Epilogue - Take a Letter
Ponyville.
The village it had always been. The same sunny skies. The same gentle breezes. Where everypony knows your name, and every street vendor and maintenance worker greets you with a smile.
And yet, a little different.
Applebloom and Scootaloo sat at a sidewalk café. Both their eyes were on the blueberry oat parfait, with a dollop of chocolate-drizzled vanilla ice cream on top that sat in the center of their table. The confection bore two straws – each one stared down a Cutie Mark Crusader, daring the little ponies to draw near.
“…s’gonna melt,” Applebloom observed.
“So take a drink,” Scootaloo replied.
“…you first.”
Scootaloo drew near to the closest straw, but just as quickly fled. “Maybe we should have ordered two. We’ve got enough bits for it.”
The apple filly blushed. “Ah…dun wanna do that.”
“Yeah,” the orange filly with the shock of purple mane admitted. “Me either.”
Instinctively understanding one another’s expressions, they ignored the hot blush assailing them and drew from their respective straws simultaneously. Their cheeks brushed together. They were still unable to make eye contact, but each managed a demure smile.
“Awwwwww!”
At the tolling of the abrupt sound, the crusaders shot back to their own sides of the table so fast they nearly fell out of their chairs. Scootaloo whistled. Applebloom hummed and stared at the clear blue sky.
“Aw c’mon,” Sweetie Belle, who was suddenly standing before their table, grinned energetically. “You were both totally cute! Don’t let me stop you!”
“Y-you didn’t see a thing!” Scootaloo insisted.
Applebloom tilted her head and stared at the unicorn filly. Her jaw dropped. “H-hey! When did y’get yer cutie mark!?”
Scootaloo’s breath caught in her throat. Her eyes were on Sweetie Belle in a flash and she was already off her stool to inspect the filly’s flank. She let the tense breath out by blowing on her own bangs. “Relax Applebloom. It’s not a real cutie mark.”
“H-how do you know!?” Sweetie Belle responded defensively. Scootaloo poked her friend’s flank and came back with a blue spot on the tip of her hoof.
“It’s Rarity’s cutie mark. And the paint is running.”
“Oh.” Sweetie Belle acquiesced. Nopony needed to ask why the filly had her big sister’s cutie mark stenciled onto her side. Nor did they ask why the curl to her mane was different, and why she was wearing eyeshadow.
“How’s all that…working out for you?” Scootaloo ventured. Sweetie Belle smiled wanly.
“It’s actually pretty fun! I get to roleplay a lot, and I even got my own room at the palace! ‘Cause, you know…they don’t use most of them anyway.”
“Whut about the boutique?” Applebloom inquired. The unicorn filly glanced nervously away.
“I uh…sleep there sometimes?” Sweetie Belle covered her mouth and coughed. “Sis just bought a carriage that looks like it was made from a giant pumpkin with three yokes attached to it, and she’s been wearing glass slippers everywhere she goes. Can we talk about something else?”
Before the trio could broach a new topic, they were nearly blown off the sidewalk by a rainbow-hued streak that strafed just above their table. Scootaloo brightened and cupped her hooves to her muzzle.
“Rainbow Dash! Hey Rainbow Dash! Down here!”
The colorful blur rounded the Ponyville town hall and zipped back towards the café, stopping on a bit mere hooves before colliding with the crusaders’ table. Rainbow Dash, looking barely even winded, grinned brightly.
“Hey squirt, girls! How ya all doing?”
The fillies shared pleasantries with Ponyville’s resident high-flyer. Scootaloo was the first to pick a subject.
“Wow, you’re pretty energetic today,” she observed from the older pegasus. “Even more than usual. What’s up?”
“Aww, I dunno,” Dash shook her head, flicking her mane and allowing the sun to reflect in the object she was wearing around her neck. “I guess I’m just feeling kinda loose and free, ya know? Everypony seems to have that going on lately.”
