6: Crevasse
Windy trotted up to the Ponyville train station and hesitated just outside the door. She wasn’t actually sure whether she needed to go in, or just walk around to the platform. When she heard Apple Bloom’s voice from the platform, she chose the latter.
Dozens of ponies milled around on the platform, but the three most energetic ones were bouncing around a blond mare in a cowboy hat. Windy made it halfway across the platform before Sweetie Belle saw her.
“She’s here!”
All three Crusaders rushed through the crowd, tackling Windy and all talking at once. Before she could get anypony to quiet down enough to say anything, Applejack walked up. “Heya, Windy. You come to see us off?”
“Actually,” Windy said, a huge grin spreading across her face, “Twilight said I could come along!”
Applejack raised one eyebrow and scrutinized the grinning quartet. “You asked Twilight for permission, and she said you could come along with us?”
“Yeah!” Windy nodded vigorously, her eyes wide.
The train’s whistle sounded across town, prompting everypony on the platform to look toward the curve where the locomotive was just coming into view. Applejack glanced at the clock on the station’s wall, then back to the fillies. “Alright, I guess it’s okay if Twi says so. You got your ticket?”
Windy thought for a moment, then said, “What’s a ticket for?”
Applejack facehoofed. “You’ve never been on a train before.” She looked at the Crusaders and said, “Y’all stay here. I’m gonna take Windy inside to get a ticket.”
The inside of the station was spartan, with just a few benches and a ticket window. Applejack led Windy up to the window and tossed a couple of bits on the counter. As they waited for the attendant to get the ticket, Applejack looked at Windy, then squinted. “Sugarcube, you’re gettin’ bigger. You’re just about as tall as I am now. I didn’t think—”
“Here’s your ticket, ma’am.”
Applejack grabbed the ticket with her teeth and looked out the window to see the train come to stop with a puff of steam. They trotted outside and joined the Crusaders, waiting for passengers to disembark before they could board. Windy asked, to noone in particular, “Have you ever been on a train before?”
All three Crusaders simultaneously put on nervous smiles and glanced at each other, while Applejack started telling a story. Windy narrowed her eyes and looked from Sweetie Belle to Scootaloo to Apple Bloom, then whispered, “You have to tell me the story!”
Scootaloo leaned over and spoke out of the side of her mouth, without breaking her smile. “After we get on the train.”
Sweetie was nearly bouncing out of her seat. “Canterlot is soooooooo beautiful!”
Windy asked, “But haven’t you been here before?”
The Crusaders shushed her in unison, then Apple Bloom looked at her big sister, who was thankfully involved in conversation with the unicorn in the next seat.
“Technically,” Scootaloo said, “we have. But that was a secret mission. We didn’t have time for sightseeing.”
Windy rubbed her temples with her hooves. “But didn’t Rarity catch you?”
“True,” Sweetie said, “but my big sister can keep a secret.”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. Windy said, “Wow, you guys sure spend a lot of time sneaking onto trains.”
The house lights dimmed, and a spotlight appeared on the curtains as they began to roll back. A sharp-dressed unicorn on stage smiled broadly at the audience. “Once upon a time, long before the peaceful rule of Princess Celestia…”
Windy leaned back and listened to the narration as six ponies silently took their places on separate thirds of the stage. She felt an uneasiness seep into her stomach as the chronicler continued. Looking at the ponies around her nodding, Windy whispered, “No… That’s not…”
Soon, the narrator stepped into the shadows as the ponies on stage began to bicker and debate. Scootaloo poked Sweetie and whispered, “Yeah, you and your freaky magic.”
Sweetie returned the prod and whispered back, “Stop that, you ruffian!” They both dissolved into snickers and giggles before being shushed by the ponies behind them.
Scootaloo leaned over to Windy and said, “I bet this play was ten times cooler when Rainbow Dash played Commander Hurricane.”
“Hurricane?” Windy rolled the word around on her tongue, felt it rattle around in her head.
“I proclaim this new land to be… Pegasopolis!”
Windy gulped. “But the winter followed them. Be-because, the… the Hurricane.”
Apple Bloom leaned across Scootaloo to whisper to Windy. “I thought you said you hadn’t seen the play before?”
Scootaloo pushed Apple Bloom back into her own seat. “See, I told you that everypony has seen the play.”
Windy sat, silently shivering while the Crusaders bickered like the ponies on stage.
Twilight hummed to herself as she stepped into the Carousel Boutique. Rarity set down a bolt of cloth and turned to smile at her friend. “Oh, dear! I almost forgot about our lunch.” She levitated the measuring tape off of her neck and walked outside with Twilight, closing the door behind her.
As the pair strolled toward the diner, Twilight said, “I’m glad that we both had free time today. I didn’t know how much work it would be to care for a filly Windy’s age. How do you manage to watch Sweetie Belle and still have a social life?”
