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Rainbow Dash is unimpressed when her nap is interrupted by Pinkie Pie -- but becomes rather more intrigued when she's told that Pinkie has cooked up Equestria's first energy drink especially for her. Pinkie seems awfully protective of her new creation, however...
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This should be an episode.
From the title, I thought this was some "Nazis in Equestria" fic. How very wrong I was.
wat twilight say is true.. a lot of sports or energy drink contain high amount of glucose though it is actually carbohydrates but it is the fastest to absorb since it is oredi in the simplest sugar state so which means that it would be faster to get absorbed into the blood stream.. for those who have been working out a lot this effect will only boost ur stamina for a temporal time and actually a better substitute compare to u eating since if u eat the sugar breakdown much slower compare to drinking glucose directly..
u can say that the super duper secret soda is their version of gatorade
Everyone's well characterised, though I felt it could do with a bit more descriptive prose, especially in the first section. The characters have a tendency to tell us what they're doing, as opposed to us knowing already from their initial description. My interest started to fade a little towards the end, then I read that last puntastic line and your story got an instant thumbs up.
I give it a 4/5 and a happy Pinkie.
Dat pun
Great read! Felt like an episode!
580152
Thanks! I'm really grateful for that comment. On the need for a bit more in the way of description, I agree with you. Two reasons for that: first, as you may well be able to tell, this little tale wasn't always planned out as a 4,000-word story. In fact, it wasn't planned at all: it grew organically from a 300-word joke written around that last line. Second, I'm more comfortable writing dialogue, and as this was a) my first piece in this universe and b) basically a light-hearted bit of fun I thought I'd keep it that way. I want to challenge myself a bit more in future, though: I have one possible idea starting to come together in my mind that would absolutely require more descriptive passages.
The wordy "telling" is something I knew would be picked up on, but that's something I (perversely perhaps) actually rather like, including when I'm reading others' stories. Maybe it's because I grew up devouring Asimov -- Foundation is amazingly "tell-y" in places -- and I know most people disagree with me, but I think "show, don't tell" is a little -- a little! -- overdone sometimes. (As an aside, American English seems sometimes to be slightly more attached to its rules and guidelines than does British English.) I'm not the sort of authorial genius who can get away with breaking all the rules, of course, so I hope readers will keep picking me up on such things.
I do also agree that the story could have done with a slight tightening up late on. Twilight's explanation of what happened is a little overlong, I think. Anyway, a big thank you for your comments, and for the happy Pinkie!
581493
I take that as the highest of compliments!
Heya! I enjoyed it!
That ending made me want to punch something. In a good way.
Nice characterisation, especially Pinkie with her crazy ramblings. The mental image I had of Twilight "shouting rather incoherently at the walls" was hilarious.
636537
Thanks! I'm quite pleased with the characterisation, so I'm glad that came through. As for Twilight, I don't think I'll ever be able to beat "Lesson Zero", but I'm an absolute sucker for her breakdowns, whatever the cause.
Just as an aside: I've drunk this concoction myself, for review purposes of course! It's actually not at all bad, surprisingly, though cherryade works better than pure cherry juice as the latter can make the mixed drink a bit too sweet.
Twilight drank a drink that had only 20% cola in it and got a HUGE sugar rush?
2379974
This is Twilight we're talking about. She probably thinks anything sweeter than punch is incredibly daring. Besides, the dreadful pun at the end wouldn't work if it were any more than 20%.
2380615
is it stupid that I've only just got that Pun?
20 percent cooler
20 percent cola
6085335 The title came first! It was just too hard to resist using it for a pony story.
I'm still quite fond of this one, although (unsurprisingly) there's a fair bit that I'd do differently if I were writing it now. (For example, I don't think it really needs all the Mane Six and Spike to appear.)
Great story BUT they are actually called Beta Cephei variables and WHY AM I TWILIGHT NOW!
6928411 Well, you can pick from two options there: 1) this was my first ponyfic and I didn't quite get the research spot on; or 2) Twilight's brain has been seriously affected by the drink. Or both.
But thanks!
2380615
Twilight drank 100% cola. Pinkie pulled a fast one on her.