The fillies took the cue, their eyes moving to study the affectation Dash was wearing. A shimmering, translucent pink crystal in the shape of a butterfly was attached to the pegasus’s neck by a stylish purple leather collar, complete with a tiny lock to one side. The crusaders tilted their heads as one. Dash went on for a moment or two about her cloudbusting business for the day and her general prowess, but stopped short when she noticed the fillies staring.
“What?” Dash swallowed, looking down. She cleared her throat. “It’s a friendship bracelet, okay? Don’t assume stuff!”
Applebloom could barely contain a giggle. “Y’sure are brave, Rainbow Dash. You should be proud of yerself.”
Sweetie Belle wasn’t listening to Dash’s sputtering excuses for the bit of finery she was wearing. The filly had her eye on Vinyl Scratch, who was trotting down the lane, bopping to the beat of her headphones as usual. The mare was levitating a wet blueberry muffin with her magic, which she was readily chewing on. Sweetie Belle counted at least a baker’s dozen worth of hickeys all over the white mare’s body before embarrassment forced her to look away.
“What about you, Applebloom?” Dash forcibly changed the subject. “How’s the farm doing this past couple weeks?”
The little farm filly scratched her neck, her eyes darting around. “Well, uh…a’raight…ah guess? Granny’s got more giddy in her up than ah think I ever saw b’fore, but ah ain’t seen hide nor hair of mah cousin since we all got back from that Shipshape thing. Granny said he went back to Appleoosa but…he didn’t say g’bye or nuthin’. Oh!” She suddenly grinned and sat up tall, proudly puffing her chest out. “Guess who’s been gettin’ more responsibility on th’ farm lately, hmm? Ah’m watchin’ the house, doin’ more chores – they’re even teachin’ me to buck mah own apples the grown up way!”
Rainbow Dash grinned, “Yeah, huh? That’s awesome! Good for you.”
“Ah know, raight!?” Applebloom said excitedly. “They need me there, whut with mah big bruther ‘n big sisser tradin’ time to take all those trips to Canterlot an’ Appleoosa! It’s like they ain’t never even both home at the same time no more, so ah get to show how grown up ah am all the time!”
Dash scrunched her muzzle, raised a brow, and glanced at Scootaloo, who could only shrug. “…right yeah, I’m glad that’s working out for you. Anyway. Has anypony seen Twilight?”
The three fillies glanced at each other and shrugged. “No,” Sweetie Belle spoke up. “Why?”
“Fluttershy wants to borrow another one of her books about wild bird calls,” the cyan pegasus answered smugly, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, she found all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders staring at her. “What? I’m just doing her a favor! She…she has…uh…chickens to feed! All day long! Chickens are a lot of upkeep, you know!?”
Dash heard the sound of a turkey call coming from behind her, and whirled just long enough to find Pinkie Pie bouncing along down the street.
“Hey, hey, HEY!” Pinkie shouted at anypony who turned to look at her, “I have the most stupendous fantabulous awesomeoneous cantankerankerlous stupendioso with cherries and whipped cream and root beer and every color of rock candy that ever existed anywhere ever in the whole wide world news! There’s gonna be another little Cake soon! Isn’t that the most stupeniographic logitechnical wonderactical superdupero—”
“Hey Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash called out, “Is it Missus Cake’s, yours, or Princess Celestia’s?”
“I have NO idea!!” Pinkie cackled madly and hopped down a side street.
“I was…kidding…” Dash gaped, and then shook her head. “N-never mind that. Did you girls soap all your mirrors like you were supposed to?”
The crusaders nodded in unison. Dash turned her attention to the Palace of Friendship. Her eyes, half closed by the sun, took in the fluttering banners from the gilded towers. It was the same building it always had been, but something just seemed…less inviting about it, these last three weeks. Quite the contrary to the village in which it resided, which seemed alive with the glow of revelation and contentment.