“Well,” said Rarity with a saintly smile, “Sweetie really does take care of herself mostly. She’s also, you know, not tried to take over the world. Twice.”
Twilight winced. “She’s not like that any more. You had some of her fried ice cream? She gave away over three hundred servings, and Pinkie says that she’s got a real talent for knowing exactly what ponies need.”
“Yes, I did hear that she has been making progress, though I was surprised that you let her go to the Hearth’s Warming play in Canterlot. I mean—”
“I let her WHAT?” Twilight came to a dead stop, looking at Rarity with wide eyes.
Rarity stopped and looked back at Twilight with one eyebrow raised. “Sweetie mentioned that Windy might go to Canterlot with the Crusaders and Applejack, contingent upon your permission, of course. Since you mentioned she is gone, I assumed…”
“No, no, this is bad. This is VERY BAD!” Twilight sat down and started stroking her mane with her hooves. She looked up at Rarity. “I think her memories are still there, just buried. Yesterday, I had hugged Celestia just before Windy hugged me, and I think Celestia’s smell triggered something. If she sees the play, she might remember who she is. Who she used to be.”
“Don’t forget, darling. This is Canterlot. Celestia herself might be at this play.”
Twilight’s heart dropped into her stomach. “I have to leave. Now.” She leapt into the air, leaving Rarity and Ponyville behind, cutting through the icy air toward the mountain hanging in the distance.
Apple Bloom elbowed Applejack. “Somethin’s wrong with Windy. I think she might be sick.”
Applejack looked Windy up and down. She was sweating and shaking, breathing far too quickly, and her eyes were locked open as wide as they would go. Applejack leaned across the two fillies to nudge Windy. “Are you okay, sugarcube?”
Windy jumped. She turned to look at the ponies next to her, then fixed her eyes back on the stage.
“W-w-what is that thing?”
“They must be windigoes. My mentor Starswirl the Bearded taught me about them…”
Applejack saw Windy flinch at the word. She wondered whether it was her imagination, or if the room was getting colder. She turned around, maybe to look for somepony to help, maybe to look for an emergency exit. The theater was absolutely packed with ponies who were all paying rapt attention to the performance, and Applejack couldn’t even see the exits in the dim lighting.
A choir began singing. Windy turned to Applejack and murmured, “The cold… Windigo. That… That was…” Windy sobbed, then jumped from her seat and pushed through the ponies to the nearest aisle.
Applejack jumped after her, straining to keep up as she galloped toward the rear of the house. Both ponies slid to a halt as Princess Celestia landed front of them, completely filling the space between the rows of seats. Windy’s jaw dropped as she looked up at the graceful white wings, long horn, and shimmering mane. Her forehead wrinkled and her mouth flapped a few times before her eyes went wide. She snarled, “You!”
A sudden chill instantaneously enveloped the room, causing a sharp cry to arise at once from every corner of the theater. The air instantly turned to fog, further adding to the confusion. Windy turned around and ran the other way, bumping into Applejack. She glared at the earth pony, hissing through her teeth. “Thou—” she winced “—You, you lied about who I am!”
“No! Yes.” Applejack reached out a hoof toward Windy. “I’m sorry, sugarcube. We just couldn’t tell a foal that she’s—”
“A monster?” Windy advanced toward Applejack, forcing her to backpedal down the aisle. She turned her head and scanned the fog for any signs of Celestia. “I’ll show you true hunger, and then we’ll see who the monster is.” When she looked back, Applejack had disappeared into the mist.
As Windy continued stomping toward the stage, the fog coalesced into snow, swirling angrily in the frigid air. A few flaps of her wings and she landed on the set, fetlock deep in fake snow. “An angry winter spirit, indeed.”
Hexagonal ice crystals grew across the walls, and the wind increased to a vicious howl. The air grew denser with snowflakes as mares and stallions alike screamed and ran over each other in panic. Three fillies emerged from the snow in front of Windy, and the wind immediately ceased. It only took a few seconds for the snowflakes to settle to the ground, leaving the air crisp and clear, if bitingly cold.
Every pony in the theater stopped and looked at the alicorn on the stage, faced down by three tiny ponies. She towered over them, frozen in confusion as she stared into their faces.
Apple Bloom took a step forward. “Windy, what are you doing? Somepony could get hurt.”
Windy looked out across the theater, scanning over the heads of terrified ponies huddling against the cold. Celestia was nowhere to be found. Windy spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. “Do you understand, now? She lied to you! I am Windy Glow. I froze the world. I will—”
Scootaloo had jumped forward and grabbed Windy’s leg in a hug. She was quickly joined by Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Windy looked down at the Crusaders. After a few seconds, she backed up, shaking herself free of their grip. She shuffled backward a few more steps, not taking her eyes off of her three friends, then turned and blasted a hole through the rear wall of the theater.
