Years have passed since King Sombra was defeated, but the ruler of the shadows was risen from the ice mountains.
Now, he has a new plan, something that will surprise everypony.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 11th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
Crystal Night
Reading, writing, drawing and playing. That's my life. A normal teenager life. Also I'm Portuguese /)
Crystal Night
Joined 11th Jan, 2015 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Crystal Night · 18k words · 132 10 · 7.2k views
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This was good I liked it. I can't wait to see how this plays out
5635702 Thanks, i have good hopes for this fanfic
Nice concept. Keep writing, I want to see where this is going.
5650976 Thanks!
You should do a sequel. If you do, you have 100% my support good luck!
(Note: Is there any lunbra, cause I semm too see it somehow
)
5704803 Thanks
maybe soon i will do the sequel, (i have another story in mind), i just more time to think and write!
Too rushed. Too much dialog and a little more time a description between seneces would improve this. I advise a rewright.
A full rewright.
5705681 maybe i will do that in the sequel, first time so, but thanks for your opinion!
5708030 so be it.
It reads pretty good to me, though it does seem slightly rushed. Still not bad all in all.
5924133 True, I was running out of ideas, but thanks for the comment
Very interesting story, I do so enjoy a good romance, especially with a villain. My only complaint is the grammar. Other than that keep up the good work. Also, I know I'm a little late to the party (seeing as how you already got the sequel up) but I'm excited to see how this story turns out.
5971893 Thanks, I really appreciate your comment, about the gramar, I'm trying my best to improve.
I'm glad you enjoyed
Am I the only one who thought of this while reading the chapter?
Am I the only one who thought of this while reading the chapter?
Metallic - King Nothing
5986114 I didn't even knew about this music xD
5971893 Romance? What romance?
5635702 Who is the pony in your avatar?
5973646
Now that I've read the entire story I have to say that it is still really good and has a lot of potential, but it also needs to SLOW DOWN. I have a friend who is writing a pokemon fanfic and he has the the same problem. However, I'm going to withhold my final judgment until after I read the sequel.
5987463
I LOVE that song so that's why I made the connection. Do you see it?
5989912 I do, I actually downloaded the music.
If I was one of those guards who had to tell Cadence and Shining that Sombra was back...
Your Majes- *trip! Crash!* Fuuuuuuuuuu-! I mean Sombreros here! I mean Sombra! That guy! He's here! Call the Elements!!
Anyway! I like this Sombra falling for somepony. My favorite times of stories!
6220209 That would be funny
Thanks 
Nice! I did notice some spelling errors but nothing too bad. I like where this is going, not only are you giving Sombra more of a personality but you're treating Shining Armor like a real Prince which is more than the show does.
I still really like this! Though when Sombra was telling Cadence about Cynthia he said she had a pink mane but I thought she had a blue mane in the last chapter. Doesn't really matter just something I noticed.
Nice! Good ending, I really like new Sombra, I was picturing the story in my head and he looked so cute when he was clueless or lost. But then again ponies are just cute naturally.
thats it? geee
6317294 That's why I made a sequel.
6317385 I read the description, I guess the 'learn about friendship or...' stuff is a bit ausgelutscht.
sorry read to many twisombras. I need a juicy hot cadance x sombra.
6318077 No problem.
Honestly, the writing is pretty shit-tier in terms of quality. If you slowed down the pacing and took care to fix the grammatical and spelling issues, as well as working on making the dialogue less wooden, it could be decent. I'm not saying I hated this, just that it needs a lot of work before I can like it...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
12:11_5/3/2016
7183189 I know and I understand, but like I said before, this was my first story. I'm portuguese, so my knowledge about english is lacking, to say the least, however I'm reading and try to improve my writing skills. I have a good support from my followers, that's one of the reasons I'm determine to continue. I totally understand what you're saying, if I could, I would rework this story, unfortunately the time I have to write it's small, I thank you for being honest.
7183368 I'm glad to see that you can be mature about my criticism, because a lot of the amateur writers on this site can get very defensive when met with a negative response about their work. I can understand how you have trouble with writing, but the fact that you are at least trying to improve on your skills shows that you are a cut above the normal mediocrity that many of the writers on this site fall into.
That said, I would like to see a re-visitation of this fic once you are better at writing, because this fic does have potential.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
14:6_5/3/2016
7183428 I will and thank you once more, also I did write a sequel, I haven't finished yet.
7183470 I noticed the sequel, but I haven't tried it yet...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
14:30_5/3/2016
7183475 When you can, please take a look and tell me what you think.
I like it
7637755 Thank you
6235558 No, that was a description of Luna.
It was a bit fast-paced and too short but I liked the characterizations. I'm curious to see what comes next.