootaloo was clearly lost
“Scootaloo are you okay?” She asked with concern
“ Yeah I’m fine.” she quickly responded
Fluttershy simply gave a stare that read quite lying to me and tell me the truth
“OK i’m not i’m lost.” she said in defeat
“Are you hungry do you need a place to stay?” She said in the most motherly tone she ever heard.
“N-” then her stomach began to grumble rather than argue further she simply followed fluttershy back to her cottage
As they walked in the cottage she could hear a familiar voice call out to fluttershy
“Shy yah ok.” Said a familiar voice
“I’m fine I found Scootaloo wondering in the forest i'm gonna give her something to eat the poor darling.” with yet again a motherly tone
“Oh ok i’ll be out the shower in a couple ok.” with a hint of surprize in her voice
“Ok Love you Dashie.”Fluttershy
Dashie? Does she mean Rainbow Dash? GRRR her stomach began to rumble and in that instant Fluttershy gave her a bowl of oatmeal and with that all questions she had went to the back of her mind and she began to eat but stopped because there was something in the oatmeal.
“Honey and hmm...Cinnamon?” Scootaloo said curiously
“thats right how'd you know?”
“Just a good guess I guess.” she giggled out
They continued to eat then a certain cyan pegasus began to join them and after they ate they all sat comfortably on the couch.
“Scootaloo why were you in the forest at night you could have hurt yourself?” Fluttershy asked then scootaloo began to move about the couch as if she were uncomfortable
“I was lost in the forest.” she mumbled out and grabbed her legs
“Oh well time to get you home scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash said as if not buying it and at this moment Scootaloo got up and decided to let herself out.
“Hey Scootaloo let me take you home.”
Scootaloo darted at the door but Rainbow Dash swooped in and grabbed her
“What's your problem Scootaloo?” She asked with both anger and worry in her tone.
Scootaloo began to tear up and then started to cry
“I don’t have a family I’m an orphan ok.” she said in between sobs
Rainbow Dash set Scootaloo on the the couch and began to tear up a bit.
“Scootaloo I’m so sorry I didn’t know.” she said while going to sit on the other side of the couch
Scootaloo didn’t she just kept on crying into a pillow.
Fluttershy got up and sat right next to her.
“Scootaloo I may not know exactly what you’re going through but I know from personal experience the situation that you’re in.” She said with a warmly smile
Scootaloo lifted her head up and looked at Fluttershy the wiped the remaining tears off her eyes. “Fluttershy yo-.”
“That’s right.” is all Fluttershy said and needed to say
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Thought this might be a good story, until I read the really poor synopsis. Put some commas in there, and then i'll rethink.
It was an interesting concept and a somewhat nice read but it needs help on the descriptive side, its very lacking.
The idea is good but I suggest you get a beta reader to check over and smooth out the rough edges of this fic.
669485 my bad next chapter will be better
I enjoy the idea that Scootaloo is an orphan (I'm a heartless man, Mmmk?) but this needs serious editing to even get back on track. I would personally throw this chapter completely out the window, and start a new one.
Is English not your native language?
669759 yes it is buy i suck at writing
Interesting idea, but there's not a chance I'm reading it if the grammar isn't fixed up.
Interesting read, I will have to keep an eye on this one, yes there are some little issues here and their but so do most first chapters, as you wright more you'll find those issues slowly getting less and less.
So don't let these early issues bother you, I reckon you will do fine as you go on.
Get a beta reader, one who will be happy to tell you what you did wrong and how to prevent making the same mistakes in the future, because this was full of grammatical errors.
Spellcheck and beta reader pls, thanks
Interesting idea but needs a lot of work. I had trouble trying to read it. I'll try and re-read it later if you fix it up a bit.
674482 sorry to busy ot retype.
like everyone else is saying, good idea, but its gotta make grammatical sense .
Thought that Scootaloo would've tried to dodge the question....
Guess not. :/
This is an interesting first chapter. I won't waste your time with a comment about the grammar issues, but I was at an advantage knowing they were there from the comments. I just read the story slower, and I'm glad I did.
I really felt for Scootaloo. I like to think that she is an orphan. Not in a mean 'she's homeless' kind of way, but rather that she's living in a foster home waiting for a certain pegasus to adopt her. Though in my mind, bizarre as it is, I think Fluttershy would be the better mom over Rainbow. In that regard, I think it was a really good idea to have them dating. This way, Scoots can live both pegasi and finally have a happy family. Of course I could be jumping the gun. I'll have to read the rest to find out.
Well, better get to it then.
You mean "Up and at 'em"?
So Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are faggots?
a few spelling errors here and there but its still a good story