* * * *
The moon never moved. It wasn’t right for the moon to never move. Nothing ever moved. Nothing ever changed. Oh, ponies came and ponies went – sometimes even other creatures came and went. The Princess of Friendship even saw changelings come and go from time to time. But nothing was ever really different. She didn’t understand it. She couldn’t do anything about it. It fit into her little world of order like a square peg in a round hole. She couldn’t control it, but she was not a prude. Oh no – no, no, no. She was not. She’d proved that. And she was about to report her findings.
“Spike?” Twilight removed the Stetson hat on her head just long enough to shakily rub her hoof through her frizzled mane and called out, “Take a letter.”
“…bwuh…?”
Beneath the purple princess, her throne muttered incoherently. The creature under there, a pegasus who was loyal to the recognized royalty of Equestria, was riddled with hickey-shaped welts. His everything hurt, but in some places he was so numb he wasn’t even certain if he was still a stallion. He burbled, and a violet hind hoof nudged him in the ribs.
“Take a letter,” Princess Twilight, a maniacal look in her eye, repeated. Soarin began pawing at the dirt with his hoof. He didn’t even realize that he was grinning like a puppy.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Happy birthday! I bet you didn’t think I would remember, but I did. I have a calendar, you know. I’m always prepared for anything. So of course I would always have a calendar and always remember important days.
Soarin glanced wordlessly at the incomprehensible hoof-scrawlings in the dirt nearby.
I was wondering what you might like for your birthday, and then I remembered how much you like cake. I’m sorry it isn’t ready yet, but I’m having Pinkie Pie and Missus Cake create the biggest, best, most lovely cake for your birthday even as we speak. It looks wonderful and is fit for royalty. Missus Cup Cake has such lovely foals, you know? Sometimes I wonder how she got them.
Soarin opened his mouth, thought the better of it, and shut it again.
I would like to say that I learned a very important lesson about the magic of friendship, but since I am the Princess of Friendship, I really didn’t learn anything. I already know everything there is to know about friendship. I really do. Because I’m your studious and faithful student. Friendship is when ponies kiss, so I kiss everypony that arrives here. Some of them are scared at first, but I make them understand how important friendship is. Because I know, and I have everything under control.
“I don’t think ‘shipping’ means—” Soarin got another kick in his ribs for his trouble and went back to scrawling.
I have so many friends now. I’m very happy. I tell my new friends all about the fun I have every day, and I make sure to tell them the special magic words they can use so that we can all see each other again. They think I’m telling them how to close the portal instead. I know, that sounds dishonest, but don’t worry, it’s really not. I’m the Princess of Friendship. I know all about friendship, and since friendship is magic, that logically means I know what’s best for everypony. Isn’t that amazing how that works out? Maybe I did learn a valuable lesson about the magic of friendship after all. It’s that friendship is me. Everypony should be like me. So that we all have friendship in our hearts. Just like always, I’m your faithful student, and I understand everything. Everything. Everything.
Soarin lost track of how many times he tried to scribble the word ‘everything’ alongside the random collection of irrigation pathways he’d created in the loose dust. Twilight examined the post-apocalyptic hieroglyphics, smiled approvingly, and patted the pegasus on the head. She even fed him one of the apples that had fallen out of the bag of the hapless mare they’d kiss-assaulted last Tuesday. There had been lots of running and screaming until the mare’s proper ship showed up – a typical day. As he fed, the wonderbolt thought about the odd, salty taste of changelings, and how griffons had a tendency to nip. He wondered who would come to visit next, and what they would taste like. He smiled at the stores of provisions, tools, materials, and entertainment items dropped by visitors, and thought about what the new castle was going to look like.
The moon grinned.
* * * *
“The most studious pony was never found. It could be that she still lives her prudish life there, but from that day on, mother ponies would tell their foals that if they did not do as they were told, the Princess would kiss them. Such was Shipshape’s monument, and perhaps it would not have displeased him.”