Windy stepped up to the ragged edges of the hole and peered into the alleyway beyond, when the blast of a teleportation spell appeared behind her. She didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Twilight.
Twilight said, “Windy, please…”
Windy turned her head and looked at Twilight. Their eyes met, and Windy held her gaze for a long time. She took a halting breath, then leapt outside, unfurling her wings. Then she was gone.
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Inb4 everyone else
Um, can we get some tags? What is this? Adventure? Romance? Comedy? AU?
5548820
Whoops! Tagged now.
Hmm, rather sudden ending, but I suppose you were working within a word restraint. Well done, have a like.
The hell?
Such a sudden ending without closure.
5549022 Well the contest he entered it in has a max of 15k words, so...
5549118
it looks like he could have gone another 2000
Wait what? It's over? Wat
This story feels incomplete. I mean, I really like what's here, but it definitely feels like there should be more. Seeing that 'Complete' tag kinda makes me dislike the story, honestly. It feels like I'm getting cheated out of half the story.
Please write the rest of it. It was just getting to the good part.
5550836 There will be more, at some point.
WHAT??!! I need more!!!!
5548898
I really like this story and how you've written the character of Windy. The choice of a cliffhanger ending is not necessarily a bad one, but in a shorter piece the departure is too brusk. After the contest I would advise you to add an element of foreshadowing, perhaps starting a with a prologue of Twilight's despair at "Windy having run away" without explaining who Windy is, and then an epilogue of her determination to find her "daughter" and her her home.
5555979 I, uh, "left it open for a sequel."
Which I plan to do.
5608283 I don't know if you're the first to catch that reference, but you're the first to comment on it!
Windy Glow. Windigo.
I feel stupid for getting that now, rather than in chapter two.
Like the others, I liked her neurosis, but I didn't like the sudden ending at the moment of dramatic climax. I'd probably read a sequel, though.
5785173 I'm planning to do a complete re-write, in fact. I only managed to cram in about half of what I wanted to include in the first half of the book. So yeah, it left off halfway through. There will be more, but I will probably finish Decade first.
5785257 Best of luck with that. I did find that at its current length, it held my attention to the end, but if it grew into something the length of Past Sins I would probably have stopped reading.
5785314 Yeah, I don't want it to get that long. I meant double in terms of... things that happen. Emotional development. Not words. I mostly wrote each chapter in a single pass with bare-minimum editing. I was hoping to keep the entire thing to under 50k.
Uh. Oh. :/ Huh.
5797613 Well, that was the prompt for the MMDG contest. I think I stuck closer to the original story than most of the other entries.
5797678 Yep. Ran out of time. Poor
planningtime management. I enjoyed writing it though, and I've got an outline for the rest of the story (you know... to an ending). I plan to finish it (and re-write the existing part) at some point.5797720
I'm gonna mark my review "Incomplete" and come back to this when you're done with it. Honestly, it's not too bad, but it definitely feels rushed in places.
As to your other comment, it was my understanding that the purpose of the contest was to write an original story based on the general idea of another story, not to rewrite it wholesale.
landed 'in' front
I find the writing to be rather sparse in sections. For example, in the first chapter Twilight and Rainbow agree that they need to go to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. After the scene break, Applejack appears without any introduction and the rest of the Mane 6 + Spike are no where to be found. The lack of explanations is somewhat jarring.
I'm also confused about how Twilight turned Windy Glow into a foal in the first place. She herself admits something like an age spell is beyond her abilities in Magic Duel and she is certainly not wearing the Alicorn Amulet. Artistic license, I suppose?
I was trying to think of what this was referring to, but I drew a blank. I do, however, remember the CMC taking a field trip in Celestia's gardens and appearing for the royal wedding.
I'm guessing the terribly abrupt ending was a result of the word count limit, so hopefully we'll get to see the rest of it some time. There are a lot of interesting ideas in the story - the reinterpretation of the Hearth's Warming story, Windy Glow's psychological problems, etc. I am, however, hoping that you find something to do with the story to make it unique from Past Sins. Beyond the circumstances leading up to the slice-of-life portion, there's nothing really differentiating it from the prompt story.
7307892
Thanks! I don't think I executed it well, though. I don't do well under time pressure. Or word limits.
Sooooo...... any progress on the rest of this / a rewrite / a sequel?
8231917
More of a... reimagining. Take this story as the inspiration for what comes next. I've got nearly 10k words of story notes for Our Discontent. That includes worldbuilding, character sketches, social structure, plot, and character development. Consider it a long-term project. I've got one story (far-future sci-fi Twilight-on-a-spaceship) nearly finished that I'll publish first, and then probably a chapter of Decade, and a one-shot or two before I can really work on Our Discontent in earnest.