-Richard Apples, from ‘Watertrough Down’, 1978
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Can't really take seriously because of:
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mylittleponyccg/images/8/8f/Premiere_200.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/300?cb=20150306090218
I'm going to be blunt, you need a dark tag on this thing. Diamond Tiara's blackmail thing didn't come off as funny, it came off as kill the demon with fire. Also trapping Twilight there with the only other guy and being incapable of escape to the point of total insanity says that the established rules of Shipshape are wrong or that there is some malicious intent in the realm. Either way it is still dark as hell. I got a pretty heavy chill after I finished reading this.
Also Spike has some serious delusions that come off as very unhealthy. That kind of crap tends to lead to violence down the road.
Hmm...interesting take! There are some bits that are kinda spooky, yes, and some that are a little sad, too. I see your point on that - I considered those bits while choosing genre tags for the story, but ultimately didn't think those themes were represented strongly enough to warrant their own tags. Some of the inspiration for this story comes from the card game "Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder" (TSSSF) by Horrible People Games, if that helps to explain the basis of the humor.
I'm interested to hear what folks think - if everypony finds it dark/sad/etc enough to warrant genre related tags for the whole tale, I'll see about adding some.
To clarify the ending:
Twilight and Soarin are just stuck where they are until their proper "ship" comes along (we don't know who that is, since the story doesn't go that far). The unhinged behavior from Twilight is the result of a theme throughout the story for her - a reaction to the fact that she can't control/understand/reason her way out of this situation. It's meant to act as a foil to her behavior in the episode "Lesson Zero", and poke a bit of fun at her attempts to bring order to what is essentially a nonsensical situation. The quote at the very end of the story that suggests she might be stuck there forever is just a parody - a ponified play on the fate of General Woundwort from the classic novel/film "Watership Down". Instead of 'the general will get you', it becomes 'the princess will kiss you!'
The quote at the beginning of the story is in turn a ponfied parody - this this case a play on the tale of the Walrus and the Carpenter from Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking Glass" (Alice in Wonderland)
I liked this; it was well written. That ending did sort of turn it in a different direction, though. Have a Spikestache!
Bruiser has read this story on request. Bruiser finds it an entertaining tale that brings forth many of the more adult fans fantasies. Certain relationships are more surprising then others, but in the fun of the story telling you see how the author sees the secretive world that is the true Ponyville; the true feelings of Ponyville ponies. The obvious and displayed is not always the truth. Bruiser finds that the many references of classic literature and TV fit well within the dialog and is a nod to those influences to make this story easier to digest as you read. Bruiser thinks Q is awesome in any form. As to some of the comments on here that state it needs to be labeled as dark... Bruiser does not know if dark is the correct word. It is darker then the world that MLP is based on in the feel that Alice has slipped into the looking glass creates a certain feeling of a coaster with highs and lows. It wasn't nightmarish, gory, or violent but it clearly did not have a happy ending that your typical MLP episode would have. Based strictly on the wording of what DARK is as a label and since the perceived theme will be based on the readers feeling, Bruiser would play it safe and place it in the dark tag in the same way one may place Goosebumps in such a tag. Bruiser's own feelings about this tag is that there would be so many more ways to make this darker and solidify it as dark. We assume that the bodies are transported to this supernatural realm and that there is no real time limit on finding your ship and yet this realm, this presence, this incantation seems as if it could be a living breathing being with needs of it's own. May-hap Shipshape has, since the beginning of time, always kept one or two ponies behind to feed on their life forth as they wither and die. There is a hint of cannibalism at the end that is left off screen but is that enough to push it into full dark. Bruiser personally would have had one of them picking their teeth with a bone and solidify it as dark but Bruiser is a bad pony.
6418159
Indeed I did! Luna is also a real trip to write for.
Citizens! Check thine headcanons at the door!
Wow that was cute, fuzzy, sickening and horrifying. Impressive. I'll probably have nightmares. Please if it wouldn't be too much trouble, never write anything again.
6569061 So, you decided to read it, keep reading it. Then to top it all off you seem to think you have the right to judge someone else? Really? self centered snot nosed kid much?
6576828
I cannot help but be who I am!
I just skimmed the middle, anyway.
I only wanted to compliment them on how horrifying it was!
Alright, alright, I went ahead and added a 'dark' tag. The story was never intended to be taken that seriously, but I see what you're saying folks, so I acquiesce
I appreciate the feedback, ferret, and to each their own of course, but I have to admit judging by the last sentence, I didn't think you'd intended the previous one as a compliment either. But, if you did intend it that way, thanks! If it's liked for being funny that's fine, but if it's liked for being horrifying, I'll take that too!
This is clever.
And evil.
And goes to my collection. :)
7657454
...of all the stories of mine for a reviewer/interviewer to see first!
This story was basically intended as a random shipping joke. Inspired by TSSSF.
...I mean Applejack falls in love with a tree, so...yeah.
7657640
Actually, in that context, it at least makes sense. >.> I'll go give something else of yours a try sometime.
7662366
No worries, I totally get the reaction with this story. I published it shortly after Bronycon 2015. TSSSF was brand new to me then and I was kinda just enamored with the amusing stories we'd cook up in the game room for why Applejack just got shipped with Bloomberg, or Rarity with Tom, or Braeburn with Granny Smith. So that's totally what I was thinking about when I busted this out. Per the previous comments I'm pretty sure you're not the only one to look at it and be like '....seriously what the heck is this horse writing about?'
I should put the disclaimer at the top of the description instead of the bottom!
Thanks for giving me a look either way. If it's of any interest, I have a selection of what I personally consider to be my better stories over on my profile
7662742
I'll be honest, other than Quantum Vault, the content of those other stories does not interest me in the least.
7664331
No probs, just pointing them out since you mentioned you'd thought about reading something else of mine. I found something of a niche recently that people seem to like out of me, so I've just been running with it until i have some time to put towards more adventure-style stories. To each their own, no?
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8186292
It was some years ago, but as I recall, several folks requested the 'dark' tag because they felt some of the 'ships' had an odd taste to them, particularly the ones involving underage characters. While reading however, I strongly suggest you take the story at face value - it is rated teen and is about 'shipping' - kisses, suggestive innuendo, crushes, etc. The entire thing was written as a shipping comedy farce, inspired heavily by the card game "Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder" (TSSSF), and is set up to emulate the random shipping that occurs in the game. The story is a comedy and was never intended to be taken seriously
Also, check your headcannons at the door. This story will most likely mess with some of them if you have any
8186638 Can you please link me the game. Please
8187596
I did. It's in my last comment below
Love the epilogue's opening!
This is what I was watching when my mother watched "Quantum Leap":
🍺🍻(That, "Roseanne," and "Dave's World.")
Aside from a few borderline creepy moments, this is a fun story. I think you had too much fun writing Luna's dialogue. I couldn't resist the "Ghostbusters" reference! I resisted the urge to add even more comments. I hate it when I find a long list of comments by the same person!
(On that subject, I just deleted one & moved it here: Why is there a blank "Author's Comments" on the last chapter?)
11445702
I think maybe some folks might have taken it a bit too seriously, but I can't be the judge of my own work and so have to accept what folks perceive. It was also my first time ever trying to write something like this, so there's hindsight to consider, heh.
I admit I only vaguely remember this story now, after all this time. I do recall having a bit of fun with it though. It was intended entirely as a comedy based off of the fan card game TSSSF (Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder), which I quite enjoyed at the time. I thought it ended more or less well for all but one character, but again, all of that was meant to be humorous as per the game. Now that I look at it the Watership Down quote at the end was a fun add too
Anyway, I assume you enjoyed it overall, so thank you for the read and the commentary! I noticed you like finding 'references' in stories (I like putting them there), so I direct you to this blog post